Re: It's perfect Nada, isn't it !?!

[Guest guest]

" Emotional Hangover " - Abby, I so love that. That is just the perfect way to

describe the after effect. That's exactly what if feels like. Thanks for

sharing it.

Suzy

[Guest guest]

Good description, Abby! Lynnette, I think it has something to do with

adrenaline. When you are 'in the crisis' (ie: around nada all day), your

adrenaline keeps pumping and keeps you going (think 'fight or flight'). When you

are away from the trigger (again, nada), your adrenaline doesn't have to stay at

such a high level and you let down - body, mind, emotions, etc. I think it's a

very normal reaction. And difficult. (This is a poor paraphrase of what the

nurses told me when my husband was in the hospital. I told them that I when I

stayed at the hospital overnight with him, I was much less tired the next day;

the nights I actually went home, I woke up the next morning utterly exhausted

and struggling more emotionally. There *is* a physiological reason for this.)

Feel free to take some time for yourself. Be sad if you must, or do whatever YOU

want to do. You need and deserve it. This too shall pass.

Take care, friend,

> >

> > HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW?

> >

> > I woke up WAY more depressed than when I went to bed.

> >

> > Lynnette

[Guest guest]

Thanks you guys for discussing this phenomenon, it helps explain some symptoms

in myself that I attributed to depression that perhaps weren't true depression

at all. Perhaps it also explains why, when I no longer lived at home with my

nada and dad, I became a caffeine junkie. Maybe I'd gotten used to the constant

stress and adrenaline from being around nada and needed a substitute " stress

high " when the trigger was no longer there constantly. Hmm!!

-Annie

> > >

> > > HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW?

> > >

> > > I woke up WAY more depressed than when I went to bed.

> > >

> > > Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

I agree. In fact...I'd like to wish a very merry un-birthday to you...yes YOU!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8exYeve3PyQ

>

> Lynnette - I think you need to declare another birthday for yourself. This

one certainly sucked, and Nada made NO effort to be celebratory or even civil.

You should get a do-over. -

>

[Guest guest]

Yeah...ya know what...I totally get where Suzy is coming from but man...do you

not want to get involved with this. Their issue. Practice drama avoidance. In

fact...the next time your mother tries to tell you about one of her evil plots

close your eyes, put your hands over your ears and chant over and over until

she's gone " hear no evil, see no evil speak no evil, hear no evil, see no evil,

speak no evil " ...or just " LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA " .

> >

> > Ditch everybody - your nada, your SO, your hormonal teen, work, grab a

" positive energy " friend (or just yourself) and take a day just for you. YES

YOU CAN! They don't like it, tough. World won't end.

> >

> > You deserve a break, today, so get up and get away.........Sorry, pretty

lame, but you get the picture.

> >

> > Suzy

> >

> > P.S. And I so don't get why you're gonna let your dad foot the bill for

your nada's car - while she gets whisked away for the weekend. Not tell him?

Why the H---- not? It's time he got off the hook, too.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I like to cover my ears and chant

watermellon, watermellon, watermellon, watermellon

LOL. mg

>

> Yeah...ya know what...I totally get where Suzy is coming from but man...do you

not want to get involved with this. Their issue. Practice drama avoidance. In

fact...the next time your mother tries to tell you about one of her evil plots

close your eyes, put your hands over your ears and chant over and over until

she's gone " hear no evil, see no evil speak no evil, hear no evil, see no evil,

speak no evil " ...or just " LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA " .

>

[Guest guest]

Update (again)...

Nada left yesterday.

Her match.com man drove 3 hours (one way) to get her from her

exhusband-of-15-years-ago house. Because she's lying to dad about their

relationship so he'll continue to pay for her bills and give her $ (and pay to

fix her car right now which is why this other man came to get her) I refused to

involve myself/my child in this mess and told her she'd have to figure out some

other place to be picked up. I can't hardly believe she had him go to her

ex-husband's house... but, after her whirlwind of emotional terror, I'm just

glad to see her gone.

I see Therapist (maybe for the last time if Nada did what she said she did on

Thursday).... I woke up crying, chest tight and scared to death because I was

having a nightmare that Nada was screaming in my face and destroying everything

I've ever worked for and laughing like a maniac. Oh no... no deeped seated

issues there! I'm trying desperately NOT to react to anything til I know for

sure but even that goes against my natural " shore up the dam " tendancies. I

also know that Nada lies big time about things just to 'get to me' - and even

though she does this and I know it - the emotions/feelings are still there.

