Re: It was bound to happen

May 3, 2010

Normal...what's that? Lol

>

> Nada has been 'in town' since March 30 and isn't leaving til the 5th of May...

>

> She had an eye-lift (compliments of Medicaid) and has just " been here " ....

staying at my step dad's - 4 miles down the road whom she divorced in 95... long

dysfunctional story.

>

> Lately she's been on her " Glenda the Good Witch " behaviour so I've spent some

time with her as I could. But yesterday her colors came back on in full force.

>

> My SO, my work, my writing ~ all these things she plowed through and was

trying everything she could think of to push the 'insecurity/doubt' switch in me

and my perceptions and abilities. She said things like, " Are you SURE you won't

get bored with SO after awhile... for what I know - although *I* have never met

him - he's SO MELLOW....? " Which in Nada speak is " YOU can't handle MELLOW

cause *I* can't handle MELLOW and you are me.... " One of those things that non

KO's wouldn't get... The list there goes on. For the most part, I was able to

just detatch and not engage there.

>

> Then, realizing she had hit a wall, she went after " Memories of my childhood. "

She's rewriting the past again and turning it into a, " Magical adventure of your

childhood.... " When I stand up for myself, she then takes the comments to

FaceBook in backhanded little digs. Again, nothing most people would see evil

or bad...but the KO knows what the KO knows... The

>

> This last week was a huge week of guest lecturing at a number of universities

and I have 3 huge deadlines ~ prep work due and presentations due ~ M/T/W of

this week, too. I can get it all done, I'm WonderWoman after-all... but my soul

is weary.

>

> SO thinks I need to 'take a sick day'... I can't. Not even remotely possible.

>

> Makes me so FURIOUS that I can't have a consistently nice, normal, mom... what

WOULD that have been like? What would it have been like to grow up not always

doubting your perceptions of reality? Not, at 41 years old, wondering if what

you knew and know today is real or in that ever changing world of Nada-induced

house of mirrors?

>

> Lynnette - Emotionally disengaging to get work done... hope I can find my way

back this time.

>

May 3, 2010

Lynnette, I think it may be worse for you, to have a nice mom something,

then for me who never has a nice mom..I have come to never expect much from

her because I never get anything..but it must be hard to see the nice mom,

and want her all the time, but never know when she'll appear...I know mine

will never be nice...oh, when I was engaged to my husband..nada did the " you

see too much of each other, he'll get bored with you " bit ( not that *I'd*

get bored with HIM, nope, nada was sure HE'D get bored with ME!!) I told

her I'd rather he get bored with me now before the wedding than after !!

sheesh !!

Jackie

Nada has been 'in town' since March 30 and isn't leaving til the 5th of

May...

She had an eye-lift (compliments of Medicaid) and has just " been here " ....

staying at my step dad's - 4 miles down the road whom she divorced in 95...

long dysfunctional story.

Lately she's been on her " Glenda the Good Witch " behaviour so I've spent

some time with her as I could. But yesterday her colors came back on in

full force.

My SO, my work, my writing ~ all these things she plowed through and was

trying everything she could think of to push the 'insecurity/doubt' switch

in me and my perceptions and abilities. She said things like, " Are you SURE

you won't get bored with SO after awhile... for what I know - although *I*

have never met him - he's SO MELLOW....? " Which in Nada speak is " YOU can't

handle MELLOW cause *I* can't handle MELLOW and you are me.... " One of

those things that non KO's wouldn't get... The list there goes on. For the

most part, I was able to just detatch and not engage there.

Then, realizing she had hit a wall, she went after " Memories of my

childhood. " She's rewriting the past again and turning it into a, " Magical

adventure of your childhood.... " When I stand up for myself, she then

takes the comments to FaceBook in backhanded little digs. Again, nothing

most people would see evil or bad...but the KO knows what the KO knows...

The

This last week was a huge week of guest lecturing at a number of

universities and I have 3 huge deadlines ~ prep work due and presentations

due ~ M/T/W of this week, too. I can get it all done, I'm WonderWoman

after-all... but my soul is weary.

