Re: Nada isolated me

May 23, 2010

I have, but in a different way...nada made sure we moved far away from the

extended family. All her siblings except 2 ( there were 9) lived right

there in the same town as her parents....as did dads 5 siblings...we were

not encouraged to have anything to do with our aunts, uncles, grand parents

or cousins..nadas dad died before I was born and her mother died when I was

2, dads mother died when I was 6, but his father didnt die until I was in my

20's. I never knew 3/4 or my cousins and rarely had any contact with the

ones I did know...never wrote to them, never talked on the phone with

them...nada had once told me the only reason she married my dad was he

agreed to move away..we moved 4 times before I was 20...

Jackie

I was very lonely growing up in nada's care. I constantly felt isolated.

Like I was my own private island that no one else has access to or if I was

in a castle with a huge moat around it with crocodile infested waters. I

often cried myself to sleep as a kid thinking no one was coming to the

castle to rescue me and that I was stuck there forever.

As a kid, my nada had a contemptous relationship with her sister, my aunt.

My aunt had 3 daughters, all around the same age as me. There were times

that we had fun having sleep overs and Christmas times. But of course, my

nada had huge fights with my aunt and that fun was gone. My WHOLE life, I

was told that my aunt was the evil one. That she never loved me and that her

daughters (my cousins) never really wanted to hang out with me. Any gift she

gave me was severly ridiculed by my nada ( " that dress she bought you is

ugly " ). I grew up thinking she was the so-called enemy.

I reconnected with my cousin a while ago and of course, my nada hates this!

She sees it as a betrayal...blah blah blah. Well the other day she calls me

to catch up on stuff and precedes to tell me how her mom, my aunt (a.k.a The

Enemy) had always loved me and that she wanted to get close to me as a kid

but my nada wouldn't allow it. She always wanted to have a niece, according

to her daughter, but my nada isolated me. I was horribly saddened by this!

How could my nada see me crying and do that!!

Has anyone else ever experienced this? Complete isolation? I am an only

child so I had no one to help me. Has anyone ever experienced family

isolation as a kid, only to discover as an adult that it was your nada and

not them?

AJ

May 23, 2010

I might as well have been an only child because my brother is so much older than

me.

I have a female cousin who is the same age as me. Whenever we visited them,

the ride home consisted of my mother grilling me about who I spoke to and what

they said. This was actually always the case, no matter who we visited. I

gladly participated because it was the only time my nada was ever interested in

talking to me. I thought everyone always did that: talked smack about everyone

after they left the party.

Anyway, as for this cousin, my nada would go on and on and on about how her and

her brother had " no personality " and how the aunt (my father's sister) was too

religious. I think I *could have* had a nice relationship with my cousin, but

her constantly saying this stuff colored my image of my cousin.

Whenever I went to a neighbor's house, she would tell me, " Be back in an hour.

Don't wear out your welcome! " So I was always worried that everyone would get

sick of me (something I fight with still today). Just another mind-fuck

courtesy my hateful nada.

When I was really young, I had a record from Sesame Street. My favorite song on

there was " Somebody come and play " . It's a song where the kids are singing that

they want someone to play with them and be their friend. That song made me cry

ALWAYS.

Interesting how many things I can look back at now and have a better

understanding of them.

Deanna

May 23, 2010

Also, my nada was a teacher, so she had summers off. The unspoken rule was that

she would not EVER drive me to a friend's house (unless there was a birthday

party). So I went entire summers never seeing my best friends (who were never

more than 4 miles away). Once, I walked to my friend's house. It took me over

an hour. I left a note. Later, my friend's parent dropped me off, and my

parents LAUGHED IN MY FACE for being so foolish as to walk an hour to see

someone. It's like, not only will I NOT HELP YOU see your friends, but when you

do see them, I will laugh at and humiliate you for it, as I lord my power to

drive over you. Why should I have been ashamed of that?

Deanna

>

> I might as well have been an only child because my brother is so much older

than me.

>

> I have a female cousin who is the same age as me. Whenever we visited them,

the ride home consisted of my mother grilling me about who I spoke to and what

they said. This was actually always the case, no matter who we visited. I

gladly participated because it was the only time my nada was ever interested in

talking to me. I thought everyone always did that: talked smack about everyone

after they left the party.

