Re: Elderly Parents

[Guest guest]

I know this is easier said then done, and I hate it when people who don't have a

BPD parent say it b/c I feel like they just don't get it. But being a KO of a

terminally ill nada who has made every single part of this horrible situation as

hard as possible I can say this: find some way to be OK with letting her do what

she will until she is commitable. No matter what you do, it won't be enough,

she'll make it hard no matter what. You are not her mother- it's not your

responsibility.

>

> Hi,

> I am a new member and would like to talk with anyone who has aging/elderly

parents and worried about their ability to care for themselves. I believe both

of my parents have BPD, my father was a Witch and my mother was a Queen that is

now a Waif. Dad has Alzheimers and is now in a nursing home--supposedly for

additional rehab but will probably stay long-term because my mother can't care

for him at home, even with sitters. She is living in their house alone, has

increasing confusion herself and is highly resistant to advice or assistance.

She misuses her meds and doesn't follow medical advice. She does have issues

with fibro-myalgia and arthritis, has a long history of depression and

dependency on my father.

>

> They named me as POA of their healthcare & finances when Dad was diagnosed 3

yrs ago. Mom was always dependent on him to manage the finances, taxes, etc and

he can't do that any longer so she depends on me. I convinced them to move into

Assisted Living 2 yrs ago where I live (I am 1 1/2 hrs away from them) but that

only lasted 7 mos, and Mom moved them back to their home. Dad enjoyed Assisted

Living but she hated it from the beginning and acted out until she could move

back home.

>

> My question: I don't know what to do with Mother. She insists on staying in

their home, won't even consider moving into Assisted Living so Dad can be with

her yet cries and says he's the most important thing in her life and she would

do anything for him. She sets herself up for chaos and crisis continually and

rejects any/all advice from me. At this point I've taken over the finances and

am trying to manage their assets so Dad can stay in the nursing home. I worry

that she will overdose and that I will find her dead. She does have a " helper "

whom she calls to clean or do errands when she can't drag out of bed. My

rational side says let her do what she wants until she is commitable. My

enmeshed side says her welfare is my responsibility. I have 1 brother who lives

6 hrs away who is minimally involved.

>

> Any thoughts?

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your response, and you're right...it is easier said than done. I'm

from the deep South where enmeshment isn't considered abnormal, so I'm battling

cultural expectations as well as deeply ingrained 'stuff.' (BTW, what is nada? I

see that most are using that term, but I'm not sure what it means.)

Ethically, I'm not sure where the line should be drawn between allowing her to

do what she wants and when she is a danger to herself or others. (She got

stopped doing 93 mph but they didn't even give her a ticket! She laughs about

it! She's 80!!) She doesn't threaten suicide, she's much more subtle...yesterday

she let me know that she'd taken too much medicine again and had a hard time

waking up until early afternoon, then said I didn't need to come visit this week

because she knows I'm busy and have a lot to do at home...that she'd be fine.

* & ^%$#!!!! I didn't take the bait, but it was tough.

At least my father is being cared for at the nursing home and I don't have to

worry whether she's feeding him or that he's getting his meds correctly.

> >

> > Hi,

> > I am a new member and would like to talk with anyone who has aging/elderly

parents and worried about their ability to care for themselves. I believe both

of my parents have BPD, my father was a Witch and my mother was a Queen that is

now a Waif. Dad has Alzheimers and is now in a nursing home--supposedly for

additional rehab but will probably stay long-term because my mother can't care

for him at home, even with sitters. She is living in their house alone, has

increasing confusion herself and is highly resistant to advice or assistance.

She misuses her meds and doesn't follow medical advice. She does have issues

with fibro-myalgia and arthritis, has a long history of depression and

dependency on my father.

> >

> > They named me as POA of their healthcare & finances when Dad was diagnosed 3

yrs ago. Mom was always dependent on him to manage the finances, taxes, etc and

he can't do that any longer so she depends on me. I convinced them to move into

Assisted Living 2 yrs ago where I live (I am 1 1/2 hrs away from them) but that

only lasted 7 mos, and Mom moved them back to their home. Dad enjoyed Assisted

Living but she hated it from the beginning and acted out until she could move

back home.

