Guest guest Posted February 10, 2002 Report Share Posted February 10, 2002 7 DEGREES OF BLONDE ONE A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, " How should I know, that's 200 miles from here! " and hung up. The husband said, " Who was that? " The wife said, " I don't know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear. " TWO Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, " Hmm, this person looks familiar. " The second blonde says, " Here, let me see! " So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, " You dummy, it's me! " THREE A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, " No, honey, don't do it. " The blonde replies, " Shut up, you're next! " FOUR A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, " Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them. " A friend says, " OK,what's the capital of Wisconsin? " The blonde replies, " Oh, that's easy: W. " FIVE What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? " Is it mine? " SIX A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and as applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. " My God! " the trooper gasped. " Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am? " " Yes, officer , I'm just fine " the blonde chirped. " Well, how in the world did this happen? " the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. " Officer, it was the strangest thing! " the blonde began. " I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was.... " " Uh, ma'am, " the officer said, cutting her off, " There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth. " SEVEN Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, " I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman! " ===== Your idea seems reasonable.... Time to up my medication. __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 10, 2002 Report Share Posted February 10, 2002 Lynn, Those are Great!....Maybe I shouldn't buy that box of blonde hair dye that I was planning on getting tomorrow. I think I will go with a light auburn this time to cover up the gray. - In OurMyositis@y..., Lynn <lynnf_99@y...> wrote: > 7 DEGREES OF BLONDE > > ONE > A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 > in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked > up the phone, listened a moment and said, " How should I > know, that's 200 miles from here! " and hung up. The > husband said, " Who was that? " The wife said, " I don't > know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is > clear. " > > TWO > Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a > compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. > She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, " Hmm, this > person looks familiar. " The second blonde says, " Here, > let me see! " So the first blonde hands her the > compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, > " You dummy, it's me! " > > THREE > A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so > she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment > unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him > in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really > angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as > she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the > gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, " No, > honey, don't do it. " The blonde replies, " Shut up, > you're next! " > > FOUR > A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state > capitals. She proudly says, " Go ahead, ask me, I know > all of them. " A friend says, " OK,what's the capital of > Wisconsin? " The blonde replies, " Oh, that's easy: W. " > > FIVE > What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her > she was pregnant? " Is it mine? " > > SIX > A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific > accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself > from the wreckage without a scratch and as applying > fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. " My > God! " the trooper gasped. " Your car looks like an > accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you > OK ma'am? " " Yes, officer , I'm just fine " the blonde > chirped. " Well, how in the world did this happen? " the > officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. > " Officer, it was the strangest thing! " the blonde > began. " I was driving along this road when from out of > nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I > swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I > swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I > swerved to the right and there was another tree! I > swerved to the left and there was.... " > > " Uh, ma'am, " the officer said, cutting her off, " There > isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your > air freshener swinging back and forth. " > > SEVEN > Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find > her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned > the police at once and reported the crime. The police > dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a > K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. > As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog > on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered > at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on > the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, > " I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I > call the police for help, and what do they do? They > send me a BLIND policeman! " > > > > ===== > Your idea seems reasonable.... Time to up my medication. > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 10, 2002 Report Share Posted February 10, 2002 Lynn, Those are Great!....Maybe I shouldn't buy that box of blonde hair dye that I was planning on getting tomorrow. I think I will go with a light auburn this time to cover up the gray. - In OurMyositis@y..., Lynn <lynnf_99@y...> wrote: > 7 DEGREES OF BLONDE > > ONE > A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 > in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked > up the phone, listened a moment and said, " How should I > know, that's 200 miles from here! " and hung up. The > husband said, " Who was that? " The wife said, " I don't > know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is > clear. " > > TWO > Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a > compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. > She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, " Hmm, this > person looks familiar. " The second blonde says, " Here, > let me see! " So the first blonde hands her the > compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, > " You dummy, it's me! " > > THREE > A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so > she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment > unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him > in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really > angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as > she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the > gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, " No, > honey, don't do it. " The blonde replies, " Shut up, > you're next! " > > FOUR > A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state > capitals. She proudly says, " Go ahead, ask me, I know > all of them. " A friend says, " OK,what's the capital of > Wisconsin? " The blonde replies, " Oh, that's easy: W. " > > FIVE > What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her > she was pregnant? " Is it mine? " > > SIX > A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific > accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself > from the wreckage without a scratch and as applying > fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. " My > God! " the trooper gasped. " Your car looks like an > accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you > OK ma'am? " " Yes, officer , I'm just fine " the blonde > chirped. " Well, how in the world did this happen? " the > officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. > " Officer, it was the strangest thing! " the blonde > began. " I was driving along this road when from out of > nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I > swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I > swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I > swerved to the right and there was another tree! I > swerved to the left and there was.... " > > " Uh, ma'am, " the officer said, cutting her off, " There > isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your > air freshener swinging back and forth. " > > SEVEN > Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find > her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned > the police at once and reported the crime. The police > dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a > K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. > As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog > on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered > at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on > the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, > " I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I > call the police for help, and what do they do? They > send me a BLIND policeman! " > > > > ===== > Your idea seems reasonable.... Time to up my medication. > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 10, 2002 Report Share Posted February 10, 2002 LMBO!!! Ed > 7 DEGREES OF BLONDE > > ONE > A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 > in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked > up the phone, listened a moment and said, " How should I > know, that's 200 miles from here! " and hung up. The > husband said, " Who was that? " The wife said, " I don't > know; some woman wanting to know 'if the coast is > clear. " > > TWO > Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a > compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. > She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, " Hmm, this > person looks familiar. " The second blonde says, " Here, > let me see! " So the first blonde hands her the > compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, > " You dummy, it's me! " > > THREE > A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so > she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment > unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him > in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really > angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as > she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the > gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, " No, > honey, don't do it. " The blonde replies, " Shut up, > you're next! " > > FOUR > A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state > capitals. She proudly says, " Go ahead, ask me, I know > all of them. " A friend says, " OK,what's the capital of > Wisconsin? " The blonde replies, " Oh, that's easy: W. " > > FIVE > What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her > she was pregnant? " Is it mine? " > > SIX > A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific > accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself > from the wreckage without a scratch and as applying > fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. " My > God! " the trooper gasped. " Your car looks like an > accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you > OK ma'am? " " Yes, officer , I'm just fine " the blonde > chirped. " Well, how in the world did this happen? " the > officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. > " Officer, it was the strangest thing! " the blonde > began. " I was driving along this road when from out of > nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I > swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I > swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I > swerved to the right and there was another tree! I > swerved to the left and there was.... " > > " Uh, ma'am, " the officer said, cutting her off, " There > isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your > air freshener swinging back and forth. " > > SEVEN > Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find > her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned > the police at once and reported the crime. The police > dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a > K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. > As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog > on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered > at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on > the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, > " I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I > call the police for help, and what do they do? They > send me a BLIND policeman! " > > > > ===== > Your idea seems reasonable.... Time to up my medication. > > __________________________________________________ > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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