This is all new to me

[Guest guest]

I stumbled accross BPD after my mother just gambled away $300 000 over a period

of a couple of years. Over the years so many things have happened and I felt it

was not merely a gambling problem and there was more to it. I had heard of

Bipolar but it was never that obvious. BPD was a light bulb moment for me as

her daughter and I felt freedom in the discovery of such a condition.

I have not confronted my mother with this finding but she knows of my feeling

towards her erratic behaviour again and I have told her I can't be there to pick

up the pieces yet again.

As a daughter I was trained to always be there as her mother figure. When you

become a mother yourself and move away from that part of your life you realise

that this is not normal and it is ok to have my own life and not have to

emotionally support someone. My fear is now that I have to get stronger as not

only emotionally will she need me but financially. I can't do it anymore!!!!!

I have not been in contact as much and as usual she is giving me the silent

treatment and wanting me to crawl back to her and see that she is ok. Just

pretending that all this never happened and that it is acceptable how she lives

her life.

If she wants to live her life as she does drinking,gambling overspending that is

fine but it seems

to be my shoulder she crys on to fix things when they go wrong.

I can't do it. But at the same time I know how to fix the worry I feel and get

her back in my life.

It is strange as you want it to stop

but like an addiction you think about it every day and want to stop her

abandoning you.

I'm hopin someone will let me know it is ok to feel like this and keep me strong

while I change this life long pattern.

It is so easy to ring and just pretend nothing has happened and be there again,

but I don't want to do it to my family and myself.

I do it out of guilt and obligation. She never says sorry or believes she has a

problem.

It is hard to stop the dance.