It's too hot (105 today) to do much so we're hiding inside with the AC and

'stuff'....

Will let y'all know more when I know more...

And THANK YOU to everyone who has chosen to follow this thread and IM me... it's

helped to know I'm not swimming in this riptide alone...

Lynnette

> >

> > Yeah...ya know what...I totally get where Suzy is coming from but man...do

you not want to get involved with this. Their issue. Practice drama avoidance.

In fact...the next time your mother tries to tell you about one of her evil

plots close your eyes, put your hands over your ears and chant over and over

until she's gone " hear no evil, see no evil speak no evil, hear no evil, see no

evil, speak no evil " ...or just " LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA " .

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I hear what Jenn is saying, and don't disagree about not " actively " getting

involved, or forcing a situation between your dad and nada. She's right. My

comment came off more as a knee-jerk reaction to how weird I think it is that

your dad is still doing things to financially support your nada. So, I'll try to

do a better, more thoughtful job of explaining what I was thinking.

If I remember correctly, you've said he's doing it for " you. " It seems likely

that he probably is, and feels it may be the only way he can. But enabling your

nada is never going to help you. And, by including you in her " secrets " about

what she's up to and knowingly duping your dad - she's making you complicit in

her schemes. Knowledge of makes you an accessory to the crime, so to speak.

Maybe your dad isn't fooled at all, maybe he's still just trying to deflect some

of the burden from you. But if he really isn't aware of just how much she's

playing him, and finds out that you've been aware all along, I think he could be

terribly hurt.

So, no, I don't suggest that you just up and tell your dad that he's a dupe for

paying for nada's car (or whatever the latest thing may be) while she's whisked

away to wherever by her new boy toy. (Sounds like he may find that out on his

own, but she'll still likely have quite a cover story). I suggest that if he

asks you, don't cover for her - and it's clear you don't plan to. I'm just

thinking that somewhere along the way, you find a way to convey that IF he's

" doing it for you " - then you don't want him to. That you aren't continuing to

support your nada, so he certainly shouldn't feel obliged to on your behalf.

That's the subtle way. Or, you could be more direct and say that you feel he's

being used, and you don't like it or want it - for both your sakes. Then, if he

chooses to continue to anyway, that's his choice - you've done what you can.

I'm sorry, but it's just MHO. Use or discard at will, I'm not trying to preach

to you. I'm fiercely protective of the people I care about (hence my knee-jerk

reaction), and that probably (weirdly) came from having a nada.

So,,,,when nada tries to tell you of her latest put-one-over scheme, then do the

" I don't want to know " dance, and walk -- uh, run.

Suzy

[Guest guest]

Suzy, I didn't take offense. Let me explain what I've told both of them...

To Nada: I won't cover for you and your games. I will NOT allow you to make me

part of your web of lies. If you do this route, leave me out. I will not

deliberately say anything but IF ASKED I am answering any and all questions

truthfully. Period.

To Dad: (he knows she's a liar and a gameplayer) I know that Mom tells lies and

keeps secrets about everything. You know this too. To what extent these are

playing into things at the moment, I'm not sure. I told her not to include me

for my own sake and for 'teens'.

I wish I was strong enough to just tell him what I know.. but truthfully, I

don't know a lot. I do know some of the money stuff but I don't know

everything... he's giving her less and less over the last 6 months so we'll see.

I just don't see how, after divorcing someone 15 years ago and actively stating

your HATE for him, you can honestly expect him to give you $ and a place to

stay... what B%@lls!

Lynnette

>

> I hear what Jenn is saying, and don't disagree about not " actively " getting

involved, or forcing a situation between your dad and nada. She's right. My

comment came off more as a knee-jerk reaction to how weird I think it is that

your dad is still doing things to financially support your nada. So, I'll try to

do a better, more thoughtful job of explaining what I was thinking.

>

> If I remember correctly, you've said he's doing it for " you. " It seems likely

that he probably is, and feels it may be the only way he can. But enabling your

nada is never going to help you. And, by including you in her " secrets " about

what she's up to and knowingly duping your dad - she's making you complicit in

her schemes. Knowledge of makes you an accessory to the crime, so to speak.

