Re: I must be making progress if...

[Guest guest]

Bravo !  Don't have a good example off the top of my head, but I think

it feels so good when you start being able to face trigger situations without

dissociating! 

I guess my " I must be making progress if... " moment was this weekned when nada

visited.  Because when she started with the invalidating " I don't know what

kind of a mother you think I was... " blah blah blah stuff I felt myself starting

to dissociate (vision blurred, stopped breathing) and stopped myself, said

something assertive and walked out.  That was HUGE for me.

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Tue, April 6, 2010 10:12:09 PM

Subject: I must be making progress if...

 

Last night while walking my dog,I had an encounter with a rather petty minded

pugnacious woman.

It might not sound like much,but to me it was major.Because sometimes I do

wonder if all this hard work I'm doing on myself is even going " anywhere " .There

seem to be no huge seismic shifts,but little instances when I notice that I HAVE

made progress and it IS worth the effort.

My dog had stopped to sniff at a patch of grass near the curb she always wants

to peruse and some woman we don't even know came out of her house with a small

dog.My dog is on the largish side and since the woman wasn't coming our way,I

kept my dog where she was.I mean,some people with small dogs just decide to say

away when they see us.Whatever.

The woman and her little dog were only a few feet away.She was staring at us in

what I thought was an odd way.Do you guys have a radar for negativity? That is

what I felt,just this formless negativity radiating from her.It was dark,too,so

I couldn't quite see her face,just that she was staring at us.Like glaring,it

felt to me.

My very dog and person friendly hound was staring back.She wanted to go over and

say hello but since the woman was keeping her distance,I kept my dog's lead

reined in and stayed where we were.

The woman then said something to me,but not loud enough that I could hear

her.Her little dog wasn't on a leash and was sniffing around and since I sensed

this standoffishness from her (I assumed because she didn't want my larger dog

to approach her small one),I said from my distance, " Sorry, I didn't hear

you.What was that? "

She huffily took up her dog in her arms and marched back into her house.I

thought:Whoa, ok,this woman has some issues and started to walk with my dog in

the other direction.

And then there she was coming out of her house without the dog and marching

towards us.We had done nothing to make her angry.

Normally,I mean in the past,the sight of an angry seeming woman marching towards

me although I had done nothing wrong would have struck deep fear into my heart.I

would have freezed up and gone on automatic pilot or just outright dissociated.

But last night,without even really noticing it,I felt annoyed.

It sounds like nothing,but it was major.I was not afraid.I was ANNOYED.

She marched up to us and snapped, " I SAID,you need to clean up after your dog. "

People not picking up after their dogs is one of my pet peeves.I always bring a

plastic bag on our walks.I always pick up after my dog.And my dog hadn't even

pooped OR peed in front of her house.All we had done was walk by.

I told her this: My dog didn't go in front of your house.And if she had,I would

have picked it up.

She was standing there arms crossed,glaring at me.She said, " The next time,I'm

going to call the police. "

Again,in the past,a threat to call the police on me although I had done nothing

wrong would have made me blank out,dissolve, attempt to placate the

accuser.Because nada used that one on me as a teenager,often: I'm going to call

the police to come take you away and have you committed.(In some states a parent

can actually do this and what nada was saying wasn't just an idle threat)

But last night it just annoyed me.Instead of dissociating, I responded to her

for the negative,nasty bitch she was:

" What is your problem? All we did was walk past your house and my dog didn't

make a mess. "

" I've had it " ,she said, " with all these people who don't clean up after their

dogs-- "

I interrupted her.This is major.I can hold my own with men,but with women I have

a very hard time being assertive.I said,because it was simply the truth, " Look,

I'm not part of the problem.If my dog makes a mess,I clean it up.It bothers me

too when someone leaves a mess on my lawn and I step in it,so I don't do that to

other people.You don't have to come marching up to me with this attitude.I'm not

one of the people who don't pick up after their dogs.And my dog didn't go in

front of your house,so why are you bothering me? "

She stood there and said, " I asked you kindly- "

HA! She had a very aggressive attitude,very accusatory.So I interrupted her

AGAIN.