SO thinks I need to 'take a sick day'... I can't. Not even remotely

possible.

Makes me so FURIOUS that I can't have a consistently nice, normal, mom...

what WOULD that have been like? What would it have been like to grow up not

always doubting your perceptions of reality? Not, at 41 years old,

wondering if what you knew and know today is real or in that ever changing

world of Nada-induced house of mirrors?

Lynnette - Emotionally disengaging to get work done... hope I can find my

way back this time.

May 3, 2010

Jackie,

I would love to be one of those people who believes in things like " Hope

Floats " ... however, in my world, the second you have HOPE with Nada, it wraps

itself around your neck and slowly drags you to the bottom of the sea.

Lynnette

>

> Lynnette, I think it may be worse for you, to have a nice mom something,

> then for me who never has a nice mom..I have come to never expect much from

> her because I never get anything..but it must be hard to see the nice mom,

> and want her all the time, but never know when she'll appear...I know mine

> will never be nice...oh, when I was engaged to my husband..nada did the " you

> see too much of each other, he'll get bored with you " bit ( not that *I'd*

> get bored with HIM, nope, nada was sure HE'D get bored with ME!!) I told

> her I'd rather he get bored with me now before the wedding than after !!

> sheesh !!

>

> Jackie

>

> Nada has been 'in town' since March 30 and isn't leaving til the 5th of

> May...

>

> She had an eye-lift (compliments of Medicaid) and has just " been here " ....

> staying at my step dad's - 4 miles down the road whom she divorced in 95...

> long dysfunctional story.

>

> Lately she's been on her " Glenda the Good Witch " behaviour so I've spent

> some time with her as I could. But yesterday her colors came back on in

> full force.

>

> My SO, my work, my writing ~ all these things she plowed through and was

> trying everything she could think of to push the 'insecurity/doubt' switch

> in me and my perceptions and abilities. She said things like, " Are you SURE

> you won't get bored with SO after awhile... for what I know - although *I*

> have never met him - he's SO MELLOW....? " Which in Nada speak is " YOU can't

> handle MELLOW cause *I* can't handle MELLOW and you are me.... " One of

> those things that non KO's wouldn't get... The list there goes on. For the

> most part, I was able to just detatch and not engage there.

>

> Then, realizing she had hit a wall, she went after " Memories of my

> childhood. " She's rewriting the past again and turning it into a, " Magical

> adventure of your childhood.... " When I stand up for myself, she then

> takes the comments to FaceBook in backhanded little digs. Again, nothing

> most people would see evil or bad...but the KO knows what the KO knows...

> The

>

> This last week was a huge week of guest lecturing at a number of

> universities and I have 3 huge deadlines ~ prep work due and presentations

> due ~ M/T/W of this week, too. I can get it all done, I'm WonderWoman

> after-all... but my soul is weary.

>

> SO thinks I need to 'take a sick day'... I can't. Not even remotely

> possible.

>

> Makes me so FURIOUS that I can't have a consistently nice, normal, mom...

> what WOULD that have been like? What would it have been like to grow up not

> always doubting your perceptions of reality? Not, at 41 years old,

> wondering if what you knew and know today is real or in that ever changing

> world of Nada-induced house of mirrors?

>

> Lynnette - Emotionally disengaging to get work done... hope I can find my

> way back this time.

>

May 3, 2010

at least you know this...so the disappointment isn't as bad when she reverts

back to her nada status..

Jackie

Jackie,

I would love to be one of those people who believes in things like " Hope

Floats " ... however, in my world, the second you have HOPE with Nada, it

wraps itself around your neck and slowly drags you to the bottom of the sea.

Lynnette

May 3, 2010

Lynnette, my nada has a good side that definitely suckers me like Lucy with the

football and Charlie Brown. Much sympathies to you. You *deserve* a sick day,

or shall we call it a nada recovery day. Sounds like you are doing awesome

though recognizing what she's up to and fighting it off.

