Re: Hi...its been awhile

[Guest guest]

Hi Daisy,

The guilt you feel is misplaced and undeserved. Our nadas have been projecting

*their* guilty feelings onto us for our entire lives; we're bearing their guilt

for them. You have done nothing at all to feel guilty about. Your bpd-mom (or

" nada " , for " not-a-mom " ) has been feeding off you and using you in a very

unhealthy way, like a vampire feeding off a living human being. Its not right

for her to do that to you.

The healthiest thing you can do, in my opinion, is to buy the house as soon as

possible so you won't have any financial connection to your nada any longer. She

doesn't have the right to drain you financially and bankrupt you. Your first

obligation is to take care of your own child, and yourself. If your nada is

financially irresponsible, then she will earn the consequences of that herself.

She has condemned herself. Its not your job to rescue her, and you are not a

bad person or a bad daughter for protecting yourself and your child from her

exploitation and abuse.

If you're in danger from her, if she can somehow bankrupt you or damage you

before you have the chance to buy the house, then I suggest just moving. Move

now. Escape. Get away from her, cut all ties and all contact with her. House

your pets in a pet hotel while you find a house to rent that lets you have pets,

and just save yourselves and get away from nada, like running from a deadly

tsunami wave.

You weren't put on this earth to be a living human sacrifice to your nada's

dysfunction. Its not right, and you don't have to accept that role. Everyone

at this Group has had to endure decades of abuse from a mentally ill parent; we

will understand and support what you have to do to protect yourself and your

child, and we will not condemn or judge you for it.

If your mother was mentally healthy, she would *want* you to have a joyful,

safe, emotionally independent, financially secure and fulfilling life with your

own family.

So do this mentally healthy thing: put your needs and your child's needs first,

as though your mother was normal and wanted it for you; you deserve it.

-Annie

>

> I joined quite some time ago, but haven't been on in a long time...mostly

becuase things have been so bad I don't even want to think about them.

>

> My mom has always had a problem with shopping. She spends money she doesn't

have and creates HUGE debt. Her credit has always been excellent because she

makes on-time payments...but she has been overextended for some time. Starting

last September, she discovered ebay and has since purchased over 900 items. She

spent all of her savings, maxed out her credit cards, and spent all of her

regular monthly expense money as well. She ended up two months behind on her

mortgage, was lucky to get a modification.

>

> I live in a house she owns (she doesn't live in the same house), but I make

the mortgage payment, all utilities payments, HOA payments, etc. I just

graduated from college in June (I'm 30, went back to school). While I was still

in school, I would give her 3 months of mortgage payments at a time when I got

my financial aid each quarter. In November, she informed me that she had spent

my November and December mortgage payments and that if I didn't want to have no

house to live in, I'd better " figure it out, " and pay again. A week prior to

this announcement, my car was totalled in an auto accident, and so I did have

the money (technically). I finally agreed to pay the payments again IF she let

me set the password for the mortgage company's online system so I could log on

and pay directly from that point forward. She agreed, and so that is what I

did. I didn't know what else to do, as my son and I need a home and we have

pets that we're committed to that would make it pretty much impossible to rent

elsewhere.

>

> In March, she tried to get me to give my payment to her directly again. I

said no. In May she talked to the mortgage company and tried to get them to

send her back my June payment (since it had been paid 3 months in advance), and

wanted me to send the company proof that it had cleared my account so they would

send her the money. I said no, she didn't talk to me for a month. In June she

called the mortgage company and changed the password online. She refused to

give me any account info, and so I stupidly gave my July, August, and September

payments to her. She AGAIN did not pay the mortgage and instead got a " special

loan " with the mortgage company that would allow her to pay $24 a month for

however long it takes to pay off those three months. She is trying to make ME

pay that even though I already paid. I also found out that in her documents to

the company in order to get this special deal, she said I wasn't making the

payments and that's why they didn't get paid to the company.

>

> She is still refusing to give me any account info. I told her she can give me

the password for online, give me the loan number so I can mail payments to the

company, or I can give her a cashier's check made out to the company. She has

not responded. I called the company and they won't give me the number, but they

said if I sent them a check they would apply it to the loan if I put my mother's

name and the house address on it. So that is what I will do from now on.