" I disagree.In fact,I think you're a bit pugnacious.This isn't necessary,you

could have attempted to just speak to me about it,you didn't have to accuse like

this. "

She gasped like she was affronted,like how could I possibly suggest she wasn't

being nice.I mean,really. She was acting like a complete bitch.But she recovered

quickly and shot back, " I'm going to call the police the next time.I've had it

with cleaning up after other people's dogs. "

I said to her, " Good.You do that,you call the police if someone ACTUALLY leaves a

mess for you to clean up.I hope you file a detailed report.But my dog and I

aren't part of the problem and I don't need to be bitched at by you " and I

walked away.

I walked away.I ended that ridiculous,nasty exchange.I didn't tolerate being

falsely accused or try to appease her.I said my piece,I defended myself,and I

walked away.

In the past,the recent past even,I would have crumbled.Angry women scare the

sh*t out of me.I would have let her gripe at me and accuse me and I would have

been frozen to the spot,dissociating too much to say a word.

I haven't been able to understand how people just state their case to a raging

or negative woman--even seeing them in action it was like,wow,how did they do

that? Why is it so easy for them and so impossible for me?

This is major also because I stayed present the entire time and just felt normal

feelings.A pique of annoyance,not overwhelmed by terror and then afterward

enraged with myself for being such a wuss and stewing over it.I also didn't feel

angry afterward because I knew that I had adequately defended myself,just a sort

of rolling my eyes at her feeling.

I really am making progress.

Does anyone else have an " I must be making progress if... " moment to share?

[Guest guest]

I never knew I disassociated. I would get dizzy. The room would spin. I would

break out into a cold sweat. Then I'd be gone. I knew about 1-3... #4 came as

a total suprise when I did it in therapy about 2 years ago. I felt it coming

on... the next thing I knew, my therapist said, " Where'd you go? " I said,

" what? I'm right here... " She said, " you were 'gone' for 4.5 minutes... where

did you go? " I had no answer.

Since then we've reworked my head so that I can usually stop it from coming on

at Stage 1, Dizzy. I do notice, however, that I'll start shaking because my

adrenal glands are fighting like h%#@ to stimulate me through... SO knowns when

I start shaking to just put his hand on my lower back and the 'touch factor'

shuts them down slowly. High level of trust there.

When Nada starts the whole victim /invalidation dance, I just inhale and either

change the subject or leave. Hard? Yes... but necessary... I don't need any

more reasons to black out and fade away.

Lynnette

>

> Bravo !  Don't have a good example off the top of my head, but I

think it feels so good when you start being able to face trigger situations

without dissociating! 

>

> I guess my " I must be making progress if... " moment was this weekned when nada

visited.  Because when she started with the invalidating " I don't know what

kind of a mother you think I was... " blah blah blah stuff I felt myself starting

to dissociate (vision blurred, stopped breathing) and stopped myself, said

something assertive and walked out.  That was HUGE for me.

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Tue, April 6, 2010 10:12:09 PM

> Subject: I must be making progress if...

>

>  

> Last night while walking my dog,I had an encounter with a rather petty minded

pugnacious woman.

>

> It might not sound like much,but to me it was major.Because sometimes I do

wonder if all this hard work I'm doing on myself is even going " anywhere " .There

seem to be no huge seismic shifts,but little instances when I notice that I HAVE

made progress and it IS worth the effort.

>

> My dog had stopped to sniff at a patch of grass near the curb she always wants

to peruse and some woman we don't even know came out of her house with a small

dog.My dog is on the largish side and since the woman wasn't coming our way,I

kept my dog where she was.I mean,some people with small dogs just decide to say

away when they see us.Whatever.

>

> The woman and her little dog were only a few feet away.She was staring at us

in what I thought was an odd way.Do you guys have a radar for negativity? That

is what I felt,just this formless negativity radiating from her.It was

dark,too,so I couldn't quite see her face,just that she was staring at us.Like

glaring,it felt to me.

>

> My very dog and person friendly hound was staring back.She wanted to go over

and say hello but since the woman was keeping her distance,I kept my dog's lead

reined in and stayed where we were.

>

> The woman then said something to me,but not loud enough that I could hear

her.Her little dog wasn't on a leash and was sniffing around and since I sensed

this standoffishness from her (I assumed because she didn't want my larger dog

to approach her small one),I said from my distance, " Sorry, I didn't hear

you.What was that? "

>

> She huffily took up her dog in her arms and marched back into her house.I

thought:Whoa, ok,this woman has some issues and started to walk with my dog in

the other direction.

