Guest guest Posted April 12, 2010 Report Share Posted April 12, 2010 It does. I hope you find your balance. A healthy happy balance that is not about extremes, but rather about serenity and embracing the moment. Very good thoughts > > > > Growing up with an All or Nothing reality, I find myself always looking for the middle road. > > > > Except now as it comes to her. I wonder some times if the whole point is that while they will never stop doing this....maybe sometimes we have to learn to do it. Set the boundaries in black and white terms, lay out the expectations, like they are written in dried cement. > > > > Get your act together Nada, or we are done! (all or nothing) > > > > Knowing full well, as we all do....that they never will get it together. Maybe what is so hard sometimes is that we have to employ the same tactics that we have been subjected to...so that we can save ourselves from them...or just save ourselves. Period. > > > > I haven't done it yet, I'm biding my time, getting my distance because I need to get my head straight, so I can still live with myself after its done and we are finally NC. But she e-mails me. I don't delete them, but I do put them in a different folder so I can't see them...so I can forget they came in and delete them later when this is done. > > > > I contemplate how far I have managed to come, and I feel a sense of accomplishment for that. Most of the time I can keep her in check, like a dog on a choke chain. Partly I know it's because my constancy is notable to all of the people we share and hers is not. So if she does anything to me, she jeopardizes self...and right now her whole self is vulnerable (when isn't it?). > > > > I'd like to " fade to black " as it were, you know, just stop being the blip she keeps looking for on the radar screen. But it's never that easy. > > > > It's early, allergies woke me up...and my brain started moving when I got the group e-mail. > > > > Good morning all...hope your day is not all or nothing, black or white, saint or sinner, or just distorted beyond recognition of normal. Get your choke chains out, it's another day and vigilance is demanded at every single damned minute of the day. > > > > Sincerely, > > Elle > > > > PS, I bought the domain and so the blog is in transition. So if you were following...here is the new one: http://www.chickswithscars.com/ > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2010 Report Share Posted April 12, 2010 I love this " I keep myself off of her linear timeline/projection/line of reality... just because she's on it doesn't mean I need to leave my island, castle, whatever - and jump in. " that is so very very good. That line of reality, I relate to that....it's a whole bizarro world when you let yourself get sucked in. Good for you, keep up the good work. There is a whole world of love waiting for you Lynette. Elle > > > > > > Growing up with an All or Nothing reality, I find myself always looking for the middle road. > > > > > > Except now as it comes to her. I wonder some times if the whole point is that while they will never stop doing this....maybe sometimes we have to learn to do it. Set the boundaries in black and white terms, lay out the expectations, like they are written in dried cement. > > > > > > Get your act together Nada, or we are done! (all or nothing) > > > > > > Knowing full well, as we all do....that they never will get it together. Maybe what is so hard sometimes is that we have to employ the same tactics that we have been subjected to...so that we can save ourselves from them...or just save ourselves. Period. > > > > > > I haven't done it yet, I'm biding my time, getting my distance because I need to get my head straight, so I can still live with myself after its done and we are finally NC. But she e-mails me. I don't delete them, but I do put them in a different folder so I can't see them...so I can forget they came in and delete them later when this is done. > > > > > > I contemplate how far I have managed to come, and I feel a sense of accomplishment for that. Most of the time I can keep her in check, like a dog on a choke chain. Partly I know it's because my constancy is notable to all of the people we share and hers is not. So if she does anything to me, she jeopardizes self...and right now her whole self is vulnerable (when isn't it?). > > > > > > I'd like to " fade to black " as it were, you know, just stop being the blip she keeps looking for on the radar screen. But it's never that easy. > > > > > > It's early, allergies woke me up...and my brain started moving when I got the group e-mail. > > > > > > Good morning all...hope your day is not all or nothing, black or white, saint or sinner, or just distorted beyond recognition of normal. Get your choke chains out, it's another day and vigilance is demanded at every single damned minute of the day. > > > > > > Sincerely, > > > Elle > > > > > > PS, I bought the domain and so the blog is in