Re: NADA'S CAN'T HELP THIS

[Guest guest]

I'm feeling really frustrated with my nada right now so this post may be a

kneejerk reaction but THEY CAN CHOOSE TREATMENT! I have horrible PMS - and I

drive myself to the store and I buy Premysin and I control my behavior. I don't

mean to seem hostile towards you - I'm just so disgusted with my nadas refusal

to get help or do anythg to try to help herself. I have tried to let alot of

her behaviors go but when the abuse starts affecting the kids and my own mental

health - I had to go nc.

>

> I spoke to my mental health therapist friend and she explained to me

that a big part of BPD is being totally unable to control their emotions so they

reupt with them when they feel like it. Certainly this is not easy to live with

or deal with, but they can't help it any more than a woman with PMS can help

erupting with hers. While this doesn't make it easier to deal with, it does

explain it. I think in that regard we can either react to it personally or let

it go as difficult as that is. For our own sakes LET IT GO. It doesn't do us

any good to hold on to it and probably harms us. I hope this helps.

>

[Guest guest]

of course you can change, but you have to WANT to change :-)

Jackie

>

> I no longer have ocpd. You can chANGe, yes you can.

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm not sure if this is going a bit off topic to the replies to this topic,but

it reminds me of a series of conversations I had with nada about WHY she treated

me the way she did.

(Bearing in mind that my nada was mostly witch with me and a queen on an

exceptionally nice day)

The first conversations happened when I allowed myself to be baited into

returning " home " for my vacation.This was when I finally figured out that it was

nada who was abusive,not me.I had been living in Paris for four years on my

own,no help from nada.She had tried to prevent this by withholding my college

fund (after behaving as if she would fund my studies abroad--she waited until I

actually got there to refuse me money).I got a great job as an au pair for a dog

(a very sweet Black Lab,by the way) and then as a personal assistant to an

heiress who really only needed me to track her down wherever she was travelling

with social invitations ( in the days before cell phones and the internet) and

to keep her apartment clean.Or cook for her dinner parties.I love to cook!

I had been on vacation to lovely places in Europe and why I didn't just

do the same thing that year...but I went back at nada's insistence and she was

" good " for one day.One day.I was hoping (wrongly) that we'd have a nice visit

together and that she'd be glad that I was out of her hair at last,since until I

did leave home she'd often tell me to " just leave if you hate it here so much " .

Day two she started to get nasty.Having no idea at the time of what I

was dealing with and feeling very upset by her cruelty,I was reduced to

tears.Seeing me cry,she gloated, " All you've ever done is cry.I'm so sick of

seeing you cry...When you were a baby,I'd scream in your face Shut up! Shut up!

I hate you! And if that didn't work,I'd pick you up and shake you. "

That was scary and it hurt,but I also felt like she had just explained to

me why I usually felt afraid,as if something was going to rear up and " get me "

although I knew rationally that I wasn't in any danger.It was this strange

creeping feeling that made no sense to me until she said that.

I decided that I needed to know the truth,even if it was hard to take.I

began to ask her,in the begging pathetic way she liked,to tell me more about how

I'd been as a baby.She was enjoying,it seemed,letting me know how much power

she'd had over me.She told me all kinds of things about how I'd intentionally

tormented her even as a newborn and how she'd even purposefully let me " sink " in

the bath once and she was going to let me drown but I " miraculously " got my nose

up above water level and she decided that I might be meant to live after all,so

she took me out of the bath.

I was there for four weeks.By the last week,I was ready to blow my

cover and stop pretending that the things she was telling me were somehow

" ok " .She had even said one day with this bizarre smirk on her face, " Well,I can

tell YOU this,you're the only one who would really understand... "

What? Understand why you abused me as a baby????

I told her that,having thought it over,I thought that what she had told

me was disturbing and that I wasn't sure if I was going to want to continue

having a relationship with her.

I expected a rage from her.Instead,she burst into tears,the tears of a

helpless victim.