>

> And then there she was coming out of her house without the dog and marching

towards us.We had done nothing to make her angry.

>

> Normally,I mean in the past,the sight of an angry seeming woman marching

towards me although I had done nothing wrong would have struck deep fear into my

heart.I would have freezed up and gone on automatic pilot or just outright

dissociated.

>

> But last night,without even really noticing it,I felt annoyed.

>

> It sounds like nothing,but it was major.I was not afraid.I was ANNOYED.

>

> She marched up to us and snapped, " I SAID,you need to clean up after your dog. "

>

> People not picking up after their dogs is one of my pet peeves.I always bring

a plastic bag on our walks.I always pick up after my dog.And my dog hadn't even

pooped OR peed in front of her house.All we had done was walk by.

>

> I told her this: My dog didn't go in front of your house.And if she had,I

would have picked it up.

>

> She was standing there arms crossed,glaring at me.She said, " The next time,I'm

going to call the police. "

>

> Again,in the past,a threat to call the police on me although I had done

nothing wrong would have made me blank out,dissolve, attempt to placate the

accuser.Because nada used that one on me as a teenager,often: I'm going to call

the police to come take you away and have you committed.(In some states a parent

can actually do this and what nada was saying wasn't just an idle threat)

>

> But last night it just annoyed me.Instead of dissociating, I responded to her

for the negative,nasty bitch she was:

>

> " What is your problem? All we did was walk past your house and my dog didn't

make a mess. "

>

> " I've had it " ,she said, " with all these people who don't clean up after their

dogs-- "

>

> I interrupted her.This is major.I can hold my own with men,but with women I

have a very hard time being assertive.I said,because it was simply the

truth, " Look, I'm not part of the problem.If my dog makes a mess,I clean it up.It

bothers me too when someone leaves a mess on my lawn and I step in it,so I don't

do that to other people.You don't have to come marching up to me with this

attitude.I'm not one of the people who don't pick up after their dogs.And my dog

didn't go in front of your house,so why are you bothering me? "

>

> She stood there and said, " I asked you kindly- "

>

> HA! She had a very aggressive attitude,very accusatory.So I interrupted her

AGAIN.

>

> " I disagree.In fact,I think you're a bit pugnacious.This isn't necessary,you

could have attempted to just speak to me about it,you didn't have to accuse like

this. "

>

> She gasped like she was affronted,like how could I possibly suggest she wasn't

being nice.I mean,really. She was acting like a complete bitch.But she recovered

quickly and shot back, " I'm going to call the police the next time.I've had it

with cleaning up after other people's dogs. "

>

> I said to her, " Good.You do that,you call the police if someone ACTUALLY leaves

a mess for you to clean up.I hope you file a detailed report.But my dog and I

aren't part of the problem and I don't need to be bitched at by you " and I

walked away.

>

> I walked away.I ended that ridiculous,nasty exchange.I didn't tolerate being

falsely accused or try to appease her.I said my piece,I defended myself,and I

walked away.

>

> In the past,the recent past even,I would have crumbled.Angry women scare the

sh*t out of me.I would have let her gripe at me and accuse me and I would have

been frozen to the spot,dissociating too much to say a word.

>

> I haven't been able to understand how people just state their case to a raging

or negative woman--even seeing them in action it was like,wow,how did they do

that? Why is it so easy for them and so impossible for me?

>

> This is major also because I stayed present the entire time and just felt

normal feelings.A pique of annoyance,not overwhelmed by terror and then

afterward enraged with myself for being such a wuss and stewing over it.I also

didn't feel angry afterward because I knew that I had adequately defended

myself,just a sort of rolling my eyes at her feeling.

>

> I really am making progress.

>

> Does anyone else have an " I must be making progress if... " moment to share?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

That is so affirming and encouraging! I feel like I am getting better at fending

off attacks like that now - now that I know what BPD is and that it's not OK for

any angry woman to rage at me, but I don't know if I am at a place where I can

consistently be as gracious and strong as you were in that exchange. I know I

have made progress, but there is more ahead.