>

> Anyway, as for this cousin, my nada would go on and on and on about how her

and her brother had " no personality " and how the aunt (my father's sister) was

too religious. I think I *could have* had a nice relationship with my cousin,

but her constantly saying this stuff colored my image of my cousin.

>

> Whenever I went to a neighbor's house, she would tell me, " Be back in an hour.

Don't wear out your welcome! " So I was always worried that everyone would get

sick of me (something I fight with still today). Just another mind-fuck

courtesy my hateful nada.

>

> When I was really young, I had a record from Sesame Street. My favorite song

on there was " Somebody come and play " . It's a song where the kids are singing

that they want someone to play with them and be their friend. That song made me

cry ALWAYS.

>

> Interesting how many things I can look back at now and have a better

understanding of them.

>

> Deanna

>

May 23, 2010

Deanna,

Your story brought literal tears to my eyes because I related to it so much. My

nada always talked smack about people as soon as we left them. Literal Dr.Jeckel

and Mr. Hyde. One minute she's " Thank you for having us!! You're so sweet! " To

" Ugh what a horrible person! I couldn't wait to get out of there! " She would

tell me that people are making fun of the hat/shirt/pants that I was wearing

just because my nada didn't like what I was wearing. I still have issues with

being in social groups.

That Sesame Song made me very emotional. I know exactly how you feel.

AJ

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Re: Nada isolated me

I might as well have been an only child because my brother is so much older than

me.

I have a female cousin who is the same age as me. Whenever we visited them,

the ride home consisted of my mother grilling me about who I spoke to and what

they said. This was actually always the case, no matter who we visited. I

gladly participated because it was the only time my nada was ever interested in

talking to me. I thought everyone always did that: talked smack about everyone

after they left the party.

Anyway, as for this cousin, my nada would go on and on and on about how her and

her brother had " no personality " and how the aunt (my father's sister) was too

religious. I think I *could have* had a nice relationship with my cousin, but

her constantly saying this stuff colored my image of my cousin.

Whenever I went to a neighbor's house, she would tell me, " Be back in an hour.

Don't wear out your welcome! " So I was always worried that everyone would get

sick of me (something I fight with still today). Just another mind-fuck

courtesy my hateful nada.

When I was really young, I had a record from Sesame Street. My favorite song on

there was " Somebody come and play " . It's a song where the kids are singing that

they want someone to play with them and be their friend. That song made me cry

ALWAYS.

Interesting how many things I can look back at now and have a better

understanding of them.

Deanna

May 23, 2010

Hi AJ

My experience was not as yours; my mother did not try to isolate me. I had a

'best friend' who victimized me and I was bullied at school, so I *was* very

isolated. I think the problem was that neither of my parents helped me with

this. My father either had no clue or no concern (??) and my mother would just

compare to her childhood; giving me the message that somehow that I was not on

par with her suffering? I'm not really even sure what the message was. I had

my siblings but as I have mentioned before, the way my mom was, I think it kept

us isolated from each other to some degree.

I'm sorry for your sorrow over your experience. People are so cruel and

strange. I know it is a mental illness but the problem with borderline

personality is that it is *borderline*..on the border of knowing better and not

being able to control themselves. It's weird and I think it makes so many of us

confused in life.

~patricia

Nada isolated me

I was very lonely growing up in nada's care. I constantly felt isolated. Like

I was my own private island that no one else has access to or if I was in a

castle with a huge moat around it with crocodile infested waters. I often cried

myself to sleep as a kid thinking no one was coming to the castle to rescue me

and that I was stuck there forever.

As a kid, my nada had a contemptous relationship with her sister, my aunt. My

aunt had 3 daughters, all around the same age as me. There were times that we

had fun having sleep overs and Christmas times. But of course, my nada had huge

fights with my aunt and that fun was gone. My WHOLE life, I was told that my

aunt was the evil one. That she never loved me and that her daughters (my

cousins) never really wanted to hang out with me. Any gift she gave me was

severly ridiculed by my nada ( " that dress she bought you is ugly " ). I grew up

thinking she was the so-called enemy.

I reconnected with my cousin a while ago and of course, my nada hates this!

