Worried that I can't handle it. Really need help here.

[Guest guest]

It has been a really long time since Ive been on this board. I've been staying

away because soemtimes it helps to push the NADA stuff away from my mind..it

makes my heart so heavy.

But today I'm in dire need of support and advice.

Some of you on here know my story. Like many of you, I have a NADA and I am NC

with her. I had that lightbulb moment almost 2 years ago. And when NADA realized

that I wasn't going to be her emotional doormat anymore, things really went

crazy. She wouldn't talk to me anymore until she got what she wanted from me (to

grovel at her feet and beg forgiveness and go back to being her emotional

servant again).

In the meantime, I've enjoyed the lower stress levels of NC. I even contacted my

father and his side of the family after 14 years of NC with them.

My sister, 3 years younger than me, is still in contact with NADA. She knows

that NADA is a little off, but has always been able to handle it better than me.

NADA still has influence over my sister by using the FOG methods. I've tried to

have a realationship with my sister without NADA ever being mentioned. This

worked out so far until tonight.

Last summer, when I contacted my father and his side of the family, my sister

had communication with him as well. After a month or so, she decided that she

was done with it. She didn't want anything to do with it anymore. Her reasoning

is that he wasn't there for us growing up, so why should we be involved with him

now? And for a few months I had the same attitude. Recently, I had some

communication with my aunts, my fathers sisters, and they told me some things

that I didn't know. That although my father did mess up (no showed visitations

and such) that my mother was just as responsible for it as he was. She told me

things that my NADA said and did to them when I was a child to keep them away

from my sister and I. I believe them, because I can't see any reason they would

have to lie to me or make any of it up. So, to get more answers, and to

determine how I really feel about things, I've decided to travel north to go

visit them next month. It will be the first time I've seen them since I was a

child.

I wanted to tell my sister about my decision to go see them, but I didn't want

it to upset her. But I wanted to be honest with her...they are her relatives,

too. So tonight I took her out for ice cream and we were having a good time.

Then I told her that I was thinking about going to see them in June. And she

immediately started crying, like she was very hurt. She seemed to be so hurt and

upset over this information, and I'm not 100 percent sure why. I tried to get

her to tell me, to talk about it, but she said she didn't want to talk about it.

The only thing she really said was " he never came to see us! " . Which is true,

but I told her that I think there are things we don't know. And she said she was

fine with not knowing everything...that if she needed to know we would have been

told. My response was that I didn't like the idea of certain people controlling

what I know about my family.

So I apologized profusely, at this point I was crying, too. I was cryign because

seeing her so hurt made me sad. I feel like I've ruined what relationship I

finally developed with my sister. It took so long, because of NADA, and now I

feel I've lost it all.

I'm freaking out a little bit, because I don't know if I did the right thing or

not. Maybe I shouldn't have told her. What if she never wants to talk to me

again? When I started apologizing she kept saying it's ok...it's ok...but the

way she is, her actions speak louder than her words. She will tell you things

are ok when they really aren't, and what if I never hear from her again?

I am so sad and upset right now. I made such a stupid decision. And I've hurt

the one blood relative I had that still wanted anything to do with me.

I really need your advice on this one.

Thanks for reading.

~Sara Jo