" I wanted to love you,but you were just so impossible.You made it so

impossible.You hated me. " Sob,sob.

" Mom,I never hated you. "

" You did... " Sob,sob. " You did...you hated me then and you hate me now.I

wanted to end it then,I should have...You never cared how I feel...I should just

get in the car right now and drive it into a tree,you think I'm such an awful

person... "

I sensed this was pure manipulation,turning on the helpless tears and

poor me theatrics because she was cornered.And wanting me to feel sorry for her

so I wouldn't " end " our relationship.And wanting me to feel guilty.

I calmed her down by saying several times that I did love her,I loved

her; and that I just wanted to have a good relationship with her and for us to

leave the past behind.

But whenever we talked on the phone after that,the conversation was only

about her.If I tried to talk about my own life,she'd say

sarcastically, " Oh,everything over there is so much better than here: the sky is

bluer,the sun is brighter,the milk is creamier... "

I invited my parents several times to come visit me in Europe but they

never wanted to.They acted like I was asking them to do something that would

somehow hurt them and that I was a terrible person not to go see them instead.

Anyway,several years later when I returned to the States,nada and I

went through a weird period where she was splitting me white instead of

black.She told me during this time,out of the blue, " I'm ashamed to admit I never

knew what a kind,compassionate person you are.When you were a little girl,I

purposefully tore you down to feel better about me.You always had qualities Dad

and I didn't have and I was jealous of you.I knew I was doing it,but I couldn't

stop it. "

That sounds like some insight,doesn't it? It sounds like maybe she had

realized that what she had done was wrong.

But she was only saying it as a point of fact.There was no remorse in her

voice,no understanding of what that kind of behavior had done to me.

I asked her, " But why would you do that? "

And she said,glaring at me and apparently forgetting that two seconds

earlier I had been this all white do no wrong " kind and compassionate person " ,

" You were so mean to me,you hated me.You'd just walk right past me and not talk

to me.You never wanted me to be your mother.You thought you were better than

me...I couldn't help it,you should have cared more about me,but you never did. "

(in fact I gave my very soul to her)

" But you said you did it on purpose. "

" Yes,because you drove me to it. "

When she is herself blaming me for " making her do it " when a moment

before she sounded like she understood that her behavior was

deliberate...well,that is personal...she is sick,yes,and it is her sickness that

is driving her...with the manipulation when cornered; the splitting and the

projection...it seems to me that unless they are willing to accept that they

need help,all we can do is protect ourselves from them...we can't undo this pea

soup of BPD for them.

I think that my nada treated me the way she did because there were never

any consequences,to her,for her behavior.And I think that if there had been,she

would have reverted to acting like a " waif " ,full of tears and drama...oh poor

me...Even the consequences might not have made her understand that it was

HER,her own doing.

It just seems to me that what they can control is their manipulation and

even if it's ultimately true that they only manipulate because of their disease

and even if that is something that they can't " help " doing without treatment,it

still means that I am likely to be personally hurt by that.

But we all have to find our own way to whatever peace we can have for

having had a nada.It's not easy,not easy at all.

>

> I spoke to my mental health therapist friend and she explained to me

that a big part of BPD is being totally unable to control their emotions so they

reupt with them when they feel like it. Certainly this is not easy to live with

or deal with, but they can't help it any more than a woman with PMS can help

erupting with hers. While this doesn't make it easier to deal with, it does

explain it. I think in that regard we can either react to it personally or let

it go as difficult as that is. For our own sakes LET IT GO. It doesn't do us

any good to hold on to it and probably harms us. I hope this helps.

>

[Guest guest]

I have to disagree with you Marilyn, regarding the part about " the children of

bpds are usually taken away. " There is still, today, from what I can tell no

real understanding about how damaging emotional abuse is to kids, and children

are not rescued from emotionally abusive parents. Teachers and doctors do not

by law have to report suspected emotional battery or emotional neglect.

