Re: Family drama - Update II

[Guest guest]

Hoo rah - that is what you take to social services and the

courts - also get a permanent restraining order - he is a

hard core alcoholic and isn't changing - having been around

them ....

Make sure the oldest knows how to speed dial social services

and has a to go pack - domestic violence victims are taught

that here - she needs to know how to get her and the younger

ones out when things get bad

sorry pieces of info this morning - things are warming up

but I used my brain too much the last two days - always a

bad thing

have two sets of paperwork to do and get to DHS - again -

they lied to me - my food stamps were $28 dollarsa month -

not $5 - and they are still there - at least I don't have to

go and wait around and pass out - they mailed them to me

I was in tears and had a melt down last Friday with the new

DHS worker

Family drama - Update II

Date: Wed, 07 Jan 2009 12:25:49 -0000

>Annette called this morning. has changed his mind

>about seeking help for his alcoholism, and about not

>drinking too. He says that he doesn't have time for the

>treatment, at least not if it would require him to be

>admitted to the clinic, and that maybe he could try to

>drink less, but not quit altogether. Now, that's not how

>addictions work, as I am sure you all know, it really is an

>all or nothing choice once you are an alcoholic (at least

>for some 99,99%, there is always exceptions of course).

>Annette is disappointed in him, says " I've given him a

>choice between the drinking and his family, he can't have

>both, and he is so much of a coward that he won't even make

>that choice. " , but realistic enough to know that that goes

>to show the depth of his addiction AND that no change will

>come about unless he decides to. It's up to him, no one

>else can make it happen for him. He says he will " think

>about it " , but I guess he is just stalling. Hoping to not

>have to make a decision at all - unwilling to make the

>decision to give up drinking, but, of course, not wanting

>to lose his family either.

>

>The older kids will be going to their biological mother -

>that is not necessarily a good situation either, as she is

>even less stable than he is, even though she is not

>alcoholic, but that's another story. In reality it'll

>probably be up to the oldest, a 16-year old girl, to look

>after the other two. She is a very mature 16 year old, so

>she'll be able to handle it, even though she shouldn't have

>to. But what can you do. Annette and her children are still

>living with her parents, but she has started to look for an

>apartment, now that it doesn't seem that living apart from

>him will be a very temporary thing.

>

>It turns out he actually threatened Annette's mother when

>she came to pick up Milla this weekend! - saying that if

>she tried to to take Milla with her, he wouldn't let any of

>them leave. Goes to show both how desperate and how hostile

>he must have become. But all she had to do to make him step

>aside was look him straight in the eyes and tell him that

>she has neither respect nor fear for him. He, on the other

>hand, is afraid of her.

>

>We'll see how this plays out in the end. But Annette is

>keeping her courage up.

>

>love

>/Reb

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sorry to hear about your troubles with the DHS. That's the kind of service that should just work - no hassle!I don't think the kids biological mother is violent, other than possibly verbally, but she is not very stable (to say the least), and not very much about taking responsibility. In other words, she'll not be much of a threat to the older kids, but not much of a parent either... That'll have to be the job of the oldest one. But, of course, making sure the girl knows where to turn should she need to is a good idea. And Annette will of course keep in touch with them.Here's hoping for good weatherlove/Reb>> Hoo rah - that is what you take to social services and the> courts - also get a permanent restraining order - he is a> hard core alcoholic and isn't changing - having been around> them ....> > Make sure the oldest knows how to speed dial social services> and has a to go pack - domestic violence victims are taught> that here - she needs to know how to get her and the younger> ones out when things get bad> > sorry pieces of info this morning - things are warming up> but I used my brain too much the last two days - always a> bad thing > > have two sets of paperwork to do and get to DHS - again -> they lied to me - my food stamps were $28 dollarsa month -> not $5 - and they are still there - at least I don't have to> go and wait around and pass out - they mailed them to me > > I was in tears and had a melt down last Friday with the new> DHS worker> > > Family drama - Update II> Date: Wed, 07 Jan 2009 12:25:49 -0000> > >Annette called this morning. has changed his mind> >about seeking help for his alcoholism, and about not> >drinking too. He says that he doesn't have time for the> >treatment, at least not if it would require him to be> >admitted to the clinic, and that maybe he could try to> >drink less, but not quit altogether. Now, that's not how> >addictions work, as I am sure you all know, it really is an> >all or nothing choice once you are an alcoholic (at least> >for some 99,99%, there is always exceptions of course).> >Annette is disappointed in him, says "I've given him a> >choice between the drinking and his family, he can't have> >both, and he is so much of a coward that he won't even make> >that choice.", but realistic enough to know that that goes> >to show the depth of his addiction AND that no change will> >come about unless he decides to. It's up to him, no one> >else can make it happen for him. He says he will "think> >about it", but I guess he is just stalling. Hoping to not> >have to make a decision at all - unwilling to make the> >decision to give up drinking, but, of course, not wanting> >to lose his family either.> >> >The older kids will be going to their biological mother -> >that is not necessarily a good situation either, as she is> >even less stable than he is, even though she is not> >alcoholic, but that's another story. In reality it'll> >probably be up to the oldest, a 16-year old girl, to look> >after the other two. She is a very mature 16 year old, so> >she'll be able to handle it, even though she shouldn't have> >to. But what can you do. Annette and her children are still> >living with her parents, but she has started to look for an> >apartment, now that it doesn't seem that living apart from> >him will be a very temporary thing.> >> >It turns out he actually threatened Annette's mother when> >she came to pick up Milla this weekend! - saying that if> >she tried to to take Milla with her, he wouldn't let any of> >them leave. Goes to show both how desperate and how hostile> >he must have become. But all she had to do to make him step> >aside was look him straight in the eyes and tell him that> >she has neither respect nor fear for him. He, on the other> >hand, is afraid of her.> >> >We'll see how this plays out in the end. But Annette is> >keeping her courage up.> >> >love> >/Reb> >> >>