Elderly Parents

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I am a new member and would like to talk with anyone who has aging/elderly

parents and worried about their ability to care for themselves. I believe both

of my parents have BPD, my father was a Witch and my mother was a Queen that is

now a Waif. Dad has Alzheimers and is now in a nursing home--supposedly for

additional rehab but will probably stay long-term because my mother can't care

for him at home, even with sitters. She is living in their house alone, has

increasing confusion herself and is highly resistant to advice or assistance.

She misuses her meds and doesn't follow medical advice. She does have issues

with fibro-myalgia and arthritis, has a long history of depression and

dependency on my father.

They named me as POA of their healthcare & finances when Dad was diagnosed 3 yrs

ago. Mom was always dependent on him to manage the finances, taxes, etc and he

can't do that any longer so she depends on me. I convinced them to move into

Assisted Living 2 yrs ago where I live (I am 1 1/2 hrs away from them) but that

only lasted 7 mos, and Mom moved them back to their home. Dad enjoyed Assisted

Living but she hated it from the beginning and acted out until she could move

back home.

My question: I don't know what to do with Mother. She insists on staying in

their home, won't even consider moving into Assisted Living so Dad can be with

her yet cries and says he's the most important thing in her life and she would

do anything for him. She sets herself up for chaos and crisis continually and

rejects any/all advice from me. At this point I've taken over the finances and

am trying to manage their assets so Dad can stay in the nursing home. I worry

that she will overdose and that I will find her dead. She does have a " helper "

whom she calls to clean or do errands when she can't drag out of bed. My

rational side says let her do what she wants until she is commitable. My

enmeshed side says her welfare is my responsibility. I have 1 brother who lives

6 hrs away who is minimally involved.

Any thoughts?