However, I agree that in all likelihood the parents who physically and sexually

abuse their children or neglect their children (as well as emotionally

traumatize them) are Cluster B pds, or drug abusers or alcoholics, or all of the

above.

But it takes blatant physical abuse and neglect to get children removed from

their parents. The kids who just get mentally tortured are screwed.

-Annie

>

> I am not saying that they can't control their behavior. I am saying they

can't control their emotions. BIG difference. This from a mental health

therapist too! They are mentally ILL and they don't think they are doing wrong,

which is a BIG part of the problem. When I was growing up, a nada could do

anything short of murder to their child and everyone looked the other way. It

was 'acceptable' and there were no laws really to protect children. The

children of BPDs are usually taken away from them now or should be.

>

>

[Guest guest]

My mother would ignore me for weeks and then try to sit me down and have

" talks. " The talks always consisted of me not loving her enough, making her

nervous, nagging her, not caring about her.....running theme --- her.

I remember one time my boyfriend broke up with me. I was about 18 and part

of our breakup was my mother refusing to stay out of our relationship. I

was particularly upset and crying and pleaded with her to leave me alone but

she just sat there on my bed. I don't remember her even saying anything and

never once gave me any sense of comfort. At that moment, I should have

left home and never looked back.

In a message dated 10/11/2009 8:06:12 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

anuria-67854@... writes:

Wow . Your descriptions of your conversations with your nada make

it so clear to me that she is a severely disturbed person who never should

have been allowed to care for her own child.

My nada is similar but somewhat less severely disturbed. She's never

*admitted* trying to kill me, in any case. But I see a similarity in their

massively screwed up brain wiring: their perception of reality is distorted and

dangerously faulty. Their lack of emotional cognition (they can't tell if a

feeling is originating within themselves or originating with another

person) is alarmingly demonstrated by both our nadas being convinced that we,

their infants, *hated them and rejected them*.

Which then, in nada's mind, gave her the sense of entitlement to kill you.

You " rejected and hated her " *as an infant* so she felt justified in

nearing drowning you and doing other things to harm you and kill you.

My nada didn't try to kill me, but felt entitled to *stop trying to have a

relationship with me* when I was a toddler. She told me she just " gave up "

on me; perhaps she wasn't getting the emotional payoff she wanted from me,

somehow.

Over the years, perhaps nada's resentment builds up because in her mind

she has very magnanimously decided to spare her child's life (even though the

child does not deserve it) but the child does not acknowledge or

appreciate her act of kindness enough?

Perhaps the child is supposed to fawn over and lavish praise on nada every

moment for being so saint-like for not killing us and be loudly and

publicly grateful for whatever scraps of kindness and affection are flung?

Who knows?

All I'm sure of is that bpd parent = incredible damage to and perhaps

death for their offspring.

-Annie

> >

> > I spoke to my mental health therapist friend and she explained

to me that a big part of BPD is being totally unable to control their

emotions so they reupt with them when they feel like it. Certainly this is not

easy to live with or deal with, but they can't help it any more than a woman

with PMS can help erupting with hers. While this doesn't make it easier to

deal with, it does explain it. I think in that regard we can either react

to it personally or let it go as difficult as that is. For our own sakes

LET IT GO. It doesn't do us any good to hold on to it and probably harms us.

I hope this helps.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Wow . Your descriptions of your conversations with your nada make it

so clear to me that she is a severely disturbed person who never should have

been allowed to care for her own child.

My nada is similar but somewhat less severely disturbed. She's never *admitted*

trying to kill me, in any case. But I see a similarity in their massively

screwed up brain wiring: their perception of reality is distorted and

dangerously faulty. Their lack of emotional cognition (they can't tell if a

feeling is originating within themselves or originating with another person) is

alarmingly demonstrated by both our nadas being convinced that we, their

infants, *hated them and rejected them*.

Which then, in nada's mind, gave her the sense of entitlement to kill you. You

" rejected and hated her " *as an infant* so she felt justified in nearing

drowning you and doing other things to harm you and kill you.

