Re: At speech this morning

[Guest guest]

Sara: I have been there. I know.

It is very hard when you see " normal " children because

it makes you realize how very different our children

are.

On the plus side, I think Mikey is going to be high

functioning. He is doing really well. You just have

a long road ahead of you. He will always be autistic,

but he will be ok.

(((((SARA)))))

Tamara

--- The Byks wrote:

> At speech this morning, in the waiting room, I

> watched a little girl a

> little older than Mikey, maybe 3, 3 1/2. From what

> I heard the parents

> saying, the girl had had some kind of injury and

> they were there checking

> her hearing because of it.

>

> First she sat in her mother's lap while they read a

> book. The mother asked

> her lots of questions, like, " Which one is bigger? "

> " Which boy is the

> smallest? " and the girl answered them all correctly.

> Sometimes she just

> pointed, other times she spoke. She got tired of

> the book before it was

> finished, and her mother said, " That's OK. It's a

> long book. Go pick out

> another one if you want to. "

>

> Then the little girl got down and put the book away.

> It fell on the floor,

> and her father told her to pick it up and put it in

> the book bucket, and she

> did. She picked out another book and pushed a

> little chair over so she

> could sit in front of her parents.

>

> She looked at the cover of the book, and then

> solemnly announced, " This book

> is about a little boy who dies. "

>

> Her mother, sounding slightly irritated, said, " That

> sounds like a very sad

> story. I don't want to hear a sad story. I'd like

> to hear a happy story. "

>

> She tried again. " This book is about a DOG that

> dies. "

>

> " How about a dog that has puppies? Wouldn't that be

> a happy story? "

>

> The little girl sighs deeply and opens the book.

> " When the little boy got

> ready, he left to go to his grandma's house. "

>

> She turned the book around and slowly showed it to

> everyone in the room.

> (She knew they couldn't see the pictures, you see.)

>

> " He got to see his grandma's dog. The dog had just

> had puppies! They were

> very happy. "

>

> (show pictures)

>

> " Then the boy went outside with the dog. The dog

> ate a butterfly. It died.

> It got hurt and couldn't fly and it died. The end. "

> (show pictures)

>

> The mother sighed and put her face in her hands.

>

> And I'm thinking, " How very, very lucky you are. "

>

> And I'm thinking, " How very, very, very behind Mikey

> is. "

>

> Isolated at home, I think he is making amazing

> progress, and how well he is

> doing, and what a sweet boy he is, and how lucky we

> are that he's so mildly

> affected, and how well he's going to do.

>

> But out in public, when I see other kids his age, it

> is becoming more

> apparent all the time that something is very wrong.

> I can't believe I ever

> thought he could go to a mainstream pre-school. I

> can't believe they want

> to wait till August to evaluate him because if they

> do it now, at 2 1/2, the

> criteria are different & he might " slip through the

> cracks " and not qualify

> for anything. Yeah. Right.

>

> At the park today Mikey kept running away. He would

> not play on the

> playground equipment. He would not go near the

> other children. He wanted

> to run into the woods. At one point I let him go,

> thinking when he got far

> enough away, he'd realize it and come back to us.

> Do you know how hard it

> is to carry a kicking, screaming child through the

> woods without a path? Do

> you know how scary it is to just hope - HOPE - that

> he's not going to get

> out of your sight, because you just might not be

> able to find him if he

> does? Or to HOPE and PRAY he's not going to go over

> the edge of that

> ravine - a good 10 foot drop - and into the river?

>

> I do.

>

> ( does, too.)

>

> (And I bet a lot of you have similar stories.)

>

> Feeling quite sorry for myself today,

>

> -Sara.

>

>

=====

Tamara

mom to :

Ebony, 4 yrs -- asd, ADHD, bi-polar

, 1 year

wife to:

Terry, love of my life

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Sara,

I used to avoid women who had kids 's age because I just couldn't bear the

stories about how the kids were talking, playing, climbing...

But I look back now at at 2, 3, 4, and I see how far he's come. And I

remember how I thought he would never go to a regular school and I see him now

getting ready to go into grade 2.

