Guest guest Posted September 21, 2007 Report Share Posted September 21, 2007 {{{{{{{Kate}}}} I was going to suggest separate sleeping rooms. You two need to sit down and talk and you have to tell him you cannot be woken up. If he wants to talk it has to be during reasonable hours, tell him what those hours are. I don't think he needs to be drinking every day after work in my opinion if he is. Most people celebrate the end of the work week and that is their night of drinking. But I can't help you with that. I don't like to be woken up either unless it's an emergency also. So you need to let him know. Good luck. It will be ok. ShirleyKate Rothschild wrote: Hey, I'd like to bounce something off ya all...My hub, being a stage hand, has quite bizarre hours--very unpredictable, as well as real long. for instance, he'll unload a few tractor trailers with lights, scenery, etc., set it up, run the show, and sometimes even have to put it all back on the tractor trailer. Sometimes this is in one day, or sometimes a show will be in a theatre for a week or more. Lately, he's been leaving at 7am and getting home between 11 and midnight. For the most part, I am usually in bed anywhere between 9:30 and 11pm. I don't know about any of you, but I really, truly don't like or appreciate being woken up--unless of course it is some emergency--but I just don't like being woken up at all! I suppose I am very grumpy and may even well holler at someone if they wake me--is that rude? I don't actually think it is a voluntary thing, it is kind of automatic. So, the last couple of mornings, my husband has accused me of yelling at him when he gets home at night. That has been because he has been waking me up. So I tried to calmly say today--I just don't like being woken up. Not to mention the fact that the things he wakes me up with are complaints about various stuff: something being unplugged; the guinea pigs needing more vegetables from the market; how the kids aren't listening to him telling them about how the basketball hoop has to be left, or else it will break, or how the trampoline needs to be pushed back together at the bracing....and so forth... Not only does he wake me up, but he is irritated when he does it--and I can smell the alcohol on him real strongly. I know too that he is looking for 'companionship'. I am tired and don't want intimacy AND his drinking makes me mentally and physically upset and sick-feeling...I'm sorry to be dumping about this...I just get so very frustrated.I'm thinking maybe just sleeping on the couch might be a solution for me, or , sleeping in my car! Thanks for listening to me rant! love to all, kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2007 Report Share Posted September 21, 2007 {{{{{{{Kate}}}} I was going to suggest separate sleeping rooms. You two need to sit down and talk and you have to tell him you cannot be woken up. If he wants to talk it has to be during reasonable hours, tell him what those hours are. I don't think he needs to be drinking every day after work in my opinion if he is. Most people celebrate the end of the work week and that is their night of drinking. But I can't help you with that. I don't like to be woken up either unless it's an emergency also. So you need to let him know. Good luck. It will be ok. ShirleyKate Rothschild wrote: Hey, I'd like to bounce something off ya all...My hub, being a stage hand, has quite bizarre hours--very unpredictable, as well as real long. for instance, he'll unload a few tractor trailers with lights, scenery, etc., set it up, run the show, and sometimes even have to put it all back on the tractor trailer. Sometimes this is in one day, or sometimes a show will be in a theatre for a week or more. Lately, he's been leaving at 7am and getting home between 11 and midnight. For the most part, I am usually in bed anywhere between 9:30 and 11pm. I don't know about any of you, but I really, truly don't like or appreciate being woken up--unless of course it is some emergency--but I just don't like being woken up at all! I suppose I am very grumpy and may even well holler at someone if they wake me--is that rude? I don't actually think it is a voluntary thing, it is kind of automatic. So, the last couple of mornings, my husband has accused me of yelling at him when he gets home at night. That has been because he has been waking me up. So I tried to calmly say today--I just don't like being woken up. Not to mention the fact that the things he wakes me up with are complaints about various stuff: something being unplugged; the guinea pigs needing more vegetables from the market; how the kids aren't listening to him telling them about how the basketball hoop has to be left, or else it will break, or how the trampoline needs to be pushed back together at the bracing....and so forth... Not only does he wake me up, but he is irritated when he does it--and I can smell the alcohol on him real strongly. I know too that he is looking for 'companionship'. I am tired and don't want intimacy AND his drinking makes me mentally and physically upset and sick-feeling...I'm sorry to be dumping about this...I just get so very frustrated.I'm thinking maybe just sleeping on the couch might be a solution for me, or , sleeping in my car! Thanks for listening to me rant! love to all, kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2007 Report Share Posted September 21, 2007 {{{{{{{Kate}}}} I was going to suggest separate sleeping rooms. You two need to sit down and talk and you have to tell him you cannot be woken up. If he wants to talk it has to be during reasonable hours, tell him what those hours are. I don't think he needs to be drinking every day after work in my opinion if he is. Most people celebrate the end of the work week and that is their night of drinking. But I can't help you with that. I don't like to be woken up either unless it's an emergency also. So you need to let him know. Good luck. It will be ok. ShirleyKate Rothschild wrote: Hey, I'd like to bounce something off ya all...My hub, being a stage hand, has quite bizarre hours--very unpredictable, as well as real long. for instance, he'll unload a few tractor trailers with lights, scenery, etc., set it up, run the show, and sometimes even have to put it all back on the tractor trailer. Sometimes this is in one day, or sometimes a show will be in a theatre for a week or more. Lately, he's been leaving at 7am and getting home between 11 and midnight. For the most part, I am usually in bed anywhere between 9:30 and 11pm. I don't know about any of you, but I really, truly don't like or appreciate being woken up--unless of course it is some emergency--but I just don't like being woken up at all! I suppose I am very grumpy and may even well holler at someone if they wake me--is that rude? I don't actually think it is a voluntary thing, it is kind of automatic. So, the last couple of mornings, my husband has accused me of yelling at him when he gets home at night. That has been because he has been waking me up. So I tried to calmly say today--I just don't like being woken up. Not to mention the fact that the things he wakes me up with are complaints about various stuff: something being unplugged; the guinea pigs needing more vegetables from the market; how the kids aren't listening to him telling them about how the basketball hoop has to be left, or else it will break, or how the trampoline needs to be pushed back together at the bracing....and so forth... Not only does he wake me up, but he is irritated when he does it--and I can smell the alcohol on him real strongly. I know too that he is looking for 'companionship'. I am tired and don't want intimacy AND his drinking makes me mentally and physically upset and sick-feeling...I'm sorry to be dumping about this...I just get so very frustrated.I'm thinking maybe just sleeping on the couch might be a solution for me, or , sleeping in my car! Thanks for listening to me rant! love to all, kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2007 Report Share Posted September 21, 2007 As far as I believe...he IS an alcoholic--in both his drinking and all the attitude that goes along with it. I forgot to say, welcome back Shirley! Know that you've been missed greatly! My hub had been a BIG pot smoker; I do think he has given that up, but never the drinking. He has also started smoking cigs--not around here..but I think it triggers my asthma. Probably the whole stress of everything is triggering my asthma though! Thank you for your words! love ,kate Re: work hours/sleep {{{{{{{Kate}}}} I was going to suggest separate sleeping rooms. You two need to sit down and talk and you have to tell him you cannot be woken up. If he wants to talk it has to be during reasonable hours, tell him what those hours are. I