Totally Down Today :-(

[Guest guest]

Boy, today and yesterday have been real bad days for me emotionally.

First, I read of 's passing and to be quite honest, it was

almost like a tree falling on me. Of all people, I was so sure that

despite his many setbacks, he would beat the odds and made it. I was

so sure that he would be one 10% the succeeds. When I read 's

post, it was almost like a part of the hope I held inside

died...right there and then, just died. Then I get home and hubby

said that new onc's (I'll still call Dr. Lenz new onc for now as

we've only been with him for a short period of time) office called to

let him know that CEA came back elevated and they want him back for a

cat scan Tuesday. Mind you, he just, I mean just completed treatment

of 5fu/leuc for stage III, with last six sets at reduced dosage from

original dosage because of the severe, severe, diarrhea problems he

was having. Anyway, last treatment was December 18...CEA was taken

at old onc's office and it had gone from .9 in November to 2.0 on

December 18. Now, on January 8, when Bert started with new onc who

suggested three more months of chemo and a 5fu/leuc/oxil combo, CEA

was 7.7!!!! I contacted onc's office today and he got back to me

right away. I asked him flat out his gut...he answered flat out that

it could very well be a potential cancer recurrence and that it is

very serious (AFTER 3 WEEKS OFF CHEMO...IF NOT ALREADY SOONER WHILE

ON REDUCED DOSE). Bert is to come in for CT Scan and if no cancer is

found, PET scan will be done as onc feels there is tumor growing and

a plan needs to be in place!!!!

I'm shocked, depressed, devestated, and keep smiling through it all

giving Bert prep talks. Outwardly, he's fine.....and I'll leave that

as it is. Funny how things work, isn't it. I was so scared that the

diarrhea would come back and plaque him and what MAY have come back

COULD be much worse than diarrhea ever was. Gosh, I feel so bad and

hurt so much for Bert, for , 's wife, for my mom, for

everone on this board and yes, a little for me too.

Hugs,

Monika

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/13/2004 11:59:53 PM Eastern Standard Time,

moomaus@... writes:

I'm shocked, depressed, devestated, and keep smiling through it all giving

Bert prep talks. Outwardly, he's fine.....and I'll leave that as it is. Funny

how things work, isn't it. I was so scared that the diarrhea would come back

and plaque him and what MAY have come back COULD be much worse than diarrhea

ever was. Gosh, I feel so bad and hurt so much for Bert, for , 's

wife, for my mom, for everone on this board and yes, a little for me too.

Hugs,

Monika

Monika...I'm sorry...I know this is a tough time with 's passing, to

have Bert's CEA rise as well must be very difficult.

I will keep yall in my prayers...try not to worry overly until such time as

you have more information. I know that's easier said than done, I am learning

it as I go along this journey with this disease, too.

May God bless & keep you,

Terry in GA

[Guest guest]

Sorry Monika ...... I should have read this one before posting the

last one! Wow ......... I'm soooo sorry. Since it IS our job to try

to find the " Silver Lining " :-) ........ let me point out that if, in

fact, it has come back ...... the good news could be that it is only

ONE met somewhere. That would leave you with several good options

(RFA/surgery/radiation, etc). I know that is still not a good

situation, but I can tell you that it's MUCH better than having so

much tumor that you only have chemo as an option, ......or

worse ......nothing at all.

This whole situation sucks!!!! But since you and the Oncs are

watching this so closely, I'm sure if there is anything out there,

you are going to be able to catch it in the smallest stage and should

be able to address it effectively. I'm still so very sorry that it

wasn't killed off with the prior chemo.

I share all the emotions you've had over the last few days. It's

amazing how down I've been since reading of 's death. That

coupled with the problems we're having with Rick's cancer taking off

again .......... well it just seems to have been a bad emotional

combination ......just as it has been for you. But you know

what???........ we WILL rally back, as and everyone else here

has taught us to!! It's OK that we take a few days to collect our

thoughts and nurse our " wounds " ........then we'll take a deep breath

and go about kicking some major " cancer butt " ........... what do ya'

think?? :-)

We Can Do This Monika!!!!!

Donna S. :-)

> Boy, today and yesterday have been real bad days for me

emotionally.