She sees it as a betrayal...blah blah blah. Well the other day she calls me to

catch up on stuff and precedes to tell me how her mom, my aunt (a.k.a The Enemy)

had always loved me and that she wanted to get close to me as a kid but my nada

wouldn't allow it. She always wanted to have a niece, according to her daughter,

but my nada isolated me. I was horribly saddened by this! How could my nada see

me crying and do that!!

Has anyone else ever experienced this? Complete isolation? I am an only child

so I had no one to help me. Has anyone ever experienced family isolation as a

kid, only to discover as an adult that it was your nada and not them?

AJ

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May 23, 2010

Heavens yes!

It was always about being home alone, and ready just in case the nada wanted you

to do something for her, or with her. Life was to revolve around her with no

life of my own.

Complete emotional strangulation. I've often described her as being like an

octupus with tentacles wrapped around my neck. And everyone else (older

siblings) were more than happy to dump it all on me and say " poor her " as they

went about their own lives. Once again it's the same thing now that she is old

with dementia.

As long as they can see some way to drain her money, they call this helping.

In reality, they were causing unbelievable stress to the one really caretakeing.

When the money was cut off, they lost any interest in helping with her

care...even after years of promising her that if she'd give it to them now(money

land)...they'd " take care of her " when she is old.

I'm realizing that it's almost to the point that I'm just done. It is either

she has a life, and I don't. Or, she is in a home. She cannot maintain

boundaries still and is constantly seeking out attention in really annoying

ways. If I don't lock two doors between my shower and her, I find her either

talking through the bathroom door, or in the bathroom while I shower...seeking

attention, interupting what I'm doing, etc. It's so dysfunctional and

annoying.

Let me just say, they never grow out of it. They don't have any boundaries.

You are the one continually reminding them and they don't remember the first,

second, or third time you've told them.

>

> I was very lonely growing up in nada's care. I constantly felt isolated. Like

I was my own private island that no one else has access to or if I was in a

castle with a huge moat around it with crocodile infested waters. I often cried

myself to sleep as a kid thinking no one was coming to the castle to rescue me

and that I was stuck there forever.

>

> As a kid, my nada had a contemptous relationship with her sister, my aunt. My

aunt had 3 daughters, all around the same age as me. There were times that we

had fun having sleep overs and Christmas times. But of course, my nada had huge

fights with my aunt and that fun was gone. My WHOLE life, I was told that my

aunt was the evil one. That she never loved me and that her daughters (my

cousins) never really wanted to hang out with me. Any gift she gave me was

severly ridiculed by my nada ( " that dress she bought you is ugly " ). I grew up

thinking she was the so-called enemy.

>

> I reconnected with my cousin a while ago and of course, my nada hates this!

She sees it as a betrayal...blah blah blah. Well the other day she calls me to

catch up on stuff and precedes to tell me how her mom, my aunt (a.k.a The Enemy)

had always loved me and that she wanted to get close to me as a kid but my nada

wouldn't allow it. She always wanted to have a niece, according to her daughter,

but my nada isolated me. I was horribly saddened by this! How could my nada see

me crying and do that!!

>

> Has anyone else ever experienced this? Complete isolation? I am an only child

so I had no one to help me. Has anyone ever experienced family isolation as a

kid, only to discover as an adult that it was your nada and not them?

>

> AJ

>

May 24, 2010

I can DEFINITELY relate.

My Nada moved us around so much that I never had friends. Heck, the longest I've

been at a school is *almost* three years (once, usually it's two). I wasn't

allowed to use social networking sites, and she insisted on reading my emails,

so it was difficult to even try keeping the lines of communication over. She'd

tell me to " invite people over " then decide that she didn't like them (before

they came over) or decide that the place wasn't ready to have visitors. I never

invited people because I was too scared of putting anyone in a house with Nada

(I didn't want to put them through her behavior, but I could tolerate it? What?

Darn it younger me!). Regardless, she would get in touch with friends' parents

and get in arguments that would trickle down to my friendships (and end them).

In boarding school, she started coming up almost every weekend. If she wasn't

coming up, she wouldn't give me enough notice to sign up for weekend activities.