My nada didn't try to kill me, but felt entitled to *stop trying to have a

relationship with me* when I was a toddler. She told me she just " gave up " on

me; perhaps she wasn't getting the emotional payoff she wanted from me, somehow.

Over the years, perhaps nada's resentment builds up because in her mind she has

very magnanimously decided to spare her child's life (even though the child does

not deserve it) but the child does not acknowledge or appreciate her act of

kindness enough?

Perhaps the child is supposed to fawn over and lavish praise on nada every

moment for being so saint-like for not killing us and be loudly and publicly

grateful for whatever scraps of kindness and affection are flung?

Who knows?

All I'm sure of is that bpd parent = incredible damage to and perhaps death for

their offspring.

-Annie

> >

> > I spoke to my mental health therapist friend and she explained to me

that a big part of BPD is being totally unable to control their emotions so they

reupt with them when they feel like it. Certainly this is not easy to live with

or deal with, but they can't help it any more than a woman with PMS can help

erupting with hers. While this doesn't make it easier to deal with, it does

explain it. I think in that regard we can either react to it personally or let

it go as difficult as that is. For our own sakes LET IT GO. It doesn't do us

any good to hold on to it and probably harms us. I hope this helps.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

" She told me she just " gave up "

on me; perhaps she wasn't getting the emotional payoff she wanted from me,

somehow.

My nada uses the " give up, gave up " phrases describing my behavior (in her

eyes). It is passing the responsibility on to me that I am " bad " and do not fit

her idea of what I should be according to nada standards. She likes to write

letters to me telling me that she has not given up on me. Boulderdash LOL

Before I learned about BPD, I realized that nada NEVER accepted responsibility

for her actions. It is always someone else's fault that things happen. I

remember nada telling me that her car had been keyed and " she had done nothing

to cause it " . In a way it was a relief to know she was ugly to someone other

than me.

May be all heal, blessings, mg

>

>

> In a message dated 10/11/2009 8:06:12 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> anuria-67854@... writes:

>

>

>

>

> Wow . Your descriptions of your conversations with your nada make

> it so clear to me that she is a severely disturbed person who never should

> have been allowed to care for her own child.

>

> My nada is similar but somewhat less severely disturbed. She's never

> *admitted* trying to kill me, in any case. But I see a similarity in their

> massively screwed up brain wiring: their perception of reality is distorted

and

> dangerously faulty. Their lack of emotional cognition (they can't tell if a

> feeling is originating within themselves or originating with another

> person) is alarmingly demonstrated by both our nadas being convinced that we,

> their infants, *hated them and rejected them*.

>

> Which then, in nada's mind, gave her the sense of entitlement to kill you.

> You " rejected and hated her " *as an infant* so she felt justified in

> nearing drowning you and doing other things to harm you and kill you.

>

> My nada didn't try to kill me, but felt entitled to *stop trying to have a

> relationship with me* when I was a toddler. She told me she just " gave up "

> on me; perhaps she wasn't getting the emotional payoff she wanted from me,

> somehow.

>

> Over the years, perhaps nada's resentment builds up because in her mind

> she has very magnanimously decided to spare her child's life (even though the

> child does not deserve it) but the child does not acknowledge or

> appreciate her act of kindness enough?

>

> Perhaps the child is supposed to fawn over and lavish praise on nada every

> moment for being so saint-like for not killing us and be loudly and

> publicly grateful for whatever scraps of kindness and affection are flung?

>

> Who knows?

>

> All I'm sure of is that bpd parent = incredible damage to and perhaps

> death for their offspring.

>

> -Annie

>

[Guest guest]

Annie,how horrible for you that your nada was too sick to apprehend the fact

that *you* had no option of " giving up " on her.Their self pity truly reaches

into criminal proportions.My nada was also thrilled when she became pregnant

with my younger brother--it was " her chance " to have the kid SHE had wanted.I

was,of course,not the child she wanted because I " made " nada feel bad about

herself.If she could have,I'm sure she would have packed me up and sent me back

to the doll factory to get a refund/better model.