>

> My mom needs serious help and she absolutely refuses to get it. She blames

everyone else for her bad decisions and continues to spend hundreds of dollars a

month on ebay. She tells my son (and my nieces) that she can't afford food or

her bills, and so they constantly worry about her. I plan to buy the house from

her as soon as I can get approved for a mortgage (probably early next year), at

which point I probably won't have any contact with her at all until she gets

help.

>

> I guess I'm just posting to get it out...and to ask how I can deal with the

guilt I feel when I tell her " no. " She says horrible things to me and I feel

competely guilt-ridden. Up until a few years ago I couldn't EVER tell her " no, "

I've come a long way...I'm the family " whipping girl, " and I've really stepped

back from it all...but at the same time, I still feel absolutely horrible inside

when I can't help her.

>

> Is reckless spending anything I can FORCE her to get help for? I am VERY

worried about her future and I don't want to see her lose everything.

>

[Guest guest]

Daisy,

I agree with Annie's advice. You done enough already, and your nada's just

gonna keep doing what she's doing. You can't " save " her from herself, but you

can save yourself and your kid.

One additional note of caution, if you do manage to buy your nada's house, make

sure it isn't a situation where she holds the mortgage for you. And if you do

continue to make payments on the current mortgage directly to the company (make

sure it's with a certified check and references the account # along with her

name and address. (I've had bad experiences with mortgage companies applying

funds incorrectly...)

Good luck - and congratulations on your graduation. High Five!

Suzy

[Guest guest]

Thank you Annie. Your kind words and encouragement helped so much.

This morning I had the longest, most insane

ranting/blaming/rambling/run-on-sentence email from nada...and I'm

GLAD...because it was the final thing I needed in order to stop blaming myself.

In the email, she blamed me for everything from: her lifetime of financial

problems, her crappy relationship with my dad, her " need " to hire a lawyer for

my sister's divorce, the fact that the real estate market has taken a nose dive,

the fact that she spends hundreds of dollars a month on ebay (because I upset

her so much with my " disrespect " that she spends money to feel better).

I wrote back and finally said (in as nice and calm a way as possible) the truth

as I see it. I told her she needs help, and that I am becoming emotionally

healthy and as a result of that, I will no longer take on the guilt and blame

she shovels my way. I finally said what I've been wanting to say forever:

" You have a way of rewriting history to make everything my fault mom, but I am

done feeling guilty about things that were not and never could be my fault. I am

one person, I do not control the world, I do not make other people make the

choices they do, I do not force people to spend money, hire lawyers, fall behind

on their bills. I see you wanting to make me the common denominator in all of

these things, but it just doesn't fit because I'm not the common denominator in

YOUR choices, just as you are not the common denominator in mine. "

I feel so much better. I told her I will in fact make my payments to her from

now on, since she wants me to be " just a renter, " albeit a renter who is

supposed to buy the house from her ASAP. I made it clear that I will not give

her one penny extra, I will not be making the payments that she skipped, and if

she chooses to not pay the mortgage again, that is her responsibility and

problem. If the house gets foreclosed on, I will try to buy it from the bank

and I will NOT be responsible for the HUGE down payment she will have lost.

This was the best way I could think of to give us both what we want. If the

house does get foreclosed on, I have places I can go temporarily, and may even

move to another state where my dad's side of the family lives (they are

awesome).

I truly love my mom very much, and I want to have a good relationship with

her...I can't be solely responsible for that though, I realize that. I wish she

could find peace and happiness. I wish she could see how much she does have. I

wish she could see that she needs to get help, and that her life will be so much

better if she LETS it be. I can't make her see all of that though...I can't

make her get help.

You're absolutely right that my son is my responsibility now, not my mother.

She is a grown woman and I need to let her be one...consequences and all.

Thanks again.

> >

> > I joined quite some time ago, but haven't been on in a long time...mostly

becuase things have been so bad I don't even want to think about them.

> >

> > My mom has always had a problem with shopping. She spends money she doesn't

have and creates HUGE debt. Her credit has always been excellent because she

makes on-time payments...but she has been overextended for some time. Starting

last September, she discovered ebay and has since purchased over 900 items. She

spent all of her savings, maxed out her credit cards, and spent all of her

regular monthly expense money as well. She ended up two months behind on her

mortgage, was lucky to get a modification.