don't think he needs to be drinking every day after work in my opinion if he is. Most people celebrate the end of the work week and that is their night of drinking. But I can't help you with that. I don't like to be woken up either unless it's an emergency also. So you need to let him know. Good luck. It will be ok. ShirleyKate Rothschild <katelloydkidzoptonline (DOT) net> wrote: Hey, I'd like to bounce something off ya all...My hub, being a stage hand, has quite bizarre hours--very unpredictable, as well as real long. for instance, he'll unload a few tractor trailers with lights, scenery, etc., set it up, run the show, and sometimes even have to put it all back on the tractor trailer. Sometimes this is in one day, or sometimes a show will be in a theatre for a week or more. Lately, he's been leaving at 7am and getting home between 11 and midnight. For the most part, I am usually in bed anywhere between 9:30 and 11pm. I don't know about any of you, but I really, truly don't like or appreciate being woken up--unless of course it is some emergency--but I just don't like being woken up at all! I suppose I am very grumpy and may even well holler at someone if they wake me--is that rude? I don't actually think it is a voluntary thing, it is kind of automatic. So, the last couple of mornings, my husband has accused me of yelling at him when he gets home at night. That has been because he has been waking me up. So I tried to calmly say today--I just don't like being woken up. Not to mention the fact that the things he wakes me up with are complaints about various stuff: something being unplugged; the guinea pigs needing more vegetables from the market; how the kids aren't listening to him telling them about how the basketball hoop has to be left, or else it will break, or how the trampoline needs to be pushed back together at the bracing....and so forth... Not only does he wake me up, but he is irritated when he does it--and I can smell the alcohol on him real strongly. I know too that he is looking for 'companionship'. I am tired and don't want intimacy AND his drinking makes me mentally and physically upset and sick-feeling...I'm sorry to be dumping about this...I just get so very frustrated.I'm thinking maybe just sleeping on the couch might be a solution for me, or , sleeping in my car! Thanks for listening to me rant! love to all, kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2007 Report Share Posted September 21, 2007 As far as I believe...he IS an alcoholic--in both his drinking and all the attitude that goes along with it. I forgot to say, welcome back Shirley! Know that you've been missed greatly! My hub had been a BIG pot smoker; I do think he has given that up, but never the drinking. He has also started smoking cigs--not around here..but I think it triggers my asthma. Probably the whole stress of everything is triggering my asthma though! Thank you for your words! love ,kate Re: work hours/sleep {{{{{{{Kate}}}} I was going to suggest separate sleeping rooms. You two need to sit down and talk and you have to tell him you cannot be woken up. If he wants to talk it has to be during reasonable hours, tell him what those hours are. I don't think he needs to be drinking every day after work in my opinion if he is. Most people celebrate the end of the work week and that is their night of drinking. But I can't help you with that. I don't like to be woken up either unless it's an emergency also. So you need to let him know. Good luck. It will be ok. ShirleyKate Rothschild <katelloydkidzoptonline (DOT) net> wrote: Hey, I'd like to bounce something off ya all...My hub, being a stage hand, has quite bizarre hours--very unpredictable, as well as real long. for instance, he'll unload a few tractor trailers with lights, scenery, etc., set it up, run the show, and sometimes even have to put it all back on the tractor trailer. Sometimes this is in one day, or sometimes a show will be in a theatre for a week or more. Lately, he's been leaving at 7am and getting home between 11 and midnight. For the most part, I am usually in bed anywhere between 9:30 and 11pm. I don't know about any of you, but I really, truly don't like or appreciate being woken up--unless of course it is some emergency--but I just don't like being woken up at all! I suppose I am very grumpy and may even well holler at someone if they wake me--is that rude? I don't actually think it is a voluntary thing, it is kind of automatic. So, the last couple of mornings, my husband has accused me of yelling at him when he gets home at night. That has been because he has been waking me up. So I tried to calmly say today--I just don't like being woken up. Not to mention the fact that the things he wakes me up with are complaints about various stuff: something being unplugged; the guinea pigs needing more vegetables from the market; how the kids aren't listening to him telling them about how the basketball hoop has to be left, or else it will break, or how the trampoline needs to be pushed back together at the bracing....and so forth... Not only does he wake me up, but he is irritated when he does it--and I can smell the alcohol on him real strongly. I know too that he is looking for 'companionship'. I am tired and don't want intimacy AND his drinking makes me mentally and physically upset and sick-feeling...I'm sorry to be dumping about this...I just get so very frustrated.I'm thinking maybe just sleeping on the couch might be a solution for me, or , sleeping in my car! Thanks for listening to me rant! love to all, kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2007 Report Share Posted September 21, 2007 As far as I believe...he IS an alcoholic--in both his drinking and all the attitude that goes along with it. I forgot to say, welcome back Shirley! Know that you've been missed greatly! My hub had been a BIG pot smoker; I do think he has given that up, but never the drinking. He has also started smoking cigs--not around here..but I think it triggers my asthma. Probably the whole stress of everything is triggering my asthma though! Thank you for your words! love ,kate Re: work hours/sleep {{{{{{{Kate}}}} I was going to suggest separate sleeping rooms. You two need to sit down and talk and you have to tell him you cannot be woken up. If he wants to talk it has to be during reasonable hours, tell him what those hours are. I don't think he needs to be drinking every day after work in my opinion if he is. Most people celebrate the end of the work week and that is their night of drinking. But I can't help you with that. I don't like to be woken up either unless it's an emergency also. So you need to let him know. Good luck. It will be ok. ShirleyKate Rothschild <katelloydkidzoptonline (DOT) net> wrote: Hey, I'd like to bounce something off ya all...My hub, being a stage hand, has quite bizarre hours--very unpredictable, as well as real long. for instance, he'll unload a few tractor trailers with lights, scenery, etc., set it up, run the show, and sometimes even have to put it all back on the tractor trailer. Sometimes this is in one day, or sometimes a show will be in a theatre for a week or more. Lately, he's been leaving at 7am and getting home between 11 and midnight. For the most part, I am usually in bed anywhere between 9:30 and 11pm. I don't know about any of you, but I really, truly don't like or appreciate being woken up--unless of course it is some emergency--but I just don't like being woken up at all! I suppose I am very grumpy and may even well holler at someone if they wake me--is that rude? I don't actually think it is a voluntary thing, it is kind of automatic. So, the last couple of mornings, my husband has accused me of yelling at him when he gets home at night. That has been because he has been waking me up. So I tried to calmly say today--I just don't like being woken up. Not to mention the fact that the things he wakes me up with are complaints about various stuff: something being unplugged; the guinea pigs needing more vegetables from the market; how the kids aren't listening to him telling them about how the basketball hoop has to be left, or else it will break, or how the trampoline needs to be pushed back together at the bracing....and so forth... Not only does he wake me up, but he is irritated when he does it--and I can smell the alcohol on him real strongly. I know too that he is looking for 'companionship'. I am tired and don't want intimacy AND his drinking makes me mentally and physically upset and sick-feeling...I'm sorry to be dumping about this...I just get so very frustrated.I'm thinking maybe just sleeping on the couch might be a solution for me, or , sleeping in my car! Thanks for listening to me rant! love to all, kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2007 