Guest guest Posted April 21, 2010 Report Share Posted April 21, 2010 What are the best tactics to gets siblings to stop nagging you when your NPD parent is dying and you've already given the attention but to the NP it's never enough and never returned, because each day is another " test " ? Please answer quickly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 21, 2010 Report Share Posted April 21, 2010 I don't know, but if it were me, I would make peace with it in my heart the best I could, and screw anyone else who doesn't understand. This is YOUR life and you don't need anyone's input or opinion or permission to live it YOUR way. HTH. > > What are the best tactics to gets siblings to stop nagging you when your NPD > parent is dying and you've already given the attention but to the NP it's > never enough and never returned, because each day is another " test " ? Please > answer quickly. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 21, 2010 Report Share Posted April 21, 2010 I don't know, but if it were me, I would make peace with it in my heart the best I could, and screw anyone else who doesn't understand. This is YOUR life and you don't need anyone's input or opinion or permission to live it YOUR way. HTH. > > What are the best tactics to gets siblings to stop nagging you when your NPD > parent is dying and you've already given the attention but to the NP it's > never enough and never returned, because each day is another " test " ? Please > answer quickly. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 21, 2010 Report Share Posted April 21, 2010 I don't know, but if it were me, I would make peace with it in my heart the best I could, and screw anyone else who doesn't understand. This is YOUR life and you don't need anyone's input or opinion or permission to live it YOUR way. HTH. > > What are the best tactics to gets siblings to stop nagging you when your NPD > parent is dying and you've already given the attention but to the NP it's > never enough and never returned, because each day is another " test " ? Please > answer quickly. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 21, 2010 Report Share Posted April 21, 2010 My guess would be boundaries. " I'm not discussing this any further. " " I will hang up if you don't stop talking about this. " Deanna > > What are the best tactics to gets siblings to stop nagging you when your NPD > parent is dying and you've already given the attention but to the NP it's > never enough and never returned, because each day is another " test " ? Please > answer quickly. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 21, 2010 Report Share Posted April 21, 2010 Randi One of the absolute hardest parts of the whole journey is the fact that there are people who don t see the crazy hell that we endured, endure, and carry around. If life were fair, they would all see eventually, and come to us with great apologies, and tell us we were right and they were wrong. Sometimes it happens, because nada will turn on them. And others, not so much. My perspective on it is that among the other losses, and there are many, that we incur because of nada, are the collateral losses of friends, foo members, perhaps even siblings. It is terrible, but it is true. Think of it as a surgeon exising cancer. It is not enough to simply slice around the edge of the tumor, he must also cut enough surrouning tissue to be assured of getting all the cancer, or the patient will die. To appy that analogy in our BP affected lives, there will be those who are controlled and manipulated by nada, those who are fooled by nada, and those, like us, who have an epiphany and set bounderies and break free. Those in the first 2 categories will often try to FOG us back into nada s net. Now, where , we might wonder, did they learn FOG? So in practical terms, what do we do, with sister, brother, aunt, cousin, or whomever? We stand firm in our bounderies. We tell the FOO sibling we have made our own decisions about nada, and are at peace with it. We tell them that we have offered before to help them understand the fact that mom is mentally ill, and that is the reason for things being as they are. We acknowledge, once, without anger or accusation, the feelings and position of the sibling. We then tell them that while we respect their feelings and choices, they must and will respect and accept ours. They don t hae to like it or agree with it, but they will respect our right to make them. If they refuse, and resort to their can of portable FOG supplied by nada, we terminate the conversation and tell them we will not talk to them for a while ( LC) , or ever, ( NC) as we think is proper for our health. We further tell them that, absent the conversations we offered before, educating them about mom s mental disorder, we will not discuss her with them again. Period. That is tough. And it may result in losing a relationship. But to do otherwise, risks being pulled into a nada by extension trap. Doug > > What are the best tactics to gets siblings to stop nagging you when your NPD > parent is dying and you've already given the attention but to the NP it's > never enough and never returned, because each day is another " test " ? Please > answer quickly. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 22, 2010 Report Share Posted April 22, 2010 Sigh. > > > > What are the best tactics to gets siblings to stop nagging you when > your NPD > > parent is dying and you've already given the attention but to the NP > it's > > never enough and never returned, because each day is another " test " ? > Please > > answer quickly. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 22, 2010 Report Share Posted April 22, 2010 Doug you're bang on as usual. I had to do this with my bada regarding my NC and LC boundaries with NPD (other bada) and my nada. My mantra is: I cannot allow myself to care about the judgements of other with respect to my no contact boundaries. If the pusher persists on controlling me into doing something I am not comfortable with I then set a boundary with that person also. As Doug said refusing to speak on the topic is the best bet, and also assuring that person that they don't have to like it, but they must accept your decision or... blank(insert consequence). In my case the bada backed right off and I don't hear from him at all. Which is perfect. Two brothers lost, and a nada. Sigh........... > > > > What are the best tactics to gets siblings to stop nagging you when > your NPD > > parent is dying and you've already given the attention but to the NP > it's > > never enough and never returned, because each day is another " test " ? > Please > > answer quickly. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 22, 2010 Report Share Posted April 22, 2010 I know. Lots of sighs. Lots of sadness. Our losses are so many, and so profound, we who have chosen health and sanity, that we grieve for much of our lives. But at least we have our lives. > > > > > > What are the best tactics to gets siblings to stop nagging you when > > your NPD > > > parent is dying and you've already given the attention but to the NP > > it's > > > never enough and never returned, because each day is another " test " ? > > Please > > > answer quickly. > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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