Re: YESTERDAY'S SAGA ON NADA FOR ANYONE HERE WHO RESPONDED TO MY LAST BLOG

[Guest guest]

Marilyn - and Doug both gave you good advice. The " technique " I used with

my mom was, " Yes, it sounds like you have really gotten to the point that you

can't live alone, and your health problems require professional care. I think

you need to move to a nursing home with a mental health wing. " I didn't argue

about her needing help (she does). I didn't downplay her health problems

(they're real). I just raised the ante - " Mom, I can see that you're seriously

in need of help. Let's get you some. But it won't be me - I'm not competent to

serve your needs. " How can she argue with that? She's been telling my how

incompetent I am for decades!

I'm thinking that you're going to be so busy this week you won't have time to

take your nada's calls at ALL. Moving house is aggravation enough. You have to

be moved to your new place by the first, so just stop talking to her for the

next 5 days. If something serious happens to Nada, one of her neighbors - or

the local hospital - will call you.

You've written before that you put up with her because there's a lot of money in

her estate - as long as you hang on to that hope, she's got you where she wants

you. (And yes, I know it sucks to be broke all the time. I'm there, too.) My

mom told me for years that her life insurance policy would pay me back for what

I've spent on her, would reimburse me for time and service to her - and guess

what? She let the policy lapse, then told me I'd have to pay to re-instate it

and continue making the premium payments on it. So - no matter what Nada says,

her actions have NO correlation to what she's promised you, or what you've done

for her. You might as well live your own life, then hire a lawyer to challenge

her will if she screws you over on inheritance.

>

> Thanks everyone who responded to my last blog on nada.

>

> The part time handyman who is a friend of my close friend's sister in New

Jersey called me up in Maine yesterday morning to tell me he was coming over to

see her yesterday. I called nada and told her I had good news for her. Her

reply was, " Unless you're going to tell me that I am DYING and I won't be here

much longer, you don't have good news for me! I wish I were DEAD! I don't want

to be here anymore. " I replied that that wasn't something I had any control

over. (Horrible but I wanted to add that 'you do - why don't you take an

overdose of Hydrocodone and attempt again like you did when I was 12 and again

when I was 42 but this time I'm not saving you' but I am never cruel even if she

is. I did save her twice and only when I was 42 did I find out that she had

attempted suicide by taking an overdose of painkillers every month according to

my stepfather at the time but he'd just 'stick his finger down her throat and

she'd throw them up - walk her around until she completely came to' so even then

he didn't want my now ex and I to call 911 because 'he didn't want the neighbors

to know'. My stepfather was very abusive, manipulative, controlling and I think

BPD also as I look back at him, but anyway he's dead now and has been for almost

3 1/2 years. Of course now to nada he was 'the love of her life' and a GOD.

>

> Anyway I told nada that the friend of Pip's brother was coming over and she

replied, 'yeah yeah yeah yeah' and didn't believe me!

>

> She said she had fallen standing on her BED trying to get her curtains down to

wash them by hand (my stepfather would NEVER get her a washer and dryer - he

said where they lived wouldn't 'allow for that' since they were in a 'low water

table area between two lakes'. That's bull! Anyway she still washes things by

hand in her tiny sink and takes bird baths in her sink because Eddie my

stepfather never allowed her to take showers OR me when I briefly lived with

them except on Saturdays because 'water costs too much money'. (He was making

extremely good $ at the time and to this day she is benefitting because he was

sooooooooo cheap he had the first penny he ever made). Nada won't have her

neighbors who help her take her laundry to their house to do it either though

one offered.

>

> Well anyway nada reiterated 'you don't have anything to do - don't lie to ME!'

I am packing everything myself. I am finding smaller furniture to fit that I

need second hand. I am sorting. I am putting in 12 to 15 or more hour days and

I am down to three big jobs and I'm done! Nada has NO clue. Of course nada

doesn't CARE either. The man called me back and told me that afternoon that he

couldn't see my nada as someone close to him had had an accident and he was on

his way to the hospital in Trenton (far away from him) but if he got out of

there early enough to be light out, he would scope out nada's job yesterday or

he would come today.

>

> I called nada back to tell her that he wasn't coming immediately and got the

wrath of nada. No surprise there since any time you do not do what she wants

WHEN she wants, you get the wrath of nada even if it isn't within your control.

She then said, 'that's right! EVERYONE puts ME off! No one does ANYTHING for

me when I want it!' Not true nada. Two neighbors actually still feel sorry for

her and they help her but she is totally sure they owe her the help and when

they don't do things when she wants them to, she goes behind their back to me

and tells me how badly they are treating her. Well anyway the saga continues.

>

> I am moving for ME and the health of myself and my two cats. They are my kids

and give me more love and affection than nada ever has.

>

> I keep saying nada can't last much longer, but she does. She gives the

energizer bunny a run for his money! She should take his job.

>