Mikey is only 2 1/2, Sara. There is so much to come. And he will amaze you with

his progress. He will. I promise.

Hang in there

Tuna

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[Guest guest]

Sara

I remember before 's diagnois going to playgroups at the hospital and

thinking what's wrong with me? Why am I the only one that can't let her

child out of her sight.

I was at Wal Mart and the mom in front of my had a little baby in the cart.

She was sitting up so we'll say about 9 months old. She kept trying to grab

the conveyor belt and the mom slapped her hand. I remember thinking she just

doesn't know any better you crappy mom. So I made faces and entertained her

since my own child was home with her dad.

It's it funny though how our kids need to learn from their kids but they

could learn so much from us? If only they would .......

G

[Guest guest]

But Sara look on the bright side, you didn't lose his shoes!!! I got

a little down this evening when a three year old neighbor rode her

bike up and down the street smiling and laughing and talking to her

friends. (Sigh) All the while my was staring in the mirrors

in the bathroom explaining the Solar system to himself. Oh well...

BTW, Next time we'll go somewhere with fences!!!

(who DID enjoy the outing!! Thank you!!)

PS Hope your van's oil problem get fixed inexpensively

> At speech this morning, in the waiting room, I watched a little

girl a

> little older than Mikey, maybe 3, 3 1/2. From what I heard the

parents

> saying, the girl had had some kind of injury and they were there

checking

> her hearing because of it.

>

> First she sat in her mother's lap while they read a book. The

mother asked

> her lots of questions, like, " Which one is bigger? " " Which boy is

the

> smallest? " and the girl answered them all correctly. Sometimes

she just

> pointed, other times she spoke. She got tired of the book before

it was

> finished, and her mother said, " That's OK. It's a long book. Go

pick out

> another one if you want to. "

>

> Then the little girl got down and put the book away. It fell on

the floor,

> and her father told her to pick it up and put it in the book

bucket, and she

> did. She picked out another book and pushed a little chair over

so she

> could sit in front of her parents.

>

> She looked at the cover of the book, and then solemnly

announced, " This book

> is about a little boy who dies. "

>

> Her mother, sounding slightly irritated, said, " That sounds like a

very sad

> story. I don't want to hear a sad story. I'd like to hear a

happy story. "

>

> She tried again. " This book is about a DOG that dies. "

>

> " How about a dog that has puppies? Wouldn't that be a happy

story? "

>

> The little girl sighs deeply and opens the book. " When the little

boy got

> ready, he left to go to his grandma's house. "

>

> She turned the book around and slowly showed it to everyone in the

room.

> (She knew they couldn't see the pictures, you see.)

>

> " He got to see his grandma's dog. The dog had just had puppies!

They were

> very happy. "

>

> (show pictures)

>

> " Then the boy went outside with the dog. The dog ate a

butterfly. It died.

> It got hurt and couldn't fly and it died. The end. " (show

pictures)

>

> The mother sighed and put her face in her hands.

>

> And I'm thinking, " How very, very lucky you are. "

>

> And I'm thinking, " How very, very, very behind Mikey is. "

>

> Isolated at home, I think he is making amazing progress, and how

well he is

> doing, and what a sweet boy he is, and how lucky we are that he's

so mildly

> affected, and how well he's going to do.

>

> But out in public, when I see other kids his age, it is becoming

more

> apparent all the time that something is very wrong. I can't

believe I ever

> thought he could go to a mainstream pre-school. I can't believe

they want

> to wait till August to evaluate him because if they do it now, at

2 1/2, the

> criteria are different & he might " slip through the cracks " and

not qualify

> for anything. Yeah. Right.

>

> At the park today Mikey kept running away. He would not play on

the

> playground equipment. He would not go near the other children.

He wanted

> to run into the woods. At one point I let him go, thinking when

he got far

> enough away, he'd realize it and come back to us. Do you know how

hard it

> is to carry a kicking, screaming child through the woods without a

path? Do

> you know how scary it is to just hope - HOPE - that he's not going

to get

> out of your sight, because you just might not be able to find him

if he

> does? Or to HOPE and PRAY he's not going to go over the edge of

that

> ravine - a good 10 foot drop - and into the river?

