Guest guest Posted May 20, 1999 Report Share Posted May 20, 1999 , I agree with the wisdom of Kathy . I have a sister that harbors such hate in her heart for some of our family. At some point you have to forgive and realize that you area a wonderful person. Take Kathy's advice at least write a letter. Deb Hertlein Greensboro Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 20, 1999 Report Share Posted May 20, 1999 Dr. Rutledge, you make a very strong argument for having patients tell their parents, but I truly believe this is ultimately the patient's decision to make. I certainly agree it is well within your professional (and personal) right to point out to all your patients that they should consider how they would feel if their children were to have surgery, would they want to be told? I also think all patients should realize there is a very real risk of death when undergoing any surgery. This may be a good opportunity to clear the air and have a chance to say they love them. But I still think when you have an adult patient, the decision has to be theirs. No one knows or understands the relationship between the parents and themselves better than the patient. I know in my heart telling my parents will bring no good. They will be upset, angry, and worry. I had planned to call my parents prior to surgery and tell them that I loved them and leave everything on a good note before surgery. I had also planned to write a letter to my parents telling them I loved them and I chose not to tell them about the surgery because I didn't want to worry them. This letter would only be given to them in the event of my death. I know I could have the surgery and should something happen, I would leave with a clear conscience and my parents would have no guilt. Now I feel forced to discuss something with them that I know will bring frustration to me and worry to them. The air will not be cleared and should something happen to me during surgery, the only thing my parents will be able to say or do is, " See, I told you so..... " Again, I ask you, does this do anybody any good? A friend from land, Janet age: 35 bmi: 50 status: approved; surgery date 7/19/99 family: married 15 years with 4 children (2 girls & 2 boys) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 20, 1999 Report Share Posted May 20, 1999 when family portraits are made and you aren't invited to be in then how would you feel? when you go over to parents house and there are pictures of sister and brother all around and not a single one of you how would you feel? sorry all about me using the s word but wanted you to get the full impact of what was said to me.. sorry. love and hugs karen aka kode.. orphan and dealing with it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 20, 1999 Report Share Posted May 20, 1999 Shirley, I love you!! thank you so much for the lovely post, brought tears to my eyes as I read it. I am so glad there are loving people out there like you and the rest I have met online. You all will never know how much you have helped me. I was on my way to considering checking out of this world.. but think now I'll stick around!! life will be good again for me!! love and hugs to all!! karen aka kode Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 20, 1999 Report Share Posted May 20, 1999 Thank You Kathy for your understanding and your support.You are so lucky to have parents who love you!! cherish them! love and hugs karen aka kode Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 20, 1999 Report Share Posted May 20, 1999 , You may feel alone in your family - but rest assured - you are not alone in this world. All of us and many just like us are feeling your pain and I will keep you in my prayers that your family would begin to realize that you are a worthy and valuable person regardless of the package you come in. Many people are ignorant and cruel to us. My own stepfather for years called me " You big ox " " You oafy clutz " " You are a big ape " " Put down the fork and you'd not be so fat " etc. But you know, he only made me realize that I would never accept others standards and opinions for myself. I know I am a good and valuable person and I am wanting the weight off for my health and well-being and not just because to people like him think I am a freak or a slob or I am abnormal or substandard goods. I know you've probably heard it before, but it's their loss, and one day they WILL eat their words. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! -A willing friend, Shirley Re: Tell Your Parents when family portraits are made and you aren't invited to be in then how would you feel? when you go over to parents house and there are pictures of sister and brother all around and not a single one of you how would you feel? sorry all about me using the s word but wanted you to get the full impact of what was said to me.. sorry. love and hugs karen aka kode.. orphan and dealing with it ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Campaign 2000 is here! http://www.onelist.com Discuss your thoughts; get informed at ONElist. See our homepage. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ This message is from the Mini-Gastric Bypass List at Onelist.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 20, 1999 Report Share Posted May 20, 1999 Shirley You are right but you forgot one - 'JUST PUSH YOUR FATASS AWAY FROM THE DINNER TABLE " this is a quote from my doctor!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kathy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 20, 1999 Report Share Posted May 20, 1999 Kathy agghhh! Doctors with that opinion should be slapped I daresay you switched to a more obesity-educated physician?? Shirley Re: Tell Your Parents From: thestewarts@... (Kathy ) Shirley You are right but you forgot one - 'JUST PUSH YOUR FATASS AWAY FROM THE DINNER TABLE " this is a quote from my doctor!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kathy ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Are you hogging all the fun? http://www.onelist.com Friends tell friends about ONElist! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ This message is from the Mini-Gastric Bypass List at Onelist.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 20, 1999 Report Share Posted May 20, 1999 Janet, I'm with you on this one. If your parents have " disowned " you (either figuratively or literally) because of your weight it's most likely because they think that excess weight is a matter of lack of character and/or will. They will see surgery as yet another quick fix that doesn't address what they see as your major failings. If they have " disowned " you, they have morally lost the right, at least in my view, to be accorded any of the courtesies normally extended to parents, including the right to be told about your medical situation and proposed surgery. You don't need either the headaches or the guilt. Dave from Michigan. ps. I had a fasting blood sugar yesterday and registered 104 - that's 270 points down from the week of surgery. Not bad for somebody whose staple food is Hawaiian Punch, eh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 22, 1999 Report Share Posted May 22, 1999 Thank you all sooooooooooo much for your love and support! love and hugs aka kode Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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