Re: I may be the anti-christ............lol

[Guest guest]

Carol and Elle!

Pffffft! I just spewed coffee all over my computer screen. Thank you for that

Elle! OMG too funny!

Carol, my dear. You are such a wonderful, kind, and giving soul. It's too bad

you were misplaced into your wretched FOO. Your intentions are in the right

place, but as you already know the FOG is closely associated with your scenario.

Firstly, my advice is to never give a cent to your nada ever again for any

reason whatsoever. Even if she claims to be starving - a little fear and hunger

goes a long way to enablers. The previous advice regarding what to say in these

situations is spot on, try and use it if you feel brave enough. It's not your

job to rescue the deadbeats, because they'll never change and you can't be broke

enough to solve their problems. It's a black hole of need my dear, from which

you MUST extract yourself.

I promise you will feel better once you've empowered yourself to do this.

Strength comes from setting boundaries and the FOG will dissipate through your

own empowerment, I promise. If you protect yourself and force yourself to love

*you* enough to do so... the clarity will come. You've worked your butt off and

have earned the right to be happy. Your FOO's dramas, illness' and addictions

can only penetrate your emotional well being if you choose it. So consciously

start rejecting every piece of garbage they fling your way. Especially where

co-dependent issues are concerned. You need to be autonomous, this is your life.

If it's any consolation my FOO is the same. Both of my adult brothers have

abused nada's credit cards, home, and finances many, many times over. Yet she

continues to allow and even facilitate all of this. Then nada cries to me to

save her. THIS IS INSANITY! Like you, for many years I did give her money, a

lot, and inevitably it would get syphoned down to the abusive brothers. I

stopped, I just stopped. Period.

You can do it. Hugs from HF

[Guest guest]

I'm glad you could all get a giggle. I swear sometimes it's the only way to get

through this.

Elle

PS...AC (anti-Christ) you know I am still holding that whole ace in my pocket

with the 2012 thing...it's an option. Ya know, Shake things up, bring on the

rain...call me, we'll talk.

Sincerely,

Jesus

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> > > > I am a KO of a BPD father who died about 20 years ago. My codependant

nada is nearly 90 years old. My sister is also BPD. I live 2000 miles away from

them both. My nada always expected me to take care of my older sister even if it

meant my own sacrifice. My BPD sister has had major gambling problems. For my

own sanity I try to keep my conversations with nada limited and discuss only

surface stuff. Sometimes, like yesterday, it takes me by surprise. Nada informed

me that she was going to put my sister's name on her checking account in case

something happened to her. Now we are not talking a lot of money here as either

nada or sister have already gambled all the equity out of nada's property.

Basicly we are talking nada's social security. Nada lives on her own. Sounds

like a reasonable idea right? A few years ago I got a call from nada that

sister had her write checks at the casino so sister would have more gambling

money while they were both there. When they came home sister didn't cover

nada's checks (about 1500.00) and nada was out her social security money for the

month. So I sent nada the money with strict warnings. " Never give her money to

gamble again. " She agreed and on we went. I've helped nada many times over the

years. Paying property taxes, repairing cars, fixing roofs, air conditioners. It

was only recently that I found out that nada had maxed out her home equity over

the years. I suspect nada might of given more to sister but also she was

probably gambling too. So there is the shroud of secrecy between them and me.

Who knows what the full truth is? (If you have read this far, thank you so

much!) So yesterday when nada said she was going to add sister to her checking

account I asked, " Are you sure you can trust her? " Oh my God..... I am the

anti-christ for asking this question. I ask her don't you remember a few years

back...... She says no she doesn't remember that. It never happened. My sister

is the most wonderful daughter ever. Does everything for nada. She would of

never done that. I think crap am I loosing it? I ask my SO and best friend,

they confirm, yes it happened. Either nada is loosing it or has selective

memory. The point of all this is that afterwards I have extreme anxiety. I did

salvage my day. I went on to accomplish what I wanted and had a nice dinner out

yet last night I could not get to sleep. I don't feel like i was ruminating on

it just that the adrenal rush kept me awake. I would like to know what button of

mine this pushed that brought me back to the FOG. Can you all help me uncover

it?

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