Progression of CMT and dating

October 1, 2000

Hello to all,

I wanted to say that I related to the letter a while back, I think it was

Marti, who wrote about her fears of CMT progression and her dating situation.

She felt, as I did, that it would get more difficult for a man to accept her

disability as the CMT worsens.

My CMT has worsened very rapidly in the past five years...I am now 35. I use

braces, a walker and a wheelchair when I go out. I cannot walk even a short

distance without taking a fall. My hands are very weak, to the point of me

becoming mostly right-handed now because my left hand is more wasted. I have

severe tremors, which are under control with medication. The reason I am

writing about all the physical problems I am dealing with is to emphasize

that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I have had times when I felt hopeless about meeting a nice man, after all, my

family never thought I would meet anyone either. A few months ago I wrote

about what a man said to me on our first date. " The wheelchair doesn't

bother me because it doesn't bother you. " , he said. We only dated two more

times, but I changed my whole point of view about my CMT because of that one

sentence. Now I am dating someone new, even though he knows most likely my

disability will worsen. My friend thought that I shouldn't hide the fact

that CMT is a progressive disease, whereas I thought I would be better off

not telling him about this. Well, it turns out that he was doing his own

research on CMT just last night (my own family never even bothered to do

this!). He found out everything, of course, including that it is

progressive. Today I asked him if he was frightened about what might happen

to me later. He not only said " No, I'm not scared. " , but also intends to try

and find a treatment that will help me. I don't mean to sound frivolous, but

he said to me " I am a desert and you're my oasis. " Though I didn't mean to

write this much, I feel there is a lesson here to be learned. No matter how

physically disabled a person is, there is always someone who will need you

just as much. I find that it is actually easier to date now than when I had

mild symptoms of CMT. It may sound cliche'd, but attitude about yourself

does make a huge difference. And Gretchen was certainly right in saying that

men who won't accept your disability aren't worth your time. I know from

experience that there are still good guys out there, and yes, there will be

times when your going to get burned, as I have been in the past. But it's so

important to keep on keeping on, as the saying goes!

October 1, 2000

Lamar here,

That's a good outlook. I do know of several cases where a disabled female had

no problems getting a date. I also know that I have only known of one disabled

male that had success and that was with a chronically mentally ill female. I

did wind up with a " taker " a few years ago that cost me over 20,000. I later

found out I was the fifth she had done that to. in my experiences males look

more for the heart, while females rule any out at first glance that are not

physically fit. Read any personal's ad page. The females look for someone to

hike, go bike riding, dance, jog, play tennis, walk on the beach, etc.

Virtually none mention other things.

I have been blessed by meeting a female that also has CMT and accepts my

limitations. I do not know where it will go, but we understand each other. I

do not mind saying that those are the first " dates " I have had since my CMT

progressed to the point it was obvious. I did not have a problem before that

time. I went through the bar scene, the churches, and any of the other ways to

meet females for several years, seldom finding anyone that would even give brief

conversation. I KNOW that I am the same person I have been, and my view of

myself is OK, but realistic. There may be a few females that would accept a

male with a handicap, but they are few and far between, and I am fairly

confident none are within a 150 mile radius of where I live, unless they are

already taken. I can say that I am happy with my current friend, though she

lives over 300 miles away, we are very close. She is the first I have

encountered that my physical limitations did not matter to. Consider yourself

lucky. Incidentally, I met my friend through this list.

Please visit my web pages at www.angelfire.com/ga2/lamar

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From: UniqueCMT@...

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Cc: UniqueCMT@...

Sent: Sunday, October 01, 2000 07:04 PM

Subject: [] Progression of CMT and dating