Before I learned what BPD was and was finally able to put together all the

pieces of the crazy puzzle that was my mother's behavior, I would freeze when

people attacked me. I remember one seemingly small episode from about 7 years

ago when I was pregnant with my second baby. I was 5 months pregnant and it was

winter, I was wearing a long wool coat boots and gloves. The coat was wide in

the middle to accommodate my belly. I had just parked my car at the grocery

store parking lot and gotten out. I pushed the button to lock it and started to

walk towards the store. The owner of the car parked next to mine (on the other,

farther side from the store entrance) suddenly called out to me. I turned around

and at that point she pointed to the grocery cart behind the corner of the car

and started yelling at me:

" If you weren't such a lazy b-tch, and walked your cart back to where it belongs

after you shop, you wouldn't look like such a fat heifer! "

Yes, I remember her words VERBATIM, to this day. I just stood there dazed,

suddenly feeling 6 or 8 or 11 or 13 or 15 years old again. I stood there feeling

wrongly accused again and feeling hopeless and helpless, feeling like no matter

how innocent I was, I would still be condemned.

I am not a large person, I am only 5'4 " and have never been fat (except maybe

when I was a baby with baby fat), even while pregnant. At 5'4 " , I have gone up

to 145 lbs after having my kids then had to be careful to get back down to the

120s range, but never been fat. I was pregnant, wearing a big wool coat that hid

my entire body. I had just gotten out of my car to GO grocery shopping and I

certainly hadn't brought a cart and left it behind her car. And yet, I couldn't

get any of this out, so I just stood there, frozen, dazed. She glared, huffed

and puffed then pushed the cart out of the way, got in her car and screeched out

of the parking lot. I started sobbing in the middle of the parking lot. I got

back inside my car and finally called my husband, who told me to just come home

and forget the groceries - he would go later.

I hope that if anyone tries to pull a stunt like that on me again, I will be

able to handle it as well as you did, .

Arianna

>

> Last night while walking my dog,I had an encounter with a rather petty minded

pugnacious woman.

>

> It might not sound like much,but to me it was major.Because sometimes I do

wonder if all this hard work I'm doing on myself is even going " anywhere " .There

seem to be no huge seismic shifts,but little instances when I notice that I HAVE

made progress and it IS worth the effort.

>

> My dog had stopped to sniff at a patch of grass near the curb she always

wants to peruse and some woman we don't even know came out of her house with a

small dog.My dog is on the largish side and since the woman wasn't coming our

way,I kept my dog where she was.I mean,some people with small dogs just decide

to say away when they see us.Whatever.

>

> The woman and her little dog were only a few feet away.She was staring

at us in what I thought was an odd way.Do you guys have a radar for negativity?

That is what I felt,just this formless negativity radiating from her.It was

dark,too,so I couldn't quite see her face,just that she was staring at us.Like

glaring,it felt to me.

>

> My very dog and person friendly hound was staring back.She wanted to

go over and say hello but since the woman was keeping her distance,I kept my

dog's lead reined in and stayed where we were.

>

> The woman then said something to me,but not loud enough that I could

hear her.Her little dog wasn't on a leash and was sniffing around and since I

sensed this standoffishness from her (I assumed because she didn't want my

larger dog to approach her small one),I said from my distance, " Sorry,I didn't

hear you.What was that? "

>

> She huffily took up her dog in her arms and marched back into her

house.I thought:Whoa,ok,this woman has some issues and started to walk with my

dog in the other direction.

>

> And then there she was coming out of her house without the dog and

marching towards us.We had done nothing to make her angry.

>

> Normally,I mean in the past,the sight of an angry seeming woman

marching towards me although I had done nothing wrong would have struck deep

fear into my heart.I would have freezed up and gone on automatic pilot or just

outright dissociated.

>

> But last night,without even really noticing it,I felt annoyed.

>

> It sounds like nothing,but it was major.I was not afraid.I was ANNOYED.

>

> She marched up to us and snapped, " I SAID,you need to clean up after

your dog. "

>

> People not picking up after their dogs is one of my pet peeves.I

always bring a plastic bag on our walks.I always pick up after my dog.And my dog

hadn't even pooped OR peed in front of her house.All we had done was walk by.

>

> I told her this: My dog didn't go in front of your house.And if she

had,I would have picked it up.