A big part of my nada's rage with me was that I was never sufficiently

(in her twisted view) repetant about having made her feel like such a " failure

as a mother " .Indeed,I continuously reminded her of that; continuously made her

feel less than perfect.Naturally,in nada land,nobody is allowed to do that,so

translation: *I* was all bad...and I " deserved " to die for that.I was

worthless,if I was worthless to her ego.

Like I was attempting rather clumsily in my previous post to

articulate,the sick mind twists (such as projection,splitting,inability to

relate to the other person other than in terms of them being all good/all bad)

means that no matter what the hapless child does or even the more aware adult

does,their disease cannot be mediated without professional intervention.No child

anywhere at any time on this Earth should EVER have to do with nada what many

pros decline to do with BPDS by not wanting to treat them.If an adult

professional can't handle it,why in God's name does anyone expect a child to???

My nada felt such an extreme sense of entitlement,which I know is also

her narcissism,that anything short of me being even more than her wildest dreams

of what her child should be would have disappointed her.She also employed the

typical abuser's trick of never being satisfied with my efforts to please her.I

actually TRIED lavishing praise on her when I was around seven,but all that did

was make her suspect my motivations or take me completely for granted.A nada's

child cannot win.A year later she blamed me for " making " fada want to divorce

her.

A nada quote from when I was eight,one morning when I went into the

kitchen to get breakfast and found her sitting at the kitchen table in a nada

seethe: " I'm going to kill you and then I'm going to kill myself.I'll give your

brother to my parents and your father can just get on with the rest of his

life. "

They're crazy.There is not one single sane thing in that statement.I

spent that day hiding at a friend's house.When I got back home she was in a

cheerful mood,having put it all on me.

And that is what nadas do,whether they are splitting us black or white:

they put it all on us.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.Your posts put alot of perspective on

this whole nada deal.

> > >

> > > I spoke to my mental health therapist friend and she explained to

me that a big part of BPD is being totally unable to control their emotions so

they reupt with them when they feel like it. Certainly this is not easy to live

with or deal with, but they can't help it any more than a woman with PMS can

help erupting with hers. While this doesn't make it easier to deal with, it

does explain it. I think in that regard we can either react to it personally or

let it go as difficult as that is. For our own sakes LET IT GO. It doesn't do

us any good to hold on to it and probably harms us. I hope this helps.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

,my nada was like this,too.She was just relentless about intruding into my

emotional/psychological space with her accusations and her needs.I never had the

space to figure my own self out--I was too busy either tending to her somehow or

trying to avoid her relentless intrusions.I was never effective at either: I

always came up short or got hurt anyway.

I hear you: I got " talks " and sometimes letters,too.Even when as a young

teen/teenager and we lived in the same house.Always about her.

> > >

> > > I spoke to my mental health therapist friend and she explained

> to me that a big part of BPD is being totally unable to control their

> emotions so they reupt with them when they feel like it. Certainly this is

not

> easy to live with or deal with, but they can't help it any more than a woman

> with PMS can help erupting with hers. While this doesn't make it easier to

> deal with, it does explain it. I think in that regard we can either react

> to it personally or let it go as difficult as that is. For our own sakes

> LET IT GO. It doesn't do us any good to hold on to it and probably harms us.

> I hope this helps.

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

oh, yes, the " talks " it was always about me causing the problem, me being

the reason she gets mad, my attitude, me being the one who always starts the

fights, if I just changd and accepted my lot in life, she wouldn't have

to....

Jackie

My mother would ignore me for weeks and then try to sit me down and have

" talks. " The talks always consisted of me not loving her enough, making

her

nervous, nagging her, not caring about her.....running theme --- her.

