balihi - WAS: anti-deps - Just May be an Unpopular View -

[Guest guest]

Hi 'balihai '

Your story is so awful. God knows how many there are like this.

Hall's could be similar except he was free enough to even resist having

a *doctor* who wouldnt rx him painkillers because the Doc's AA Dad told

him not to!

I do hope you do not suffer too badly. The funny thing is, that in the

UK at least the NA culture isnt supportive for coming off prescription

drugs from what Ive heard - they dnt seem to count it as the real

thing. Those tring to come off barbs, benzos or whatever apprently get

more support in AA - providing they pretend to be alcoholic if they

speak.

best,

Pete

balihai33-@... wrote:

original article:/group/12-step-free/?start=12845

> That's the truth! I had a 14 " rod " installed " in my back 20 or so

years ago

> to try and stop scoliosis while I could still walk. The problem is

they put

> one huge rod instead of little ones here and there at the various

curves so

> there is absolutely no flexibility whatsoever. Add years of

equestrian

> activities including the unintended dismounts that became more

regular as my

> balance was compomised by the rod , a major problem developed. Now,

if I

> take a mis-step I can have agonizing spasm's for days. For years I

lived

> with this and tried massage therapy, physical therapy, swimming

daily, miles

> of walking every day while I held my breath. Then I had a tumor

develop on

> the peroneal nerve on my right leg. So the walking became extremely

painful.

> Mr. AA prides himself on his physique and would walk with me on the

weekends

> even though as a martyr - as he is a runner. He disgustedly told me

he

> didn't want to anymore even though this was becoming just about the

only time

> we had alone together away from " the rooms " . My pain was slowing him

down.

> I loved our walk! We would stop at the ducks for a feeding, stop at

the

> beach for an appreciative moment of thanks for living in Hawaii, had

a water

> stop, etc. It was a routine I loved. But my pain was not good. And

> painkillers? Forget it. So for years and years I lived with this

pain and

> he complained of it. When I moved to New Mexico, I was immediately

medivaced

> to Wilford Hall in San by the military for emergency surgery

on my

> leg. The tumor had grown and was pressing on the nerve in a rather

agonizing

> way. The military would fly him out and put him up in Officer's

Quarter's

> while I was in the hospital but he was in Hawaii and couldn't be

bothered.

> When I came back I spent 1 1/2 years four hours a day at the Zia

Spinal Cord

> Injury Center to learn how to deal with the excruciating pain in my

back and

> leg. He filed for divorce.

> If I had learned to complain of pain rather than " turning it over "

and

> " Letting Go and Letting God " I would have had my surgery years

earlier and

> saved myself a lot of pain. Now I get trigger point injections twice

a month

> and am on a pain medication program which I approach hesitantly. I

use a

> minimum (1/4) of what is prescribed and have told the doctors I will

not use

> some of the stronger pain meds as I am terrified of the AA voice in

my head

> telling me I will be in " the rooms " of NA if I do. So pain is my

constant

> companion but I manage. What I don't have anymore is a husband I so

dearly

> loved. You see, during all this, I drank the demon alcohol on 3 or

4

> occasions. What is so funny in a sad way is for instance, one time a

friend

> had been over for a swim and left a beer in the refrigerator. In my

> desperation I ran across it one night and drank it. Just one beer.

And then

> I put the empty can on Mr. AA's desk and went to bed. Can you

imagine the

> firestorm I woke up to?????? He dramatically removed his wedding ring

and put

> it in the middle of the coffee table. I was in my sick way trying to

scream

> for help and attention from my husband! But he threw me out of the

house. I

> went to the North Shore and hid out for a few days crying the whole

time and

> then went and stayed with a woman in AA (who little did I know) had

an affair

> with Mr. AA. After months of this I was allowed home. During it,

when I

> went to the endless meetings with Ms. AA I was looked at like the

Scarlet

> Woman.

>

> So I don't know why I still cry for this man. The mail yesterday was

> discussing the comparison of an alcoholic relapsing to go back to the

rooms

> to get more of the same to an abused spouse doing the same. I guess

that

> familiarity is what I should be so grateful to lose. But I am

mourning the

> loss of the man I so dearly loved. I am one sick puppy. But you all

are so

> wonderful and reading and reading every day what others go through

and how

> they think this sick AA stuff through has slowly given me a glimmer

that even

> though the last years have been so horrible and painful and sad, my

life with

> Mr AA was not the best I could ever hope for from life. Being true

to myself

> and listening to my heart and body and trying to care for both can

only

> happen when I can be honest about pain, mental or physical. And

being in the

> rooms there is something so wrong with me to be in pain. If I was

working

> the steps I would have risen above it, right. Apparently not.

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/1/00 11:26:16 PM Eastern Standard Time,

awatt04@... writes:

> Those tring to come off barbs, benzos or whatever apprently get

> more support in AA - providing they pretend to be alcoholic if they

> speak.

Has always been the case in AA here too.