Re: Family drama - Update II/ for Reb and group

[Guest guest]

Oh, Reb, this sounds all so familiar as alcoholismand abuse are such well-known traveling companions.Love to you and to all in the family,nTo: MSersLife Sent: Wednesday, January 7, 2009 4:25:49 AMSubject: Family drama - Update

II

Annette called this morning. has changed his mind about seeking help for his alcoholism, and about not drinking too. He says that he doesn't have time for the treatment, at least not if it would require him to be admitted to the clinic, and that maybe he could try to drink less, but not quit altogether. Now, that's not how addictions work, as I am sure you all know, it really is an all or nothing choice once you are an alcoholic (at least for some 99,99%, there is always exceptions of course). Annette is disappointed in him, says "I've given him a choice between the drinking and his family, he can't have both, and he is so much of a coward that he won't even make that choice.", but realistic enough to know that that goes to show the depth of his addiction AND that no change will come about unless he decides to. It's up to him, no one else can make it happen for him. He says he will "think about it", but I guess he is

just stalling. Hoping to not have to make a decision at all - unwilling to make the decision to give up drinking, but, of course, not wanting to lose his family either. The older kids will be going to their biological mother - that is not necessarily a good situation either, as she is even less stable than he is, even though she is not alcoholic, but that's another story. In reality it'll probably be up to the oldest, a 16-year old girl, to look after the other two. She is a very mature 16 year old, so she'll be able to handle it, even though she shouldn't have to. But what can you do. Annette and her children are still living with her parents, but she has started to look for an apartment, now that it doesn't seem that living apart from him will be a very temporary thing. It turns out he actually threatened Annette's mother when she came to pick up Milla this weekend! - saying that if she tried to to take Milla with her, he wouldn't

let any of them leave. Goes to show both how desperate and how hostile he must have become. But all she had to do to make him step aside was look him straight in the eyes and tell him that she has neither respect nor fear for him. He, on the other hand, is afraid of her. We'll see how this plays out in the end. But Annette is keeping her courage up.love/Reb

[Guest guest]

Yes, they DO seem to go hand-in-hand...

In case y'all are thinging I have a new name, I am having to post from

the yahoo site. My email has gone wonky, I can't send email from

either Incrediamil OR OE, having to read them on the net and can't

even answer to this group from AOL but have to go into ahoo to do

it...*sigh* ALL other emails from AOL go through but those for this

group...

And it is snowing out, and I only have 3 more days with Robbin *tears

trickling*

Hugs

Akiba

>

> Oh, Reb, this sounds all so familiar as alcoholism

> and abuse are such well-known traveling companions.

> Love to you and to all in the family,

> n

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: MSersLife

> Sent: Wednesday, January 7, 2009 4:25:49 AM

> Subject: Family drama - Update II

>

>

> Annette called this morning. has changed his mind about seeking

help for his alcoholism, and about not drinking too. He says that he

doesn't have time for the treatment, at least not if it would require

him to be admitted to the clinic, and that maybe he could try to drink

less, but not quit altogether. Now, that's not how addictions work, as

I am sure you all know, it really is an all or nothing choice once you

are an alcoholic (at least for some 99,99%, there is always exceptions

of course). Annette is disappointed in him, says " I've given him a

choice between the drinking and his family, he can't have both, and he

is so much of a coward that he won't even make that choice. " , but

realistic enough to know that that goes to show the depth of his

addiction AND that no change will come about unless he decides to.

It's up to him, no one else can make it happen for him. He says he

will " think about it " , but I guess he is just stalling. Hoping to not

> have to make a decision at all - unwilling to make the decision to

give up drinking, but, of course, not wanting to lose his family either.

>

> The older kids will be going to their biological mother - that is

not necessarily a good situation either, as she is even less stable

than he is, even though she is not alcoholic, but that's another

story. In reality it'll probably be up to the oldest, a 16-year old

girl, to look after the other two. She is a very mature 16 year old,

so she'll be able to handle it, even though she shouldn't have to. But

what can you do.

> Annette and her children are still living with her parents, but she

has started to look for an apartment, now that it doesn't seem that

living apart from him will be a very temporary thing.

>

> It turns out he actually threatened Annette's mother when she came

to pick up Milla this weekend! - saying that if she tried to to take

Milla with her, he wouldn't let any of them leave. Goes to show both

how desperate and how hostile he must have become. But all she had to

do to make him step aside was look him straight in the eyes and tell

him that she has neither respect nor fear for him. He, on the other

hand, is afraid of her.

>

> We'll see how this plays out in the end. But Annette is keeping her

courage up.

>

> love

> /Reb

>

[Guest guest]

Akiba, as the address you are usingstill is AOL, how about switching to Yahoomail. You even get a little icon to take youto your group(s) on Yahoo. No, they arenot my favorite search engine, but it mightjust work. AOL puts a separate InternetExplorer browser, etc., virus ware, etc.in your computer--so you have two computers:one for AOL and one for real. Honest.I recommend Yahoo Mail at least for usingmail for these groups.Love, nTo: MSersLife Sent: Wednesday, January 7, 2009 11:13:53 AMSubject: Re: Family drama - Update II/ for Reb and group

Yes, they DO seem to go hand-in-hand. ..

In case y'all are thinging I have a new name, I am having to post from

the yahoo site. My email has gone wonky, I can't send email from

either Incrediamil OR OE, having to read them on the net and can't

even answer to this group from AOL but have to go into ahoo to do

it...*sigh* ALL other emails from AOL go through but those for this

group...