I was getting bad grades in math, so I wasn't allowed to watch movies with my

friends (like, a 2-hour movie on the weekend or a TV show after class ON

SOMEONE'S COMPUTER... no travel time). That was my main form of social

interaction with people I chose to be with, and since I couldn't go on weekend

trips, I NEVER saw my friends--all my other time was in class or in

extracurriculars or in academic help programs to deal with my C in math and

chem. Oh, and " more than friends " was NOT allowed.

As for family, my Nada left the country (Canada). She said my grandma was evil

and tried to kill her when she (Nada) caught on fire. I was there; my grandma

was the one who put the flames out and saved Nada's life. My grandma let my Nada

and I live with her. My grandma got her partner to help my Nada keep a steady

job (NOT EASY). My grandma and her partner took care of me for 6 months so my

Nada could work a job in the United States. She stopped speaking to my

grandmother. My Nada had a sister. She claims her sister tried to put me in an

orphanage and said some other nasty things. She stopped talking to both of them

when I was little and still tells NASTY stories. As for my father, after the

divorce, he was BLACK!!! My mother said things like, " he wanted me to abort you

or put you up for adoption, " " he never believed you were his, " " he never changed

your diaper, " " he's a schmuck, " and on and on and on. I've verified some of the

facts, and Nada lied--big surprise! She distorts a LOT so it's hard to know what

" fundamental truths " (the ones I grew up with) are actually true. So yeah, we

were estranged from our family for YEARS (not quite 19, but most of my conscious

childhood).

I am consciously remedying this. I got a secret Facebook a while ago, and I use

it to keep in touch. I make an effort to spend time with people (sometimes I

goof up if I'm having a really rough stretch... ED, depression, and whatnot). I

recently got in touch with my dad and grandma. I call my dad once a week, and my

grandma is overseas right now, so I try to call her once a week, but it doesn't

always work. I hope once a week isn't too much. It feels like a good time for me

(and they both seem happy with it), but then again, I'm used to at least daily

calls in addition to texts and email, so maybe I'm not the best judge. But

apparently I have a HUGE family on my dad's side: aunts, uncles cousins... my

dad was the youngest of 6. They still remember me because apparently my dad

never stopped trying to get in touch with me =) some of them are on FB, and we

chat. I like knowing that I have family out there, and (depending on work and

how things go), I might visit some of them for a weekend. If not, my dad offered

to come visit me for a weekend too, so there are options. He's SO wonderful

about respecting boundaries, and he's really respectful of the fact that while

he'd love to see me he doesn't want to push me (move too fast, etc). He gets all

cute and parent-y, but not in an overbearing, " I'll hate you if you f*ck up or

do things your own way " kind of thing.

Ok, enough gushing. Dear goodness did my Nada try to isolate us/me. She was

allowed to have friends and boyfriends (high turnover rate though), but she

sabotaged or flat out disallowed my attempts to do the same. She estranged us

from family. It sucked! So now I'm fixing things =)

-Frances

>

> I was very lonely growing up in nada's care. I constantly felt isolated. Like

I was my own private island that no one else has access to or if I was in a

castle with a huge moat around it with crocodile infested waters. I often cried

myself to sleep as a kid thinking no one was coming to the castle to rescue me

and that I was stuck there forever.

>

> As a kid, my nada had a contemptous relationship with her sister, my aunt. My

aunt had 3 daughters, all around the same age as me. There were times that we

had fun having sleep overs and Christmas times. But of course, my nada had huge

fights with my aunt and that fun was gone. My WHOLE life, I was told that my

aunt was the evil one. That she never loved me and that her daughters (my

cousins) never really wanted to hang out with me. Any gift she gave me was

severly ridiculed by my nada ( " that dress she bought you is ugly " ). I grew up

thinking she was the so-called enemy.

>

> I reconnected with my cousin a while ago and of course, my nada hates this!

She sees it as a betrayal...blah blah blah. Well the other day she calls me to

catch up on stuff and precedes to tell me how her mom, my aunt (a.k.a The Enemy)

had always loved me and that she wanted to get close to me as a kid but my nada

wouldn't allow it. She always wanted to have a niece, according to her daughter,

but my nada isolated me. I was horribly saddened by this! How could my nada see

me crying and do that!!

>

> Has anyone else ever experienced this? Complete isolation? I am an only child

so I had no one to help me. Has anyone ever experienced family isolation as a

kid, only to discover as an adult that it was your nada and not them?

