meeting BP over and over again (Re: learning about normal life)

[Guest guest]

Thanks, , really appreciate it.

I've had a wierd life. I finally found out about BPD a few years ago, got into

T and went NC, and I have built my life around avoiding BP, and it keeps coming

up for me. I keep meeting people who are BP, and then I have to cut them off.

So, now I have this dream job and the lady is clearly BP or some kind of PD!!!

At first, I didn't get it. I felt frustrated because I thought I will never get

away from the BPD monster, it seems like there is a BPD monster out there that

possesses everyone I come in contact with!!! It's like BPD is its own being and

I keep finding myself in situations where I have to deal with this same monster!

I was so upset, and scared.

But, now I think, that it's really almost a blessing in disguise. It's like the

things we run from most follow us the most. I have been trying to avoid BP in

its manifestations in many people. I don't know what will happen at work in

terms of this lady and how long she will still be there, etc, but I do know that

I have learned to deal with my fears, I have learned to speak up and find out

that many other people see her as " crazy " or " a nut " too. It makes me realize

that most people can see the crazy ones. I wonder how many people saw my nada

was off, but just couldn't say anything or do anything because I was a child.

Also, I've learned to stand up for myself, go around Ms BP at work, and I have

learned to keep my mouth shut and not react to her. I have learned, in a

conversation with her, to have a clear focus and not let her take me on a

tangential path from my focus. I am still working on boundaries with her.

I am not running from her, I am not in fear, I am not hiding, I am not avoiding.

I think the more I face my worst nightmare in the face, eventually she will go

away, and along with her, the whole big monster of BPD that has followed me like

a thundercloud my whole life.

I do feel internally stronger, although this has not been easy, and continues to

be hard! I remember reading in a book about trauma, that when we have a

traumatic event, we keep attracting that experience over and over again until we

get mastery over it. somehow, our unconscious minds do that, I don't know how

that works, but it explains the battered woman who keeps going back or the

abused child who grows up to marry an abuser. We humans keep repeating our

trauma until we have mastery over it.

Avoiding the BPs was giving me space to heal and nurture myself, but I guess

there is real healing in facing the BP and gaining mastery over my fleas and

fears and my life, really.

It's not easy though, as Ms BP at work walks around like a hive of hornets. But

it's her not me, that's carrying the hornets around with her, stinging everyone

she meets, and upsetting everything she touches.

Gosh, I almost feel sorry for her (well, ALMOST, but not quite!!).

I can't explain this any other way. Does anyone else have an explanation as to

why I have had had a much higher percentage of BPs in my life than the rest of

the population?

And, I might add, it's not fair! Sometimes it seems like there are people who

don't have such wierd and difficult fates...

Well, all I can do is live my life and accept it as it is. And, for some unknown

reason, I have been sent a lot of BPs for me to have to deal with, and maybe

eventually, I'll understand why this is such a major karmic struggle for me in

this lifetime. It's karma, that's the only explanation that makes sense.

Has anyone else on here had an experience like mine, that everytime they leave

the house there's a BP???? And, how do you explain it????

Thank you,

hugs, and I hope to master the interactions with Ms BP so this karma can finally

go away...

HUGS!!!

WALKING TO HAPPINESS

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> Good luck, WTH, and way to go! Please let us know what happens.

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