Guest guest Posted December 16, 2003 Report Share Posted December 16, 2003 I shouldn't butt-in, but there must be a happy medium between what his father wants and what you want. I personally don't think there's any benefit to restricting his activities. You don't want his body to start deconditioning. On the other hand, you also don't want to push your luck with hard contact sports either. Pierre coldness > Thanks everyone for their input. will want to know everything I've read on this. He seems to be more accepting of the fact of having a chronic disease. His father on the other hand is in total denial. He keeps pushing him to do things that doesn't feel he should because of this - its' almost like wants to prove the doctors wrong, but after getting the education so to speak from this forum in the last six months or so, I don't have any doubts that has this disease or a related disease. I am even questioning the fact that maybe I have it and am going to speak with the Neph about that too. I am going to call 's neph and make an appt. As of now he has doing nothing but I would like to take a more pro-active stance so that there are no regrets later on. > > Moving on - that's wonderful news about and her Aunt . What a Christmas present that is. > > Liz - Tuba Boy's mom > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2003 Report Share Posted December 17, 2003 Hi Liz, What you just described about 's father's denial is apparently very, very common. I went to a wonderful talk by a therapist who specializes in chronic illness and kid that was sponsored the school district. The speaker was just so devastatingly wonderful, I left there in tears. One of the things she spoke about at length was " splitting " . Almost universally, the mother dealt with the kid's illness, did the treatments, managed the meds and dealt with the docs while the dad was off doing some denial trip. She noted that this happened to some extent in every family she saw. In extreme cases, it was like there were almost two different families - mom and the sick kid and dad with the healthy ones. What I found very interesting was her emphasis that the behavior of either parent was less damaging that the fact of the split itself. I will try to go into other aspects of her talk in another post - Your mention of this brought it to mind! Cy coldness > > > > Thanks everyone for their input. will want to know everything I've > read on this. He seems to be more accepting of the fact of having a chronic > disease. His father on the other hand is in total denial. He keeps pushing > him to do things that doesn't feel he should because of this - its' > almost like wants to prove the doctors wrong, but after getting > the education so to speak from this forum in the last six months or so, I > don't have any doubts that has this disease or a related disease. I am > even questioning the fact that maybe I have it and am going to speak with > the Neph about that too. I am going to call 's neph and make an appt. > As of now he has doing nothing but I would like to take a more > pro-active stance so that there are no regrets later on. > > > > Moving on - that's wonderful news about and her Aunt . What a > Christmas present that is. > > > > Liz - Tuba Boy's mom > > > > > To edit your settings for the group, go to our Yahoo Group > home page: > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/iga-nephropathy/ > > To unsubcribe via email, > iga-nephropathy-unsubscribe > Visit our companion website at www.igan.ca. The site is entirely supported by donations. If you would like to help, go to: > http://www.igan.ca/id62.htm > > Thank you > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 17, 2003 Report Share Posted December 17, 2003 Hi Liz, What you just described about 's father's denial is apparently very, very common. I went to a wonderful talk by a therapist who specializes in chronic illness and kid that was sponsored the school district. The speaker was just so devastatingly wonderful, I left there in tears. One of the things she spoke about at length was " splitting " . Almost universally, the mother dealt with the kid's illness, did the treatments, managed the meds and dealt with the docs while the dad was off doing some denial trip. She noted that this happened to some extent in every family she saw. In extreme cases, it was like there were almost two different families - mom and the sick kid and dad with the healthy ones. What I found very interesting was her emphasis that the behavior of either parent was less damaging that the fact of the split itself. I will try to go into other aspects of her talk in another post - Your mention of this brought it to mind! Cy coldness > > > > Thanks everyone for their input. will want to know everything I've > read on this. He seems to be more accepting of the fact of having a chronic > disease. His father on the other hand is in total denial. He keeps pushing > him to do things that doesn't feel he should because of this - its' > almost like wants to prove the doctors wrong, but after getting > the education so to speak from this forum in the last six months or so, I > don't have any doubts that has this disease or a related disease. I am > even questioning the fact that maybe I have it and am going to speak with > the Neph about that too. I am going to call 's neph and make an appt. > As of now he has doing nothing but I would like to take a more > pro-active stance so that there are no regrets later on. > > > > Moving on - that's wonderful news about and her Aunt . What a > Christmas present that is. > > > > Liz - Tuba Boy's mom > > > > > To edit your settings for the group, go to our Yahoo Group > home page: > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/iga-nephropathy/ > > To unsubcribe via email, > iga-nephropathy-unsubscribe > Visit our companion website at www.igan.ca. The site is entirely supported by donations. If you would like to help, go to: > http://www.igan.ca/id62.htm > > Thank you > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 19, 2003 Report Share Posted December 19, 2003 I think that this is very interesting Cy. Surprisingly my husband for years did not recognize the fact that I had a chronic kidney disease. When I would have a flare-up he always attributed any kidney problem to something else. Sometimes even today I think that he forgets about it or maybe as you said, it's just easier to be in denial than you don't have to face it or deal with it. Liz, your statement about proving the doctors wrong really hits home too. The good part here it that you have recognized the " split " (as in Cy's post) and will probably be able to deal with it better than I did for many years. Our (me and my husbands) expectations in dealing with the disease were not the same and it made me feel that many times I was dealing with this alone. Keep in mind that in those days we had no internet site for support either. The way I see it is this way also. For the most part we LOOK very normal, do normal things and have normal lives so people really don't recognize the fact that we may be experiencing a decline because to the outside world everything looks the same. That is another reason why it's very hard to come to terms with. Hopefully when the time comes that just can't do something he will be able to talk to his Dad about it. I would also be interested in knowing what the Doctors say about your results if you care to share them with us. Hang in there... Connie Co-Moderator, USA Re: coldness Hi Liz, What you just described about 's father's denial is apparently very, very common. I went to a wonderful talk by a therapist who specializes in chronic illness and kid that was sponsored the school district. The speaker was just so devastatingly wonderful, I left there in tears. One of the things she spoke about at length was " splitting " . Almost universally, the mother dealt with the kid's illness, did the treatments, managed the meds and dealt with the docs while the dad was off doing some denial trip. She noted that this happened to some extent in every family she saw. In extreme cases, it was like there were almost two different families - mom and the sick kid and dad with the healthy ones. What I found very interesting was her emphasis that the behavior of either parent was less damaging that the fact of the split itself. I will try to go into other aspects of her talk in another post - Your mention of this brought it to mind! Cy coldness > > > > Thanks everyone for their input. will want to know everything I've > read on this. He seems to be more accepting of the fact of having a chronic > disease. His father on the other hand is in total denial. He keeps pushing > him to do things that doesn't feel he should because of this - its' > almost like wants to prove the doctors wrong, but after getting > the education so to speak from this forum in the last six months or so, I > don't have any doubts that has this disease or a related disease. I am > even questioning the fact that maybe I have it and am going to speak with > the Neph about that too. I am going to call 's neph and make an appt. > As of now he has doing nothing but I would like to take a more > pro-active stance so that there are no regrets later on. > > > > Moving on - that's wonderful news about and her Aunt . What a > Christmas present that is. > > > > Liz - Tuba Boy's mom > > > > > To edit your settings for the group, go to our Yahoo Group > home page: > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/iga-nephropathy/ > > To unsubcribe via email, > iga-nephropathy-unsubscribe > Visit our companion website at www.igan.ca. The site is entirely supported by donations. If you would like to help, go to: > http://www.igan.ca/id62.htm > > Thank you > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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