Guest guest Posted January 9, 2004 Report Share Posted January 9, 2004 Hi everyone: It's difficult to write the words that my father is gone. We buried him the week before Christmas. Prior to his death, I had thought I was ready to let him go. His strokes (2 in 10 days) had left him bedridden and slurred his speech to the point that it was difficult to understand him. His doctors had indicated that he could not resume Chemo until 6 weeks had passed from the time of the last stroke. The cancer was aggressive and entered his lungs. Even when I was told he had two weeks left, I didn't completely believe it. i knew Dad could beat it down, that he could overcome again. Two days before he died, he spoke most forcefully and demanded that we take him to the doctor, for me to 'get the car and lets go to the doctor. " Even though he couldn't remember his own birthdate (due to the stroke), he seemed to remember that his doctor, upon his release from the hospital from his second stroke, told Dad to return in 7-10 days to discuss his chemo and cancer. Everyday, he asked what the date was. Initially, we thought he was concerned about the bills (he was released just before December 1. Then, we thought he was trying to count down to Christmas. But he was trying to go back to the doctor, to begin his chemo again. He was fighting to the end. I read a book that talked spoke about how to help someone let go and die (Final Gifts book) but my Dad never wanted to leave. He told us " I love you " and to " take care of Mom " . Each day since he died, I have this thought that pops up; it's " maybe if... " and then, I remember that Dad is gone, that there aren't any more " maybe's, " no more alternatives for him to try. I feel adrift now, as do my sisters and brothers about what to do now. We all fought with him for two long years, encouraged him and supported him. Now, we've lost this wonderful, special, beautiful man. Just when I think I'm not going to cry anymore, I cry. I wasn't ready to let him go. For the rest of you still fighting-don't give up;don't give up; there will be stronger drugs to fight this colon cancer monster and I want to hear that you are beating this. I want to hear more wonderful stories about men and women who are fighting and winning. I've been so lucky to have found this Colon cancer group; you've been so understanding and helpful and kind. Thank you for all your support and for listening to me today. xoxmichele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2004 Report Share Posted January 9, 2004 > Hi everyone: It's difficult to write the words that my father is > gone. We buried him the week before Christmas. Prior to his death, I > had thought I was ready to let him go. His strokes (2 in 10 days) had > left him bedridden and slurred his speech to the point that it was > difficult to understand him. His doctors had indicated that he could > not resume Chemo until 6 weeks had passed from the time of the last > stroke. The cancer was aggressive and entered his lungs. Even when I > was told he had two weeks left, I didn't completely believe it. i > knew Dad could beat it down, that he could overcome again. Two days > before he died, he spoke most forcefully and demanded that we take > him to the doctor, for me to 'get the car and lets go to the doctor. " > Even though he couldn't remember his own birthdate (due to the > stroke), he seemed to remember that his doctor, upon his release from > the hospital from his second stroke, told Dad to return in 7-10 days > to discuss his chemo and cancer. Everyday, he asked what the date > was. Initially, we thought he was concerned about the bills (he was > released just before December 1. Then, we thought he was trying to > count down to Christmas. But he was trying to go back to the doctor, > to begin his chemo again. He was fighting to the end. I read a book > that talked spoke about how to help someone let go and die (Final > Gifts book) but my Dad never wanted to leave. He told us " I love you " > and to " take care of Mom " . Each day since he died, I have this > thought that pops up; it's " maybe if... " and then, I remember that > Dad is gone, that there aren't any more " maybe's, " no more > alternatives for him to try. I feel adrift now, as do my sisters and > brothers about what to do now. We all fought with him for two long > years, encouraged him and supported him. Now, we've lost this > wonderful, special, beautiful man. Just when I think I'm not going to > cry anymore, I cry. I wasn't ready to let him go. > For the rest of you still fighting-don't give up;don't give up; there > will be stronger drugs to fight this colon cancer monster and I want > to hear that you are beating this. I want to hear more wonderful > stories about men and women who are fighting and winning. I've been > so lucky to have found this Colon cancer group; you've been so > understanding and helpful and kind. Thank