Report Share Posted September 21, 2007 Thank you nne. You are such an encourager! love to you, kate work hours/sleep Hey, I'd like to bounce something off ya all...My hub, being a stage hand, has quite bizarre hours--very unpredictable, as well as real long. for instance, he'll unload a few tractor trailers with lights, scenery, etc., set it up, run the show, and sometimes even have to put it all back on the tractor trailer. Sometimes this is in one day, or sometimes a show will be in a theatre for a week or more. Lately, he's been leaving at 7am and getting home between 11 and midnight. For the most part, I am usually in bed anywhere between 9:30 and 11pm. I don't know about any of you, but I really, truly don't like or appreciate being woken up--unless of course it is some emergency--but I just don't like being woken up at all! I suppose I am very grumpy and may even well holler at someone if they wake me--is that rude? I don't actually think it is a voluntary thing, it is kind of automatic. So, the last couple of mornings, my husband has accused me of yelling at him when he gets home at night. That has been because he has been waking me up. So I tried to calmly say today--I just don't like being woken up. Not to mention the fact that the things he wakes me up with are complaints about various stuff: something being unplugged; the guinea pigs needing more vegetables from the market; how the kids aren't listening to him telling them about how the basketball hoop has to be left, or else it will break, or how the trampoline needs to be pushed back together at the bracing....and so forth... Not only does he wake me up, but he is irritated when he does it--and I can smell the alcohol on him real strongly. I know too that he is looking for 'companionship'. I am tired and don't want intimacy AND his drinking makes me mentally and physically upset and sick-feeling...I'm sorry to be dumping about this...I just get so very frustrated.I'm thinking maybe just sleeping on the couch might be a solution for me, or , sleeping in my car! Thanks for listening to me rant! love to all, kate No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.487 / Virus Database: 269.13.27/1020 - Release Date: 9/20/2007 12:07 PM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2007 Report Share Posted September 21, 2007 Thank you nne. You are such an encourager! love to you, kate work hours/sleep Hey, I'd like to bounce something off ya all...My hub, being a stage hand, has quite bizarre hours--very unpredictable, as well as real long. for instance, he'll unload a few tractor trailers with lights, scenery, etc., set it up, run the show, and sometimes even have to put it all back on the tractor trailer. Sometimes this is in one day, or sometimes a show will be in a theatre for a week or more. Lately, he's been leaving at 7am and getting home between 11 and midnight. For the most part, I am usually in bed anywhere between 9:30 and 11pm. I don't know about any of you, but I really, truly don't like or appreciate being woken up--unless of course it is some emergency--but I just don't like being woken up at all! I suppose I am very grumpy and may even well holler at someone if they wake me--is that rude? I don't actually think it is a voluntary thing, it is kind of automatic. So, the last couple of mornings, my husband has accused me of yelling at him when he gets home at night. That has been because he has been waking me up. So I tried to calmly say today--I just don't like being woken up. Not to mention the fact that the things he wakes me up with are complaints about various stuff: something being unplugged; the guinea pigs needing more vegetables from the market; how the kids aren't listening to him telling them about how the basketball hoop has to be left, or else it will break, or how the trampoline needs to be pushed back together at the bracing....and so forth... Not only does he wake me up, but he is irritated when he does it--and I can smell the alcohol on him real strongly. I know too that he is looking for 'companionship'. I am tired and don't want intimacy AND his drinking makes me mentally and physically upset and sick-feeling...I'm sorry to be dumping about this...I just get so very frustrated.I'm thinking maybe just sleeping on the couch might be a solution for me, or , sleeping in my car! Thanks for listening to me rant! love to all, kate No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.487 / Virus Database: 269.13.27/1020 - Release Date: 9/20/2007 12:07 PM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2007 Report Share Posted September 21, 2007 Thank you nne. You are such an encourager! love to you, kate work hours/sleep Hey, I'd like to bounce something off ya all...My hub, being a stage hand, has quite bizarre hours--very unpredictable, as well as real long. for instance, he'll unload a few tractor trailers with lights, scenery, etc., set it up, run the show, and sometimes even have to put it all back on the tractor trailer. Sometimes this is in one day, or sometimes a show will be in a theatre for a week or more. Lately, he's been leaving at 7am and getting home between 11 and midnight. For the most part, I am usually in bed anywhere between 9:30 and 11pm. I don't know about any of you, but I really, truly don't like or appreciate being woken up--unless of course it is some emergency--but I just don't like being woken up at all! I suppose I am very grumpy and may even well holler at someone if they wake me--is that rude? I don't actually think it is a voluntary thing, it is kind of automatic. So, the last couple of mornings, my husband has accused me of yelling at him when he gets home at night. That has been because he has been waking me up. So I tried to calmly say today--I just don't like being woken up. Not to mention the fact that the things he wakes me up with are complaints about various stuff: something being unplugged; the guinea pigs needing more vegetables from the market; how the kids aren't listening to him telling them about how the basketball hoop has to be left, or else it will break, or how the trampoline needs to be pushed back together at the bracing....and so forth... Not only does he wake me up, but he is irritated when he does it--and I can smell the alcohol on him real strongly. I know too that he is looking for 'companionship'. I am tired and don't want intimacy AND his drinking makes me mentally and physically upset and sick-feeling...I'm sorry to be dumping about this...I just get so very frustrated.I'm thinking maybe just sleeping on the couch might be a solution for me, or , sleeping in my car! Thanks for listening to me rant! love to all, kate No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.487 / Virus Database: 269.13.27/1020 - Release Date: 9/20/2007 12:07 PM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2007 Report Share Posted September 21, 2007 Kate~ I don't like being awaken either. I get really moody and irritable. I like going to bed when I'm ready and waking up when I'm ready. I don't like being dictated to, and I feel that I'm being dictated by time. DH needs to get up at a certain hour, so I set the clock for him. I have to get up as well, because "a couple are supposed to do everything together". I go to bed when he does because "a couple are supposed to do everything together". It doesn't matter that I live with insomnia on an everyday basis. Take a pill. I have to if I hope to get any sleep at all. Oh DH's days off, he wants to sleep all day. Give me a break! I can only sleep so many hours in a 24hr. span. Even taking sleep aids, that's usually good for only 4 or 5 hrs. But, in that 4 or 5 hours, I expect to sleep and not be interrupted. Unfortunately, that's usually when all the phones in the house start ringing. And the calls are not for me. Well, once I've been awaken more than a couple of times, that's pretty much all she wrote. I'm wide awkake now. But, then DH hasn't had enough sleep. He comes back to bed, and I lay there untill I see the light of day, and I'm up untill DH is ready to go to bed. Kate, what I am saying is...We all want the marriage to be what it's meant to be. A union based on love, respect and equality. And most of all love. But, most of the time, there is an imbalance. Is one giving more than the other? Is one taking more than the other? There has to be a mutual understanding. Love and blessings...Val work hours/sleep Hey, I'd like to bounce something off ya all...My hub, being a stage hand, has quite bizarre hours--very unpredictable, as well as real long. for instance, he'll unload a few tractor trailers with lights, scenery, etc., set it up, run the show, and sometimes even have to put it all back on the tractor trailer. Sometimes this is in one day, or sometimes a