[Guest guest]

OMG i would get the " talks " too, like it was all my fault and if only I could be

less selfish and more giving then there wouldnt be a problem, my nada would

actually laugh in a sick way and say " everytime we row I know you always come

running back to me, as it is always you in the wrong! "

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Monday, October 12, 2009 1:40:09 PM

Subject: Re: Re: NADA'S CAN'T HELP THIS

 

oh, yes, the " talks " it was always about me causing the problem, me being

the reason she gets mad, my attitude, me being the one who always starts the

fights, if I just changd and accepted my lot in life, she wouldn't have

to....

Jackie

My mother would ignore me for weeks and then try to sit me down and have

" talks. " The talks always consisted of me not loving her enough, making

her

nervous, nagging her, not caring about her.....running theme --- her.

[Guest guest]

Me too guys, now I have gone NC and its been 5 months I feel like a little

vunerable girl again, I dont know who I am , because I never concentrated on ME,

I was always wrapped up in her problems.

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Monday, October 12, 2009 1:09:50 PM

Subject: Re: NADA'S CAN'T HELP THIS

 

,my nada was like this,too.She was just relentless about intruding into my

emotional/psycholog ical space with her accusations and her needs.I never had

the space to figure my own self out--I was too busy either tending to her

somehow or trying to avoid her relentless intrusions.I was never effective at

either: I always came up short or got hurt anyway.

I hear you: I got " talks " and sometimes letters,too. Even when as a young

teen/teenager and we lived in the same house.Always about her.

> > >

> > > I spoke to my mental health therapist friend and she explained

> to me that a big part of BPD is being totally unable to control their

> emotions so they reupt with them when they feel like it. Certainly this is not

> easy to live with or deal with, but they can't help it any more than a woman

> with PMS can help erupting with hers. While this doesn't make it easier to

> deal with, it does explain it. I think in that regard we can either react

> to it personally or let it go as difficult as that is. For our own sakes

> LET IT GO. It doesn't do us any good to hold on to it and probably harms us.

> I hope this helps.

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I agree with Annie, .

We already know how seriously disturbed your nada was and that she should never

have been allowed to raise you. I'ts interesting to me that you actually had

that kind of conversation with her. How you managed to endure that for weeks is

beyond me. What really strikes me so profoundly, though, is just how much your

nada your nada's self-loathing comes through in you descriptions of her. And I

think she saw you, the daughter, as an extension of herself that just

exacerbated it. The more you conveyed fear, the more it unwittingly echoed her

self-hatred. It was a vicious twisted cycle that you had no way out of.

Though it's not solely reserved for the daughters, it seems to me that the more

a child is perceived is being like the PD parent, the more they become the

extension of that parent and the most subjected to their abuse due to their own

self-hatred. And since they can't accept their own emotions as originating

within themselves, they project them onto others, so feel justified in their

actions towards them. They have to put it on anyone but themselves.

I'm just sorry you had to be the recipient of such horror - your nada had a lot

to offload.

Peace.

Suzy

[Guest guest]

yup, well, we know it cant possibly be THEM who is wrong !! LOL

Jackie

OMG i would get the " talks " too, like it was all my fault and if only I

could be less selfish and more giving then there wouldnt be a problem, my

nada would actually laugh in a sick way and say " everytime we row I know you

always come running back to me, as it is always you in the wrong! "

[Guest guest]

sure you know who you are...you just have look a little harder...you are

married, with a son..that means something :-) you know what foods you like

and don't like, you know what you like to watch on TV, or do for fun...you

know you will not allow your nada to bully you any more..you know your

husband loves you and supports you :-) see, all kinds of things you know

about yourself...and these all go into who you are...

Jackie

Me too guys, now I have gone NC and its been 5 months I feel like a little

vunerable girl again, I dont know who I am , because I never concentrated on

ME, I was always wrapped up in her problems.

[Guest guest]

Thanks Jackie, you make it sound so simple and great!!!

Yes I know that my husband adores me, but because of my self esteem issues, I

wonder what he has to adore.  I love my son he is my world, and I enjoy doing

his maths homework any homework with my son, My son enjoys coming shopping with

me and picking out the food helping me (probably because he knows he'll get a

little treat in the shops LOL), I love to try and relax, I love Yoga, I love

animals, (especially my kitten he is so gorgeous), I do not like bad manners, I

dont like places to be too busy, that could be because of suffer from

Generalised Anxiety Disorder, which along with dealing with grieving is hard, as

my anxiety tells me all kinds of things, its horrid!!!!