Maybe your dad isn't fooled at all, maybe he's still just trying to deflect some

of the burden from you. But if he really isn't aware of just how much she's

playing him, and finds out that you've been aware all along, I think he could be

terribly hurt.

>

> So, no, I don't suggest that you just up and tell your dad that he's a dupe

for paying for nada's car (or whatever the latest thing may be) while she's

whisked away to wherever by her new boy toy. (Sounds like he may find that out

on his own, but she'll still likely have quite a cover story). I suggest that

if he asks you, don't cover for her - and it's clear you don't plan to. I'm

just thinking that somewhere along the way, you find a way to convey that IF

he's " doing it for you " - then you don't want him to. That you aren't

continuing to support your nada, so he certainly shouldn't feel obliged to on

your behalf. That's the subtle way. Or, you could be more direct and say that

you feel he's being used, and you don't like it or want it - for both your

sakes. Then, if he chooses to continue to anyway, that's his choice - you've

done what you can.

>

> I'm sorry, but it's just MHO. Use or discard at will, I'm not trying to preach

to you. I'm fiercely protective of the people I care about (hence my knee-jerk

reaction), and that probably (weirdly) came from having a nada.

>

> So,,,,when nada tries to tell you of her latest put-one-over scheme, then do

the " I don't want to know " dance, and walk -- uh, run.

>

> Suzy

>

[Guest guest]

One more thing I forgot...

" doing it for me " ... I have asked him not to. He refuses. Said there is NO WAY

I withstand her fury (he's seen it a lot worse than I) and keep on schedule with

the Ed.D. and that's his #1 mission in life... to be the father I was denied of

my whole life as Nada partied us around the country. He said he made a

commitment to me when he adopted me at 15 to 'be your dad' and that's what he's

going to do.

No one has EVER stood up for me like he has and is... I've thanked him profusely

and can only honor this man by staying on my path...

He never had his own bio kids because he was on a nuclear sub in Vietnam and it

made them all sterile... I'm it.

Lynnette

>

> I hear what Jenn is saying, and don't disagree about not " actively " getting

involved, or forcing a situation between your dad and nada. She's right. My

comment came off more as a knee-jerk reaction to how weird I think it is that

your dad is still doing things to financially support your nada. So, I'll try to

do a better, more thoughtful job of explaining what I was thinking.

>

> If I remember correctly, you've said he's doing it for " you. " It seems likely

that he probably is, and feels it may be the only way he can. But enabling your

nada is never going to help you. And, by including you in her " secrets " about

what she's up to and knowingly duping your dad - she's making you complicit in

her schemes. Knowledge of makes you an accessory to the crime, so to speak.

Maybe your dad isn't fooled at all, maybe he's still just trying to deflect some

of the burden from you. But if he really isn't aware of just how much she's

playing him, and finds out that you've been aware all along, I think he could be

terribly hurt.

>

> So, no, I don't suggest that you just up and tell your dad that he's a dupe

for paying for nada's car (or whatever the latest thing may be) while she's

whisked away to wherever by her new boy toy. (Sounds like he may find that out

on his own, but she'll still likely have quite a cover story). I suggest that

if he asks you, don't cover for her - and it's clear you don't plan to. I'm

just thinking that somewhere along the way, you find a way to convey that IF

he's " doing it for you " - then you don't want him to. That you aren't

continuing to support your nada, so he certainly shouldn't feel obliged to on

your behalf. That's the subtle way. Or, you could be more direct and say that

you feel he's being used, and you don't like it or want it - for both your

sakes. Then, if he chooses to continue to anyway, that's his choice - you've

done what you can.

>

> I'm sorry, but it's just MHO. Use or discard at will, I'm not trying to preach

to you. I'm fiercely protective of the people I care about (hence my knee-jerk

reaction), and that probably (weirdly) came from having a nada.

>

> So,,,,when nada tries to tell you of her latest put-one-over scheme, then do

the " I don't want to know " dance, and walk -- uh, run.

>

> Suzy

>

[Guest guest]

Oh to be so loved and made such a priority in someone else's life, Lynette -

such a precious gift.

Thinking of you,

>

> One more thing I forgot...

