Re: Personal dilemma!

[Guest guest]

Sally,

If you are going to get in trouble, I am going down with you. I want to add

that many of " our " kids are not necessarily part of Deaf Culture---yet or ever.

I think many people assume because they are born deaf, that automatically they

are part of the Deaf Community. Not so and as Sally said, most of our kids ( I

think of them as mine, too!) are not " Vanilla Deaf " . Their health issues,

quirks, learning issues, etc. all impact on their abilities to join most groups

(as they are growing) with a specific identity.

However, the idea of kids going to Deaf school, is usually a great one and one

that we all hope for in terms of communication, options for making friends, etc.

When that is successful, then the child IS part of Deaf culture.

You know, I think I have lost my train of thought here, so will end.

Oh, the " Go with your gut " and with Cameron's gut--the best advice there is.

pam

[Guest guest]

Sally,

If you are going to get in trouble, I am going down with you. I want to add

that many of " our " kids are not necessarily part of Deaf Culture---yet or ever.

I think many people assume because they are born deaf, that automatically they

are part of the Deaf Community. Not so and as Sally said, most of our kids ( I

think of them as mine, too!) are not " Vanilla Deaf " . Their health issues,

quirks, learning issues, etc. all impact on their abilities to join most groups

(as they are growing) with a specific identity.

However, the idea of kids going to Deaf school, is usually a great one and one

that we all hope for in terms of communication, options for making friends, etc.

When that is successful, then the child IS part of Deaf culture.

You know, I think I have lost my train of thought here, so will end.

Oh, the " Go with your gut " and with Cameron's gut--the best advice there is.

pam

[Guest guest]

Sally,

If you are going to get in trouble, I am going down with you. I want to add

that many of " our " kids are not necessarily part of Deaf Culture---yet or ever.

I think many people assume because they are born deaf, that automatically they

are part of the Deaf Community. Not so and as Sally said, most of our kids ( I

think of them as mine, too!) are not " Vanilla Deaf " . Their health issues,

quirks, learning issues, etc. all impact on their abilities to join most groups

(as they are growing) with a specific identity.

However, the idea of kids going to Deaf school, is usually a great one and one

that we all hope for in terms of communication, options for making friends, etc.

When that is successful, then the child IS part of Deaf culture.

You know, I think I have lost my train of thought here, so will end.

Oh, the " Go with your gut " and with Cameron's gut--the best advice there is.

pam

[Guest guest]

Pam, I guess this is really for you but also for all parents of older kids who

no longer live at home. We're looking into " placements " (oh, how I detest

that term) when leaves Perkins. I keep thinking that the two things

we must stress are total communication (and probably at a higher level

than K. is right now; she needs the opportunity to continue learning

language) and truly non-aversive behavior management. I had a call today

from our case manager at our local Regional Center. We'd been sent

papers to fill out for a committee meeting to see if could get a " slot. "

Andy and I put off doing anything, and I realized after talking to this very

pleasant woman today that the reason is that I need guidance (from Sue,

et al) as to exactly what needs.

But I ramble. How do we secure the sign language absolutely

requires when faced with the obstacles of the " vanilla " deaf mentality? I do

not know how to phrase things on the papers we're required to fill out. I

read what the case manager has written (and she has the recent eval; we

don't know if she's looked at it) and it's as though can become totally

independent. We MUST change the wording without harming 's

outlook...Perhaps I should fax the papers to ya'll at P. and go from there.

If other parents have faced similar problems, please let me know. This is

just eating at me! Thanks - Martha

[Guest guest]

Pam, I guess this is really for you but also for all parents of older kids who

no longer live at home. We're looking into " placements " (oh, how I detest

that term) when leaves Perkins. I keep thinking that the two things

we must stress are total communication (and probably at a higher level

than K. is right now; she needs the opportunity to continue learning

language) and truly non-aversive behavior management. I had a call today

from our case manager at our local Regional Center. We'd been sent

papers to fill out for a committee meeting to see if could get a " slot. "

Andy and I put off doing anything, and I realized after talking to this very

pleasant woman today that the reason is that I need guidance (from Sue,

et al) as to exactly what needs.

But I ramble. How do we secure the sign language absolutely

requires when faced with the obstacles of the " vanilla " deaf mentality? I do

not know how to phrase things on the papers we're required to fill out. I

read what the case manager has written (and she has the recent eval; we

don't know if she's looked at it) and it's as though can become totally

independent. We MUST change the wording without harming 's

outlook...Perhaps I should fax the papers to ya'll at P. and go from there.