>

> She was standing there arms crossed,glaring at me.She said, " The next

time,I'm going to call the police. "

>

> Again,in the past,a threat to call the police on me although I had

done nothing wrong would have made me blank out,dissolve,attempt to placate the

accuser.Because nada used that one on me as a teenager,often: I'm going to call

the police to come take you away and have you committed.(In some states a parent

can actually do this and what nada was saying wasn't just an idle threat)

>

> But last night it just annoyed me.Instead of dissociating,I responded

to her for the negative,nasty bitch she was:

>

> " What is your problem? All we did was walk past your house and my dog

didn't make a mess. "

>

> " I've had it " ,she said, " with all these people who don't clean up

after their dogs-- "

>

> I interrupted her.This is major.I can hold my own with men,but with

women I have a very hard time being assertive.I said,because it was simply the

truth, " Look,I'm not part of the problem.If my dog makes a mess,I clean it up.It

bothers me too when someone leaves a mess on my lawn and I step in it,so I don't

do that to other people.You don't have to come marching up to me with this

attitude.I'm not one of the people who don't pick up after their dogs.And my dog

didn't go in front of your house,so why are you bothering me? "

>

> She stood there and said, " I asked you kindly- "

>

> HA! She had a very aggressive attitude,very accusatory.So I

interrupted her AGAIN.

>

> " I disagree.In fact,I think you're a bit pugnacious.This isn't

necessary,you could have attempted to just speak to me about it,you didn't have

to accuse like this. "

>

> She gasped like she was affronted,like how could I possibly suggest

she wasn't being nice.I mean,really.She was acting like a complete bitch.But she

recovered quickly and shot back, " I'm going to call the police the next time.I've

had it with cleaning up after other people's dogs. "

>

> I said to her, " Good.You do that,you call the police if someone

ACTUALLY leaves a mess for you to clean up.I hope you file a detailed report.But

my dog and I aren't part of the problem and I don't need to be bitched at by

you " and I walked away.

>

> I walked away.I ended that ridiculous,nasty exchange.I didn't tolerate

being falsely accused or try to appease her.I said my piece,I defended

myself,and I walked away.

>

> In the past,the recent past even,I would have crumbled.Angry women

scare the sh*t out of me.I would have let her gripe at me and accuse me and I

would have been frozen to the spot,dissociating too much to say a word.

>

> I haven't been able to understand how people just state their case to

a raging or negative woman--even seeing them in action it was like,wow,how did

they do that? Why is it so easy for them and so impossible for me?

>

> This is major also because I stayed present the entire time and just

felt normal feelings.A pique of annoyance,not overwhelmed by terror and then

afterward enraged with myself for being such a wuss and stewing over it.I also

didn't feel angry afterward because I knew that I had adequately defended

myself,just a sort of rolling my eyes at her feeling.

>

> I really am making progress.

>

> Does anyone else have an " I must be making progress if... " moment to

share?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ~

I love how you overcame your previous habits and were able to talk this

situation out with this woman. I really do know how terrifying these weird

situations can be with women, and to get through it in this calm progressive way

is impressive! I sort of adopted a sense of 'why bother' and I think that is

not necessarily a good thing, because we need to show to ourselves (our inner

child if we must identify it) that we can defend ourselves in the world. It's a

strange thing to think that this is what we must do amongst our own species, but

of course it is obviously the most true thing. Especially coming from families

with these types of abusive mental disorders. Our inner-self/child needs to

know that we can protect and provide boundaries, rather than walk away. (of

course sometimes we do need to walk away if the situation is dangerous or just

psychically draining).

Plus, why should people get away with harassing people with no recourse?

I have had a few situations where I have stood up for my boundaries. And I was

glad and surprised with myself. It is most hard with people I know. I hate

confrontation. Sadly, I feel guilty for the boundaries and anger I was having

with my sister in the past couple years.

I wish I could have handled it differently. But that is the kind of regret we

all live with.

Anyway...congratulations; you are making progress And you so deserve to be a

happy and

free person.

~patricia

I must be making progress if...

Last night while walking my dog,I had an encounter with a rather petty minded

pugnacious woman.

It might not sound like much,but to me it was major.Because sometimes I do

wonder if all this hard work I'm doing on myself is even going " anywhere " .There

seem to be no huge seismic shifts,but little instances when I notice that I HAVE

made progress and it IS worth the effort.