> First, I read of 's passing and to be quite honest, it was

> almost like a tree falling on me. Of all people, I was so sure

that

> despite his many setbacks, he would beat the odds and made it. I

was

> so sure that he would be one 10% the succeeds. When I read

's

> post, it was almost like a part of the hope I held inside

> died...right there and then, just died. Then I get home and hubby

> said that new onc's (I'll still call Dr. Lenz new onc for now as

> we've only been with him for a short period of time) office called

to

> let him know that CEA came back elevated and they want him back for

a

> cat scan Tuesday. Mind you, he just, I mean just completed

treatment

> of 5fu/leuc for stage III, with last six sets at reduced dosage

from

> original dosage because of the severe, severe, diarrhea problems he

> was having. Anyway, last treatment was December 18...CEA was taken

> at old onc's office and it had gone from .9 in November to 2.0 on

> December 18. Now, on January 8, when Bert started with new onc who

> suggested three more months of chemo and a 5fu/leuc/oxil combo, CEA

> was 7.7!!!! I contacted onc's office today and he got back to me

> right away. I asked him flat out his gut...he answered flat out

that

> it could very well be a potential cancer recurrence and that it is

> very serious (AFTER 3 WEEKS OFF CHEMO...IF NOT ALREADY SOONER WHILE

> ON REDUCED DOSE). Bert is to come in for CT Scan and if no cancer

is

> found, PET scan will be done as onc feels there is tumor growing

and

> a plan needs to be in place!!!!

>

> I'm shocked, depressed, devestated, and keep smiling through it all

> giving Bert prep talks. Outwardly, he's fine.....and I'll leave

that

> as it is. Funny how things work, isn't it. I was so scared that

the

> diarrhea would come back and plaque him and what MAY have come back

> COULD be much worse than diarrhea ever was. Gosh, I feel so bad

and

> hurt so much for Bert, for , 's wife, for my mom, for

> everone on this board and yes, a little for me too.

>

> Hugs,

> Monika

[Guest guest]

Dear Monika,

I'm so sorry to hear about Bert's setback. You have been so kind and

encouraging to me about my dad even during your own ordeal.

I will keep you both in my prayers.

Karin

[Guest guest]

Monika- I am sorry to hear the worrisome news about Bert. As Donna

has said, if the CEA elevation is due to tumor, it is possible it may

be in only one spot that could be treated locally. He also has not

ever had oxaliplatin, which can provide some pretty rapid responses,

and there is the promise of Erbitux and Avastin in the very near

future. So... there may be a number of options if the CEA is a

result of tumor.

I know how you feel with 's passing. I too was holding out so

much hope that he would, despite his recent serious problems, be with

us for a very long time to come as a partner in this battle.

Bert sounds like he is feeling well, so try not to let this news keep

you both from getting a bit of rest.

Take care,

Kris

> Boy, today and yesterday have been real bad days for me

emotionally.

> First, I read of 's passing and to be quite honest, it was

> almost like a tree falling on me. Of all people, I was so sure

that

> despite his many setbacks, he would beat the odds and made it. I

was

> so sure that he would be one 10% the succeeds. When I read

's

> post, it was almost like a part of the hope I held inside

> died...right there and then, just died. Then I get home and hubby

> said that new onc's (I'll still call Dr. Lenz new onc for now as

> we've only been with him for a short period of time) office called

to

> let him know that CEA came back elevated and they want him back for

a

> cat scan Tuesday. Mind you, he just, I mean just completed

treatment

> of 5fu/leuc for stage III, with last six sets at reduced dosage

from

> original dosage because of the severe, severe, diarrhea problems he

> was having. Anyway, last treatment was December 18...CEA was taken

> at old onc's office and it had gone from .9 in November to 2.0 on

> December 18. Now, on January 8, when Bert started with new onc who

> suggested three more months of chemo and a 5fu/leuc/oxil combo, CEA

> was 7.7!!!! I contacted onc's office today and he got back to me

> right away. I asked him flat out his gut...he answered flat out

that

> it could very well be a potential cancer recurrence and that it is

> very serious (AFTER 3 WEEKS OFF CHEMO...IF NOT ALREADY SOONER WHILE

> ON REDUCED DOSE). Bert is to come in for CT Scan and if no cancer

is

> found, PET scan will be done as onc feels there is tumor growing

and

> a plan needs to be in place!!!!

>

> I'm shocked, depressed, devestated, and keep smiling through it all

> giving Bert prep talks. Outwardly, he's fine.....and I'll leave

that

> as it is. Funny how things work, isn't it. I was so scared that

the

> diarrhea would come back and plaque him and what MAY have come back

> COULD be much worse than diarrhea ever was. Gosh, I feel so bad

and

> hurt so much for Bert, for , 's wife, for my mom, for

> everone on this board and yes, a little for me too.

>

> Hugs,

> Monika