If other parents have faced similar problems, please let me know. This is

just eating at me! Thanks - Martha

[Guest guest]

Pam, I guess this is really for you but also for all parents of older kids who

no longer live at home. We're looking into " placements " (oh, how I detest

that term) when leaves Perkins. I keep thinking that the two things

we must stress are total communication (and probably at a higher level

than K. is right now; she needs the opportunity to continue learning

language) and truly non-aversive behavior management. I had a call today

from our case manager at our local Regional Center. We'd been sent

papers to fill out for a committee meeting to see if could get a " slot. "

Andy and I put off doing anything, and I realized after talking to this very

pleasant woman today that the reason is that I need guidance (from Sue,

et al) as to exactly what needs.

But I ramble. How do we secure the sign language absolutely

requires when faced with the obstacles of the " vanilla " deaf mentality? I do

not know how to phrase things on the papers we're required to fill out. I

read what the case manager has written (and she has the recent eval; we

don't know if she's looked at it) and it's as though can become totally

independent. We MUST change the wording without harming 's

outlook...Perhaps I should fax the papers to ya'll at P. and go from there.

If other parents have faced similar problems, please let me know. This is

just eating at me! Thanks - Martha

[Guest guest]

Martha-

Of course, I'm too far behind you in this journey to offer advice, but I

sure wanted to offer support and hugs. Each stage is hard, but I wonder

if the initial separation of adulthood might be one of the worst. At

every other stage, you know there's more to come, time to regroup if

needed, etc. When you hit adulthood, it probably feels like an end to

those opportunities. Learning and growing continues forever and I'm

sure the needs of our kids will continue on forever, but it does seem

like there is a different quality to it when you reach adulthood. I am

watching a close friend who has sent her oldest off to college this

year. It's a strange time and I'm getting anxious already about setting

" free " (he'll be 13 in Oct). I can't even project far enough

into the future to imagine Aubrie as an adult. I will watch carefully

to see what you learn as you enter this new stage with .

Sending you strength and clarity of thought...

Michele W

Aubrie's mom

[Guest guest]

Martha-

Of course, I'm too far behind you in this journey to offer advice, but I

sure wanted to offer support and hugs. Each stage is hard, but I wonder

if the initial separation of adulthood might be one of the worst. At

every other stage, you know there's more to come, time to regroup if

needed, etc. When you hit adulthood, it probably feels like an end to

those opportunities. Learning and growing continues forever and I'm

sure the needs of our kids will continue on forever, but it does seem

like there is a different quality to it when you reach adulthood. I am

watching a close friend who has sent her oldest off to college this

year. It's a strange time and I'm getting anxious already about setting

" free " (he'll be 13 in Oct). I can't even project far enough

into the future to imagine Aubrie as an adult. I will watch carefully

to see what you learn as you enter this new stage with .

Sending you strength and clarity of thought...

Michele W

Aubrie's mom

[Guest guest]

Martha-

Of course, I'm too far behind you in this journey to offer advice, but I

sure wanted to offer support and hugs. Each stage is hard, but I wonder

if the initial separation of adulthood might be one of the worst. At

every other stage, you know there's more to come, time to regroup if

needed, etc. When you hit adulthood, it probably feels like an end to

those opportunities. Learning and growing continues forever and I'm

sure the needs of our kids will continue on forever, but it does seem

like there is a different quality to it when you reach adulthood. I am

watching a close friend who has sent her oldest off to college this

year. It's a strange time and I'm getting anxious already about setting

" free " (he'll be 13 in Oct). I can't even project far enough

into the future to imagine Aubrie as an adult. I will watch carefully

to see what you learn as you enter this new stage with .

Sending you strength and clarity of thought...

Michele W

Aubrie's mom

[Guest guest]

Oh, thank you. Lord only knows I need the strength and perhaps

especially the clarity of thought! I've watched my older daughter graduate

from a wonderful small liberal arts college, go to Africa to see what it

would be like to be a minority, head to the South Pacific where the heaven

she'd seen in her mind turned out to be a sexist nightmare, and soon to

come, she's off to South America to teach English for a few months before

grad school. I KNOW how hard the separation is, but I am also aware of

the thrill that comes in watching one's offspring do odd and wonderful

things. I guess what gets me with is that there doesn't seem to be a

real path or road for the future and that scares the devil out of me. Thanks

for the chance to vent! Martha

[Guest guest]

M,

I think I feel your pain and anxiety. I think we can help with the wording for

assuring 's communication needs. I will be happy to help and I know Sue

will also. You can fax the papers if you want or you can bring them with you

and we can deal with them when you come. Whatever works for you. Maybe while

you are here (how long will you stay?),you/Andy, , me, Sue, MZ can sit and

do it together. What do you think? Let me know what is best for you and we can

go from there.

