What Did Their Marriage Look Like?

[Guest guest]

I was wondering what the marriage of other nada's and fada's looked like?

With my nada and fada, there was never an ounce of affection or tenderness

displayed between them in all my 52 years. Fada had open heart surgery in 1997

and I had to tell nada to give him a kiss as he was being wheeled into

surgery...she just stood there like he was a stranger rather than her husband of

40+ years. The first time I ever saw them kiss was when they celebrated their

53rd wedding anniversary. I always figured they only had one child because that

was the only time they ever had sex...lol.

Nada was a kept woman who played the role of the stereotypical female housewife

while fada was the sole breadwinner and household handyman. To me they lived

like brother and sister with an ongoing case of bad sibling rivalry, just going

thru the drudgery of living together with neither one ever seeming to enjoy it.

I always felt nada married for security. She was never happy, loving,

affectionate, or kind to fada, nor did she put much effort into her appearance.

My whole life she's been a chronically negative, dissatisfied, confused,

compulsive overeating, hypochondriac who lacks both depth and imagination. Her

favorite reading material is the Enquirer...uuggh!

I'm not real sure why fada stayed...other than to avoid losing his housekeeper.

She also managed the checkbook, something he chose to avoid like the plague.

The games the two of them play absolutely disgust me. 9 times out of 10 nada

will never choose where they go to eat. Instead she makes fada or someone else

choose the restaurant so she can take delight in finding fault with everything

about it. But on the rare occasion she chooses the place, she never finds fault

with anything. Once we went out to dinner for my birthday and nada was finding

fault with everything about the restaurant. My 10 year old son behaved more

maturely than nada. I wanted to reach across the table and slap her or send her

to the car!

Fada operated loud heavy equipment all his career and has terrible ringing in

his ears. In spite of two hearing aids, he has a hard time hearing. Nada

purposely talks softly to him, but he can't hear her so he asks not once but

twice for her to repeat herself before she finally talks loud enough for him to

hear. Then she roles her eyes at how inconvenient it is for her to have to

repeat herself so many times...like its his fault. Its a little power struggle

she plays with him. I've told him to stop asking her what she said but he

continues to take the bait.

Fada has to treat her like the queen. He drops her off at the door and goes to

park the car...even weeks after his open heart surgery, he dropped her off an

walked from the parking lot...barely making it to the building...but nada didn't

care, she wasn't going to drive and drop him off.

They don't communicate or resolve issues. There is no such thing in Oz. He knows

there is no convincing her she's wrong or at fault, so he doesn't talk to her

about such things. She gets mad at him, accuses him of all sorts of things and

gets mad when he loses his patience. They have mini cold wars where they won't

speak for days on end. The deepest conversations they have is about what new toy

to buy next or which current one needs fixing or which casino to go to.

They do not deal in either the emotional or spiritual realm whatsoever. Those

things do not exist in their Oz and they make fun of people who are emotionally

expressive or have spiritual beliefs. They especially love to mock those with

admitted mental illnesses.

They also make fun of artists.

Funny how I've turned into everything they despise. I've reconnected with my

emotions, have a relationship with God, have been on anti-depressants, and am

studying to be a graphic designer. I don't feel I've done any of those things to

spite them...after all these years I'm just being true to myself.

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