Re: NADA DRAMA, family drama, I'm a bundle of nerves.

September 28, 2009

We can't drop them in Pakistan... they don't have COOL ENOUGH outfits!

>

> > That's my Nada. She will cause pileups, injure people financially, assault

> > people emotionally... and then cry waif if called on ANY of it. It is

somehow

> > always, " THEM. "

>

> why can't we drop these people onto the Taliban in Pakistan? I think within

one month, the war would be over.

>

September 29, 2009

Sara - Hang on - having a Homer Simpson moment here - ice cream cake -

arghgmmmmmmmmm.....

So you were headed to the party AND if you pulled over to collect your thoughts,

the cake would actually MELT - could there have been a more inopportune time for

a Nada blast? How do they KNOW this stuff?

I am adding a new Rule to my list of things to remember when dealing with Nada:

Never take a phone call from Nada when there's ice cream in the trunk! -

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > Oh man, am I feeling screwed up right now.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > For starters, I've been on and off NC with my NADA for the

past two years. There were times we've talked, but they all ended badly. So I

just stayed away for the most part. The fact that we live 10 hours away from

each other helps with that, too.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > Well, recently, my grandmother died (my Nada's nada). There

was a lot of bad blood between her, and her kids (my nada and her brothers and

sisters). Now that she is dead, and the will has come out, they are all angry

with each other. The people that aren't in the will are angry at people that

are, etc. I have nothing to do with all of this, but I know now that my nada has

NO ONE now. They are all pissed at each other.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > So, Friday, i was on my way to a get together with friends

when my nada called me. I made the TERRIBLE mistake of answering the call. I

guess that stupid part of me thought " oh, it's my mom, maybe she's just calling

to see how I am! " . Boy was I wrong.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > She was crying from the get go, asking me all these weird

questions. She was saying " What happened between us? What did I do wrong? Tell

me! I need to know NOW!!! " . I didn't know what to say. I tried to keep my

answers vague and general, because reasoning with her is impossible. Then she

asked me a very wrong question. She asked me if I was telling the truth about my

grandfather, about how he molested me when I was a kid. I went OFF THE HANDLE. I

started crying, and I was screaming at her, telling her that yes, it was true,

and I only wish that it wasn't. But that it's something that I've had to deal

with my whole adult life and that it's screwed me up really good. I told her

that I couldn't believe she would ask me such a question. It was ridiculous.

Then she asked me if when she dies, if I'm going to be there. What the hell is

that all about? I think she 's lost her mind. I told her of course I want to be

there, but that I know I probably won't be welcome. She didn't like that answer.

I told her I wouldn't be welcome because the rest of her family has treated me

like crap for the past 2 years. And then she tried to argue with me saying that

they were all nice to me. Are you kidding? I have emails they all sent me, that

were beyond wretched. Ugh.. I tried asking mom what was really wrong, why she

needed to call me and ask me all these questions. Then she said she had to go,

and hung up on me. RIDICULOUS!

> > > > > > > > > SOOOO, I go and meet my friends all the while I'm an emotional

wreck. I had to be there, because it was a birthday party and I was bringing the

cake, lol. Otherwise I probably would have gone home and taken a bath to get my

mind off this stuff. I had time to calm down, so I sent my mom a text, that said

" Hey mom, if you want, I would like to try talking again. I think we can have a

good relationship if we both work at it. Write back and let me know if you want

to try " . i thought that since she caught me off guard the first time, that I

would be better equipped the 2nd time, if I had time to prepare myself for a

talk with her. She texted me back one hour later saying " of course I would like

to try " . So later when I got home I called her. It started out really well. I

made sure that I was strong the whole time, not to fall into her trap. First, at

my surprise, she apologized for asking me the question about my grandfather

earlier. She said it was out of line for her to ask such a thing, and that of

course she believed me. I couldn't believe it, it was the FIRST time I think my

mother has genuninely apologized for anything. Then she said " I know I handled

it wrong, Sara, but what was I supposed to do?' She said " maybe if you told me

right after the first time it happened it wouldn't have happened a second time " .

She actually tried to blame me for being a victim here. I ACtually did tell her

after the first time, before the 2nd time even happened. And I told her right

after the 2nd time happened, and she did NOTHNIG about it. But I didn't bring

that up. I simply said that what is in the past is over, that I want to move on

and I don't want to dwell on that situation anymore. I told her I wanted to let

it go. She kept trying to bring up the past. I said " mom, do you want to rehash

the past or do you want to move on and be a mother and daughter again? " . I was

trying to tell her that I didn't want to argue with her. I told her that if she

wants to be in my life, I need her to respect my life and the decisions I've

made. Then she got all defensive, saying that she always respected my decisions

and never tried to make me feel guilty about anything, blah blah blah. I told

her to calm down, that I wasn't accusing her of anything, that I was just

telling her what I need. Then I asked her what she needed from me, and all she

said was that she wanted time, to talk and try to be close. It was going well.