>

> Nada has been 'in town' since March 30 and isn't leaving til the 5th of May...

>

> She had an eye-lift (compliments of Medicaid) and has just " been here " ....

staying at my step dad's - 4 miles down the road whom she divorced in 95... long

dysfunctional story.

>

> Lately she's been on her " Glenda the Good Witch " behaviour so I've spent some

time with her as I could. But yesterday her colors came back on in full force.

>

> My SO, my work, my writing ~ all these things she plowed through and was

trying everything she could think of to push the 'insecurity/doubt' switch in me

and my perceptions and abilities. She said things like, " Are you SURE you won't

get bored with SO after awhile... for what I know - although *I* have never met

him - he's SO MELLOW....? " Which in Nada speak is " YOU can't handle MELLOW

cause *I* can't handle MELLOW and you are me.... " One of those things that non

KO's wouldn't get... The list there goes on. For the most part, I was able to

just detatch and not engage there.

>

> Then, realizing she had hit a wall, she went after " Memories of my childhood. "

She's rewriting the past again and turning it into a, " Magical adventure of your

childhood.... " When I stand up for myself, she then takes the comments to

FaceBook in backhanded little digs. Again, nothing most people would see evil

or bad...but the KO knows what the KO knows... The

>

> This last week was a huge week of guest lecturing at a number of universities

and I have 3 huge deadlines ~ prep work due and presentations due ~ M/T/W of

this week, too. I can get it all done, I'm WonderWoman after-all... but my soul

is weary.

>

> SO thinks I need to 'take a sick day'... I can't. Not even remotely possible.

>

> Makes me so FURIOUS that I can't have a consistently nice, normal, mom... what

WOULD that have been like? What would it have been like to grow up not always

doubting your perceptions of reality? Not, at 41 years old, wondering if what

you knew and know today is real or in that ever changing world of Nada-induced

house of mirrors?

>

> Lynnette - Emotionally disengaging to get work done... hope I can find my way

back this time.

>

May 4, 2010

Hi Lynette

Yes, it is very sad that we don t get a normal, functional mom. I noted

for years, ( to my wifes dismay, she thought it rude, ) that I would

detach and zone out when nada was talking. It was rude, but it was my

coping mechanism. What a shame your mom won t say, Lynette, honey you

ve got your Phd! I am so proud of you. And you are writing, and

teaching, guest lecturer at the Universitatus Committeeatum e pluribus

unum, and that is just great! I m really proud of you , Super Woman.

Nada won t say it, Dr Lynette, so I will. We will, your KO brothers

and sisters. We KO s, more than any others, know that not only did you

do it, but with FNS ( f...ing nada syndrome) you did it with one foot in

a bucket and lead weights on your shoulders. We know. And we are

proud. And we congratulate you.

In 2 weeks, I m going to UNCG to see my SIL graduate with his Phd. When

I m cheering and clapping loudly, I ll toss in some of them for you.

Doug

>

> Nada has been 'in town' since March 30 and isn't leaving til the 5th

of May...

>

> She had an eye-lift (compliments of Medicaid) and has just " been

here " .... staying at my step dad's - 4 miles down the road whom she

divorced in 95... long dysfunctional story.

>

> Lately she's been on her " Glenda the Good Witch " behaviour so I've

spent some time with her as I could. But yesterday her colors came back

on in full force.

>

> My SO, my work, my writing ~ all these things she plowed through and

was trying everything she could think of to push the 'insecurity/doubt'

switch in me and my perceptions and abilities. She said things like,

" Are you SURE you won't get bored with SO after awhile... for what I

know - although *I* have never met him - he's SO MELLOW....? " Which in

Nada speak is " YOU can't handle MELLOW cause *I* can't handle MELLOW and

you are me.... " One of those things that non KO's wouldn't get... The

list there goes on. For the most part, I was able to just detatch and

not engage there.