And it is snowing out, and I only have 3 more days with Robbin *tears

trickling*

Hugs

Akiba

>

> Oh, Reb, this sounds all so familiar as alcoholism

> and abuse are such well-known traveling companions.

> Love to you and to all in the family,

> n

>

>

>

>

> ____________ _________ _________ __

> From: reb_41se <reb_41se@.. .>

> To: MSersLife@yahoogrou ps.com

> Sent: Wednesday, January 7, 2009 4:25:49 AM

> Subject: Family drama - Update II

>

>

> Annette called this morning. has changed his mind about seeking

help for his alcoholism, and about not drinking too. He says that he

doesn't have time for the treatment, at least not if it would require

him to be admitted to the clinic, and that maybe he could try to drink

less, but not quit altogether. Now, that's not how addictions work, as

I am sure you all know, it really is an all or nothing choice once you

are an alcoholic (at least for some 99,99%, there is always exceptions

of course). Annette is disappointed in him, says "I've given him a

choice between the drinking and his family, he can't have both, and he

is so much of a coward that he won't even make that choice.", but

realistic enough to know that that goes to show the depth of his

addiction AND that no change will come about unless he decides to.

It's up to him, no one else can make it happen for him. He says he

will "think about it", but I guess he is just stalling. Hoping to not

> have to make a decision at all - unwilling to make the decision to

give up drinking, but, of course, not wanting to lose his family either.

>

> The older kids will be going to their biological mother - that is

not necessarily a good situation either, as she is even less stable

than he is, even though she is not alcoholic, but that's another

story. In reality it'll probably be up to the oldest, a 16-year old

girl, to look after the other two. She is a very mature 16 year old,

so she'll be able to handle it, even though she shouldn't have to. But

what can you do.

> Annette and her children are still living with her parents, but she

has started to look for an apartment, now that it doesn't seem that

living apart from him will be a very temporary thing.

>

> It turns out he actually threatened Annette's mother when she came

to pick up Milla this weekend! - saying that if she tried to to take

Milla with her, he wouldn't let any of them leave. Goes to show both

how desperate and how hostile he must have become. But all she had to

do to make him step aside was look him straight in the eyes and tell

him that she has neither respect nor fear for him. He, on the other

hand, is afraid of her.

>

> We'll see how this plays out in the end. But Annette is keeping her

courage up.

>

> love

> /Reb

>

[Guest guest]

I only know one person that cured his alchol problem with out much

help. That was my boss several years ago. We didn't know he had a

problem. Till we came to work one morning and found he had checked

himself into a rehab facility.He stayed there a few day and his wife

and our shop foreman went through their home, the shop and his truck.

I think they said they found around 50 bottles tucked away. Amazing

that none of us accidently ran across anything. There were 6 of us

that did various things through out the shop per day. Any of us might

have to go looking for a part in an unused area at any time.

Sometimes we used his truck for a service call if the regular truck was out.

When they got to the counciling portion is when they realized that

they could finish on their own. He never got to the abusive part of

being an alcholic. He occassionaly played games with us at work to

amuse himself, but nothing major. He did start staying till the end

of the work day. part of the time that he was drinking so much he was

leaving early to go hunting or to scout for hunting.

When he came back he thanked us all for being there behind him and

helping him out while he was out. I did tell him how much I admired

him for admiting he had a problem and quitting on his own.

That was several years ago, and he was able to do just the normal

amount of social drinking on the holidays the last few years with no

problem. Very few people can do that, most is all or nothing

Debbie and Ian McKinley (BMD since 93)no

litters Kansas http://home.hit.net/~dimck/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/dimck23/ (200 carting

[Guest guest]

Admirable! But at least your boss checked into rehab. He won't even do that, or see anyone or talk to anyone. And although there are those few exceptions of people who have been alcoholic and still can drink socially without falling back into it, I think that will have to come as an unexpected bonus, not be the goal from start. Call me cynic, but I think an alcoholic who wants to be "less" alcoholic, while still drinking (even if drinking "less"), and do that without any rehab-time or any kind of professional support will not succeed in beating his alcoholism. Anyway, credit to your former boss!love/Reb>> I only know one person that cured his alchol problem with out much > help. That was my boss several years ago. We didn't know he had a > problem. Till we came to work one morning and found he had checked > himself into a rehab facility.He stayed there a few day and his wife > and our shop foreman went through their home, the shop and his truck. > I think they said they found around 50 bottles tucked away. Amazing > that none of us accidently ran across anything. There were 6 of us > that did various things through out the shop per day. Any of us might > have to go looking for a part in an unused area at any time. > Sometimes we used his truck for a service call if the regular truck was out.> When they got to the counciling portion is when they realized that > they could finish on their own. He never got to the abusive part of > being an alcholic. He occassionaly played games with us at work to > amuse himself, but nothing major. He did start staying till the end > of the work day. part of the time that he was drinking so much he was > leaving early to go hunting or to scout for hunting.> When he came back he thanked us all for being there behind him and > helping him out while he was out. I did tell him how much I admired > him for admiting he had a problem and quitting on his own.> > That was several years ago, and he was able to do just the normal > amount of social drinking on the holidays the last few years with no > problem. Very few people can do that, most is all or nothing> Debbie and Ian McKinley (BMD since 93)no > litters Kansas http://home.hit.net/~dimck/> http://www.flickr.com/photos/dimck23/ (200 carting>