> >

> > I live in a house she owns (she doesn't live in the same house), but I make

the mortgage payment, all utilities payments, HOA payments, etc. I just

graduated from college in June (I'm 30, went back to school). While I was still

in school, I would give her 3 months of mortgage payments at a time when I got

my financial aid each quarter. In November, she informed me that she had spent

my November and December mortgage payments and that if I didn't want to have no

house to live in, I'd better " figure it out, " and pay again. A week prior to

this announcement, my car was totalled in an auto accident, and so I did have

the money (technically). I finally agreed to pay the payments again IF she let

me set the password for the mortgage company's online system so I could log on

and pay directly from that point forward. She agreed, and so that is what I

did. I didn't know what else to do, as my son and I need a home and we have

pets that we're committed to that would make it pretty much impossible to rent

elsewhere.

> >

> > In March, she tried to get me to give my payment to her directly again. I

said no. In May she talked to the mortgage company and tried to get them to

send her back my June payment (since it had been paid 3 months in advance), and

wanted me to send the company proof that it had cleared my account so they would

send her the money. I said no, she didn't talk to me for a month. In June she

called the mortgage company and changed the password online. She refused to

give me any account info, and so I stupidly gave my July, August, and September

payments to her. She AGAIN did not pay the mortgage and instead got a " special

loan " with the mortgage company that would allow her to pay $24 a month for

however long it takes to pay off those three months. She is trying to make ME

pay that even though I already paid. I also found out that in her documents to

the company in order to get this special deal, she said I wasn't making the

payments and that's why they didn't get paid to the company.

> >

> > She is still refusing to give me any account info. I told her she can give

me the password for online, give me the loan number so I can mail payments to

the company, or I can give her a cashier's check made out to the company. She

has not responded. I called the company and they won't give me the number, but

they said if I sent them a check they would apply it to the loan if I put my

mother's name and the house address on it. So that is what I will do from now

on.

> >

> > My mom needs serious help and she absolutely refuses to get it. She blames

everyone else for her bad decisions and continues to spend hundreds of dollars a

month on ebay. She tells my son (and my nieces) that she can't afford food or

her bills, and so they constantly worry about her. I plan to buy the house from

her as soon as I can get approved for a mortgage (probably early next year), at

which point I probably won't have any contact with her at all until she gets

help.

> >

> > I guess I'm just posting to get it out...and to ask how I can deal with the

guilt I feel when I tell her " no. " She says horrible things to me and I feel

competely guilt-ridden. Up until a few years ago I couldn't EVER tell her " no, "

I've come a long way...I'm the family " whipping girl, " and I've really stepped

back from it all...but at the same time, I still feel absolutely horrible inside

when I can't help her.

> >

> > Is reckless spending anything I can FORCE her to get help for? I am VERY

worried about her future and I don't want to see her lose everything.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Daisyjess - So, you're NOT responsible for the real estate market? Dang. I

thought we'd found the culprit.

Seriously, though - if the bank knows you're making payments and Nada isn't

depositing them, I wonder if you could establish a relationship with the banker

so that if they do foreclose, you could automatically start taking over payments

without waiting for a realtor to list the property. It would save the bank some

fees, and you some hassle - I don't know if there's a way to do that, legally.

But living within Nada's " firing zone " won't ever be pleasant. She'll continue

to see that house as something she 'gave' you even if you make payments and save

her from herself by buying the house. If it's possible to live far, far away,

life sure would be quieter.

> > >

> > > I joined quite some time ago, but haven't been on in a long time...mostly

becuase things have been so bad I don't even want to think about them.

> > >

> > > My mom has always had a problem with shopping. She spends money she

doesn't have and creates HUGE debt. Her credit has always been excellent

because she makes on-time payments...but she has been overextended for some

time. Starting last September, she discovered ebay and has since purchased over

900 items. She spent all of her savings, maxed out her credit cards, and spent

all of her regular monthly expense money as well. She ended up two months

behind on her mortgage, was lucky to get a modification.

> > >

> > > I live in a house she owns (she doesn't live in the same house), but I

make the mortgage payment, all utilities payments, HOA payments, etc. I just

graduated from college in June (I'm 30, went back to school). While I was still

in school, I would give her 3 months of mortgage payments at a time when I got

my financial aid each quarter. In November, she informed me that she had spent

my November and December mortgage payments and that if I didn't want to have no

house to live in, I'd better " figure it out, " and pay again. A week prior to

this announcement, my car was totalled in an auto accident, and so I did have

the money (technically). I finally agreed to pay the payments again IF she let

me set the password for the mortgage company's online system so I could log on

and pay directly from that point forward. She agreed, and so that is what I

did. I didn't know what else to do, as my son and I need a home and we have

pets that we're committed to that would make it pretty much impossible to rent

elsewhere.