show will be in a theatre for a week or more. Lately, he's been leaving at 7am and getting home between 11 and midnight. For the most part, I am usually in bed anywhere between 9:30 and 11pm. I don't know about any of you, but I really, truly don't like or appreciate being woken up--unless of course it is some emergency--but I just don't like being woken up at all! I suppose I am very grumpy and may even well holler at someone if they wake me--is that rude? I don't actually think it is a voluntary thing, it is kind of automatic. So, the last couple of mornings, my husband has accused me of yelling at him when he gets home at night. That has been because he has been waking me up. So I tried to calmly say today--I just don't like being woken up. Not to mention the fact that the things he wakes me up with are complaints about various stuff: something being unplugged; the guinea pigs needing more vegetables from the market; how the kids aren't listening to him telling them about how the basketball hoop has to be left, or else it will break, or how the trampoline needs to be pushed back together at the bracing....and so forth... Not only does he wake me up, but he is irritated when he does it--and I can smell the alcohol on him real strongly. I know too that he is looking for 'companionship'. I am tired and don't want intimacy AND his drinking makes me mentally and physically upset and sick-feeling...I'm sorry to be dumping about this...I just get so very frustrated.I'm thinking maybe just sleeping on the couch might be a solution for me, or , sleeping in my car! Thanks for listening to me rant! love to all, kate No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.488 / Virus Database: 269.13.27/1020 - Release Date: 9/20/07 12:07 PM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2007 Report Share Posted September 21, 2007 Kate, Can you ask your hubby to make a list of things he notices around the house that he thinks need to be done and put it on the fridge or kitchen table instead of waking you up to tell you when he gets home? As for the drinking part, I don't know what to tell you there. My hubby hasn't had a drink for years. Both of his parents were alcoholics and his brother is one. I told him when we decided to get married that I wouldn't deal with that at all. He does have an occasional beer but thats about it. I don't like being woke up when I am tired and I bet if you were to do it to him on a regular basis he wouldn't appreciate it either. Could you get some earplugs for yourself? I'd also tell him that unless he stops waking you up and stops coming home drunk there is no chance of intimacy. You need your strength and his focus for that. Hugs, Peggy > > Hey, I'd like to bounce something off ya all...My hub, being a stage hand, has quite bizarre hours--very unpredictable, as well > as real long. for instance, he'll unload a few tractor trailers with lights, scenery, etc., set it up, run the show, and sometimes > even have to put it all back on the tractor trailer. Sometimes this is in one day, or sometimes a show will be in a theatre for > a week or more. Lately, he's been leaving at 7am and getting home between 11 and midnight. For the most part, I am usually > in bed anywhere between 9:30 and 11pm. I don't know about any of you, but I really, truly don't like or appreciate being woken > up--unless of course it is some emergency--but I just don't like being woken up at all! I suppose I am very grumpy and may > even well holler at someone if they wake me--is that rude? I don't actually think it is a voluntary thing, it is kind of automatic. > So, the last couple of mornings, my husband has accused me of yelling at him when he gets home at night. That has been > because he has been waking me up. So I tried to calmly say today--I just don't like being woken up. Not to mention the > fact that the things he wakes me up with are complaints about various stuff: something being unplugged; the guinea pigs > needing more vegetables from the market; how the kids aren't listening to him telling them about how the basketball hoop > has to be left, or else it will break, or how the trampoline needs to be pushed back together at the bracing....and so forth... > Not only does he wake me up, but he is irritated when he does it-- and I can smell the alcohol on him real strongly. I know > too that he is looking for 'companionship'. I am tired and don't want intimacy AND his drinking makes me mentally and > physically upset and sick-feeling...I'm sorry to be dumping about this...I just get so very frustrated.I'm thinking maybe just > sleeping on the couch might be a solution for me, or , sleeping in my car! Thanks for listening to me rant! > love to all, kate > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2007 Report Share Posted September 21, 2007 I guess my husband (deceased) and I never got that line about a couple doing everything together--well certain essential things, of course!--but we were best friends, not slaves either one to the other! He adapted to my needs as a person with chronic illness, and ultimately I had to adapt to HIS terminal liver cancer! In between, we reared four kids, coped with their respective adolescences, got them off to college, and to his everlasting credit, Hans always did most of the housekeeping (he would do ANYTHING for food!) and ultimately learned to make the best pies in the world, too! We did many things separately, and he NEVER required me to get up with him (there ARE some blessings in life) nor to stay up as late as he did! We cheered one another on--and on--and on! Hans was a Holocaust Survivor and I guess he really "got it" that slavery and controlling others was just NOT a good thing! Good luck, Val, with this guy--good thing that I do not live next door, and to you, too, Kate, with your guy. Besides, Hans always brought ME coffee or tea in the morning, in return for which I baked brownies for him in the evening as he stayed up later than did I. Love to all of you with your spouses or partners, n --------- work hours/sleep Hey, I'd like to bounce something off ya all...My hub, being a stage hand, has quite bizarre hours--very unpredictable, as well as real long. for instance, he'll unload a few tractor trailers with lights, scenery, etc., set it up, run the show, and sometimes even have to put it all back on the tractor trailer. Sometimes this is in one day, or sometimes a show will be in a theatre for a week or more. Lately, he's been leaving at 7am and getting home between 11 and midnight. For the most part, I am usually in bed anywhere between 9:30 and 11pm. I don't know about any of you, but I really, truly don't like or appreciate being woken up--unless of course it is some emergency--but I just don't like being woken up at all! I suppose I am very grumpy and may even well holler at someone if they wake me--is that rude? I don't actually think it is a voluntary thing, it is kind of automatic. So, the last couple of mornings, my husband has accused me of yelling at him when he gets home at night. That has been because he has been waking me up. So I tried to calmly say today--I just don't like being woken up. Not to mention the fact that the things he wakes me up with are complaints about various stuff: something being unplugged; the guinea pigs needing more vegetables from the market; how the kids aren't listening to him telling them about how the basketball hoop has to be left, or else it will break, or how the trampoline needs to be pushed back together at the bracing....and so forth... Not only does he wake me up, but he is irritated when he does it--and I can smell the alcohol on him real strongly. I know too that he is looking for 'companionship'. I am tired and don't want intimacy AND his drinking makes me mentally and physically upset and sick-feeling...I'm sorry to be dumping about this...I just get so very frustrated.I'm thinking maybe just sleeping on the couch might be a solution for me, or , sleeping in my car! Thanks for listening to me rant! love to all, kate No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.488 / Virus Database: 269.13.27/1020 - Release Date: 9/20/07 12:07 PM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2007 Report Share Posted September 21, 2007 I guess my husband (deceased) and I never got that line about a couple doing everything together--well certain essential things, of course!