Re: Why is it so hard to set boundaries with her?

[Guest guest]

Hi Kazam...just interjecting for a moment to say that I really appreciated the

positive dream interpretation you shared.I have nightmares periodically about

either losing my dog and not being able to find her or about having a baby

(which I don't!) and dreaming that I forgot to feed it and it is starving.A

general theme basically of unintentional abandonment.I tend to over-interpret

these dreams and to get too stuck on how they relate to my childhood traumas in

a way that makes me feel yucky.So I very much appreciate the simply clarity of

your interpretation: that these kinds of dreams are the psyche actually

*affirming* for us that we do need (and should) to take care of and protect the

welfare of our loves ones and that these dreams are actually offering us

guidance.I really like that.

I also really liked what you said about finding healing places and support

and taking responsibility for our own " therapy " (in whatever form) that doesn't

place undue pressure on the people closest to us.That is also a good thought

> >

> > The perennial question. Why can I see the limit that needs to be set, see

why it's best for me and for nada, in addition to everyon around us, really want

to set the limit and then find it soo soo hard?

> >

> > Of course I know why.... I know the intense and punishing emotions I feel

and the swirling anxious fog and the nightmares are all the consequences of

violating one of nada's rules in my own mind. Perhaps among all the other

dangerous rules (don't tell, don't feel, don't ask for anything, etc.) it is the

most fundamental of her rules: Do not try to limit my control or invasions of

you. I remember how bad my emotional reactions were when I first started daring

to allow myself to feel happy, or angry. Now I'm trying to set new and firmer

limits wiht nada and I feel awful. I had a nightmare my baby drowned because I

left him in the tub unattended. Talk about a guilt dream!

> >

> > I know I just need to hunker down and get through this, but I hate it. And I

hate it more becuase I know that it could take months and months before I can

start trusting myself and find peace here. It's already been 3 months of a

renewed fierce internal battle to free myself from the residual inner predatory

nada as I set these new limits (i.e. rebel). It could be months or even another

year of this. I know because that's how long its taken in the past. I know

there is peace and good things at the end but uggh!

> >

> > Sometimes you have to sit with the suck to get past it.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >