An anniversary between my husband and me/ for Reb and for our group

[Guest guest]

Hans proposed to me on February 14th, Valentine's day, so

we always celebrated that and often just went out to dinner

sometime near our actual wedding date, which I think was

August 19th.

About a year before Hans died, we got the final word from

his doctors and his oncologist what the cancer in the biliary

tree had spread to his liver. They estimated that he had about

11 months to live; this was in March. So, the following year,

on Valentine's Day, he gave me the usual card, which said

(as usual) "Will you marry me?" As he could still eat at that

time, though was getting weaker--but this was before he

developed ascietes (fluid retention in the abdomen), we

had our last dinner "out," so to speak together--just us two.

He had steak and pommes frites, beet salad and the usual

horrendous chocolate cake. I had salmon with asparagas

and a dinner salad and creme brulee, then we had coffee.

Neither of us had alcohol, nor would we have had it anyway.

We sat an mused over the candlelight at a local lovely

restaurant, then in Kensington, California. I had called

ahead and told the restauranteur that this was probably

Hans' last "big dinner out," so they brought us a whole

box of treats to take home, and the whole staff chose to

sing "Happy Birthday!" to him. It was lovely.

We came home and the kids kind of left us to ourselves.

He lay down on one sofa and I on another on opposite

sides of our livingroom. He asked me how I would des

cribe our relationship, and I asked him to "go first."

He said, that despite all the other aspects of the marital

relationship, that from when he first met me--when I was

sixteen and he was 29, he had thought of us as "best

friends." I agreed. We then reminisced for several hours,

and the kids tactfully put themselves to bed.

And the rest is history. He died on April 15th, which in

the United States, thanks to lin, has long

been known as "Death and Taxes Day." Hans had always

predicted that he would die on that day, and dutifully did.

I do not think that three of our four children have ever

recovered from the loss--though two were teen-agers

and two were adults. For me, I have the memories, from

when I was a teen-ager when I first met him.

We were married 25 years (some how a quarter of a

century just sounds so much longer) and the were very

full years. He was a man given to humor, and was, to

my view, endlessly entertaining.

Among his more memorable remarks, made just after

he had been informed that his time on this earth was

"limited," was, "Gosh, n, I thought that YOU were

going to go first!"

He had always wanted to go to Mars. . . who knows?

So, when I read about Reb and about , I remem

bered what my mother had advised me when Hans pro

posed to me: "Marry him, and treasure each moment."

If only each who partner up could do that!

Love to all who live with a loved one,

n