--but we were best friends, not slaves either one to the other! He adapted to my needs as a person with chronic illness, and ultimately I had to adapt to HIS terminal liver cancer! In between, we reared four kids, coped with their respective adolescences, got them off to college, and to his everlasting credit, Hans always did most of the housekeeping (he would do ANYTHING for food!) and ultimately learned to make the best pies in the world, too! We did many things separately, and he NEVER required me to get up with him (there ARE some blessings in life) nor to stay up as late as he did! We cheered one another on--and on--and on! Hans was a Holocaust Survivor and I guess he really "got it" that slavery and controlling others was just NOT a good thing! Good luck, Val, with this guy--good thing that I do not live next door, and to you, too, Kate, with your guy. Besides, Hans always brought ME coffee or tea in the morning, in return for which I baked brownies for him in the evening as he stayed up later than did I. Love to all of you with your spouses or partners, n --------- work hours/sleep Hey, I'd like to bounce something off ya all...My hub, being a stage hand, has quite bizarre hours--very unpredictable, as well as real long. for instance, he'll unload a few tractor trailers with lights, scenery, etc., set it up, run the show, and sometimes even have to put it all back on the tractor trailer. Sometimes this is in one day, or sometimes a show will be in a theatre for a week or more. Lately, he's been leaving at 7am and getting home between 11 and midnight. For the most part, I am usually in bed anywhere between 9:30 and 11pm. I don't know about any of you, but I really, truly don't like or appreciate being woken up--unless of course it is some emergency--but I just don't like being woken up at all! I suppose I am very grumpy and may even well holler at someone if they wake me--is that rude? I don't actually think it is a voluntary thing, it is kind of automatic. So, the last couple of mornings, my husband has accused me of yelling at him when he gets home at night. That has been because he has been waking me up. So I tried to calmly say today--I just don't like being woken up. Not to mention the fact that the things he wakes me up with are complaints about various stuff: something being unplugged; the guinea pigs needing more vegetables from the market; how the kids aren't listening to him telling them about how the basketball hoop has to be left, or else it will break, or how the trampoline needs to be pushed back together at the bracing....and so forth... Not only does he wake me up, but he is irritated when he does it--and I can smell the alcohol on him real strongly. I know too that he is looking for 'companionship'. I am tired and don't want intimacy AND his drinking makes me mentally and physically upset and sick-feeling...I'm sorry to be dumping about this...I just get so very frustrated.I'm thinking maybe just sleeping on the couch might be a solution for me, or , sleeping in my car! Thanks for listening to me rant! love to all, kate No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.488 / Virus Database: 269.13.27/1020 - Release Date: 9/20/07 12:07 PM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2007 Report Share Posted September 21, 2007 n~ Sounds like you and Hans were a perfect couple. I do have to say one thing for DH. After 8 years of being with me, he's finally starting to "get it". MS is not normal, so how in the heck can a person expect another to be normal. The past two nights, DH has gone to bed alone and not complained that I was not tired and did not require sleep. I went to bed when I got tired. That's not to say that I wasn't awaken when the alarm clock went off bright and early. But, that's okay. I slept my 4-5 hours and was fine. We've only been married a few months, so I'm gradually changing things to better suit myself. I'm not trying to change him. No. I love him for the person he is. I'm just changing his way of seeing things. Not all things are black and white or cut and dry. To me, there's always a better way. Not one way...but two way. Hans was a holocaust survivor? I am so sorry he had to go through that. I am thankful he survived. Wow...that's something to think about. Do you think that maybe some of the things he was exposed to may have caused his cancer? I am so sorry he is not with you now. I have done a lot of research on the holocaust. For some reason, I was just fastinated(sp) by it. I started studying it in High School. It was there that I read, The Diary of Anne . One of the best movies I have ever seen is Schindler's List. I have it and watch it all the time. There's also a good movie that was made for HBO called, The Conspiracy. It's a movie about all of Hitler's generals (who all happened to be lawyers) at a meeting in Germany plotting the demise of the Jews. It was all recorded, but the records were supposed to be destroyed after the meeting, so no one would ever find out what their plan was. Well one of the dummies ( I don't remember his name) neglected to destroy his paperwork and it was found. It had the date/time/and place all recorded. I believe it was the minutes of the meeting. Anyway, everything was there. These are the documents that were used to make the movie. It's very good. I own this movie also. I can't tell you how many times I've seen it. Just guessing...I'd have to say at least 50 times. I think that both of these movies should be shown in all the history classes in the U.S.. Things like this should remain fresh in our minds. I'm just as ademant about this as I am 9/11. Neither one should be forgotten. Well this response certainly took me all over the page, didn't it. Must be because I've missed you.<wink> I am so glad you are back and posting again. God bless... Val work hours/sleep Hey, I'd like to bounce something off ya all...My hub, being a stage hand, has quite bizarre hours--very unpredictable, as well as real long. for instance, he'll unload a few tractor trailers with lights, scenery, etc., set it up, run the show, and sometimes even have to put it all back on the tractor trailer. Sometimes this is in one day, or sometimes a show will be in a theatre for a week or more. Lately, he's been leaving at 7am and getting home between 11 and midnight. For the most part, I am usually in bed anywhere between 9:30 and 11pm. I don't know about any of you, but I really, truly don't like or appreciate being woken up--unless of course it is some emergency--but I just don't like being woken up at all! I suppose I am very grumpy and may even well holler at someone if they wake me--is that rude? I don't actually think it is a voluntary thing, it is kind of automatic. So, the last couple of mornings, my husband has accused me of yelling at him when he gets home at night. That has been because he has been waking me up. So I tried to calmly say today--I just don't like being woken up. Not to mention the fact that the things he wakes me up with are complaints about various stuff: something being unplugged; the guinea pigs needing more vegetables from the market; how the kids aren't listening to him telling them about how the basketball hoop has to be left, or else it will break, or how the trampoline needs to be pushed back together at the bracing....and so forth... Not only does he wake me up, but he is irritated when he does it--and I can smell the alcohol on him real strongly. I know too that he is looking for 'companionship'. I am tired and don't want intimacy AND his drinking makes me mentally and physically upset and sick-feeling...I'm sorry to be dumping about this...I just get so very frustrated.I'm thinking maybe just sleeping on the couch might be a solution for me, or , sleeping in my car! Thanks for listening to me rant! love to all, kate No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.488 / Virus Database: 269.13.27/1020 - Release Date: 9/20/07 12:07 PM No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.488 / Virus Database: 269.13.27/1020 - Release Date: 9/20/07 12:07 PM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2007 Report Share Posted September 21, 2007 n~ Sounds like you and Hans were a perfect couple. I do have to say one thing for DH. After 8 years of being with me, he's finally starting to "get it". MS is not normal, so how in the heck can a person expect another to be normal. The past two nights, DH has gone to bed alone and not complained that I was not tired and did not require sleep. I went to bed when I got tired. That's not to say that I wasn't awaken when the alarm clock went off bright and early. But, that's okay. I slept my 4-5 hours and was fine. We've only been married a few months, so I'm gradually changing things to better suit myself. I'm not trying to change him. No. I love him for the person he is. I'm just changing his way of seeing things. Not all things are black and white or cut and dry. To me, there's always a better way. Not one way...but two way. Hans was a holocaust survivor? I am so sorry he had to go through that. I am thankful he survived. Wow...that's something to think about. Do you think that maybe some of the things he was exposed to may have caused his cancer? I am so sorry he is not with you now. I have done a lot of research on the holocaust. For some reason, I was just fastinated(sp) by it. I started studying it in High School. It was there that I read, The Diary of Anne . One of the best movies I have ever seen is Schindler's List. I have it and watch it all the time. There's also a good movie that was made for HBO called, The Conspiracy. It's a movie about all of Hitler's generals (who all happened to be lawyers) at a meeting in Germany plotting the demise of the Jews. It was all recorded, but the records were supposed to be destroyed after the meeting, so no one would ever find out what their plan was. Well one of the dummies ( I don't remember his name) neglected to destroy his paperwork and it was found. It had the date/time/and place all recorded. I believe it was the minutes of the meeting. Anyway, everything was there. These are the documents that were used to make the movie. It's very good. I own this movie also. I can't tell you how many times I've seen it. Just guessing...I'd have to say at least 50 times. I think that both of these movies should be shown in all the history classes in the U.S.. Things like this should remain fresh in our minds. I'm just as ademant about this as I am 9/11. Neither one should be forgotten. Well this response certainly took me all over the page, didn't it. Must be because I've missed you.<wink> I am so glad you are back and posting again. God bless... Val work hours/sleep Hey, I'd like to bounce something off ya all...My hub, being a stage hand, has quite bizarre hours--very unpredictable, as well as real long. for instance, he'll unload a few tractor trailers with lights, scenery, etc., set it up, run the show, and sometimes even have to put it all back on the tractor trailer. Sometimes this is in one day, or sometimes a show will be in a theatre for a week or more. Lately, he's been leaving at 7am and getting home between 11 and midnight. For the most part, I am usually in bed anywhere between 9:30 and 11pm. I don't know about any of you, but I really, truly don't like or appreciate being woken up--unless of course it is some emergency--but I just don't like being woken up at all! I suppose I am very grumpy and may even well holler at someone if they wake me--is that rude? I don't actually think it is a voluntary thing, it is kind of automatic. So, the last couple of mornings, my husband has accused me of yelling at him when he gets home at night. That has been because he has been waking me up. So I tried to calmly say today--I just don't like being woken up. Not to mention the fact that the things he wakes me up with are complaints about various stuff: something being unplugged; the guinea pigs needing more vegetables from the market; how the kids aren't listening to him telling them about how the basketball hoop has to be left, or else it will break, or how the trampoline needs to be pushed back together at the bracing....and so forth... Not only does he wake me up, but he is irritated when he does it--and I can smell the alcohol on him real strongly. I know too that he is looking for 'companionship'. I am tired and don't want intimacy AND his drinking makes me mentally and physically upset and sick-feeling...I'm sorry to be dumping about this...I just get so very frustrated.I'm thinking maybe just sleeping on the couch might be a solution for me, or , sleeping in my car! Thanks for listening to me rant! love to all, kate No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.488 / Virus Database: 269.13.27/1020 - Release Date: 9/20/07 12:07 PM No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.488 / Virus Database: 269.13.27/1020 - Release Date: 9/20/07 12:07 PM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2007 Report Share Posted September 21, 2007 Dear Val and others who have the fortitude to follow all this about spouses, partners, lifelong companions, et. al. Regarding Hans, the major trauma in his life probably was not only the Holocaust, but his own creative personality. He was a teacher, a professor, a playwright and a sort of genius. He was a quiet extrovert who tended to panic when left alone. He had NO sense of direction as applied to maps, driving, left/right, N/S/EW, and so on. It was a true miracle that he ever got to and from work. He just adored our children, and left them a lasting legacy of both gifts and quirks. He was endlessly entertaining (not that I myself am not laughable!). He did have a parasite infection, called Toxoplasmosis (which I also have--no problems at all, so far) and we know, as I have cystic fibrosis, that he was a cystic fibrosis carrier. What we do NOT know, as he died before the genes for cystic fibrosis were discoverered, is whether he may actually have HAD cystic fibrosis, and therefore, some degree of chronic liver disease, all along. Shortly before his demise, and in hospital, a kindly practioner of Zen Buddhism entered his room and asked whether he might guide him in meditation. (I was present for this) Hans looked at him in astonishment (through the morphine) and said, "Sir, I have the utmost respect for the Asian traditions. . . .and NO patience for them!" So, I escorted this very kind man out of the room and explained to him that I thought that Hans might be unaware that he had lived so much of his life in a sort of "trance," and was a Holocaust Survivor and surely intended no harm. Whereupon this kind gentleman escorted me to a quiet office and WE meditated together, which I find very rewarding. All of the above surely reminds me that there is more to life than our MonSter and our Multiple Surprises! Love to you, Val, and to all in our group, n --------- work hours/sleep Hey, I'd like to bounce something off ya all...My hub, being a stage hand, has quite bizarre hours--very unpredictable, as well as real long. for instance, he'll unload a few tractor trailers with lights, scenery, etc., set it up, run the show, and sometimes even have to put it all back on the tractor trailer. Sometimes this is in one day, or sometimes a show will be in a theatre for a week or more. Lately, he's been leaving at 7am and getting home between 11 and midnight. For the most part, I am usually in bed anywhere between 9:30 and 11pm. I don't know about any of you, but I really, truly don't like or appreciate being woken up--unless of course it is some emergency--but I just don't like being woken up at all! I suppose I am very grumpy and may even well holler at someone if they wake me--is that rude? I don't actually think it is a voluntary thing, it is kind of automatic. So, the last couple of mornings, my husband has accused me of yelling at him when he gets home at night. That has been because he has been waking me up. So I tried to calmly say today--I just don't like being woken up. Not to mention the fact that the things he wakes me up with are complaints about various stuff: something being unplugged; the guinea pigs needing more vegetables from the market; how the kids aren't listening to him telling them about how the basketball hoop has to be left, or else it will break, or how the trampoline needs to be pushed back together at the bracing....and so forth... Not only does he wake me up, but he is irritated when he does it--and I can smell the alcohol on him real strongly. I know too that he is looking for 'companionship'. I am tired and don't want intimacy AND his drinking makes me mentally and physically upset and sick-feeling...I'm sorry to be dumping about this...I just get so very frustrated.I'm thinking maybe just sleeping on the couch might be a solution for me, or , sleeping in my car! Thanks for listening to me rant! love to all, kate No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.488 / Virus Database: 269.13.27/1020 - Release Date: 9/20/07 12:07 PM No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.488 / Virus Database: 269.13.27/1020 - Release Date: 9/20/07 12:07 PM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2007 Report Share Posted September 21, 2007 Well said, n. That's my feelings too. You had a great husband and a great relationship. I wish it were true for everyone.My ex-husband was a controlling kind of nut...err.... I mean guy, too. We were together less than 3 years. I left him when I was pregnant with my baby (who is now 35). Life is too short and too precious to be miserable. Anyway, he came to visit once some years after we had divorced. One day he told me "you need to vacuum the floor". I told him "if you want it vacuumed do it yourself. This is MY house and I'll vacuum when I want." He punished me by leaving. ROFL I had put up with him being there because I thought the kids wanted to see him. I found out years later that they were extremely relieved when he left. Controlling husbands are also controlling fathers in my experience.hugs to all)))Sharon This email is a natural hand made product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects. work hours/sleep Hey, I'd like to bounce something off ya all...My hub, being a stage hand, has quite bizarre hours--very unpredictable, as well as real long. for instance, he'll unload a few tractor trailers with lights, scenery, etc., set it up, run the show, and sometimes even have to put it all back on the tractor trailer. Sometimes this is in one day, or sometimes a show will be in a theatre for a week or more. Lately, he's been leaving at 7am and getting home between 11 and midnight. For the most part, I am usually in bed anywhere between 9:30 and 11pm. I don't know about any of you, but I really, truly don't like or appreciate being woken up--unless of course it is some emergency--but I just don't like being woken up at all! I suppose I am very grumpy and may even well holler at someone if they wake me--is that rude? I don't actually think it is a voluntary thing, it is kind of automatic. So, the last couple of mornings, my husband has accused me of yelling at him when he gets home at night. That has been because he has been waking me up. So I tried to calmly say today--I just don't like being woken up. Not to mention the fact that the things he wakes me up with are complaints about various stuff: something being unplugged; the guinea pigs needing more vegetables from the market; how the kids aren't listening to him telling them about how the basketball hoop has to be left, or else it will break, or how the trampoline needs to be pushed back together at the bracing....and so forth... Not only does he wake me up, but he is irritated when he does it--and I can smell the alcohol on him real strongly. I know too that he is looking for 'companionship' . I am tired and don't want intimacy AND his drinking makes me mentally and physically upset and sick-feeling. ..I'm sorry to be dumping about this...I just get so very frustrated.I' m thinking maybe just sleeping on the couch might be a solution for me, or , sleeping in my car! Thanks for listening to me rant! love to all, kate No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.488 / Virus Database: 269.13.27/1020 - Release Date: 9/20/07 12:07 PM Need a vacation? Get great deals to amazing places on Yahoo! Travel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2007 Report Share Posted September 21, 2007 Well said, n. That's my feelings too. You had a great husband and a great relationship. I wish it were true for everyone.My ex-husband was a controlling kind of nut...err.... I mean guy, too. We were together less than 3 years. I left him when I was pregnant with my baby (who is now 35). Life is too short and too precious to be miserable. Anyway, he came to visit once some years after we had divorced. One day he told me "you need to vacuum the floor". I told him "if you want it vacuumed do it yourself. This is MY house and I'll vacuum when I want." He punished me by leaving. ROFL I had put up with him being there because I thought the kids wanted to see him. I found out years later that they were extremely relieved when he left. Controlling husbands are also controlling fathers in my experience.hugs to all)))Sharon This email is a natural hand made product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects. work hours/sleep Hey, I'd like to bounce something off ya all...My hub, being a stage hand, has quite bizarre hours--very unpredictable, as well as real long. for instance, he'll unload a few tractor trailers with lights, scenery, etc., set it up, run the show, and sometimes even have to put it all back on the tractor trailer. Sometimes this is in one day, or sometimes a show will be in a theatre for a week or more. Lately, he's been leaving at 7am and getting home between 11 and midnight. For the most part, I am usually in bed anywhere between 9:30 and 11pm. I don't know about any of you, but I really, truly don't like or appreciate being woken up--unless of course it is some emergency--but I just don't like being woken up at all! I suppose I am very grumpy and may even well holler at someone if they wake me--is that rude? I don't actually think it is a voluntary thing, it is kind of automatic. So, the last couple of mornings, my husband has accused me of yelling at him when he gets home at night. That has been because he has been waking me up. So I tried to calmly say today--I just don't like being woken up. Not to mention the fact that the things he wakes me up with are complaints about various stuff: something being unplugged; the guinea pigs needing more vegetables from the market; how the kids aren't listening to him telling them about how the basketball hoop has to be left, or else it will break, or how the trampoline needs to be pushed back together at the bracing....and so forth... Not only does he wake me up, but he is irritated when he does it--and I can smell the alcohol on him real strongly. I know too that he is looking for 'companionship' . I am tired and don't want intimacy AND his drinking makes me mentally and physically upset and sick-feeling. ..I'm sorry to be dumping about this...I just get so very frustrated.I' m thinking maybe just sleeping on the couch might be a solution for me, or , sleeping in my car! Thanks for listening to me rant! love to all, kate No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.488 / Virus Database: 269.13.27/1020 - Release Date: 9/20/07 12:07 PM Need a vacation? Get great deals to amazing places on Yahoo! Travel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 21, 2007 Report Share Posted September 21, 2007 Sharon, I think that you definitely did the right thing. My eldest sister, married consecutively three alcoholics, who were paradoxically also control freaks. She divorced each of them. One day our mother said to me sweetly, "Dear why is it that she marries these, well, questionable men? All the rest of you seem to have picked such very nice husbands and wives?" I truly had no answer for her, but am surely glad that you had the sense NOT to repeat the first blooper! Part of what made our marriage work was that Hans was thirteen years older than me, and very happy to be married and have real, live kids! (and those brownies, and good coffee!), love to you Sharon, and to all couples in our group, n --------- work hours/sleep Hey, I'd like to bounce something off ya all...My hub, being a stage hand, has quite bizarre hours--very unpredictable, as well as real long. for instance, he'll unload a few tractor trailers with lights, scenery, etc., set it up, run the show, and sometimes even have to put it all back on the tractor trailer. Sometimes this is in one day, or sometimes a show will be in a theatre for a week or more. Lately, he's been leaving at 7am and getting home between 11 and midnight. For the most part, I am usually in bed anywhere between 9:30 and 11pm. I don't know about any of you, but I really, truly don't like or appreciate being woken up--unless of course it is some emergency--but I just don't like being woken up at all! I suppose I am very grumpy and may even well holler at someone if they wake me--is that rude? I don't actually think it is a voluntary thing, it is kind of automatic. So, the last couple of mornings, my husband has accused me of yelling at him when he gets home at night. That has been because he has been waking me up. So I tried to calmly say today--I just don't like being woken up. Not to mention the fact that the things he wakes me up with are complaints about various stuff: something being unplugged; the guinea pigs needing more vegetables from the market; how the kids aren't listening to him telling them about how the basketball hoop has to be left, or else it will break, or how the trampoline needs to be pushed back together at the bracing....and so forth... Not only does he wake me up, but he is irritated when he does it--and I can smell the alcohol on him real strongly. I know too that he is looking for 'companionship' . I am tired and don't want intimacy AND his drinking makes me mentally and physically upset and sick-feeling. ..I'm sorry to be dumping about this...I just get so very frustrated.I' m thinking maybe just sleeping on the couch might be a solution for me, or , sleeping in my car! Thanks for listening to me rant! love to all, kate No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.488 / Virus Database: 269.13.27/1020 - Release Date: 9/20/07 12:07 PM Need a vacation? Get great deals to amazing places on Yahoo! Travel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2007 Report Share Posted September 22, 2007 Wow n! Hans was a Holocaust survivor!? Then had liver cancer? Oh wow. It's good to read that you did your own separate things. That I think, is really healthy in a marriage. My husband is rarely home--working 18 or so hours a day lately. So, when he IS home--it's that he wants to do 'family' stuff. Well, the kids are not so very fond of, or close to, their dad. Mainly because he makes them feel quite worthless in his constantly barraging them with how they do things wrong, or how they could do things better. I find since the MS dx, my marriage has gotten worse. Marriage is, I find, enough of a challenge, and quite difficult most times. With MS in the mix, it is more painful. love, kate I guess my husband (deceased) and I never got that line about a couple doing everything together--well certain essential things, of course!