>

> AJ

>

May 24, 2010

Deanna-the song that made me BAWL was the theme song from Grizzly " Deep

inside the forest is a door into another land, here is our life and home.

We are staying here forever in the beauty of this place all alone.

We keep on hoping that maybe there's a world where we won't have to run,

and maybe there's a time to call our own, living free and harmony and majesty.

Take me home, take me home. "

" Take me hooooome, take me home. " That line KILLED me. Also the line about 'a

world we won't have to run' because my dad used to come home drunk and we would

run away at night and drive around and beg family to let us stay the night or

find a hotel. I knew Nada's house wasn't my real home or the REAL way I was

supposed to live. The other song I played incesantly was " I'd Like to Teach the

World to Sing " Check out the lyrics-NO WONDER I cried everytime I heard it. Nada

finally threw it away when I wasn't home one day.

We were 75% isloated. Nada hates her mother and 2 of her 3 sisters and she she's

her 2 brothers as useless and she must take charge of their lives and " help

them. " Before every family event she would bitch and storm around saying " If my

mother says ____ I'm gonna tell her to F--- OFF! " We would get there and nadas

nostrils would be flaring and she would be all sugary to the ALL WHITE people

and " tolerate " the ALL BLACK people and then usually throw in some awful digs at

them. I was so EMBARRASSED to be seen with her. I frequently felt I had to

" check in " so I could try to read her mood and know if this was going to end

with a screaming fight and us being dragged to the car, or if we might make it

the whole time and enjoy our family. My dad is the black sheep in his family

(terrible alcoholic for 30+ years) and both of his parents died when he was

still in school. So I never got to escape to that side of the family. That side

is a super funny and fun loving group of folks, but I've just never known them.

As far as friends...she made me SUPER self concious, but then when I reacted and

didn't want to do something she would ridicule me. She also made sure I never

had TOO much fun. Like if we were playing outside I was always called in for

some stupid task-like take out the trash, or pick up my room, or vacuum

something stupid. it was like she couldn't STAND to see me carefree and happy.

My sis was almost NEVER called in and could always do her chores later, but not

me. Recently I reconnected with my best friend from 5th-10th grade. She said

" Dude, your mom was *such* a bitch. I could never understand why you did SO much

for her and it was never enough. I have never seen another kid do more chores

than you-and you never complained. You just did it, and she still crapped on you

about it. " It was SO validating to know that someone else SAW it and KNEW it was

WRONG.

>

> I might as well have been an only child because my brother is so much older

than me.

>

> I have a female cousin who is the same age as me. Whenever we visited them,

the ride home consisted of my mother grilling me about who I spoke to and what

they said. This was actually always the case, no matter who we visited. I

gladly participated because it was the only time my nada was ever interested in

talking to me. I thought everyone always did that: talked smack about everyone

after they left the party.

>

> Anyway, as for this cousin, my nada would go on and on and on about how her

and her brother had " no personality " and how the aunt (my father's sister) was

too religious. I think I *could have* had a nice relationship with my cousin,

but her constantly saying this stuff colored my image of my cousin.

>

> Whenever I went to a neighbor's house, she would tell me, " Be back in an hour.

Don't wear out your welcome! " So I was always worried that everyone would get

sick of me (something I fight with still today). Just another mind-fuck

courtesy my hateful nada.

>

> When I was really young, I had a record from Sesame Street. My favorite song

on there was " Somebody come and play " . It's a song where the kids are singing

that they want someone to play with them and be their friend. That song made me

cry ALWAYS.

>

> Interesting how many things I can look back at now and have a better

understanding of them.

>

> Deanna

>

May 24, 2010

Yes, me too. My parents' families almost all live on another continent -- may as

well be another planet as far as I'm concerned.

Growing up, my mother would keep in touch with her side weekly, writing on onion

paper diligently about everything going on. She would call them once a month and

put me on the phone, carefully telling me exactly what to say, and more

importantly, what NOT to say.

I hated it and I grew to hate the rehearsed monthly phone calls. All the while,

she would criticize and insult my father's side of the family, as well as select

members of her own family. My brother and I hated them before we even met them,

thanks to my mother's propaganda campaign.