>

> I do.

>

> ( does, too.)

>

> (And I bet a lot of you have similar stories.)

>

> Feeling quite sorry for myself today,

>

> -Sara.

[Guest guest]

Sara,

I've had days like this, and yes, it is very hard. Just know that it gets

easier. I take Kep to Mc's or the library, and yes, those differences

sometimes slap me in the face, BUT I also know how far Kep has come. I know

that I appreciate things far more than other parents do. Eventually, you

just don't let those things get to you as much. You just can't. Of course,

I still have bad days where that sort of thing hurts more than I can bear,

but they are fewer and farther between than they used to be.

Concentrate on Mikey's progress, be joyful in it! Don't let the world's

expectations rob you of that joy. Certainly our lives are hard, and

sometimes very, very scary, but that just makes the good things that much

more important to us. Hold on to the good things, Sara.

Hugs to you.

Amy H--in Michigan

Kepler 4 1/2 ASD and Bethany 6 NT

" although one has a responsiblity to stick things out to the limit of one's

endurance, one also has to have the courage to retreat and lick one's

wounds, so as to return to the fray refreshed. "

~Kenzaburo Oe

_________________________________________________________________

Chat with friends online, try MSN Messenger: http://messenger.msn.com

[Guest guest]

>>But Sara look on the bright side, you didn't lose his shoes!!!

No I didn't!!! =)

Mikey has new shoes and he is actually leaving these ON most of the time -

they are very soft cotton slip-ons. Matt says they are girl shoes. Oh

well. Anyway, while I was dragging his cute little tush out of the

woods one of his shoes fell off, and I had to go back into the woods to look

for it. But I found it! Hurrah!!!

BTW we went to Meijer's & exchanged them for a size smaller. These fit him

much better. It's hard to go shoe shopping without the foot you're putting

the shoe onto, but you know, I just didn't quite dare to try it.

>>I got

a little down this evening when a three year old neighbor rode her

bike up and down the street smiling and laughing and talking to her

friends. (Sigh) All the while my was staring in the mirrors

in the bathroom explaining the Solar system to himself. Oh well...<<

*nodding* and {{hugs}}

>>BTW, Next time we'll go somewhere with fences!!!

NO KIDDING!!!

We'll all have to go up to 's house sometime. Maybe Monday? (Maybe I

should talk to about this first? Matt has the day off and I

believe 's husband does too. She has a huge house and a huge fenced

yard, except for one little part, and a swingset, and a screened-in porch

with a door that locks. Very nice...You'll like . She's always very

upbeat and cheerful and she talks about 100 miles a minute... Of course

she's up on the north side so it will take us a good hour to get there from

your place...Geez, we all need to move to one neighborhood. All the autism

moms here can just take over an area...won't the school district just LOVE

that? I know the county therapy providers will -- no more travel time!

>> (who DID enjoy the outing!! Thank you!!)

Oh I'm glad. I'm sorry we didn't get to just talk and get to know each

other more! I guess that's what phones are for. (Or fences.

>>PS Hope your van's oil problem get fixed inexpensively

Me too! We can't even afford to have it looked at till Matt gets paid

again...ugh. Bought a case of oil today...

-Sara.

who is in much better spirits today

> At speech this morning, in the waiting room, I watched a little

girl a

> little older than Mikey, maybe 3, 3 1/2. From what I heard the

parents

> saying, the girl had had some kind of injury and they were there

checking

> her hearing because of it.

>

> First she sat in her mother's lap while they read a book. The

mother asked

> her lots of questions, like, " Which one is bigger? " " Which boy is

the

> smallest? " and the girl answered them all correctly. Sometimes

she just

> pointed, other times she spoke. She got tired of the book before

it was

> finished, and her mother said, " That's OK. It's a long book. Go

pick out

> another one if you want to. "

>

> Then the little girl got down and put the book away. It fell on

the floor,

> and her father told her to pick it up and put it in the book

bucket, and she

> did. She picked out another book and pushed a little chair over

so she

> could sit in front of her parents.