--but we were best friends, not slaves either one to the other! He adapted to my needs as a person with chronic illness, and ultimately I had to adapt to HIS terminal liver cancer! In between, we reared four kids, coped with their respective adolescences, got them off to college, and to his everlasting credit, Hans always did most of the housekeeping (he would do ANYTHING for food!) and ultimately learned to make the best pies in the world, too! We did many things separately, and he NEVER required me to get up with him (there ARE some blessings in life) nor to stay up as late as he did! We cheered one another on--and on--and on! Hans was a Holocaust Survivor and I guess he really "got it" that slavery and controlling others was just NOT a good thing! Good luck, Val, with this guy--good thing that I do not live next door, and to you, too, Kate, with your guy. Besides, Hans always brought ME coffee or tea in the morning, in return for which I baked brownies for him in the evening as he stayed up later than did I. Love to all of you with your spouses or partners, n Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2007 Report Share Posted September 22, 2007 I don't know quite HOW to go about getting a divorce. I know that may sound odd, but I've told my husband on many occasions that I cannot live with him anymore, and that I do indeed want a divorce. He, obviously, does not. So...what do you do..how do you proceed with someone who does NOT want a divorce...and YOU do? It seems to be a real confusion to me how to 'go about it'... ~always, kate Sharon, I think that you definitely did the right thing. My eldest sister, married consecutively three alcoholics, who were paradoxically also control freaks. She divorced each of them. One day our mother said to me sweetly, "Dear why is it that she marries these, well, questionable men? All the rest of you seem to have picked such very nice husbands and wives?" I truly had no answer for her, but am surely glad that you had the sense NOT to repeat the first blooper! Part of what made our marriage work was that Hans was thirteen years older than me, and very happy to be married and have real, live kids! (and those brownies, and good coffee!), love to you Sharon, and to all couples in our group, n Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2007 Report Share Posted September 22, 2007 I don't know quite HOW to go about getting a divorce. I know that may sound odd, but I've told my husband on many occasions that I cannot live with him anymore, and that I do indeed want a divorce. He, obviously, does not. So...what do you do..how do you proceed with someone who does NOT want a divorce...and YOU do? It seems to be a real confusion to me how to 'go about it'... ~always, kate Sharon, I think that you definitely did the right thing. My eldest sister, married consecutively three alcoholics, who were paradoxically also control freaks. She divorced each of them. One day our mother said to me sweetly, "Dear why is it that she marries these, well, questionable men? All the rest of you seem to have picked such very nice husbands and wives?" I truly had no answer for her, but am surely glad that you had the sense NOT to repeat the first blooper! Part of what made our marriage work was that Hans was thirteen years older than me, and very happy to be married and have real, live kids! (and those brownies, and good coffee!), love to you Sharon, and to all couples in our group, n Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2007 Report Share Posted September 22, 2007 Dear Kate, I am in California, which is always a bit different from other states, but here IF the husband refuses to sign the divorce decree, the divorce becomes final after six months, whether he signs it or NOT! love and luck to you in doing whatever will make your life easier, n -------------- Original message -------------- I don't know quite HOW to go about getting a divorce. I know that may sound odd, but I've told my husband on many occasions that I cannot live with him anymore, and that I do indeed want a divorce. He, obviously, does not. So...what do you do..how do you proceed with someone who does NOT want a divorce...and YOU do? It seems to be a real confusion to me how to 'go about it'... ~always, kate Sharon, I think that you definitely did the right thing. My eldest sister, married consecutively three alcoholics, who were paradoxically also control freaks. She divorced each of them. One day our mother said to me sweetly, "Dear why is it that she marries these, well, questionable men? All the rest of you seem to have picked such very nice husbands and wives?" I truly had no answer for her, but am surely glad that you had the sense NOT to repeat the first blooper! Part of what made our marriage work was that Hans was thirteen years older than me, and very happy to be married and have real, live kids! (and those brownies, and good coffee!), love to you Sharon, and to all couples in our group, n Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2007 Report Share Posted September 22, 2007 Dear Kate, I am in California, which is always a bit different from other states, but here IF the husband refuses to sign the divorce decree, the divorce becomes final after six months, whether he signs it or NOT! love and luck to you in doing whatever will make your life easier, n -------------- Original message -------------- I don't know quite HOW to go about getting a divorce. I know that may sound odd, but I've told my husband on many occasions that I cannot live with him anymore, and that I do indeed want a divorce. He, obviously, does not. So...what do you do..how do you proceed with someone who does NOT want a divorce...and YOU do? It seems to be a real confusion to me how to 'go about it'... ~always, kate Sharon, I think that you definitely did the right thing. My eldest sister, married consecutively three alcoholics, who were paradoxically also control freaks. She divorced each of them. One day our mother said to me sweetly, "Dear why is it that she marries these, well, questionable men? All the rest of you seem to have picked such very nice husbands and wives?" I truly had no answer for her, but am surely glad that you had the sense NOT to repeat the first blooper! Part of what made our marriage work was that Hans was thirteen years older than me, and very happy to be married and have real, live kids! (and those brownies, and good coffee!), love to you Sharon, and to all couples in our group, n Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 22, 2007 Report Share Posted September 22, 2007 Pack your bags and move your ass~ets out here. we'll take care o' ya...and Val, and her brother Mark, and any/everyone else that needs a home. Mi Casa es TU Casa. Hugs Akiba -- Re: work hours/sleep I don't know quite HOW to go about getting a divorce. I know that may sound odd, but I've told my husband on many occasions that I cannot live with him anymore, and that I do indeed want a divorce. He, obviously, does not. So...what do you do..how do you proceed with someone who does NOT want a divorce...and YOU do? It seems to be a real confusion to me how to 'go about it'... ~always, kate Sharon, I think that you definitely did the right thing. My eldest sister, married consecutively three alcoholics, who were paradoxically also control freaks. She divorced each of them. One day our mother said to me sweetly, "Dear why is it that she marries these, well, questionable men? All the rest of you seem to have picked such very nice husbands and wives?" I truly had no answer for her, but am surely glad that you had the sense NOT to repeat the first blooper! Part of what made our marriage work was that Hans was thirteen years older than me, and very happy to be married and have real, live kids! (and those brownies, and good coffee!), love to you Sharon, and to all couples in our group, n Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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