New to group

[Guest guest]

Hi

I am new to the group. My husband, Dale is almost 73 and we found

out in January 02 that he had rectal cancer. After radiation and

chemo, he had surgery in May 02 - also he had a stroke a few days

before surgery so he had a rough recovery. Had additional chemo (5FU)

after rehab from 6/02 through about 8/02, but had only 5 or 6

treatments and had to be hospitalized about 3 times. After a few

weeks rest he was on Xeloda from about 10/02 through 7/03 but stopped

due to foot syndrome. We were told at the end of 10/03 that he had

inoperable mets to the lungs - liver was clear so far. He started on

CPT-11 and had three treatments, but had low white counts so

treatment was stopped for awhile. He suddenly developed delusions

that I am not really his wife right after Thanksgiving. His chemo has

been suspended again due to his confusion - he had a CT-Scan on his

brain two weeks ago and there were no mets or new stroke, but the

delusion still persists even after he began taking zyprexa for it.

His next appointment with the oncologist is in early January. I am

having a problem figuring out what is best to do for him as far as

treatment goes - he is angry that the oncologist isn't treating the

cancer aggressively, but he doesn't tolerate the chemo very well and

everything he has to take to control the side effects of diarrhea and

nausea cause him to be more confused. Right now, without chemo, he

feels pretty good and isn't in any pain from the lung mets - he

complains of back pain, but the doctors just tell him that it's

arthritis. I don't know if any of you have had to face these choices,

but any advice would be welcome.

To close, I did look at a few posts in the archives and one post got

my attention asking how caregivers deal with guilt about getting

angry with the " patient " . I used to feel bad that I would get angry

at him after we found out about the cancer, but my friends said we

got angry at each other before this all happened and didn't feel

guilty about that. I don't get angry at him because he's sick, I get

angry at him because we've been married 20 years and he still does

and says things to make me angry that have nothing to do with his

illness. All of us have a 100% chance of dying sometime - most of us

just don't know when or how. I try every day to be a better person,

but I am not going to be a phony person and I try to be more

understanding to him, but I still have to be myself, (even if he

doesn't recognize me at this time).

Thanks all!

P