My dog had stopped to sniff at a patch of grass near the curb she always

wants to peruse and some woman we don't even know came out of her house with a

small dog.My dog is on the largish side and since the woman wasn't coming our

way,I kept my dog where she was.I mean,some people with small dogs just decide

to say away when they see us.Whatever.

The woman and her little dog were only a few feet away.She was staring

at us in what I thought was an odd way.Do you guys have a radar for negativity?

That is what I felt,just this formless negativity radiating from her.It was

dark,too,so I couldn't quite see her face,just that she was staring at us.Like

glaring,it felt to me.

My very dog and person friendly hound was staring back.She wanted to

go over and say hello but since the woman was keeping her distance,I kept my

dog's lead reined in and stayed where we were.

The woman then said something to me,but not loud enough that I could

hear her.Her little dog wasn't on a leash and was sniffing around and since I

sensed this standoffishness from her (I assumed because she didn't want my

larger dog to approach her small one),I said from my distance, " Sorry,I didn't

hear you.What was that? "

She huffily took up her dog in her arms and marched back into her

house.I thought:Whoa,ok,this woman has some issues and started to walk with my

dog in the other direction.

And then there she was coming out of her house without the dog and

marching towards us.We had done nothing to make her angry.

Normally,I mean in the past,the sight of an angry seeming woman

marching towards me although I had done nothing wrong would have struck deep

fear into my heart.I would have freezed up and gone on automatic pilot or just

outright dissociated.

But last night,without even really noticing it,I felt annoyed.

It sounds like nothing,but it was major.I was not afraid.I was ANNOYED.

She marched up to us and snapped, " I SAID,you need to clean up after

your dog. "

People not picking up after their dogs is one of my pet peeves.I

always bring a plastic bag on our walks.I always pick up after my dog.And my dog

hadn't even pooped OR peed in front of her house.All we had done was walk by.

I told her this: My dog didn't go in front of your house.And if she

had,I would have picked it up.

She was standing there arms crossed,glaring at me.She said, " The next

time,I'm going to call the police. "

Again,in the past,a threat to call the police on me although I had

done nothing wrong would have made me blank out,dissolve,attempt to placate the

accuser.Because nada used that one on me as a teenager,often: I'm going to call

the police to come take you away and have you committed.(In some states a parent

can actually do this and what nada was saying wasn't just an idle threat)

But last night it just annoyed me.Instead of dissociating,I responded

to her for the negative,nasty bitch she was:

" What is your problem? All we did was walk past your house and my dog

didn't make a mess. "

" I've had it " ,she said, " with all these people who don't clean up

after their dogs-- "

I interrupted her.This is major.I can hold my own with men,but with

women I have a very hard time being assertive.I said,because it was simply the

truth, " Look,I'm not part of the problem.If my dog makes a mess,I clean it up.It

bothers me too when someone leaves a mess on my lawn and I step in it,so I don't

do that to other people.You don't have to come marching up to me with this

attitude.I'm not one of the people who don't pick up after their dogs.And my dog

didn't go in front of your house,so why are you bothering me? "

She stood there and said, " I asked you kindly- "

HA! She had a very aggressive attitude,very accusatory.So I

interrupted her AGAIN.

" I disagree.In fact,I think you're a bit pugnacious.This isn't

necessary,you could have attempted to just speak to me about it,you didn't have

to accuse like this. "

She gasped like she was affronted,like how could I possibly suggest

she wasn't being nice.I mean,really.She was acting like a complete bitch.But she

recovered quickly and shot back, " I'm going to call the police the next time.I've

had it with cleaning up after other people's dogs. "

I said to her, " Good.You do that,you call the police if someone

ACTUALLY leaves a mess for you to clean up.I hope you file a detailed report.But

my dog and I aren't part of the problem and I don't need to be bitched at by

you " and I walked away.

I walked away.I ended that ridiculous,nasty exchange.I didn't tolerate

being falsely accused or try to appease her.I said my piece,I defended

myself,and I walked away.

In the past,the recent past even,I would have crumbled.Angry women

scare the sh*t out of me.I would have let her gripe at me and accuse me and I

would have been frozen to the spot,dissociating too much to say a word.

I haven't been able to understand how people just state their case to

a raging or negative woman--even seeing them in action it was like,wow,how did

they do that? Why is it so easy for them and so impossible for me?