> >

> > My question: I don't know what to do with Mother. She insists on staying in

their home, won't even consider moving into Assisted Living so Dad can be with

her yet cries and says he's the most important thing in her life and she would

do anything for him. She sets herself up for chaos and crisis continually and

rejects any/all advice from me. At this point I've taken over the finances and

am trying to manage their assets so Dad can stay in the nursing home. I worry

that she will overdose and that I will find her dead. She does have a " helper "

whom she calls to clean or do errands when she can't drag out of bed. My

rational side says let her do what she wants until she is commitable. My

enmeshed side says her welfare is my responsibility. I have 1 brother who lives

6 hrs away who is minimally involved.

> >

> > Any thoughts?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Guilt and fear are two of the tools of people with BPD. They are

usually adept at using them against us to make us feel

responsible for their wants, needs and happiness. Overcoming

them can be hard. Competent adults are responsible for their own

health, safety and living arrangements. If she insists on

staying in her home, what choice do you have but to let her?

She's not mentally incompetent is she? Even having a history of

making unwise decisions doesn't take away her right to choose

for herself. As hard as it is, I think you have to let her do as

she likes, at least for now. If she rejects your advice, she

rejects it. If you've done your best to help her, there's no

good reason for you to feel you haven't lived up to your

responsibility. If she's misusing her medications, that's

something you could talk to her doctor about though.

At 02:43 PM 05/23/2010 se2wc wrote:

>Hi,

>I am a new member and would like to talk with anyone who has

>aging/elderly parents and worried about their ability to care

>for themselves. I believe both of my parents have BPD, my

>father was a Witch and my mother was a Queen that is now a

>Waif. Dad has Alzheimers and is now in a nursing

>home--supposedly for additional rehab but will probably stay

>long-term because my mother can't care for him at home, even

>with sitters. She is living in their house alone, has

>increasing confusion herself and is highly resistant to advice

>or assistance. She misuses her meds and doesn't follow medical

>advice. She does have issues with fibro-myalgia and arthritis,

>has a long history of depression and dependency on my father.

>

>They named me as POA of their healthcare & finances when Dad

>was diagnosed 3 yrs ago. Mom was always dependent on him to

>manage the finances, taxes, etc and he can't do that any longer

>so she depends on me. I convinced them to move into Assisted

>Living 2 yrs ago where I live (I am 1 1/2 hrs away from them)

>but that only lasted 7 mos, and Mom moved them back to their

>home. Dad enjoyed Assisted Living but she hated it from the

>beginning and acted out until she could move back home.

>

>My question: I don't know what to do with Mother. She insists

>on staying in their home, won't even consider moving into

>Assisted Living so Dad can be with her yet cries and says he's

>the most important thing in her life and she would do anything

>for him. She sets herself up for chaos and crisis continually

>and rejects any/all advice from me. At this point I've taken

>over the finances and am trying to manage their assets so Dad

>can stay in the nursing home. I worry that she will overdose

>and that I will find her dead. She does have a " helper " whom

>she calls to clean or do errands when she can't drag out of

>bed. My rational side says let her do what she wants until she

>is commitable. My enmeshed side says her welfare is my

>responsibility. I have 1 brother who lives 6 hrs away who is

>minimally involved.

>

>Any thoughts?

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

You're right...and even though I know this in my head, my heart kicks in when

it's my own parents...the heart that's been abused and manipulated since

childhood. Kinda sad, isn't it? Thanks for the validation! That's so important

to me since...well you know why, haha.

> >Hi,

> >I am a new member and would like to talk with anyone who has

> >aging/elderly parents and worried about their ability to care

> >for themselves. I believe both of my parents have BPD, my

> >father was a Witch and my mother was a Queen that is now a

> >Waif. Dad has Alzheimers and is now in a nursing

> >home--supposedly for additional rehab but will probably stay

> >long-term because my mother can't care for him at home, even

> >with sitters. She is living in their house alone, has

> >increasing confusion herself and is highly resistant to advice

> >or assistance. She misuses her meds and doesn't follow medical

> >advice. She does have issues with fibro-myalgia and arthritis,

> >has a long history of depression and dependency on my father.

> >

> >They named me as POA of their healthcare & finances when Dad

> >was diagnosed 3 yrs ago. Mom was always dependent on him to

> >manage the finances, taxes, etc and he can't do that any longer

> >so she depends on me. I convinced them to move into Assisted

> >Living 2 yrs ago where I live (I am 1 1/2 hrs away from them)

> >but that only lasted 7 mos, and Mom moved them back to their

> >home. Dad enjoyed Assisted Living but she hated it from the

> >beginning and acted out until she could move back home.