you for all your support > and for listening to me today. xoxmichele Michele, Just know in your heart you did all you could to help your dad.I am so sorry for your loss.But you will always have him in your heart,and you will alway,s have your wonderful memorie,s of him,and someday and I truely believe this you will see him again and when you do he will be well he won,t be sick try to hold that thought in your mind. Bless you Jana Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2004 Report Share Posted January 9, 2004 Michele- I am so sorry to hear about your dad. He sounds like he was a wonderful person. You being there for your Mom, and all of your help through this last 2 years has got to have been a great comfort to him. It has been a very short time since your loss. I still occasionally shed tears over my father who I lost 10 yr ago at 92. May the memories of the good times help you and your family through this especially difficult time. Take care, Kris Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 10, 2004 Report Share Posted January 10, 2004 In a message dated 1/9/2004 10:45:19 AM Eastern Standard Time, jimdandytoo@... writes: For the rest of you still fighting-don't give up;don't give up; there will be stronger drugs to fight this colon cancer monster and I want to hear that you are beating this. I want to hear more wonderful stories about men and women who are fighting and winning. I've been so lucky to have found this Colon cancer group; you've been so understanding and helpful and kind. Thank you for all your support and for listening to me today. xoxmichele Michele....I am so sorry to read that your dad passed on. I'm sure this is very hard to deal with, I know from reading your posts how very much you loved him and wanted him to live. I will be praying for you to have peace - I know your dad already does. God bless, Terry in GA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 12, 2004 Report Share Posted January 12, 2004 Michele, My heart goes out to you in this time of grief. I send you love and hugs and comfort to help you through. Your dad was blessed with you as a loving and caring daughter. You were a tremendous source of support, love, and compassion. I know there are no words that can ease the terrible pain, but I want you to know that we all care about you and grieve with you. Blessings and love. > Hi everyone: It's difficult to write the words that my father is > gone. We buried him the week before Christmas. Prior to his death, I > had thought I was ready to let him go. His strokes (2 in 10 days) had > left him bedridden and slurred his speech to the point that it was > difficult to understand him. His doctors had indicated that he could > not resume Chemo until 6 weeks had passed from the time of the last > stroke. The cancer was aggressive and entered his lungs. Even when I > was told he had two weeks left, I didn't completely believe it. i > knew Dad could beat it down, that he could overcome again. Two days > before he died, he spoke most forcefully and demanded that we take > him to the doctor, for me to 'get the car and lets go to the doctor. " > Even though he couldn't remember his own birthdate (due to the > stroke), he seemed to remember that his doctor, upon his release from > the hospital from his second stroke, told Dad to return in 7-10 days > to discuss his chemo and cancer. Everyday, he asked what the date > was. Initially, we thought he was concerned about the bills (he was > released just before December 1. Then, we thought he was trying to > count down to Christmas. But he was trying to go back to the doctor, > to begin his chemo again. He was fighting to the end. I read a book > that talked spoke about how to help someone let go and die (Final > Gifts book) but my Dad never wanted to leave. He told us " I love you " > and to " take care of Mom " . Each day since he died, I have this > thought that pops up; it's " maybe if... " and then, I remember that > Dad is gone, that there aren't any more " maybe's, " no more > alternatives for him to try. I feel adrift now, as do my sisters and > brothers about what to do now. We all fought with him for two long > years, encouraged him and supported him. Now, we've lost this > wonderful, special, beautiful man. Just when I think I'm not going to > cry anymore, I cry. I wasn't ready to let him go. > For the rest of you still fighting-don't give up;don't give up; there > will be stronger drugs to fight this colon cancer monster and I want > to hear that you are beating this. I want to hear more wonderful > stories about men and women who are fighting and winning. I've been > so lucky to have found this Colon cancer group; you've been so > understanding and helpful and kind. Thank you for all your support > and for listening to me today. xoxmichele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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