>

> Then, realizing she had hit a wall, she went after " Memories of my

childhood. " She's rewriting the past again and turning it into a,

" Magical adventure of your childhood.... " When I stand up for myself,

she then takes the comments to FaceBook in backhanded little digs.

Again, nothing most people would see evil or bad...but the KO knows what

the KO knows... The

>

> This last week was a huge week of guest lecturing at a number of

universities and I have 3 huge deadlines ~ prep work due and

presentations due ~ M/T/W of this week, too. I can get it all done, I'm

WonderWoman after-all... but my soul is weary.

>

> SO thinks I need to 'take a sick day'... I can't. Not even remotely

possible.

>

> Makes me so FURIOUS that I can't have a consistently nice, normal,

mom... what WOULD that have been like? What would it have been like to

grow up not always doubting your perceptions of reality? Not, at 41

years old, wondering if what you knew and know today is real or in that

ever changing world of Nada-induced house of mirrors?

>

> Lynnette - Emotionally disengaging to get work done... hope I can find

my way back this time.

>

May 4, 2010

Thank you, Doug... I, too, " detach and zone out when Nada is talking " ~ it's the

only way to not strangle every breath out of her.

She's re-writing history this week (as recently as 4pm yesterday) and it's

starting to get to me... she's been in town since March 30 and has no plans of

leaving til at least May 5 (after " Mother's Day " don't ya know) Her re-writes

are going to cost me a lot of $$ unless I stand up to her... sigh.

The thing about Nada and the Doctorate is this: She does congratulate me, she

does seem proud of me - then she goes the 'back door' route and says things that

make me doubt my abilities, my sanity, my 'real' intellect... then she claims

she's proud again. There is no clear linear approach to her madness or

reasoning... it's just round and round and round.

Lynnette - Nada needs to go home. AT least to this " new " home. Which she's

purchasing with the settlement $ she got from her last landlord (the 4 of 4 in

18 months.) Whom she sued. To move in with, and buy a house with, a married

man. Oh yeah.

> >

> > Nada has been 'in town' since March 30 and isn't leaving til the 5th

> of May...

> >

> > She had an eye-lift (compliments of Medicaid) and has just " been

> here " .... staying at my step dad's - 4 miles down the road whom she

> divorced in 95... long dysfunctional story.

> >

> > Lately she's been on her " Glenda the Good Witch " behaviour so I've

> spent some time with her as I could. But yesterday her colors came back

> on in full force.

> >

> > My SO, my work, my writing ~ all these things she plowed through and

> was trying everything she could think of to push the 'insecurity/doubt'

> switch in me and my perceptions and abilities. She said things like,

> " Are you SURE you won't get bored with SO after awhile... for what I

> know - although *I* have never met him - he's SO MELLOW....? " Which in

> Nada speak is " YOU can't handle MELLOW cause *I* can't handle MELLOW and

> you are me.... " One of those things that non KO's wouldn't get... The

> list there goes on. For the most part, I was able to just detatch and

> not engage there.

> >

> > Then, realizing she had hit a wall, she went after " Memories of my

> childhood. " She's rewriting the past again and turning it into a,

> " Magical adventure of your childhood.... " When I stand up for myself,

> she then takes the comments to FaceBook in backhanded little digs.

> Again, nothing most people would see evil or bad...but the KO knows what

> the KO knows... The

> >

> > This last week was a huge week of guest lecturing at a number of

> universities and I have 3 huge deadlines ~ prep work due and

> presentations due ~ M/T/W of this week, too. I can get it all done, I'm

> WonderWoman after-all... but my soul is weary.

> >

> > SO thinks I need to 'take a sick day'... I can't. Not even remotely

> possible.

> >

> > Makes me so FURIOUS that I can't have a consistently nice, normal,

> mom... what WOULD that have been like? What would it have been like to

> grow up not always doubting your perceptions of reality? Not, at 41

> years old, wondering if what you knew and know today is real or in that

> ever changing world of Nada-induced house of mirrors?