And then she brought up my dad. She said " It was very asinine of you to go up

and see him when you should have been here visiting me instead! " . (I hadn't seen

or spoken to my dad in 15 years before this summer). She accused me of " choosing

him over her " . I told her I wasn't choosing anyone over the other, that I have

the right to have both parents in my life if I want. But she wasn't hearing any

of that. She tried saying " your dad hurt you so bad, don't you remember that?

I've always loved you unconditionally, I was ALWAYS there for you, he wasn't! " .

I'm thinking to myself " no, mom you didn't love me unconditionally, and you

weren't always there when I needed you " . In fact, she is the one that kept me

away from my dad my whole life, and made me think he didn't want anything to do

with me. Still I tried to remain neutral, I didn't want to argue. But she did.

She started going off the handle again. She told me that I didn't care about her

feelings, that I didn't even ask her what was wrong earlier when she called the

first time. I had to remind her that I DID ask her what was wrong but she

refused to answer me. Then she said " oh, well, i was just too upset to answer " .

Then she said " you've hurt me more than anyone else in my life! I hurt over you

so much, I have feelings too, did you know that? They found a mass on my liver

and I might only have 6 months to live!!! " (she has cirrhosis and finding stuff

on her liver is an inevitability) She wouldn't let me speak at this point. Then

she said " go see your father " and then hung up on me again.

> > > > > > > > > About the 6 months to live thing, she could be lying. She

recently tried to tell the family that she had cancer just so people would feel

bad for her, and then she said it wasn't really true. My sister was really upset

for a bit, thinking our mom was dying of cancer, and then mom told her she just

told other people that to get them off her back. How sick is that? So I really

don't believe her about having only 6 months to live. When I was talking to her

she was out getting ready to go shopping. Do people that sick do their own

shopping? I don't know. A lot more was said (by my nada of course) but this

message is already long enough.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > So now, she must have told my sister about how " Mean " I was on

the phone, because today my sister is acting really mean to me. Me and my sis

were talking yesterday, and laughing, and making plans. I was going to take her

to the dentist tomorrow because she is having a root canal, and she is opting

for laughing gas. I told her I would drive her and stuff. Today, she has been

texting me (my sis is very non-confrontational) and being really cold. She said

" don't worry about the dentist tomorrow " . When I asked her why, she said " I've

made other arrangements " . Her texts and other comments were very cold and unlike

her normal self. So I suspect my nada got her on the phone to tell her about how

awful I am.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > I feel like I'm being persecuted all over again.

> > > > > > > > > Why doesn't my sis understand that there are 2 sides to every

story?

> > > > > > > > > She knows that mom isn't always right in the head, so why is

she treating me like dirt again?

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > As soon as I started feeling like I was healing from all of

this, they rip my wounds open again. I just feel like sobbing. I can't believe I

answered that damned phone call.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > I hate feeling down when I have so many things in my life to

be happy about. I am happy in general, but I hate having this black hole in my

heart that is filled with nada stuff. I know that sounds weird, but it's the

best way for me to explain it.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > I don't know if I should just continue my NC, or try again. I

know that trying to talk again and trying to move on again won't work very well,

but what if she IS dying?

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > I'm going through a crisis or sorts. I appreciate your help

and support.

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > Thanks,

> > > > > > > > > Sara Jo

> > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > >

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

September 29, 2009

I'm adding a " Sub Paragraph B " to your rule: Always carry an ice-cream cake in

your trunk so you never have to take a call from Nada.

Lynnette

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > Oh man, am I feeling screwed up right now.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > For starters, I've been on and off NC with my NADA for the

past two years. There were times we've talked, but they all ended badly. So I

just stayed away for the most part. The fact that we live 10 hours away from

each other helps with that, too.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > Well, recently, my grandmother died (my Nada's nada). There

was a lot of bad blood between her, and her kids (my nada and her brothers and

sisters). Now that she is dead, and the will has come out, they are all angry

with each other. The people that aren't in the will are angry at people that

are, etc. I have nothing to do with all of this, but I know now that my nada has

NO ONE now. They are all pissed at each other.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > So, Friday, i was on my way to a get together with friends

when my nada called me. I made the TERRIBLE mistake of answering the call. I

guess that stupid part of me thought " oh, it's my mom, maybe she's just calling

to see how I am! " . Boy was I wrong.

> > > > > > > > > >

> > > > > > > > > > She was crying from the get go, asking me all these weird