> > >

> > > In March, she tried to get me to give my payment to her directly again. I

said no. In May she talked to the mortgage company and tried to get them to

send her back my June payment (since it had been paid 3 months in advance), and

wanted me to send the company proof that it had cleared my account so they would

send her the money. I said no, she didn't talk to me for a month. In June she

called the mortgage company and changed the password online. She refused to

give me any account info, and so I stupidly gave my July, August, and September

payments to her. She AGAIN did not pay the mortgage and instead got a " special

loan " with the mortgage company that would allow her to pay $24 a month for

however long it takes to pay off those three months. She is trying to make ME

pay that even though I already paid. I also found out that in her documents to

the company in order to get this special deal, she said I wasn't making the

payments and that's why they didn't get paid to the company.

> > >

> > > She is still refusing to give me any account info. I told her she can

give me the password for online, give me the loan number so I can mail payments

to the company, or I can give her a cashier's check made out to the company.

She has not responded. I called the company and they won't give me the number,

but they said if I sent them a check they would apply it to the loan if I put my

mother's name and the house address on it. So that is what I will do from now

on.

> > >

> > > My mom needs serious help and she absolutely refuses to get it. She

blames everyone else for her bad decisions and continues to spend hundreds of

dollars a month on ebay. She tells my son (and my nieces) that she can't afford

food or her bills, and so they constantly worry about her. I plan to buy the

house from her as soon as I can get approved for a mortgage (probably early next

year), at which point I probably won't have any contact with her at all until

she gets help.

> > >

> > > I guess I'm just posting to get it out...and to ask how I can deal with

the guilt I feel when I tell her " no. " She says horrible things to me and I

feel competely guilt-ridden. Up until a few years ago I couldn't EVER tell her

" no, " I've come a long way...I'm the family " whipping girl, " and I've really

stepped back from it all...but at the same time, I still feel absolutely

horrible inside when I can't help her.

> > >

> > > Is reckless spending anything I can FORCE her to get help for? I am VERY

worried about her future and I don't want to see her lose everything.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I agree, disconnecting from nada both emotionally and financially, and moving

far away would be your safest boundary.

-Annie

> > > >

> > > > I joined quite some time ago, but haven't been on in a long

time...mostly becuase things have been so bad I don't even want to think about

them.

> > > >

> > > > My mom has always had a problem with shopping. She spends money she

doesn't have and creates HUGE debt. Her credit has always been excellent

because she makes on-time payments...but she has been overextended for some

time. Starting last September, she discovered ebay and has since purchased over

900 items. She spent all of her savings, maxed out her credit cards, and spent

all of her regular monthly expense money as well. She ended up two months

behind on her mortgage, was lucky to get a modification.

> > > >

> > > > I live in a house she owns (she doesn't live in the same house), but I

make the mortgage payment, all utilities payments, HOA payments, etc. I just

graduated from college in June (I'm 30, went back to school). While I was still

in school, I would give her 3 months of mortgage payments at a time when I got

my financial aid each quarter. In November, she informed me that she had spent

my November and December mortgage payments and that if I didn't want to have no

house to live in, I'd better " figure it out, " and pay again. A week prior to

this announcement, my car was totalled in an auto accident, and so I did have

the money (technically). I finally agreed to pay the payments again IF she let

me set the password for the mortgage company's online system so I could log on

and pay directly from that point forward. She agreed, and so that is what I

did. I didn't know what else to do, as my son and I need a home and we have

pets that we're committed to that would make it pretty much impossible to rent

elsewhere.

> > > >

> > > > In March, she tried to get me to give my payment to her directly again.

I said no. In May she talked to the mortgage company and tried to get them to

send her back my June payment (since it had been paid 3 months in advance), and

wanted me to send the company proof that it had cleared my account so they would

send her the money. I said no, she didn't talk to me for a month. In June she

called the mortgage company and changed the password online. She refused to

give me any account info, and so I stupidly gave my July, August, and September

payments to her. She AGAIN did not pay the mortgage and instead got a " special

loan " with the mortgage company that would allow her to pay $24 a month for

however long it takes to pay off those three months. She is trying to make ME

pay that even though I already paid. I also found out that in her documents to

the company in order to get this special deal, she said I wasn't making the

payments and that's why they didn't get paid to the company.