Love x

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Mon, October 12, 2009 5:44:16 PM

Subject: Re: Re: NADA'S CAN'T HELP THIS

 

sure you know who you are...you just have look a little harder...you are

married, with a son..that means something :-) you know what foods you like

and don't like, you know what you like to watch on TV, or do for fun...you

know you will not allow your nada to bully you any more..you know your

husband loves you and supports you :-) see, all kinds of things you know

about yourself...and these all go into who you are...

Jackie

Me too guys, now I have gone NC and its been 5 months I feel like a little

vunerable girl again, I dont know who I am , because I never concentrated on

ME, I was always wrapped up in her problems.

[Guest guest]

>Thanks Jackie, you make it sound so simple and great!!!

thats because I've been battling this a lot longer than you have :-)

>Yes I know that my husband adores me, but because of my self esteem issues,

>I wonder what he has to >adore.

I used to think this too...then I just accepted he loves me ( after 28+

years of marrige, and we still get along great !) remember, if you keep

questiong why he loves you, it may wear on him ! Just accept that he does,

it doesn't matter why he loves you, just that he does love you...

> I love my son he is my world, and I enjoy doing his maths homework any

> homework with my son, My >son enjoys coming shopping with me and picking

> out the food helping me (probably because he knows >he'll get a little

> treat in the shops LOL),

see !! you are a good mother and not BPD or your son would NOT want to be

with you so much !!

> I love to try and relax, I love Yoga, I love animals, (especially my

> kitten he is so gorgeous), I do not like >bad manners, I dont like places

> to be too busy, that could be because of suffer from Generalised >Anxiety

> Disorder, which along with dealing with grieving is hard, as my anxiety

> tells me all kinds of >things, its horrid!!!!

see, you know who you are...you just have sort though everything to tell

whats you likes and dislikes and what belongs to your nada..

Jackie

[Guest guest]

JACKIE YOU SHOULD BE A THERAPIST!!!!!!!

Your amazing, wow I am going to yoga soon and will be back in an hour, you have

made me feel really great, you really are a STAR!!!!

Love xx

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Monday, October 12, 2009 6:17:05 PM

Subject: Re: Re: NADA'S CAN'T HELP THIS

 

>Thanks Jackie, you make it sound so simple and great!!!

thats because I've been battling this a lot longer than you have :-)

>Yes I know that my husband adores me, but because of my self esteem issues,

>I wonder what he has to >adore.

I used to think this too...then I just accepted he loves me ( after 28+

years of marrige, and we still get along great !) remember, if you keep

questiong why he loves you, it may wear on him ! Just accept that he does,

it doesn't matter why he loves you, just that he does love you...

> I love my son he is my world, and I enjoy doing his maths homework any

> homework with my son, My >son enjoys coming shopping with me and picking

> out the food helping me (probably because he knows >he'll get a little

> treat in the shops LOL),

see !! you are a good mother and not BPD or your son would NOT want to be

with you so much !!

> I love to try and relax, I love Yoga, I love animals, (especially my

> kitten he is so gorgeous), I do not like >bad manners, I dont like places

> to be too busy, that could be because of suffer from Generalised >Anxiety

> Disorder, which along with dealing with grieving is hard, as my anxiety

> tells me all kinds of >things, its horrid!!!!

see, you know who you are...you just have sort though everything to tell

whats you likes and dislikes and what belongs to your nada..

Jackie

[Guest guest]

LOL I dont think so :-)

>JACKIE YOU SHOULD BE A THERAPIST!!!!!!!

Your amazing, wow I am going to yoga soon and will be back in an hour, you

have made me feel really great, you really are a STAR!!!!

I'm glad you feel better :-)

Jackie