Now, she wants me and my brother to be reaching out to her family. Why would I

want to do that???

Some of them now live in our area, we could walk to their house. My mother

severed ties with them so when I run into them, **I** feel awkward, as though I

had something to do with that. I really don't like them. I''m not sure if it's

because of all my mother has said about them, or if it's just that I don't like

them, or both.

This was such a timely question for me. Just this morning, I was putting on my

makeup and--I don't know why--was thinking, " I wonder if I would have been a

different person if I'd had an extended family. "

>

> I was very lonely growing up in nada's care. I constantly felt isolated. Like

I was my own private island that no one else has access to or if I was in a

castle with a huge moat around it with crocodile infested waters. I often cried

myself to sleep as a kid thinking no one was coming to the castle to rescue me

and that I was stuck there forever.

>

> As a kid, my nada had a contemptous relationship with her sister, my aunt. My

aunt had 3 daughters, all around the same age as me. There were times that we

had fun having sleep overs and Christmas times. But of course, my nada had huge

fights with my aunt and that fun was gone. My WHOLE life, I was told that my

aunt was the evil one. That she never loved me and that her daughters (my

cousins) never really wanted to hang out with me. Any gift she gave me was

severly ridiculed by my nada ( " that dress she bought you is ugly " ). I grew up

thinking she was the so-called enemy.

>

> I reconnected with my cousin a while ago and of course, my nada hates this!

She sees it as a betrayal...blah blah blah. Well the other day she calls me to

catch up on stuff and precedes to tell me how her mom, my aunt (a.k.a The Enemy)

had always loved me and that she wanted to get close to me as a kid but my nada

wouldn't allow it. She always wanted to have a niece, according to her daughter,

but my nada isolated me. I was horribly saddened by this! How could my nada see

me crying and do that!!

>

> Has anyone else ever experienced this? Complete isolation? I am an only child

so I had no one to help me. Has anyone ever experienced family isolation as a

kid, only to discover as an adult that it was your nada and not them?

>

> AJ

>

May 24, 2010

" **I** feel awkward, as though I had something to do with that " . I can so

relate. I feel awkward as if they are gonna think that I am like her or in some

cases I know the lies she has told about me, so I am embarrassed that they

probably believe that I am a horrible person.

> >

> > I was very lonely growing up in nada's care. I constantly felt isolated.

Like I was my own private island that no one else has access to or if I was in a

castle with a huge moat around it with crocodile infested waters. I often cried

myself to sleep as a kid thinking no one was coming to the castle to rescue me

and that I was stuck there forever.

> >

> > As a kid, my nada had a contemptous relationship with her sister, my aunt.

My aunt had 3 daughters, all around the same age as me. There were times that we

had fun having sleep overs and Christmas times. But of course, my nada had huge

fights with my aunt and that fun was gone. My WHOLE life, I was told that my

aunt was the evil one. That she never loved me and that her daughters (my

cousins) never really wanted to hang out with me. Any gift she gave me was

severly ridiculed by my nada ( " that dress she bought you is ugly " ). I grew up

thinking she was the so-called enemy.

> >

> > I reconnected with my cousin a while ago and of course, my nada hates this!

She sees it as a betrayal...blah blah blah. Well the other day she calls me to

catch up on stuff and precedes to tell me how her mom, my aunt (a.k.a The Enemy)

had always loved me and that she wanted to get close to me as a kid but my nada

wouldn't allow it. She always wanted to have a niece, according to her daughter,

but my nada isolated me. I was horribly saddened by this! How could my nada see

me crying and do that!!

> >

> > Has anyone else ever experienced this? Complete isolation? I am an only

child so I had no one to help me. Has anyone ever experienced family isolation

as a kid, only to discover as an adult that it was your nada and not them?

> >

> > AJ

> >

>

May 24, 2010

My nada hand picked my 'only friend' she would allow me to bother with except

for my birthday parties when she would invite only the children of the richest

parents in my class to my birthday party. The rest of the year I wasn't allowed

to bother with other children.