This is major also because I stayed present the entire time and just

felt normal feelings.A pique of annoyance,not overwhelmed by terror and then

afterward enraged with myself for being such a wuss and stewing over it.I also

didn't feel angry afterward because I knew that I had adequately defended

myself,just a sort of rolling my eyes at her feeling.

I really am making progress.

Does anyone else have an " I must be making progress if... " moment to

share?

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[Guest guest]

Good job ! You're such an adult.

I sometimes prefer a more childish, but in my opinion, effective method of

diffusing abusive strangers.

I blow them an air kiss.

They're not worth my being upset over any more.

[Guest guest]

HFB,I like your blowing an air kiss at them Thanks for sharing that. I can

see how that would be effective: it's short and sweet and doesn't waste vital

energy.I don't think it's childish,though--I think it just shows that you have a

sense of humor even if *they* don't.I never thought of that one,but might try it

sometime if the situation warrants it.(and I think I can pull it off lol!)

You're so right that they're not worth being upset about.There's a yield

sign at the entrance to a highway on my way to work and when I first started my

current job I let myself get upset by drivers behind me who sometimes furiously

blew their horns at me and /or got right up to my bumper beeping at me when I

yielded at that sign.Like,pounding heart upset.Hey,the last time I checked,a

yield sign means you're supposed to slow down (all the way if needs be) and

check for oncoming traffic.I always yield,I always check first before I go.Not

just ignore it and forcibly merge at high speed onto the highway or drive along

the shoulder--but quite a few people on my morning commute seem to believe a

yield sign is only there so it can be completely

disregarded.Unbelievably,sometimes people even try to pull out onto the highway

from behind me while I'm yielding.

Sometimes after I first started that job and when we got to the first

light on the highway,the impatient horn blowing person would pull up next to me

and yell at me.And I'd say sarcastically to them, " How would me causing a ten car

pile up in front of you get you to work any faster? "

That didn't help much.It didn't help me to feel less bothered by

them.That was engaging them too much.And I'd still drive away thinking

gawd,what's wrong with some people...

So I tried totally ignoring them,which felt kind of good because that

was deliberate and we both knew it--it's not much fun to rant and rave at

someone who is totally ignoring you.

But that wasn't quite the ticket,either.Sometimes I do still just

ignore them if the person seems like a potentially out of control road rage

type--I mean,you never know,do you,weird things happen.

Sometimes you do just kind of want to make a statement.But something

that isn't you being upset by them.Actually,I think your air kiss is more

disarming that what I came up with,but for what it's worth:

When we get to that light and someone yells at me,sometimes I will put

my window down--wait two beats while they expect me to yell back-- then call

across cheerfully, " Hey,thank you so much for the safe driving tips! It's a great

start to my day to see a fellow citizen do their civic duty by being so

concerned for a stranger's welfare--you are SO helpful! I'll bet you're a former

Girl Scout (Boy Scout).You have a wonderful day,now. "

And I get to drive away chuckling at the absurdity of what I said as

well as the perplexed look they get as I'm saying it.My favorite look is the

furrowed brow with blinking eyes.So far,they've all been caught off guard too

much to say anything back

>

> Good job ! You're such an adult.

>

> I sometimes prefer a more childish, but in my opinion, effective method of

diffusing abusive strangers.

>

> I blow them an air kiss.

>

> They're not worth my being upset over any more.

>

[Guest guest]

Yes the road ragers are always a challenge. Blowing air kisses has quite the

effect on them in particular.

Give it a try! It's seriously hilarious. The more I air kiss the more I

giggle..... it's my sarcastic, immature nature I guess. It's better than anger

though.

> >

> > Good job ! You're such an adult.

> >

> > I sometimes prefer a more childish, but in my opinion, effective method of

diffusing abusive strangers.

> >

> > I blow them an air kiss.

> >

> > They're not worth my being upset over any more.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yes the road ragers are always a challenge. Blowing air kisses has quite the

effect on them in particular.

Give it a try! It's seriously hilarious. The more I air kiss the more I

giggle..... it's my sarcastic, immature nature I guess. It's better than anger

though.

> >

> > Good job ! You're such an adult.

> >

> > I sometimes prefer a more childish, but in my opinion, effective method of

diffusing abusive strangers.

> >

> > I blow them an air kiss.

> >

> > They're not worth my being upset over any more.

> >

>