> > > >

> > > > She is still refusing to give me any account info. I told her she can

give me the password for online, give me the loan number so I can mail payments

to the company, or I can give her a cashier's check made out to the company.

She has not responded. I called the company and they won't give me the number,

but they said if I sent them a check they would apply it to the loan if I put my

mother's name and the house address on it. So that is what I will do from now

on.

> > > >

> > > > My mom needs serious help and she absolutely refuses to get it. She

blames everyone else for her bad decisions and continues to spend hundreds of

dollars a month on ebay. She tells my son (and my nieces) that she can't afford

food or her bills, and so they constantly worry about her. I plan to buy the

house from her as soon as I can get approved for a mortgage (probably early next

year), at which point I probably won't have any contact with her at all until

she gets help.

> > > >

> > > > I guess I'm just posting to get it out...and to ask how I can deal with

the guilt I feel when I tell her " no. " She says horrible things to me and I

feel competely guilt-ridden. Up until a few years ago I couldn't EVER tell her

" no, " I've come a long way...I'm the family " whipping girl, " and I've really

stepped back from it all...but at the same time, I still feel absolutely

horrible inside when I can't help her.

> > > >

> > > > Is reckless spending anything I can FORCE her to get help for? I am

VERY worried about her future and I don't want to see her lose everything.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, Daisy! It sounds as though you've taken good steps and did a really good

job turning responsibility back on your nada. It must have felt like a huge

relief. But of course she'll probably just go shopping on ebay to make herself

feel better. Blaming that one on you is LOL outrageous - though I'm sure not

funny to you at all.

It sounds like you would be so much better off if you can just move near your

dad's family. Distance helps - a lot. Your nada may well end up losing

everything, but you can't stop that train by throwing yourself in front of it.

Good luck. It's never easy, but it does get easier.

Suzy

[Guest guest]

Thanks Suzy. I feel very strong right now...that email had the opposite effect

from the one she was aiming for I think.

If I do buy the house, she will definitely not hold the mortgage. I will be

buying it completely in my name with a mortgage through a bank, just as if I

were buying a home from a stranger. I almost hope, however, that she gets this

one foreclosed on, it would give me a much cheaper purchase price.

>

> Daisy,

>

> I agree with Annie's advice. You done enough already, and your nada's just

gonna keep doing what she's doing. You can't " save " her from herself, but you

can save yourself and your kid.

>

> One additional note of caution, if you do manage to buy your nada's house,

make sure it isn't a situation where she holds the mortgage for you. And if you

do continue to make payments on the current mortgage directly to the company

(make sure it's with a certified check and references the account # along with

her name and address. (I've had bad experiences with mortgage companies

applying funds incorrectly...)

>

> Good luck - and congratulations on your graduation. High Five!

>

> Suzy

>

[Guest guest]

I agree with both of you that in many ways moving would be best...I would really

like to move away, far far away. There are several things stopping me: My son's

dad lives here, and I don't think he'd agree to me moving our son out of the

state. Also, my friends are like family to me and I really don't want to be so

far away from them. And finally...I REALLY love the area I live in.

I have frequently thought about moving to the state where my dad's family lives,

I have several aunts and uncles there, my only remaining grandparent, and tons

of cousins. My sister keeps in touch with everyone down there though, so it

would still be hard to have my separate life. Its just SUCH a different climate

and lifestyle there (Utah, I currently live in Washington state), and I would

probably be extremely homesick...but it is on my radar for sure. I check the job

listings down there weekly as well as the home listings.

I keep telling myself that since my son is 13 (well, next month), I only have 5

more years tying me to this town. After he goes to college I can move somewhere

within this part of the country, still close to friends, but much further from

nada.

For now what I think I need to work on is the emotional distance...and I think

I'm ready.

> > > > >

> > > > > I joined quite some time ago, but haven't been on in a long

time...mostly becuase things have been so bad I don't even want to think about

them.