>

> She looked at the cover of the book, and then solemnly

announced, " This book

> is about a little boy who dies. "

>

> Her mother, sounding slightly irritated, said, " That sounds like a

very sad

> story. I don't want to hear a sad story. I'd like to hear a

happy story. "

>

> She tried again. " This book is about a DOG that dies. "

>

> " How about a dog that has puppies? Wouldn't that be a happy

story? "

>

> The little girl sighs deeply and opens the book. " When the little

boy got

> ready, he left to go to his grandma's house. "

>

> She turned the book around and slowly showed it to everyone in the

room.

> (She knew they couldn't see the pictures, you see.)

>

> " He got to see his grandma's dog. The dog had just had puppies!

They were

> very happy. "

>

> (show pictures)

>

> " Then the boy went outside with the dog. The dog ate a

butterfly. It died.

> It got hurt and couldn't fly and it died. The end. " (show

pictures)

>

> The mother sighed and put her face in her hands.

>

> And I'm thinking, " How very, very lucky you are. "

>

> And I'm thinking, " How very, very, very behind Mikey is. "

>

> Isolated at home, I think he is making amazing progress, and how

well he is

> doing, and what a sweet boy he is, and how lucky we are that he's

so mildly

> affected, and how well he's going to do.

>

> But out in public, when I see other kids his age, it is becoming

more

> apparent all the time that something is very wrong. I can't

believe I ever

> thought he could go to a mainstream pre-school. I can't believe

they want

> to wait till August to evaluate him because if they do it now, at

2 1/2, the

> criteria are different & he might " slip through the cracks " and

not qualify

> for anything. Yeah. Right.

>

> At the park today Mikey kept running away. He would not play on

the

> playground equipment. He would not go near the other children.

He wanted

> to run into the woods. At one point I let him go, thinking when

he got far

> enough away, he'd realize it and come back to us. Do you know how

hard it

> is to carry a kicking, screaming child through the woods without a

path? Do

> you know how scary it is to just hope - HOPE - that he's not going

to get

> out of your sight, because you just might not be able to find him

if he

> does? Or to HOPE and PRAY he's not going to go over the edge of

that

> ravine - a good 10 foot drop - and into the river?

>

> I do.

>

> ( does, too.)

>

> (And I bet a lot of you have similar stories.)

>

> Feeling quite sorry for myself today,

>

> -Sara.

[Guest guest]

Hey Sara,

Mikey seems to be heading towards pretty high-functioning, so I thought I'd

share my experience with the awful comparison crap...it gets better. It

never gets easy, but it does get easier. As time goes on, you start seeing

clearly where your kid IS, and then where he ISN " T doesn't seem so bad.

What I mean is, when was Mikey's age, his developmental level was

between 9 and 14 months. He was an infant walking around in a toddler's

body, and it was AWFUL. He didn't do ANYTHING kids his age should. Every

precocious 3-year-old was another heartbreak.

Now, at 5 1/2, he's at about a 3 1/2-year-old developmental level (obviously

that's not academic, which is much higher but socially useless), and it's

MUCH easier. Sure, he's not doing what his peers are doing, but he's doing

things that OTHER KIDS are doing. So when my friend tells me what her

precocious 3-year-old is doing, I can laugh and say, " ohmigosh, ERIC does

that! " He's still behind, but it's proof that he's growing and developing.

And now that he has language, albeit DELAYED language, he doesn't stand out

among his peers like he used to. That takes a LOT of pressure off. And I

have NO DOUBT that Mikey is going to develop purposeful language. He's

already well on the way, much earlier than .

So what am I saying, anyway? I'm saying that where you are SUCKS. I

remember. I remember clearly. But it DOES get easier. It DOES change.

Every sighting of another child does not forever bring this kind of

heartache. I PROMISE.

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

The great news about this story...

