Re: conversations with BPDers

[Guest guest]

That's my mother too... oh dear. I never really had another home to go to (there

were threats to send me to a father in a different country), so it was just " get

out or I'll make you get out. " Does your friend's daughter have somewhere safe

to go?

But back to you. I'm so, so sorry that you had to experience that too. I hope

I'm not probing too much, but I'm wondering if seeing the situation between you

and your nada reenacted by your BP friend and her daughter is bringing up any

feelings, thoughts, or emotions for you?

***Whether your Nada's behavior (based on your friend's) is borderline or not

DOESN'T MATTER! What matters is that hurt you and that it was dysfunctional.***

I know that I tend to minimize my Nada's behaviors. I ALWAYS say, that I'm

making too much of a situation or reading into her emails too much, or

overreacting... my Nada taught me to do that and it's definitely a coping skill.

Problems are easier to accept and deal with if you minimize them and belittle

yourself and your emotions in the process. Of course, minimizing issues usually

results in not dealing with them or not addressing them fully.

If what your Nada did/said to you happened to someone you care about, what would

you say to them? That is probably the most effective way of assessing whether or

not you're overreacting. I know that I would tell any of my friends that their

mother's were psycho if they demanded email usernames/passwords, access to FB

accounts, etc to keep tabs on them, but for years I accepted that as normal for

myself. I know now that I wasn't overreacting when I wanted to have privacy and

boundaries, but a LOT of people had to tell me that before I started accepting

it (friends, therapists, psychiatrists, social workers, campus security, school

deans, etc...)

Hugs,

Frances

>

>

> My borderline friend I ranted about yesterday...she had a public

> conversation on facebook with her 17 year old daughter. It reminds me of

convos I

> had with MY mother and how she twisted everything around to be about her.

>

> Is this borderline or am I making too much of it?

>

> This is word for word. I didn't change anything except delete the names.

>

> Daughter wrote on her status:

> just got kicked out of my f****n house tonight...wow, great.

>

> Her mother replied.

> I would never kick you out. You said you wanted to live with your daddy. I

> simply brought your stuff over and dropped it off.

>

> Daughter replied:

> Ohkayohkay, whatever. You didn't do anything 'simply' it was over dramatic

> & stupid. You know how unwanted I feel right now. Its a pretty sh***y

> feeling, mama.

>

> Mother then replied again:

> ...now imagine being a mother and your daughter telling you that she wants

> to move in w/her daddy...and you are left all alone.

>

> Daughter:

> You threw my stuff out pretty quick cause you need a 'healthy break.'

>

>

>