Re: Genetic Question/ Having children...

August 11, 2000

Kristi:

I am 30 years old, single, no children (yet). I have dated a lot through

the years and would have imagined I'd be married with children by now, but

fate has worked otherwise thusfar. I grew up with CMT (discovered at age

15) and also was born with cataracts and had five eye operations as a kid.

Even before the CMT, until I was 13, I had coke-bottle glasses that made for

a rather difficult childhood...

Anyway, provided that I can do so before my late 30's (I don't want to

have a child past that age as I think it greatly increases the health risk),

at this point, I do very much want to have children. Selfish?? Maybe, but I

don't think so. What it comes down to is this: Do I wish that I had not

been born? And the answer to that is clearly and definitely NO. Yes, I

have had maybe more than my share of difficulties, pain, teasing and

limitation, but I've also had some great joys, fun, challenges, friendships

and other experiences that I would not want to have missed. I'm glad my

parents chose to have me.

For me, the main consideration in choosing to have children is how good

of a parent I would be. I think their is a nationwide deficit of good

parenting and that the parenting role must be taken very seriously. I get

along great with kids, have studied child development and family therapy,

and have worked in a type of Social Work that is said to be a lot like

parenting. I know I can be loving and fun, provide wisdom and guidance, and

be both very strict or lenient as necessary; I think these qualities are most

important in parenting. I've been very successful in my job over the years

and I just know that I would be a good parent; others have said this as well.

No, I don't want to subject a child to needless pain and suffering. But

there are countless other sources of pain and suffering. Even if you could

be guaranteed a child without CMT, nobody could guarantee that they may not

develop some other, maybe non-inherited disease, or that they won't suffer

horrible injuries in an accident, or that they won't become a victim of a

fire or natural disaster, and that they won't experience severe pain. There

are many, many health conditions that cause severe pain. Eliminating the

risk of CMT, will not eliminate pain (but yes, it may reduce it). And then

there's also the non health related argument friends of mine use that choose

not to have children: the world is overpopulated, life for children is harder

and harder, the crime rates are very high, they may not be able to live at

the same standard of living that we do, etc. All of these arguments are

valid, but what it comes down to I think is the individual's choice; you know

best what is right for you.

Moreover, I've also met many people who are perfectly " healthy "

but do not have the patience or temperment to be responsible parents, or who

are physically, emotionally or otherwise abusive to their children. There

are numerous risks children face in addition to inheriting genetic disorders.

I feel that I would be a good parent, even if I have some

physical limitations, and loving, supportive parenting is a gift that many

children are not blessed with; a gift I may even feel duty bound to provide.

Maybe I will choose to parent by adoption. But, if I do have biological

children, I think that I can provide them with many good genetic traits and

genetic gifts, despite the possibility of CMT. Is this a rationalization:

maybe. But one could argue that either choice is a rationalization.

I don't think there's any right or wrong answer. I definitely respect

the feelings of members who have chosen not to have children; their rationale

is valid too. But I think that it's important to consider the whole picture,

what you can provide as a parent, what your limitations are, the risks, and

how you might handle those risks if they were to come into fruition.

Just my two cents. Good luck in your decision process.

- Marti

August 11, 2000

Well said Marti

Sue

----- Original Message -----

From: mmc3737@...

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Sent: Friday, August 11, 2000 4:56 AM

Subject: Re: [] Genetic Question/ Having children...