Re: Re: Fear of releasing Weight

[Guest guest]

Thanks Katcha,

This is a really interesting discussion. Sounds like I'm not alone in this arena and that helps some. I too hope I can figure this out - I think this is huge. We shall see. I just can't let the fear of fear get ahold of me if you know what I mean. Must keep digging to get to the roots.

--Alana

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Wow Alana, that is an excellent insight for you Its amazing howmuch mind control we do have - unconsciously! isn't it a shocker tofind that you might even fear being thinner? That it could haveconsequences that we had given much thought to? I hope you find lotsof good (self) feedback so that you can overcome this barrier ehugs, Katcha>> I have been reading Thin Within. I have been doing really good with > waiting until I'm really hungry. Not just beginning to get hungry. I > have to say food tastes better and I think I'm much better able to > recognize my stopping points before getting too full. I also have > gotten up to 3 30min workouts per week. I've been feeling really good > with where I'm at. But yesterday I was feeling reall

y anxious and > couldn't figure out why. I didn't have anything going on in my day to > make me feel anxious. I did ok through the day, but in the evening > over did it and ate too much. I ended up falling back into my > mindless munching mode. I got to thinking this morning that this > happens everytime I feel like there might be a possibility that I > might be releasing some weight. I pondered a bit further on this and > realized I have a fear of losing weight. I'm thinking that this is > really my fear of what others will expect of me if I lose weight, if > I'm slender. Also a fear of being sexually attractive. I've explored > this before, but thinking I need to explore this a bit futher, maybe > even with a therapist. Just putting down my thoughts/realizations. > Thanks for letting me process.> Alana>

[Guest guest]

That is interesting that you mention the possaiblity of taking a self defense course. I have considered this myself and have even had dreams where I was in one. Hmmm, maybe I need to look more into actually doing this.

--Alana

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I did some journaling, and talked to that scared partof myself about taking a self-defense class andgetting stronger to help with my fear, rather thanlarger. I also promised that part of me that, if Igot stronger or lost weight, I certainly didn't needto wear anything that showed it off or drew attentionto myself until I was totally good and ready. Only change as fast as the slowest part of you feelssafe in going!-__________________________________________________________Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page. http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

[Guest guest]

Yes!!!! We must find the part that makes us uncomfortable about being thinner. There HAS to be something that is getting in the way of our continuing on. I'm so sure of I that I am going to start trying to figure it out and seriously contemplate what the very worst things are that could happen. And how I could handle those things.

Good luck, I do believe there is a way to release ourselves from the fear, we just need to stay committed to doing just that.

SelinaIt's Tax Time! Get tips, forms and advice on AOL Money Finance.

[Guest guest]

, I need to read that book! (just now reading a lot of posts, lol, sorry to respond all at once!!)

I often wonder if I wasn't abused and just cannot remember it. I think that because of the way I feel as I get thinner, more and more worried. And I can see in pictures of my life and my mom tells me I gained the weight all the sudden. And from then on have been heavy. I was a normal weight baby, toddler and preschooler. From 4 to 5 I ballooned. I know some could have to do with my brother being born because I was babied a lot b4 he came along. But why do I feel a constant need to be bigger than others, stronger (in my mind.) I have told my friends its really weird, I started to feel my hip bones and I don't like it at all. I also have always wanted to feed people who are very thin. It's a joke in my family too. Aww, let's go feed them just look how tiny they are! But we aren't a big sit-down-to-huge-meal family. Everyone ate alone, Dad never ate at the table with us and we ate standing at the bar in the kitchen, or sitting there sometimes. I know now that usually just that fact makes us more vulnerable to eating disorders.

I almost feel scared, even right now as I sit here. And I've managed to gain back 3 lbs of the 84 I'd lost just this last week. I get a lot more attention now than when I was 277, but did get some all through school because of my 'pretty face'. It's sooo weird to have always wanted to be thin, but when I get so close to it and am able to obtain it I sabotage myself and then blame it on stress and whatever else I can think up. I think thin people are weak and small and need help and need food! LOL. I also have thought about taking self-defense courses, but now I've had wrist surgery and both wrists are painful sometimes that I was told no more weight training with my arms, which now aren't as nice as they had gotten with working out. I have to accept that. Another reason I'm weaker. How can I lose all the weight I have too?? I can't possibly allow myself to become bony and withered. I just don't see it as a good thing! Why can't I? It's like I'm very torn. Thin means weak, even when I know that it doesn't. I know you are healthier and fitter and more able to do things, not less able. Uggh!! It's sooo frustrating!! I just want to scream!

Here's another route: Could it have anything to do with my dad never letting my mother (or us) make any choices? She wasn't really thin but never got over 165 or so, and usually stayed 150, which she says he never cared about her being a bit plump. (We are about 5'4".) So it's not about him saying anything about her weight. As a matter of fact, I think he liked her not being thin, he didn't really like her wearing makeup, would ask why she felt the need to wear it, she said for herself to feel good. He left her alone after that about it. He wasn't a mean person, didn't call her or us names, but would say things like "Now see? That just wasn't very smart was it?" Just subtle things that made you feel less than. He always kissed us goodnite, said love you, asked if we needed anything, every day. Was a good dad overall and a decent husband, always worked, didn't ever hit any of us, not even spankings. But he never really understood that we were growing older. Even now I feel like he thinks I am a small child. I'm 34, have some college, have several kids and live in a city two hours away from him, have lived away from my town for the last 13 years and made my own money, paid my own bills, I grew up in a very small town. My family all gets nervous even driving here for the day, the traffic is so much worse.

