on cleanliness

[Guest guest]

When I was a kid, I remember our house being spotless. My mom was very invested

in this. Beds were made every day. I think her mother influenced her that way

(I think my grandmother was a tyrant that way because when we visited my mom was

very careful to not let us kids do anything messy there, and we didn't!) Plus it

was an *appearances* thing. We had to look good. We were always clean and

dressed well (if you could call those styles in the sixties and seventies 'well

dressed') .

But she would always be after us to clean. Or complain about it, nag. I don't

know what it was, because I remember it being clean and neat. She even had a

cleaning lady! We had to vacuum (well I know that *I* did, my brother, golden

boy never did crap around the house) and dust. I mean, it must be nice to have

all these people doing all these stupid chores all the time. I liked the phrase

one person said about being " started on dishes " . I was started on dishes and

dishwasher emptying when I was probably ten. (my grandmother would tell us kids

in letters that it would be good if we helped with cleaning more to make my mom

feel better! But our house was clean! I mean what a weird thing to do to little

kids after their mom disappears into a mental hospital~ like oh it is my

fault...so I must fix it. And I did try to, I'd open doors for her, carry her

grocery bags etc, even wrote a third place essay to the paper on how great my

mom was for Mother's Day)

As my mothers depression worsened, and we moved into a country house in the

woods, and us kids got older there were more conflicts about cleaning. Of

course...we had two dogs, a cat, lived in the wood, three larger people living

there (us kids), no cleaning lady. Lots of clothes, school stuff etc. We

usually ignored her ragging until she'd go into a rage. Then I would wait a

little bit longer because of my pride. Thing was, I was doing dishes, cooking,

vacuuming, dusting, shopping, carrying in groceries, when I could drive I did

more of that.

My brother of course didn't do anything. He would let a pumpkin rot on his

carpeted floor and then cut the rotten carpet piece out. Did anything happen to

him? No. He was a slob for sure (and had the best room in the house). We were

supposed to share the bathroom cleaning and he would never do his part. I

resented like hell cleaning the toilet because, you know, he was a boy, and

making a mess of it. But my complaints were unlistened to. I used to clean

with a toothbrush because if I did it I wanted it to be clean.

I mentioned this before, but if my parents went away, there was this weird

understanding that we would have to have the house spotless before they came

back. I don't know why. Didn't question it until I recently thought of it.

But now my mom's house is cluttered. I would not classify her as a hoarder.

But she is compulsive spender (but she has a limit on herself too) Her house is

a bit dusty and dirty because she is old and has arthritis and can't clean much;

but my sister's kids have lived there and they didn't help with that. My

brother visits and his cats will pee on the rugs.

The rugs are gross. (different dogs being there and not being taken out).

My house is cluttered and messy. I have ADD and even though I want it clean it

overwhelms me and I begin to not see it. I have a problem with what should I

keep and what should I throw away. Lately I have been getting rid of a lot of

things; I feel the clutter is ruining my creativity and ability to progress

because I don't feel I can do anything until the clutter is gone.

Yeah, that cleaning thing is weird. Messes the kids up for sure.

~~patricia