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Hello Everyone,

I have been " lurking " for a couple of weeks now. What a great group

this is. I have been thinking about writing the whole time but a few

recent posts have really prompted both my husband and me to join in.

It seems so many are getting bad news recently and tempers are

flaring and moods are swinging. We are in a very similar situation.

I will tell our story and include some questions that are really

weighing on us.

Husband Dale DX 12/10/2002 age 43, inoperable liver mets, no surgery

of any kind, chemo 5FU/Leuk/CPT11 12-11-2002. Also began Celebrex,

spring 2003. CEA steadily fell and weight steadily increased, but

all CT scans showed slight increase in number of growths. CEA began

to rise 9/2003, Oct CT scan showed progression in liver and lungs

(Onc says certainly nothing to be concerned about???) Had port put in

last week, began Oxa/Xeloda combo. No further tests this early.

Question 1: Has anyone been DX with inoperable mets, then

became " operable " after chemo treatment? Onc says this is still his

goal, even though first chemo has failed.

We have four daughters ages 11, 16,18, and 21 and a 1 year old

grandson. Oldest and grandson live far away and seem to be okay with

this. 18 year old has developed a system that seems to work for her,

she will ask a basic questions, i.e. what stage, what drug, then tell

us that's enough information and she'll look up the details when

she's ready. 16 year old has developed ulcers and Irritable Bowel

Syndrome, very stressed out, 11 year old doesn't say much but will

occasionally come home and say she went to the school counselor

again, (who is, by the way, a cancer survivor type unknown)

Question 2: How do you deal with the kids? What do you tell them,

what do you hold back? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

After almost 11 months since DX, Dale and I have had no disagreements

over anything, trying very hard to maintain positive attitude in all

aspects of our lives. Experienced a big blow up this week, lots of

anger and hurt. We realize we are not angry with each other but this

whole crazy situation.

Question 3: Caretakers, how do you deal with the guilt of getting

irritated or angry with the patient? I know how hard this has to be

on him and I truly feel selfish for the things I think and feel

sometimes. Again, any suggstions welcome.

I am so sorry this is so long. I guess if I'd written sooner I

wouldn't have so much to vent??

Thank you all just for having this group available and your

willingness to share on an open forum. You have all been in our

prayers since I started " lurking " .

Kathy M.

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