She told the 'chosen' friend's mother " I have been watching your daughter

closely for several weeks and I approve of her to associate with MY daugher so

now they're friends'. I was 8 and she was 12. She wouldn't have been anyone I

chose for a friend! We had nothing in common, she belittled me and verbally

abused me all the time in private and occasionally in front of nada once she

learned that nada not only approved of her saying those things but she'd be

rewarded with expensive gifts the more she abused me and belittled me. She

enjoyed torturing and maiming little hermit crabs at my godfather's private

beach where my nada would take the three of us every summer by pulling them out

of their shells, throwing their 'house' and protection away and making the

remaining crabs fight for the remaining 'homes'. I didn't like this 'game' and

often she would accidentally pull off one of their claws in the process. Add to

this that she was self-absorbed; selfish; manipulative (she was the ONLY one

who could manipulate nada into giving her or doing anything she wanted) and you

have it.

The worst two things this girl Betty did to me were hold me down at my nada's

urging (she was 4 years older and a lot stronger physically than me anyway)

while nada proceeded to pour Wisk down my throat (nada had her put her knees on

my arms and hold my mouth open while she poured the Wisk down my throat) for

which she was rewarded after with a 14 kt. gold and diamond heart pendant by

nada telling her 'you are SUCH a GOOD girl! So beautiful, well behaved, smart

and athletic! I wish YOU were my daughter instead of thing thing! This is your

reward for being my GOOD daughter! " The fact that she wasn't her daughter at

all was besides the point. Forget that fact that she wasn't obviously good;

well behaved (unless nada meant by that you do to Marilyn what I tell you to)

because I was so afraid of nada myself that I withdrew into my shell even more

and never DARED disobey nada because I'd be beaten and abused verbally worse if

I did so I obeyed to the letter what nada wanted except once when I snuck a

white hairband out of the package my nada had bought me with 12 hairbands in it.

It contained 2 white hairbands and I thought 'I don't need two white hairbands

and Joyce has none. " So I gave Joyce who was from the poor section of town and

her parents where indigent one of the white hairbands since her hair was always

falling into her eyes when she played basketball after school while I sat on the

wall reading a book. My nada caught me giving it to her, pulled me into her car

by my long blond curls, slapped me across the face and told me 'I thought I

taught you NEVER to give to ANYONE who can't give back to you more than you can

give to them! You don't bother with such trashy people! "

The other time Betty had contributed to me being physically injured was when I

was 12 and she was 16. Nada left us off at the local small lake to swim. I

wasn't a strong swimmer and Betty of course was. She left me to swim out to the

floating raft at the deepest end of the lake where the teens hung out chiding me

with 'didn't you bring a BOOK' when I asked her to stay with me and swim. I

somehow managed to wind up in the roped off part of the lake where there were

underwater currents that could pull a weak swimmer under if they weren't strong

enough. I wound up being pulled under alright. I had a near death experience

and remember being pushed rapidly through a black tunnel to a blinding white

light. I remember all the things I saw on the other side but of course couldn't

tell nada or anyone else back then and there was no frame of reference so I know

I didn't make it up. The next thing I remember was spitting out water with

Betty and the lifeguard Dave who were leaning over me asking if I was okay. He

was 18 at the time and he was out there on the floating raft when I ventured

into the water and not doing his job. Betty never told nada about it. I never

did for sure. It did change my perceptions of life after death etc. forever

which turned out to be a good thing. I remember wanting to stay in God's

presence and not wanting to come back here to nada but a beautiful what I will

call angel told me it wasn't my time and I needed to come back here. She said

it wouldn't be for many, many more years to come and that I would help people

with my 'gift' and teach people also. I am writing a book about my life with

nada and will work to get it published once nada has passed which I only hope is

soon.

May 24, 2010

I had this thought about isolating.

Even if my mother or father didn't *try* to isolate us kids; the end result

is a feeling of isolation. Living with someone who is mentally ill (or any

other

sort of dis-ability) can lead to the children feeling isolated unless others

step in and help. But how often does that happen? I've heard people say that

if a kid had just one person in his/her life that paid him/her attention, it

sort of

saves them. But what if you don't have that one person. I didn't. I had my

pets

and music, perhaps that is what helped me.

Just a thought

~patricia

Re: Nada isolated me

I can DEFINITELY relate.

My Nada moved us around so much that I never had friends. Heck, the longest

I've been at a school is *almost* three years (once, usually it's two). I wasn't