Re: Back To Work?

[Guest guest]

Marie,

It's still too early for me to have to decide whether to go with SSD.

Currently, I'm just listed as being " out on medical leave. " The good thing

about this is the fact that I still get my complete pay. I figure, with any

sort of luck, they will be able to stabilize my condition to the extent that

I may resume my work responsibilities. I do know one thing, when I do come

back I will be under a microscope. Any sign of a repeat of this illness and

they will force me out and replace. I haven't been told this, naturally, but

I've been in this position before.

My " journal " (remember, we decided not to call it a diary for gender

sensitivity purposes ) is coming along better than I expected. Once I

started to write down these things, it became easier and easier for me to

express myself in this format.

I'm trying not to think about work at the moment, but it's hard since I get

calls at home constantly (I suggested it, stupid me). As badly as I want to

go back, I do realize that if I rush myself back before I'm ready, I will

only do myself more harm. That is exactly what happened to me after my last

surgery (Whipple). I was told to prepare to take the entire year off to

recuperate from this surgery. Did I listen, no! I was back to work less

than 30 days after my discharge. Why? Because I found out that my boss was

giving his notice and I needed to come back and be healthy if I were to be

considered for this promotion. Well, I got the promotion but at the sake of

my health and proper recuperation. I still had drainage tubes coming out of

my sides when I returned to work. I was still getting TPN at home every

evening. No way I was supposed to be working under those conditions. That's

why my wife made me vow to her that I would not rush myself back this time.

I promised to make certain that I can handle the responsibilities of my work

before attempting to come back. This may mean that I lose my job, but I

can't worry about that now. I just need to get better. If not for my own

sake, for the sake of my wife.

Andre'

[Guest guest]

Andre'

Please take it easy and rest. One thing learned the hard way, was if you

leave this world the job and all the problems will be there. You won't and

your wife will be alone. I too continued to rush back to work after each

hospitalization. I eventually realized that I was digging myself into a

deeper hole. Make sure you keep track of this leave you're on. Take care of

yourself.

Marie

[Guest guest]

Marie,

Thanks for the words of encouragement. You don't know how much this is

needed right now.

My employer has officially placed me out on medical leave. I was also told

to take my time and make certain that everything is going well before I

return this time. I must bring a doctor's release, which I had fully

intended upon doing, and a long range prognosis for my future from my doctor.

This is something new to me. I'm just wondering if they are now looking for

an excuse to replace me in my position. You may think this is just paranoia

but I've already lost one Fortune 500 job and it has taken me almost 10 years

to get to this level again. I just don't think I can start over again, you

know?

Well, quite a bit has transpired since the last time I've written.

Unfortunately, all bad. My pain medication has officially been switched to

the Duragesic patches 100 units. While I must admit I do feel pain free the

first day of the patch, the next two days are progressively worse until they

become unbearable towards the end. I think I need my dosage doubled for me

to get effective relief and have a request in to my Pain Clinic for my next

scheduled visit in March (March 10th). That's a long time to suffer but what

can I do. They will not see you before you appointed time. They tell you to

go to the emergency room if it gets too bad. What a joke!

Besides this, I now have to contend with the breakup of my marriage of 26

years. My wife has finally had it and needs to resume a normal life. I

fully understand her position and hold no animosity towards her at all. She

has hung in there through lost jobs, surgeries, financial difficulties, ect.

I must admit it does hurt to lose the last friend I have, but what can I do?

I can't change my condition or do anything other than what I am doing to

resume living my life as best I can with this disease. I know it must be

tough on someone who isn't ill to deal with on a day to day basis. At least

I have one thing that's a blessing, we are breaking up as friends. That

means a lot to me. Unfortunately, this basically leaves me alone to deal

with this thing and I just don't know if I can do it. Especially if I end up

losing my job behind it all. I don't think I've ever been lower than I am

right now but I'll bounce back, I guess. I've always done so in the past.

Well, sorry for the whining. I really only intended on thanking you for your

words of encouragement. Now you know how much they mean to me now, at this

time in my life.

Andre'

[Guest guest]

Andre!

I'm so sorry to hear about your marriage. I know this is a sad time

for you. I will say, and I think I speak for many on this list, that

you haven't lost your last friend. We don't officially " know " you but

everyone from this list is your friend. Personally speaking, your

positive attitude in the face of all your troubles is an inspiration to

me.

Try to hang in there! I'm thinking positive thoughts for you.

ACastenell@... wrote:

>

> I must admit it does hurt to lose the last friend I have, but what can

> I do?

[Guest guest]

Dear Andre'

I feel compelled to tell you this,I know it is

none of my business about you and your wife. Four years ago I was in a

terrible marriage, to a man that I was basically for all intended purposes I

was his mama, I took care of everything for this man ( and he was NOT sick.

Once in the hospital I met a nursing student, a very kind man, who took very

good care of me, I thought so much of him I tried to fix him up with my

sister-in-law.( It didn't happen) After my illness progressed my then husband

was having all types of problems ( bad checks, not paying his car payment,

not helping me at all, making me take care of everything, he even had me

mowing the grass) I finally said I have had it , the day before he left he

wanted me to sign a loan for a brand new truck and I refused ( not knowing

about my health I thought it would be stupid to get into any more debt) He

left, I never new how happy I could be even sick I never knew how much this

person brought me down. Once while we were separated he found out I was in

the hospital and came to see me as the Dr. was leaving I had just been told

to get my affairs in order, prepare my will that there is nothing that can be

done, his reply to me was what the f$$$$$$$$$ do you want me to do about it,

as soon as I got out of the hospital I filled for a divorce, some months

later that divorce was over and now years later my nursing student who was so

caring is now my husband, the moral to this some times there are happy

endings get it.

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/17/2000 6:38:50 PM Eastern Standard Time,

LR96@... writes:

<< I feel compelled to tell you this, I know it is

none of my business about you and your wife. Four years ago >>

Thanks for the words of encouragement. I know everything happens for a

reason. It just hurts to lose the one person you had counted on over the

years to be there for you. I feel so alone.

Andre'

[Guest guest]

You are Not alone we are all here. Every body type in to let him know we are

here for him

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/17/00 9:34:16 AM Pacific Standard Time,

ACastenell@... writes:

<< Unfortunately, this basically leaves me alone to deal

with this thing and I just don't know if I can do it >>

Hi Andre'

First, remember you are never alone as long as you allow every member of this

group to be there for you. We will do as much as we can long distance, to

help you through the bad and celebrate the good. I know right now it feels

like the whole world is crashing in on you, but I guarantee it's not as bad

as it could be. GOD never gives us more than we can bare. It took me a

while to respond because I didn't know where to start. I feel your wife is

making a big mistake and a day will come when she is put in the same

situation and will want you there for support. Whatever happen to " in

sickness and in health " ? My husband has been outraged by the stories of some

of the members marital trials and tribulations. He has been tolerating me

and my problems for almost 7 years and we know it's getting worse before it's

getting better. We just pray a lot and put all of our faith in GOD. We know

he has brought us a very long way and he gets us over every obstacle that is

put in our paths. We have been married 17 years and vowed years ago that we

would grow old together. Each time I battle a flare-up it brings us closer

together. He truly is scared of losing me. It's your wife's lose. You will

be in my prayers.

I too am on the Durgesic patch, 50mg. When I'm really hurting, about an 8 to

10, I go ahead and take a Percocet. These 2 work well together. You may try

pairing an oral pain med with the patch. Stay strong and GOD BLESS.

Marie