> >

> >My question: I don't know what to do with Mother. She insists

> >on staying in their home, won't even consider moving into

> >Assisted Living so Dad can be with her yet cries and says he's

> >the most important thing in her life and she would do anything

> >for him. She sets herself up for chaos and crisis continually

> >and rejects any/all advice from me. At this point I've taken

> >over the finances and am trying to manage their assets so Dad

> >can stay in the nursing home. I worry that she will overdose

> >and that I will find her dead. She does have a " helper " whom

> >she calls to clean or do errands when she can't drag out of

> >bed. My rational side says let her do what she wants until she

> >is commitable. My enmeshed side says her welfare is my

> >responsibility. I have 1 brother who lives 6 hrs away who is

> >minimally involved.

> >

> >Any thoughts?

>

> --

> Katrina

>

[Guest guest]

Katrina,

This exact scenario happened to me, except that my dad is no longer alive.

My mother is a witch/BPD and at age 84 still lived at home, could no longer get

out of bed due to severe osteoarthritis/fibromyalgia. The docs said she needed

both hips replaced to ever have hope of walking again, but she insisted all she

needed was a little more physical therapy. COSA (County Office of Services for

The Aging) got involved, bringing her meals now & then, supplying some nursing

care at reduced cost, etc, but she didn't have enough money to keep paying and

owed thousands to the nursing agencies when they finally cut her off. For about

6 months my brother (like yours, minimally involved) and I tried to talk her

into just LOOKING AT an Assisted Living place (in retrospect, she needed more

care than that, but it would've been a first step...) but every time we brought

the subject up we were met with raging attacks that we were trying to steal her

money, force her into a nursing home against her will, etc, etc. One rare time

(in a calmer frame of mind) she did actually agree to go visit one nice Assisted

Living place, and she very clearly asked me to make the appointment on a certain

day and time, so I did....when the day came, and I went to pick her up, she

refused to go. I gently and firmly insisted (while wheeling her into the car)

that she had told me to make the appointment and the place was expecting us for

lunch and a tour (they had gone out of their way to make a special gourmet menu

for her). She reluctantly got in the car because she said she wanted to go to

the bank instead. Once I was driving and said we would go to the bank after our

lunch appointment she started shrieking like a 2-year-old, crying and wailing,

punching the air, and begging God to make " her children obey her " ...this went on

for about 15 minutes as I kept driving and trying to reason with her that we

were only going to eat lunch there and look around, and then come back home.

She wouldn't stop her horrendous screaming thrashing

wounded-animal-caught-in-a-trap routine, and I decided the place wouldn't have

wanted her to visit that way, so I caved & turned around. To this day, she

denies that she ever agreed to that visit.

More months went by, and she was eventually living in bed all day, in her own

filth, unable to get food or water. Once every few days she could pay for a

nursing aide to come for an hour or two to help her, but she still owed alot to

the nursing agencies. To make a long story short, the County came and told her

they could not allow her to live like this any longer....it was a violation of

health codes, not to mention a fire hazard (part of her craziness is she keeps

EVERYTHING, and there was barely room to walk in her house...boxes & papers were

stacked to the ceiling). She told them to go to hell and that she didn't want

President Obama telling her what to do....that they could keep their help. Oi

vay.

In the end, it took many, many friends of hers, along with COSA, and even a

local policeman's visit (the neighbors called) telling her she needed to go to a

hospital to be evaluated for physical therapy. She allowed one of them to take

her, and when she checked in they assigned her a case worker. She was there 3

days, during which time doctors evaluated her condition and told her (yet again,

the millionth time) that she needed both hips replaced in order to walk again.

She again refused their advice, and so the social worker prepared to send her

back home. I called the social worker, explained that my mother wasn't able to

live alone, and that we needed to get her into a facility where she would

receive nursing care. My mother had very little money at that point, and would

need to go on medical assistance (medicaid) for continuing care, so the social

worker directed us to 3 good area nursing homes that would accept medicaid. I

quickly visited the 3, and also got counsel from an Elder Care lawyer who

pointed me to the best of the 3. We submitted an application, and she was

accepted immediately. She's been there now 8 months, and it's a good, good

place. She is reaking havoc there (constantly accusing nurses of conspiracies

against her, abusing all her caretakers, etc) but they are doing the best they

can to care for her well.

