Re: Is she trying to get my brother to kill himself?

[Guest guest]

Hi Louise,

Welcome to the group. I am not the person that wrote the post you are refering

to. I think it is Karla that wrote the words that moved you.

I too have recently gone NC and have been discussing this here.

Kazam x

>

> Hi Kazam,

>

> I am new to this group but read your post with tears blurring the screen.

>

> I was raised by a BPD mother who also was NPD. When you said the words,

>

> " My mother's message to me is that I as who I am evil and disgusting and

> when I used to believe her I always felt I didn't have a right to be alive.

She

> did a lot of things very systematically to destroy who I was and I feel like

all

> of her faces (witch, nice, withdrawn, etc etc) are part of the same message

and

> project to get me to be her mirror/vessel/servant. "

>

> I recognised myself instantly. You also put words to things I've thought for

years, such as the fact it's like lliving with a mean teenager. The spite and

the lack of empathy was, I think, one of the most frightening things about

growing up with my " Nada. " And as for the lack of interest in you, well, it's

all about them all the time, isn't it?

>

> When you say, " Am I making it up? Am I being unfair to

> her? Is it my own weakness that contact with her is SO BAD for me? Can she

> really be so mean? "

>

> It really feels scarcely credible that one's own mother could be like that,

doesn't it - and this even as we've lived with it all out lives. Could I suggest

that it is certainly not your weakness that contact with her is so bad? It may

be that she triggers all the old responses that you, left to her mercies,

suffered when you were younger. In my experience, the abusive behaviour does not

stop with adulthood, and it's quite natural that being with them, frankly, still

sucks for some of us. It's horrible that some of us feel like we're being mean

when in actual fact it's about self-preservation; the wisdom of drawing

boundaries with an abusive person.

>

> I hope you are proud as a mother that you've limited your little boy's contact

with her. This is something I have not a skerrick of regret for, although many

of our relatives have come down on me.

>

> You sound like a lovely, gracious person, Kazam - I hope you got some

validation from posting, and you certainly validated this newbie.

>

> Take gentle care,

>

> Louise

>

>

>