transition. So if you were following...here is the new one: http://www.chickswithscars.com/ > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2010 Report Share Posted April 12, 2010 Thank you Ann, I appreciate your stopping by...my hope is that others are helped. Sincerely, Elle > > > > > > Growing up with an All or Nothing reality, I find myself always looking for the middle road. > > > > > > Except now as it comes to her. I wonder some times if the whole point is that while they will never stop doing this....maybe sometimes we have to learn to do it. Set the boundaries in black and white terms, lay out the expectations, like they are written in dried cement. > > > > > > Get your act together Nada, or we are done! (all or nothing) > > > > > > Knowing full well, as we all do....that they never will get it together. Maybe what is so hard sometimes is that we have to employ the same tactics that we have been subjected to...so that we can save ourselves from them...or just save ourselves. Period. > > > > > > I haven't done it yet, I'm biding my time, getting my distance because I need to get my head straight, so I can still live with myself after its done and we are finally NC. But she e-mails me. I don't delete them, but I do put them in a different folder so I can't see them...so I can forget they came in and delete them later when this is done. > > > > > > I contemplate how far I have managed to come, and I feel a sense of accomplishment for that. Most of the time I can keep her in check, like a dog on a choke chain. Partly I know it's because my constancy is notable to all of the people we share and hers is not. So if she does anything to me, she jeopardizes self...and right now her whole self is vulnerable (when isn't it?). > > > > > > I'd like to " fade to black " as it were, you know, just stop being the blip she keeps looking for on the radar screen. But it's never that easy. > > > > > > It's early, allergies woke me up...and my brain started moving when I got the group e-mail. > > > > > > Good morning all...hope your day is not all or nothing, black or white, saint or sinner, or just distorted beyond recognition of normal. Get your choke chains out, it's another day and vigilance is demanded at every single damned minute of the day. > > > > > > Sincerely, > > > Elle > > > > > > PS, I bought the domain and so the blog is in transition. So if you were following... here is the new one: http://www.chickswi thscars.com/ > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2010 Report Share Posted April 12, 2010 , You sound like this is good for you. In some ways, I suppose you sound like I know it will feel. Be well, keep taking care of yourself. And stay off that train. Elle > > > > Growing up with an All or Nothing reality, I find myself always looking for the middle road. > > > > Except now as it comes to her. I wonder some times if the whole point is that while they will never stop doing this....maybe sometimes we have to learn to do it. Set the boundaries in black and white terms, lay out the expectations, like they are written in dried cement. > > > > Get your act together Nada, or we are done! (all or nothing) > > > > Knowing full well, as we all do....that they never will get it together. Maybe what is so hard sometimes is that we have to employ the same tactics that we have been subjected to...so that we can save ourselves from them...or just save ourselves. Period. > > > > I haven't done it yet, I'm biding my time, getting my distance because I need to get my head straight, so I can still live with myself after its done and we are finally NC. But she e-mails me. I don't delete them, but I do put them in a different folder so I can't see them...so I can forget they came in and delete them later when this is done. > > > > I contemplate how far I have managed to come, and I feel a sense of accomplishment for that. Most of the time I can keep her in check, like a dog on a choke chain. Partly I know it's because my constancy is notable to all of the people we share and hers is not. So if she does anything to me, she jeopardizes self...and right now her whole self is vulnerable (when isn't it?). > > > > I'd like to " fade to black " as it were, you know, just stop being the blip she keeps looking for on the radar screen. But it's never that easy. > > > > It's early, allergies woke me up...and my brain started moving when I got the group e-mail. > > > > Good morning all...hope your day is not all or nothing, black or white, saint or sinner, or just distorted beyond recognition of normal. Get your choke chains out, it's another day and vigilance is demanded at every single damned minute of the day. > > > > Sincerely, > > Elle > > > > PS, I bought the domain and so the blog is in transition. So if you were following...here is the new one: http://www.chickswithscars.com/ > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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