> >

> > Lynnette - Emotionally disengaging to get work done... hope I can find

> my way back this time.

> >

>

May 4, 2010

Lynette-a TRUER thing has never been written. Your soul sister, Shan.

> >

> > Lynnette, I think it may be worse for you, to have a nice mom something,

> > then for me who never has a nice mom..I have come to never expect much from

> > her because I never get anything..but it must be hard to see the nice mom,

> > and want her all the time, but never know when she'll appear...I know mine

> > will never be nice...oh, when I was engaged to my husband..nada did the " you

> > see too much of each other, he'll get bored with you " bit ( not that *I'd*

> > get bored with HIM, nope, nada was sure HE'D get bored with ME!!) I told

> > her I'd rather he get bored with me now before the wedding than after !!

> > sheesh !!

> >

> > Jackie

> >

> > Nada has been 'in town' since March 30 and isn't leaving til the 5th of

> > May...

> >

> > She had an eye-lift (compliments of Medicaid) and has just " been here " ....

> > staying at my step dad's - 4 miles down the road whom she divorced in 95...

> > long dysfunctional story.

> >

> > Lately she's been on her " Glenda the Good Witch " behaviour so I've spent

> > some time with her as I could. But yesterday her colors came back on in

> > full force.

> >

> > My SO, my work, my writing ~ all these things she plowed through and was

> > trying everything she could think of to push the 'insecurity/doubt' switch

> > in me and my perceptions and abilities. She said things like, " Are you SURE

> > you won't get bored with SO after awhile... for what I know - although *I*

> > have never met him - he's SO MELLOW....? " Which in Nada speak is " YOU can't

> > handle MELLOW cause *I* can't handle MELLOW and you are me.... " One of

> > those things that non KO's wouldn't get... The list there goes on. For the

> > most part, I was able to just detatch and not engage there.

> >

> > Then, realizing she had hit a wall, she went after " Memories of my

> > childhood. " She's rewriting the past again and turning it into a, " Magical

> > adventure of your childhood.... " When I stand up for myself, she then

> > takes the comments to FaceBook in backhanded little digs. Again, nothing

> > most people would see evil or bad...but the KO knows what the KO knows...

> > The

> >

> > This last week was a huge week of guest lecturing at a number of

> > universities and I have 3 huge deadlines ~ prep work due and presentations

> > due ~ M/T/W of this week, too. I can get it all done, I'm WonderWoman

> > after-all... but my soul is weary.

> >

> > SO thinks I need to 'take a sick day'... I can't. Not even remotely

> > possible.

> >

> > Makes me so FURIOUS that I can't have a consistently nice, normal, mom...

> > what WOULD that have been like? What would it have been like to grow up not

> > always doubting your perceptions of reality? Not, at 41 years old,

> > wondering if what you knew and know today is real or in that ever changing

> > world of Nada-induced house of mirrors?

> >

> > Lynnette - Emotionally disengaging to get work done... hope I can find my

> > way back this time.

> >

>

May 4, 2010

Doug you always make me laugh! FNS! LOL! Last week I was dx'd with PTSD and an

anxiety disorder, but I am going to offically dx myself with FNS. bwahahaha! I

think the only cure is a complete Nadaectomy. LOL! I wanted to add that I, too,

have zoned out. Esp when I lived with Nada for 7 of the last 10 years. EVERYDAY

is was like Charlie Browns teacher " Waaaah waha whaaaahaa... " I would look right

at her, but in my mind I would repeat " Like water off a ducks's back...like

water off a duck's back...like water... " til she was done. Then I would say

" okay. I understand. " and get away from her as soon as I could. I cannot tell

you how many times I would agree to stuff and not know it cuz I was only hearing

my mantra in my head to keep me from ripping her face off and shoving it down

her neck. Then later, I wouldn't have done what she asked....cuz I didn't know I

was supposed to...so all I could say was " Oh yeah. Sorry. I forgot. " That pissed

her off more than anything (and secretly made me feel devilishly and deliciously

victorious) LOL!