Female Body Parts

[Guest guest]

Someone sent this to me...thought it was cute. Of course she's an internet

friend who has no idea that I am huge!

Subject: Female Body Parts

Has this ever happened to you?

My thighs were snatched from me during the night of June 3rd. It was just

that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else's

thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who would have done

such a cruel thing to legs that had been wholly, if imperfectly, mine for

years? Whose thighs were these? What happened to mine? I spent that entire

summer looking for them. I searched, in vain, at pools and beaches, anywhere

I might find female limbs exposed. I became obsessed. I had nightmares

filled with cellulite and flesh that turns to bumps in the night. Finally,

hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer

Energy pantyhose.

Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again. My buns were

next. I knew it was the same gang because they took pains to match my new

derriere-although badly attached at least 3 inches lower than the

original-to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. Now my rear

complimented my legs lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would

stay in fashion.

It was 2 years when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning while

fixing my hair, I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper

arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really

getting scary. My body was being replaced, cleverly and fiendishly, a

section at a time. Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age was supposed to

creep up, unnoticed and intangible, something like maturity. No, I was being

attacked, repeatedly and without warning. During one spring, my attention

was riveted to upper arms-female arms. I studied them from every angle,

being careful not to raise mine in public nor flatten them too tightly

against my body. In private I held them straight out and did endless circles

that would have tightened my real arms but did nothing for these Silly-Putty

caricatures. In the end, in deepening despair, I gave up my arms and my

T-shirts.

What could they do to me next? In short order, my right boob could hold a

pencil (it seemed particularly cruel to take just one). And my eyes began to

remind people that they needed a new pair of Hush Puppies. My poor neck

disappeared more quickly than the Thanksgiving turkey it now reminded me of.

That's why I've decided to tell my story; I can't take on the medical

profession by myself. Women of America, wake up and smell the coffee! That

ain't really " plastic " those surgeons are using. You know where they're

getting those replacement parts, don't you? The next time you suspect

someone has had a face " lifted, " look again. Was it lifted from you? Check

out those tummy tucks and buttocks raising. Look familiar? Are those your

eyelids on that movie star? I think I finally may have found my thighs. I

hope Crawford paid a really good price for them.