But back to dad, he was verrrrry controlling, very black and white, his way or no way at all. She wasn't allowed to make decisions about us kids. We all had to ask dad. He always said no, if it meant going anywhere with anyone, ever.. Even cousins, if they were on my mom's side. Oh forbid we go with them! They actually have fun and do things!!. We basically grew up inside our house. The only time we played ball was when we were at my mom's parents and we got to be kids then, go walking down by the pond, climb trees, etc. He just bought us more video games and kept us inside. But he didn't play games with us. If we played cards and he lost, he'd pout and stop playing. He had to win at everything there was. I know I felt small, and unimportant. He didn't spend time with us daily, he watched movies in his room. We felt alone when mom was at work if she worked an evening shift at the restaurant. She was our light, our positive life force and was always optimistic, always fun and silly with us, very creative and crafty too. Tomorrow will be better. Just watch and see. I love that about her.

So now what? I might know that I think thin people need help (I've also watched smalled ppl in my life get more help too. Other heavy people I know have talked about that as well. Why do strong men think a heavy girl who is young and out of shape is more able to help move a couch than a thin girl? Because even the public thinks we are stronger!! We are not! We are weaker bc we have had to carry an extra 100 lbs around with us every day. Thin girls never did that. And much less every day for years on end.

It's just a strange dilemma to be faced with. So close to goal yet soo soo far from it.

Sorry so long.

SelinaIt's Tax Time! Get tips, forms and advice on AOL Money Finance.

[Guest guest]

Katcha, this is one of the things I find so beautiful about your wisdom (and you are wise beyond words, m'dear): even when you're just making a comment, your intuitive wisdom brings up important recognitions. When you said "I have a sturdy peasant body", I was suddenly transported back to my childhood. My mother was a tiny, delicate woman. She was--well, is, she's still alive, sort of (another story), anyway, she's petite, tiny little bird bones, beautiful facial planes, pale, delicate skin. Whereas I resemble my father's Italian women: I'm sturdy, rounded, big-nosed, coarse-pored skin. Mom always talked about people in body types: "She's a big, horsey girl", "He's a hulking peasant". I felt the distaste behind her words. My dad did the same. Any actress who wasn't Audrey Hepburn tiny and thin was, in his loudly voiced opinion, "A clod--a horse". And there I was, growing up, bouncy and thick and sturdy, like his own Mom and sisters.

And I wonder why the Old Voices tell me I'm not good enough?! Sheesh.

Beckett

Selina, you sure have given good thought to what could be driving you.That is an excellent start towards overcoming it too. I can relate toyour feeling about being 'strong' as well. I kid that I got a sturdypeasant body, not an delicate lady one! And having strength isn't badeither, it has kept you from totally giving into all the controldemands that were put onto you. Revere that strength and use it toyour best advantage :)Glad you are here too - welcome! Katcha

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[Guest guest]

, your bravery makes me humble.

Having discovered this, I know that you will find that you will (slowly, over time) that you no longer need this weight to keep you "safe".

This is going to be kind of hard for me, but, I have to admit that I know that releasing weight for me is a threat because of my aversion to physical intimacy and commitment. As long as I am big, no one will want to be connected to me in that way - I am safe.

I don't know if anyone else can relate to this: I am a Christian, and Christians have all kinds of "do's and don'ts" that go with that. When I was about 14, I discovered that I was attracted emotionally to women. I've never been attracted in any way to men. There is no way in the world that I would ever pursue any kind of immoral relationship, and the weight guarantees that I won't. It keeps me safe morally. I hope to find some way to live with this disconsonance within without having to wear it on my body.

I hope that I won't offend anyone with what I've said, but it's just the truth as I know it.

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[Guest guest]

,

I am glad you are being so open with us here. It's nice to meet you. Isn't great to have someone to talk to about all this that we are dealing with? This group is really like therapy isn't it? Doesn't cost as much either! That's always a good thing but seriously, I have been thinking about therapy but all therapy is .. is talking out your issues with someone willing (or paid) to listen.

Hugs, SelinaIt's Tax Time! Get tips, forms and advice on AOL Money Finance.

[Guest guest]

Thanks Katcha!! :)Katcha wrote: Congrats on this BIG step! Several members have posted about'intuitive exercise' and this is it for you I also like the conceptof Healthy at Any Size as that puts the importance back onto healthand not waiting for a 'magic' size! Have a ball and let your body ROCK! :) Katcha>>

Well I did it! I went to the gym!! I nearly threw up from nervesbut I did it. And it wasn't that scary. The hardest part was walkingin the door. And when I realized that I had to walk up in front ofeverybody to write down what machine I wanted. But I did it. > > My sister and I both bought a day pass and tried out the cardiomachines. I did 15 minutes on a stepper, 30 minutes on a treadmilland 15 on a bike. And it was actually kinda fun! > > We're gonna go tomorrow night again and buy a month pass. I'mactually excited! The gym just opened since Christmas so theirequipment is all nice and new. I never thought I'd be excited to goto the gym!!>

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[Guest guest]

Oh don't get me started! I am a Christian and have a huge belief in Jesus Christ. But I cannot stand church organizations that seem to make people believe that once they believe in Jesus Christ, that all of life's problems disolve. It is so not that easy. What Jesus does for me is gives me something to lean onto beyond my own understanding and gives me hope. But my problems have never just gone away with a simple prayer. And I still have to take responsibility and work hard and IE.

--Alana

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Thank you ladies for your kind words and support. That's the first time I was able to admit the truth and how grateful I am that your words were understanding. I am hoping that I will be able to untangle all the reasons that I hide in food.

Once when I dared to ask for prayer, the pastor's wife told me to "just obey Jesus." Wouldn't it be nice if life were so easy? Just snap those fingers and "poof!" I'm a different person.

You guys are great!