> > > > >

> > > > > My mom has always had a problem with shopping. She spends money she

doesn't have and creates HUGE debt. Her credit has always been excellent

because she makes on-time payments...but she has been overextended for some

time. Starting last September, she discovered ebay and has since purchased over

900 items. She spent all of her savings, maxed out her credit cards, and spent

all of her regular monthly expense money as well. She ended up two months

behind on her mortgage, was lucky to get a modification.

> > > > >

> > > > > I live in a house she owns (she doesn't live in the same house), but I

make the mortgage payment, all utilities payments, HOA payments, etc. I just

graduated from college in June (I'm 30, went back to school). While I was still

in school, I would give her 3 months of mortgage payments at a time when I got

my financial aid each quarter. In November, she informed me that she had spent

my November and December mortgage payments and that if I didn't want to have no

house to live in, I'd better " figure it out, " and pay again. A week prior to

this announcement, my car was totalled in an auto accident, and so I did have

the money (technically). I finally agreed to pay the payments again IF she let

me set the password for the mortgage company's online system so I could log on

and pay directly from that point forward. She agreed, and so that is what I

did. I didn't know what else to do, as my son and I need a home and we have

pets that we're committed to that would make it pretty much impossible to rent

elsewhere.

> > > > >

> > > > > In March, she tried to get me to give my payment to her directly

again. I said no. In May she talked to the mortgage company and tried to get

them to send her back my June payment (since it had been paid 3 months in

advance), and wanted me to send the company proof that it had cleared my account

so they would send her the money. I said no, she didn't talk to me for a month.

In June she called the mortgage company and changed the password online. She

refused to give me any account info, and so I stupidly gave my July, August, and

September payments to her. She AGAIN did not pay the mortgage and instead got a

" special loan " with the mortgage company that would allow her to pay $24 a month

for however long it takes to pay off those three months. She is trying to make

ME pay that even though I already paid. I also found out that in her documents

to the company in order to get this special deal, she said I wasn't making the

payments and that's why they didn't get paid to the company.

> > > > >

> > > > > She is still refusing to give me any account info. I told her she can

give me the password for online, give me the loan number so I can mail payments

to the company, or I can give her a cashier's check made out to the company.

She has not responded. I called the company and they won't give me the number,

but they said if I sent them a check they would apply it to the loan if I put my

mother's name and the house address on it. So that is what I will do from now

on.

> > > > >

> > > > > My mom needs serious help and she absolutely refuses to get it. She

blames everyone else for her bad decisions and continues to spend hundreds of

dollars a month on ebay. She tells my son (and my nieces) that she can't afford

food or her bills, and so they constantly worry about her. I plan to buy the

house from her as soon as I can get approved for a mortgage (probably early next

year), at which point I probably won't have any contact with her at all until

she gets help.

> > > > >

> > > > > I guess I'm just posting to get it out...and to ask how I can deal

with the guilt I feel when I tell her " no. " She says horrible things to me and

I feel competely guilt-ridden. Up until a few years ago I couldn't EVER tell

her " no, " I've come a long way...I'm the family " whipping girl, " and I've really

stepped back from it all...but at the same time, I still feel absolutely

horrible inside when I can't help her.

> > > > >

> > > > > Is reckless spending anything I can FORCE her to get help for? I am

VERY worried about her future and I don't want to see her lose everything.

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Sadly it IS slightly funny to me. What is not funny is that in the past, the

not-too-distant past even, I would have taken all of that blame on myself and

felt SO BAD for causing all of this to happen to my dear, innocent mother.

*shudder*

And thanks! I did turn the responsibility back on her, didn't I? Of course,

she's so deep in denial she will likely NEVER see the truth of what I said, but

that's ok because I don't need her to see it for me to know its true. It is

TOTALLY a huge relief because I have NEVER said most of the things in that email

to her before. I have always walked on eggshells and tiptoed around everything

even slightly negative. It feels amazing to have it out. The backlash will

come, but I can handle it.

Thank you again.

>

> Wow, Daisy! It sounds as though you've taken good steps and did a really good

job turning responsibility back on your nada. It must have felt like a huge

relief. But of course she'll probably just go shopping on ebay to make herself

feel better. Blaming that one on you is LOL outrageous - though I'm sure not

funny to you at all.

>

> It sounds like you would be so much better off if you can just move near your

dad's family. Distance helps - a lot. Your nada may well end up losing

everything, but you can't stop that train by throwing yourself in front of it.

>

> Good luck. It's never easy, but it does get easier.

>

> Suzy

>