Mikey's AGE! 2 1/2 Sara... He is so, so, so, so YOUNG!

It's ok to feel sorry for yourself....We understand...

Just remember...(and I'm only doing the comparison to hopefully make you

feel better...)

Jacqui didn't speak her first sentence until KINDERGARTEN.

Jacqui did not potty train until well after her 4TH birthday...(and we STILL

have problems)

You're way ahead of the game...REALLY!

Penny

[Guest guest]

She picked out another book and pushed a little chair over so she

> could sit in front of her parents.

>

> She looked at the cover of the book, and then solemnly announced, " This

book

> is about a little boy who dies. "

>

> Her mother, sounding slightly irritated, said, " That sounds like a very

sad

> story. I don't want to hear a sad story. I'd like to hear a happy

story. "

>

> She tried again. " This book is about a DOG that dies. "

>

> " How about a dog that has puppies? Wouldn't that be a happy story? "

>

> The little girl sighs deeply and opens the book. " When the little boy got

> ready, he left to go to his grandma's house. "

>

> She turned the book around and slowly showed it to everyone in the room.

> (She knew they couldn't see the pictures, you see.)

>

> " He got to see his grandma's dog. The dog had just had puppies! They

were

> very happy. "

>

> (show pictures)

>

> " Then the boy went outside with the dog. The dog ate a butterfly. It

died.

> It got hurt and couldn't fly and it died. The end. " (show pictures)

>

> The mother sighed and put her face in her hands.

>

> And I'm thinking, " How very, very lucky you are. "

Well, first of all, girls act very differently from boys. Truly. They do

seem to be socialized earlier. I remember bringing Enrique and to

LLL meetings and they were just HORRIBLE! And my co-leader would bring her

two little girls, and a toy suitcase full of Barbies and the little girls

would play quietly the whole time.

Her next three children were boys, I am happy to say. But my Sophie was not

particularly easy either so personality is definitely important too. But it

is not ALL autism, you know.

>

> And I'm thinking, " How very, very, very behind Mikey is. "

>

> Isolated at home, I think he is making amazing progress, and how well he

is

> doing, and what a sweet boy he is, and how lucky we are that he's so

mildly

> affected, and how well he's going to do.

>

> But out in public, when I see other kids his age, it is becoming more

> apparent all the time that something is very wrong. I can't believe I

ever

> thought he could go to a mainstream pre-school. I can't believe they want

> to wait till August to evaluate him because if they do it now, at 2 1/2,

the

> criteria are different & he might " slip through the cracks " and not

qualify

> for anything. Yeah. Right.

Well, as you know, I am definitely not an advocate of waiting so I gotta

disagree with that idea.

>

> At the park today Mikey kept running away. He would not play on the

> playground equipment. He would not go near the other children. He wanted

> to run into the woods. At one point I let him go, thinking when he got

far

> enough away, he'd realize it and come back to us.

Now that is something that ASD kids do NOT necessarily realize.

Do you know how hard it

> is to carry a kicking, screaming child through the woods without a path?

Yup. Definitely not a picnic.

Do

> you know how scary it is to just hope - HOPE - that he's not going to get

> out of your sight, because you just might not be able to find him if he

> does? Or to HOPE and PRAY he's not going to go over the edge of that

> ravine - a good 10 foot drop - and into the river?

>

> I do.

>

> ( does, too.)

>

> (And I bet a lot of you have similar stories.)

>

> Feeling quite sorry for myself today,

Hope you are feeling better, Sara, several days down the road.

Salli

[Guest guest]

Re: At speech this morning

> > Isolated at home, I think he is making amazing progress, and how well he

> is

> > doing, and what a sweet boy he is, and how lucky we are that he's so

> mildly

> > affected, and how well he's going to do.

>

>

> Well, that silly girl in the office makes ME look delayed as well. She

> sounds amazing, yes, but Mikey is amazing too.

> I'll bet.... I'll bet that if SHE were autistic, she could not do 1/4 of

the

> things Mikey could, so THERE!

>

> Grace

>

>