Re: setting boundaries -- OMG!

[Guest guest]

and Jackie,

That sounds EXACTLY like what my fada did/does! He's told me when I was growing

up that he and my dishrag nada paid for their wedding by themselves, and that I

would have to pay for my own wedding, too.

And then when I got engaged, and mentioned that, saying that's why fiance and i

were keeing the budget to $2000 (now lowered to $1000) for everything, ceremony

to reception. my fada said that he never said such thing, and that if he did,

he was only joking.

my nada said that she always wanted to make my wedding dress for me, when I was

growing up, so I picked a dress pattern I was interested in, and showed it to

nada, and my fada used that against me saying that " we don't want to be your

workers, we want to be part of your wedding "

well, what did they think, for Pete's sake? One of my sisters was going to be my

maid of honor, my mom wanted to sing with her friends (they're cantors at a

different parish) etc etc....

" We want to help you with your wedding, but we don't want to work, but we don't

want to be spectators either.... "

I can't wrap my head around it, and a few months ago, I stopped trying to

understand what the heck they meant??

Now I have to say that I'm ROFL! Isn't weird how laughter and pain can mix?

~Holly

>

> oh, my nada is the same !! I started telling her about a parade I rode one

> of my horses in, and she told me I needed to grow up, parades are for kids

> ( well who does she think puts them on ?? and participates in them ??) so I

> stopped telling her about it...then a few years later she asks if I had any

> pictures of me on the horse in a parade, a friend of hers asked...I said "

> I thought you weren't interested " , she said, " I was only joking !! " yet,

> she tried to guilt me into going to their house for Christmas a year

> ago...she said they were lonely. I told her she needed a hobby...she was

> LIVID and refused to talk to me for almost a year !! then she told me how

> much that statement hurt her (HUH???) when I reminded her of things she

> said to me,,,she denied everything...said she's always been interested in

> everything I done ( oh, gag me !!)

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

>

>

> One of the most frustrating things about my mother was how she would

> MINIMIZE her behavior. She would either laugh it off as if she never meant

> it like it was taken or she would flat out lie and claim it never

> happened!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Very unnerving and frustrating as an

> adult...confusing for a small child.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

and Jackie,

That sounds EXACTLY like what my fada did/does! He's told me when I was growing

up that he and my dishrag nada paid for their wedding by themselves, and that I

would have to pay for my own wedding, too.

And then when I got engaged, and mentioned that, saying that's why fiance and i

were keeing the budget to $2000 (now lowered to $1000) for everything, ceremony

to reception. my fada said that he never said such thing, and that if he did,

he was only joking.

my nada said that she always wanted to make my wedding dress for me, when I was

growing up, so I picked a dress pattern I was interested in, and showed it to

nada, and my fada used that against me saying that " we don't want to be your

workers, we want to be part of your wedding "

well, what did they think, for Pete's sake? One of my sisters was going to be my

maid of honor, my mom wanted to sing with her friends (they're cantors at a

different parish) etc etc....

" We want to help you with your wedding, but we don't want to work, but we don't

want to be spectators either.... "

I can't wrap my head around it, and a few months ago, I stopped trying to

understand what the heck they meant??

Now I have to say that I'm ROFL! Isn't weird how laughter and pain can mix?

~Holly

>

> oh, my nada is the same !! I started telling her about a parade I rode one

> of my horses in, and she told me I needed to grow up, parades are for kids

> ( well who does she think puts them on ?? and participates in them ??) so I

> stopped telling her about it...then a few years later she asks if I had any

> pictures of me on the horse in a parade, a friend of hers asked...I said "

> I thought you weren't interested " , she said, " I was only joking !! " yet,

> she tried to guilt me into going to their house for Christmas a year

> ago...she said they were lonely. I told her she needed a hobby...she was

> LIVID and refused to talk to me for almost a year !! then she told me how

> much that statement hurt her (HUH???) when I reminded her of things she

> said to me,,,she denied everything...said she's always been interested in

> everything I done ( oh, gag me !!)

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

>

>

> One of the most frustrating things about my mother was how she would

> MINIMIZE her behavior. She would either laugh it off as if she never meant

> it like it was taken or she would flat out lie and claim it never

> happened!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Very unnerving and frustrating as an

> adult...confusing for a small child.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

and Jackie,

That sounds EXACTLY like what my fada did/does! He's told me when I was growing

up that he and my dishrag nada paid for their wedding by themselves, and that I

would have to pay for my own wedding, too.

