Hi...its been awhile

[Guest guest]

I joined quite some time ago, but haven't been on in a long time...mostly

becuase things have been so bad I don't even want to think about them.

My mom has always had a problem with shopping. She spends money she doesn't

have and creates HUGE debt. Her credit has always been excellent because she

makes on-time payments...but she has been overextended for some time. Starting

last September, she discovered ebay and has since purchased over 900 items. She

spent all of her savings, maxed out her credit cards, and spent all of her

regular monthly expense money as well. She ended up two months behind on her

mortgage, was lucky to get a modification.

I live in a house she owns (she doesn't live in the same house), but I make the

mortgage payment, all utilities payments, HOA payments, etc. I just graduated

from college in June (I'm 30, went back to school). While I was still in

school, I would give her 3 months of mortgage payments at a time when I got my

financial aid each quarter. In November, she informed me that she had spent my

November and December mortgage payments and that if I didn't want to have no

house to live in, I'd better " figure it out, " and pay again. A week prior to

this announcement, my car was totalled in an auto accident, and so I did have

the money (technically). I finally agreed to pay the payments again IF she let

me set the password for the mortgage company's online system so I could log on

and pay directly from that point forward. She agreed, and so that is what I

did. I didn't know what else to do, as my son and I need a home and we have

pets that we're committed to that would make it pretty much impossible to rent

elsewhere.

In March, she tried to get me to give my payment to her directly again. I said

no. In May she talked to the mortgage company and tried to get them to send her

back my June payment (since it had been paid 3 months in advance), and wanted me

to send the company proof that it had cleared my account so they would send her

the money. I said no, she didn't talk to me for a month. In June she called

the mortgage company and changed the password online. She refused to give me

any account info, and so I stupidly gave my July, August, and September payments

to her. She AGAIN did not pay the mortgage and instead got a " special loan " with

the mortgage company that would allow her to pay $24 a month for however long it

takes to pay off those three months. She is trying to make ME pay that even

though I already paid. I also found out that in her documents to the company in

order to get this special deal, she said I wasn't making the payments and that's

why they didn't get paid to the company.

She is still refusing to give me any account info. I told her she can give me

the password for online, give me the loan number so I can mail payments to the

company, or I can give her a cashier's check made out to the company. She has

not responded. I called the company and they won't give me the number, but they

said if I sent them a check they would apply it to the loan if I put my mother's

name and the house address on it. So that is what I will do from now on.

My mom needs serious help and she absolutely refuses to get it. She blames

everyone else for her bad decisions and continues to spend hundreds of dollars a

month on ebay. She tells my son (and my nieces) that she can't afford food or

her bills, and so they constantly worry about her. I plan to buy the house from

her as soon as I can get approved for a mortgage (probably early next year), at

which point I probably won't have any contact with her at all until she gets

help.

I guess I'm just posting to get it out...and to ask how I can deal with the

guilt I feel when I tell her " no. " She says horrible things to me and I feel

competely guilt-ridden. Up until a few years ago I couldn't EVER tell her " no, "

I've come a long way...I'm the family " whipping girl, " and I've really stepped

back from it all...but at the same time, I still feel absolutely horrible inside

when I can't help her.

Is reckless spending anything I can FORCE her to get help for? I am VERY

worried about her future and I don't want to see her lose everything.