My advice? The law says people may live as they see fit, even if it's not

much of a life. You will need to wait until your mom has gone downhill a bit,

and starts to see that she is uncomfortable in her current scary, limited

situation. Contact COSA in your area, get them involved. Check out some

facilities in your area, pick a few good ones, and get ready. Start filling out

applications, etc (the better ones have long waiting lists). For now you are

going to need to watch & wait, as painful as it is. Do not enable your mom to

drag out the process by becoming her slave. Gently cut off excessive help and

be ready to come back into the picture only when she is ready to take the next

necessary step.

I feel your pain, Girl. Others on this group have been there, or are

there, too. We're with you.

Hugs & blessings,

Jan

> >Hi,

> >I am a new member and would like to talk with anyone who has

> >aging/elderly parents and worried about their ability to care

> >for themselves. I believe both of my parents have BPD, my

> >father was a Witch and my mother was a Queen that is now a

> >Waif. Dad has Alzheimers and is now in a nursing

> >home--supposedly for additional rehab but will probably stay

> >long-term because my mother can't care for him at home, even

> >with sitters. She is living in their house alone, has

> >increasing confusion herself and is highly resistant to advice

> >or assistance. She misuses her meds and doesn't follow medical

> >advice. She does have issues with fibro-myalgia and arthritis,

> >has a long history of depression and dependency on my father.

> >

> >They named me as POA of their healthcare & finances when Dad

> >was diagnosed 3 yrs ago. Mom was always dependent on him to

> >manage the finances, taxes, etc and he can't do that any longer

> >so she depends on me. I convinced them to move into Assisted

> >Living 2 yrs ago where I live (I am 1 1/2 hrs away from them)

> >but that only lasted 7 mos, and Mom moved them back to their

> >home. Dad enjoyed Assisted Living but she hated it from the

> >beginning and acted out until she could move back home.

> >

> >My question: I don't know what to do with Mother. She insists

> >on staying in their home, won't even consider moving into

> >Assisted Living so Dad can be with her yet cries and says he's

> >the most important thing in her life and she would do anything

> >for him. She sets herself up for chaos and crisis continually

> >and rejects any/all advice from me. At this point I've taken

> >over the finances and am trying to manage their assets so Dad

> >can stay in the nursing home. I worry that she will overdose

> >and that I will find her dead. She does have a " helper " whom

> >she calls to clean or do errands when she can't drag out of

> >bed. My rational side says let her do what she wants until she

> >is commitable. My enmeshed side says her welfare is my

> >responsibility. I have 1 brother who lives 6 hrs away who is

> >minimally involved.

> >

> >Any thoughts?

>

> --

> Katrina

>

[Guest guest]

Hi there. I've been in observer status on the board here and have to reply to

your posting. The situation you describe is becoming ever more of an issue as we

and our parents age. It appears for many of us that even if we have reached a

more comfortable working distance from their pathology in our own lives, events

develop around our assumption of some responsibility for their health and

welfare. It's such a tough thing to come to grips with and I really empathize

with your position. I was there as well, and the worst part for me was enduring,

even at a distance, the ongoing games of crisis and manipulation while I was

trying to resolve and heal from the toxic relationship with my nada.

There is no easy solution in sight while we are caught up in the gaming, even

that in our own heads that was nurtured over a lifetime. For me, that was the

worst as I realized the extent to which my own instincts and understanding were

so skewed by the effects of my mother's illness. Especially confounded by her

decline with age and our society's expectations of our responsibilities, moral

and otherwise, for our aging parents.

I wrote a book to help me see all this in a different light, and although it was

not meant as a how-to self-help thing, I offered it so others could find support

and validation as they navigate our common problems. Many have written me that

by reading my account, they were able to find their own truths and pathways to

resolution with our shared challenges. I posted the book online at

https://sites.google.com/site/nonborderlinedaughter/ for others to find and they

have.

It is so difficult to take on the financial and other necessities as you've been

called on to do. But it is even harder to find yourself back in the place where

your heart and your head are in conflict, when that heart is so vulnerable to

the influences of your mother's own disease.

I'll be thinking of you as you struggle to find something that works for YOU.

Don't leave your own needs out of the equation you're trying to solve.