>

> " doing it for me " ... I have asked him not to. He refuses. Said there is NO

WAY I withstand her fury (he's seen it a lot worse than I) and keep on schedule

with the Ed.D. and that's his #1 mission in life... to be the father I was

denied of my whole life as Nada partied us around the country. He said he made

a commitment to me when he adopted me at 15 to 'be your dad' and that's what

he's going to do.

>

> No one has EVER stood up for me like he has and is... I've thanked him

profusely and can only honor this man by staying on my path...

>

> He never had his own bio kids because he was on a nuclear sub in Vietnam and

it made them all sterile... I'm it.

>

> Lynnette

[Guest guest]

Yes it is. I spoke with him for an hour after I posted this post... he isn't

fooled by her and I begged him to stop giving her $. He's going to let her stay

at his house so she won't crash at mine and he's going to do her car and that's

that. Apparently, he was embarassed at first to admit what I'm about to tell

you here (then I told him I had told her the day before she came that I found it

disgusting that she was still taking money from him and he got FURIOUS) that he

gave her close to 1k to move into her 'new place.' He didn't want to tell me

but it slipped out... when he found out that I called her on the money issue

BEFORE any of this went down, and she just ignored it (to quote him, " Well it

obviously didn't take... " ) sent him over the bend. Rightly so.

She's called several times already today... I haven't bothered to check

messages, I don't care what she has to say today.

And the wheels on the bus go round and round... until someone gets clobbered!

Lynnette

> >

> > One more thing I forgot...

> >

> > " doing it for me " ... I have asked him not to. He refuses. Said there is NO

WAY I withstand her fury (he's seen it a lot worse than I) and keep on schedule

with the Ed.D. and that's his #1 mission in life... to be the father I was

denied of my whole life as Nada partied us around the country. He said he made

a commitment to me when he adopted me at 15 to 'be your dad' and that's what

he's going to do.

> >

> > No one has EVER stood up for me like he has and is... I've thanked him

profusely and can only honor this man by staying on my path...

> >

> > He never had his own bio kids because he was on a nuclear sub in Vietnam and

it made them all sterile... I'm it.

> >

> > Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

Oh (((Lynnette)))! Thanks for clarifying - it makes so much more sense. I got

pretty choked up reading about your dad. He's not being fooled at all - he's

just been trying to protect you from your nada by whatever means it takes (tho'

it looks like that may change given your latest update - woo hoo!). It's clear

he loves you a lot! God Bless him - and you - I'm so glad you have him in your

life. At least your nada did one good thing by bringing him into it.

So, when you get that lovely degree - I'm hoping your career path will take you

far far away from your nada. And maybe your dad can retire near you and you can

all get off your nads'a drama train.

We're all cheering for you.

Suzy

[Guest guest]

Another interesting sidenote... she is always telling him " She's NOTHING to you!

She HATES you!! She's only here for your money!!!! Just wait and see.... "

Hmmmm... projection city!

He doesn't believe it...truth is in the actions.

L

>

> Oh (((Lynnette)))! Thanks for clarifying - it makes so much more sense. I

got pretty choked up reading about your dad. He's not being fooled at all -

he's just been trying to protect you from your nada by whatever means it takes

(tho' it looks like that may change given your latest update - woo hoo!). It's

clear he loves you a lot! God Bless him - and you - I'm so glad you have him in

your life. At least your nada did one good thing by bringing him into it.

>

> So, when you get that lovely degree - I'm hoping your career path will take

you far far away from your nada. And maybe your dad can retire near you and you

can all get off your nads'a drama train.

>

> We're all cheering for you.

>

> Suzy

>

[Guest guest]

I'm trying to erradicate the word " hate " from my vocabulary. So...Im just going

to say that I strongly dislike your nada.

> >

> > Oh (((Lynnette)))! Thanks for clarifying - it makes so much more sense. I

got pretty choked up reading about your dad. He's not being fooled at all -

he's just been trying to protect you from your nada by whatever means it takes

(tho' it looks like that may change given your latest update - woo hoo!). It's

clear he loves you a lot! God Bless him - and you - I'm so glad you have him in

your life. At least your nada did one good thing by bringing him into it.

> >

> > So, when you get that lovely degree - I'm hoping your career path will take

you far far away from your nada. And maybe your dad can retire near you and you

can all get off your nads'a drama train.

> >

> > We're all cheering for you.

> >

> > Suzy

> >

>