And then when I got engaged, and mentioned that, saying that's why fiance and i

were keeing the budget to $2000 (now lowered to $1000) for everything, ceremony

to reception. my fada said that he never said such thing, and that if he did,

he was only joking.

my nada said that she always wanted to make my wedding dress for me, when I was

growing up, so I picked a dress pattern I was interested in, and showed it to

nada, and my fada used that against me saying that " we don't want to be your

workers, we want to be part of your wedding "

well, what did they think, for Pete's sake? One of my sisters was going to be my

maid of honor, my mom wanted to sing with her friends (they're cantors at a

different parish) etc etc....

" We want to help you with your wedding, but we don't want to work, but we don't

want to be spectators either.... "

I can't wrap my head around it, and a few months ago, I stopped trying to

understand what the heck they meant??

Now I have to say that I'm ROFL! Isn't weird how laughter and pain can mix?

~Holly

>

> oh, my nada is the same !! I started telling her about a parade I rode one

> of my horses in, and she told me I needed to grow up, parades are for kids

> ( well who does she think puts them on ?? and participates in them ??) so I

> stopped telling her about it...then a few years later she asks if I had any

> pictures of me on the horse in a parade, a friend of hers asked...I said "

> I thought you weren't interested " , she said, " I was only joking !! " yet,

> she tried to guilt me into going to their house for Christmas a year

> ago...she said they were lonely. I told her she needed a hobby...she was

> LIVID and refused to talk to me for almost a year !! then she told me how

> much that statement hurt her (HUH???) when I reminded her of things she

> said to me,,,she denied everything...said she's always been interested in

> everything I done ( oh, gag me !!)

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

>

>

>

> One of the most frustrating things about my mother was how she would

> MINIMIZE her behavior. She would either laugh it off as if she never meant

> it like it was taken or she would flat out lie and claim it never

> happened!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Very unnerving and frustrating as an

> adult...confusing for a small child.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm hoping not either....

He's already stated twice that he's not attending, my four littlest ones aren't

attending, and my nada can decide for herself. Brother #1 (a year younger than

me) sent me a bada email saying that he can't be a brother to me while I'm

abusing my family like this, so I presume that means he's not attending. And I

know that my nada, while she would like to go, wouldn't anyway since that would

make fada angry.

So....I'm not inviting them. Sure, they may email me saying, Why the eff didn't

I invite them? OMG they're so offended.... etc etc etc, forgetting completely

that they said they're not attending.

If and when that happens, I'm going to try hard not to care what they say. They

had their chance, they forfeited it, and I'm going to stick to my boundaries.

Like my Grammy (no blood relation) said, " You can take only so much abuse. "

~Holly

>

> oh, yes, the BPD and weddings...such a terrible mix !! seems to always

> bring the worse out in them...I hope your wedding goes smoothly and your

> fada doesnt ruin it for you...

>

> Jackie

>

>

>

> and Jackie,

>

> That sounds EXACTLY like what my fada did/does! He's told me when I was

> growing up that he and my dishrag nada paid for their wedding by themselves,

> and that I would have to pay for my own wedding, too.

>

> And then when I got engaged, and mentioned that, saying that's why fiance

> and i were keeing the budget to $2000 (now lowered to $1000) for everything,

> ceremony to reception. my fada said that he never said such thing, and that

> if he did, he was only joking.

>

> my nada said that she always wanted to make my wedding dress for me, when I

> was growing up, so I picked a dress pattern I was interested in, and showed

> it to nada, and my fada used that against me saying that " we don't want to

> be your workers, we want to be part of your wedding "

>

> well, what did they think, for Pete's sake? One of my sisters was going to

> be my maid of honor, my mom wanted to sing with her friends (they're cantors

> at a different parish) etc etc....

>

> " We want to help you with your wedding, but we don't want to work, but we

> don't want to be spectators either.... "

>

> I can't wrap my head around it, and a few months ago, I stopped trying to

> understand what the heck they meant??

>

> Now I have to say that I'm ROFL! Isn't weird how laughter and pain can mix?

>

> ~Holly

>