Good luck,

PJ

>

> Hi,

> I am a new member and would like to talk with anyone who has aging/elderly

parents and worried about their ability to care for themselves. I believe both

of my parents have BPD, my father was a Witch and my mother was a Queen that is

now a Waif. Dad has Alzheimers and is now in a nursing home--supposedly for

additional rehab but will probably stay long-term because my mother can't care

for him at home, even with sitters. She is living in their house alone, has

increasing confusion herself and is highly resistant to advice or assistance.

She misuses her meds and doesn't follow medical advice. She does have issues

with fibro-myalgia and arthritis, has a long history of depression and

dependency on my father.

>

> They named me as POA of their healthcare & finances when Dad was diagnosed 3

yrs ago. Mom was always dependent on him to manage the finances, taxes, etc and

he can't do that any longer so she depends on me. I convinced them to move into

Assisted Living 2 yrs ago where I live (I am 1 1/2 hrs away from them) but that

only lasted 7 mos, and Mom moved them back to their home. Dad enjoyed Assisted

Living but she hated it from the beginning and acted out until she could move

back home.

>

> My question: I don't know what to do with Mother. She insists on staying in

their home, won't even consider moving into Assisted Living so Dad can be with

her yet cries and says he's the most important thing in her life and she would

do anything for him. She sets herself up for chaos and crisis continually and

rejects any/all advice from me. At this point I've taken over the finances and

am trying to manage their assets so Dad can stay in the nursing home. I worry

that she will overdose and that I will find her dead. She does have a " helper "

whom she calls to clean or do errands when she can't drag out of bed. My

rational side says let her do what she wants until she is commitable. My

enmeshed side says her welfare is my responsibility. I have 1 brother who lives

6 hrs away who is minimally involved.

>

> Any thoughts?

>

[Guest guest]

PJ, thanks for providing the link to your story - it looks very compelling to

the issues I am and will be dealing with.

Se2cw, I can't claim answers but I will say taking time to look at what you can

realistically do is important. For me it has always been a wake up call to

realize that if I did *everything* that is truly needed and expected by my

mother that I would destroy myself and future in short order. If I am destroyed

(dead or insane, sorry if that seems over the top) then I can hardly care for

her and others in my life will have been harmed as well. So even IF you buy the

whole version of yourself as " the one who must sacrifice " doing all your nada

wants still makes no sense. I would argue it is the primary goal of those of us

who have bought the sacrificial daughter identity to overcome it and reject it

because don't we have as much right to exist and thrive as anyone else? and if

not, why not?

Quick hello out to everybody - I've been (and am) having computer trouble.

> >

> > Hi,

> > I am a new member and would like to talk with anyone who has aging/elderly

parents and worried about their ability to care for themselves. I believe both

of my parents have BPD, my father was a Witch and my mother was a Queen that is

now a Waif. Dad has Alzheimers and is now in a nursing home--supposedly for

additional rehab but will probably stay long-term because my mother can't care

for him at home, even with sitters. She is living in their house alone, has

increasing confusion herself and is highly resistant to advice or assistance.

She misuses her meds and doesn't follow medical advice. She does have issues

with fibro-myalgia and arthritis, has a long history of depression and

dependency on my father.

> >

> > They named me as POA of their healthcare & finances when Dad was diagnosed 3

yrs ago. Mom was always dependent on him to manage the finances, taxes, etc and

he can't do that any longer so she depends on me. I convinced them to move into

Assisted Living 2 yrs ago where I live (I am 1 1/2 hrs away from them) but that

only lasted 7 mos, and Mom moved them back to their home. Dad enjoyed Assisted

Living but she hated it from the beginning and acted out until she could move

back home.

> >

> > My question: I don't know what to do with Mother. She insists on staying in

their home, won't even consider moving into Assisted Living so Dad can be with

her yet cries and says he's the most important thing in her life and she would

do anything for him. She sets herself up for chaos and crisis continually and

rejects any/all advice from me. At this point I've taken over the finances and

am trying to manage their assets so Dad can stay in the nursing home. I worry

that she will overdose and that I will find her dead. She does have a " helper "

whom she calls to clean or do errands when she can't drag out of bed. My

rational side says let her do what she wants until she is commitable. My

enmeshed side says her welfare is my responsibility. I have 1 brother who lives

6 hrs away who is minimally involved.

