Hello i am new to this support group and need advice please!

[Guest guest]

Hello my name is Jennie i am 26 years old and have had Juvenile

Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia and costrocongritis since i was

almost 11 years old... when i was pregnant with my daughter it went

into remission which was lucky for me at the time... after she was

born though about maybe a month after she was born it all started to

come back and this time it felt like it was taking revenge sort of

speak...now my daughter is 2 years old and i also have a 9 year old

step son who has a lot of mental illnesses due to his violent bio mom

he has adhd/odd and has taken his anger with his real mom out on

me...but thats not why i am writing...i am in severe pain from top to

bottom and i know ya'll can relate... i stop taking my hydrocodein

(vicodin) about over a year ago because i was having to take more and

more of it and when i came off of them my body went into a more so

severe type of stuff anyways i had to go to the Er a lot and one of

the nurses there at the hospital called me a bad mother because i was

putting my kids through it by having them see me very sick from being

on pain meds to help my conditions.. of course i don't want to be a

bad mother i love both my kids dearly so now i try to just take

tylenol pm and grin and bear it but its getting more severe and my RA

is damaging my joints pretty bad ..but i can't afford to go see my

doctor and can't afford the meds..but i am trying to get on SSI so i

can get Medicaid i been trying to get my Medicaid back since i turned

21 i lost it because of the rheumatologist i had at that time thought

i wasn't praying enough was why i was still in so much pain.. anyways

not to keep going on and on...the ? i have is how do you all do it i

mean afford the doctors and meds and all and with me having two little

ones what do ya'll suggest for me? i need help but i don't know how

to get it... i cant sleep at night..i have severe migraines...and my

stomach is always hurting severely and nauseous i don't eat much but i

still weigh about 200 lbs ..my kids need me to be here and most of the

time i'm in so much pain and i hate crying in front of them you know?

that can't be good for their little hearts to see mommy go thru so

much... i do take care of them ...i stay home with them and my hubby

works at night he don't sleep at night anyways.. but he is a man and

doesn't think he needs any help with sleep so who am i to push him

into it... he says he has enough worries with me being chronically ill

...i worry about how he handles it all and a lot of times i am

depressed i want to run and jump and play with me kids and a lot of

times i am not able to so it frustrates me.. and i feel like i am

letting my hubby down by not being able to work and bring extra money

in you know? i have been severely depressed since i was a teenager and

it gets worse too since it all came back..i wish i could be pregnant

all the time but i know it wont do me any good...besides i am totally

fixed in that department ..i didn't want to end up hurting a little

one by getting pregnant when i am so sick... plus i had my baby to

take care of and a little boy who disparately needed a mommy to take

him in as theirs so thats what i did...now my kids are doing fairly

well with it all and we take care of each other sort of speak. you

know? anyways please let me know how ya'll do it... i need to get

myself some help so i can be a better mommy and wife get through it

better..Thanks and God Bless!! bye bye- Jen from Texas

PS.. i do have a very wonderful husband whom i feel

without him i don't know where i would be, he has a great heart!