Your concern about things getting mixed up with " Vanilla Deaf " and people not

understanding there is more to communication than Sign Language is real and we

have seen it here with our past graduates. I think that Ginny Giordano ( have

you talked with her yet?) and a couple of other parents can also give you their

ideas.

I agree with you that she should have the benefit of staff who have high sign

language skills, but the most important part of that might be that they

understand that while her receptive skills are pretty good and she understands

far more that is signed to her than she signs back, she needs additional support

through pictures, gestures, print, demonstration, and models. Does this make

sense? The idea of Total Communication needs to be spelled out and 's needs

come first, not the skills of the house.

Let me know what/how you want to do this. I will do what I can to help.

pam

[Guest guest]

M,

I think I feel your pain and anxiety. I think we can help with the wording for

assuring 's communication needs. I will be happy to help and I know Sue

will also. You can fax the papers if you want or you can bring them with you

and we can deal with them when you come. Whatever works for you. Maybe while

you are here (how long will you stay?),you/Andy, , me, Sue, MZ can sit and

do it together. What do you think? Let me know what is best for you and we can

go from there.

Your concern about things getting mixed up with " Vanilla Deaf " and people not

understanding there is more to communication than Sign Language is real and we

have seen it here with our past graduates. I think that Ginny Giordano ( have

you talked with her yet?) and a couple of other parents can also give you their

ideas.

I agree with you that she should have the benefit of staff who have high sign

language skills, but the most important part of that might be that they

understand that while her receptive skills are pretty good and she understands

far more that is signed to her than she signs back, she needs additional support

through pictures, gestures, print, demonstration, and models. Does this make

sense? The idea of Total Communication needs to be spelled out and 's needs

come first, not the skills of the house.

Let me know what/how you want to do this. I will do what I can to help.

pam

[Guest guest]

M,

I think I feel your pain and anxiety. I think we can help with the wording for

assuring 's communication needs. I will be happy to help and I know Sue

will also. You can fax the papers if you want or you can bring them with you

and we can deal with them when you come. Whatever works for you. Maybe while

you are here (how long will you stay?),you/Andy, , me, Sue, MZ can sit and

do it together. What do you think? Let me know what is best for you and we can

go from there.

Your concern about things getting mixed up with " Vanilla Deaf " and people not

understanding there is more to communication than Sign Language is real and we

have seen it here with our past graduates. I think that Ginny Giordano ( have

you talked with her yet?) and a couple of other parents can also give you their

ideas.

I agree with you that she should have the benefit of staff who have high sign

language skills, but the most important part of that might be that they

understand that while her receptive skills are pretty good and she understands

far more that is signed to her than she signs back, she needs additional support

through pictures, gestures, print, demonstration, and models. Does this make

sense? The idea of Total Communication needs to be spelled out and 's needs

come first, not the skills of the house.

Let me know what/how you want to do this. I will do what I can to help.

pam

[Guest guest]

Martha-

Your other daughter's life sounds like a dream! I wish I'd done some of

those things as a young adult. Instead I got married right away -- not

that I'd change it, but... I hope that takes some opportunities

for travel and growth before he is tied down with responsibilities. He

has the opportunity to go to Europe this summer with a student exchange

program for middle school kids. We haven't been to the info meeting

yet, but I hope he is motivated to go.

Michele W

[Guest guest]

Martha-

Your other daughter's life sounds like a dream! I wish I'd done some of

those things as a young adult. Instead I got married right away -- not

that I'd change it, but... I hope that takes some opportunities

for travel and growth before he is tied down with responsibilities. He

has the opportunity to go to Europe this summer with a student exchange

program for middle school kids. We haven't been to the info meeting

yet, but I hope he is motivated to go.

Michele W

[Guest guest]

Martha-

Your other daughter's life sounds like a dream! I wish I'd done some of

those things as a young adult. Instead I got married right away -- not

that I'd change it, but... I hope that takes some opportunities

for travel and growth before he is tied down with responsibilities. He

has the opportunity to go to Europe this summer with a student exchange

program for middle school kids. We haven't been to the info meeting

yet, but I hope he is motivated to go.

Michele W