> >

> > Any thoughts?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,  I am also new to this. In fact I discovered BPD last Monday night.  I

have no doubt whatever that my mom has this.  When you joined this group you

should have gotten an email from the moderator giving you a list of

abbreviations.  I put mine in a favorites folder I named BPD and keep going

back to it to see what everyone means.  Nada is a term for a BP mother that has

never been a mother in a true sense of the word.  I sometimes feel guilty for

using this abbreviation on here because I have spent my whole life trying to

reassure her that she is great mom and that i love her.  I do love her, but as

a mom myself I can say with authority she was never a mom in the true sense. 

 

I also wanted to tell you, my nada is getting to the age where we are worrying

about the same thing you are talking about.  In fact that is what made me start

researching mental illness.  I need help learning how to deal with her and keep

my sanity.  I have done ok at setting some boundries over the years, but I

don't know how to keep those with her getting to this stage of life.  As if it

hasn't been bad enough she is now forgetting everything.  Or so she says.  I'm

not convinced it's not another act.  Really confusing.  

I have also come to the conclusion that as long as she is not ready to be

institutionalized there is really not a lot we can do.  I don't know.  I feel

so guilty for not taking care of her, but she won't let anyone help without

distroying them. 

 

I think this support group is a valuable tool to help us deal and find

answers. 

Wendi

Subject: Re: Elderly Parents

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Monday, May 24, 2010, 1:18 PM

Thanks for your response, and you're right...it is easier said than done. I'm

from the deep South where enmeshment isn't considered abnormal, so I'm battling

cultural expectations as well as deeply ingrained 'stuff.' (BTW, what is nada? I

see that most are using that term, but I'm not sure what it means.)

Ethically, I'm not sure where the line should be drawn between allowing her to

do what she wants and when she is a danger to herself or others. (She got

stopped doing 93 mph but they didn't even give her a ticket! She laughs about

it! She's 80!!) She doesn't threaten suicide, she's much more subtle...yesterday

she let me know that she'd taken too much medicine again and had a hard time

waking up until early afternoon, then said I didn't need to come visit this week

because she knows I'm busy and have a lot to do at home...that she'd be fine.

* & ^%$#!!!! I didn't take the bait, but it was tough.

At least my father is being cared for at the nursing home and I don't have to

worry whether she's feeding him or that he's getting his meds correctly.

> >

> > Hi,

> > I am a new member and would like to talk with anyone who has aging/elderly

parents and worried about their ability to care for themselves. I believe both

of my parents have BPD, my father was a Witch and my mother was a Queen that is

now a Waif. Dad has Alzheimers and is now in a nursing home--supposedly for

additional rehab but will probably stay long-term because my mother can't care

for him at home, even with sitters. She is living in their house alone, has

increasing confusion herself and is highly resistant to advice or assistance.

She misuses her meds and doesn't follow medical advice. She does have issues

with fibro-myalgia and arthritis, has a long history of depression and

dependency on my father.

> >

> > They named me as POA of their healthcare & finances when Dad was diagnosed 3

yrs ago. Mom was always dependent on him to manage the finances, taxes, etc and

he can't do that any longer so she depends on me. I convinced them to move into

Assisted Living 2 yrs ago where I live (I am 1 1/2 hrs away from them) but that

only lasted 7 mos, and Mom moved them back to their home. Dad enjoyed Assisted

Living but she hated it from the beginning and acted out until she could move

back home.

> >

> > My question: I don't know what to do with Mother. She insists on staying in

their home, won't even consider moving into Assisted Living so Dad can be with

her yet cries and says he's the most important thing in her life and she would

do anything for him. She sets herself up for chaos and crisis continually and

rejects any/all advice from me. At this point I've taken over the finances and

am trying to manage their assets so Dad can stay in the nursing home. I worry

that she will overdose and that I will find her dead. She does have a " helper "

whom she calls to clean or do errands when she can't drag out of bed. My

rational side says let her do what she wants until she is commitable. My

enmeshed side says her welfare is my responsibility. I have 1 brother who lives

6 hrs away who is minimally involved.

> >

> > Any thoughts?

> >

>

------------------------------------

Problems? Ask our friendly List Manager for help at @....

SEND HER ANY POSTS THAT CONCERN YOU; DO NOT Respond ON THE GROUP.

To order the KO bible " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " call 888-35-SHELL

() for your copy. We also refer to “Understanding the Borderline

Mother†(Lawson) and “Surviving the Borderline Parent,†(Roth) which you

can find at any bookstore. Welcome to the WTO community!

From Randi Kreger, Owner BPDCentral, WTO Online Community and author SWOE and

the SWOE Workbook.