Re: & tiffany

[Guest guest]

Dear ,

Your note brought tears. Maybe because I understand so much of it. I

also am a semi-single mom. Always said, single mom with a great income!

My husband is a distance truck driver, so he is gone alot. I pretty much

raised a alone. It was just her and I most of the time. Thats

what makes it hard now, cuz its just me. I heard Garth song " The

Dance " for the first time since she died, and it had a whole different

meaning to me.I think it goes " If you never felt the pain, you'd never

have the dance " And I thought about all the frustration, pain, struggles

through 7 years of this. The traveling to the EXPERTS, therapys,

fighting insurances, schools,....(I could go on and on) and the docters

appt. I always went to alone. The tears I too shed alone cuz he couldn't

handle it! I pretected him. Well now that she's gone, I can see that she

that " Our Angel " not only changed us(for the better) but many others. So

as hard as those 7 years were , THE DANCE was worth it. And if you asked

my husband (who is still a basket case) He too could never have given up

his " BOO Bear " But the mommy bond is much greater, especially when they

are soooo sick. I dont know when you lost Orion, but one part of

grieving (DABDA)

Denial

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

I know for myself I had already gone through the denial, and anger with

KRC. We have stanges of this just when we are given these children.

Sorry to ramble

It's a blue day

But give your honey space, and maybe grieve conceling

Gloria

Mom of Angel a

[Guest guest]

gloria;

i know what you mean about being alone... i was pretty much ALWAYS

alone. i have a wonderful family who visited orion and me at the hospital

nearly every day, but what i really needed was CHRIS there. although i am

very grateful to my family for being so supportive to orion and me, i needed

chris there to share feelings with. does that make sense? no one in my family

REALLY knew what it was like to watch their child go through this, except

chris. they felt pain of losing their grandson, nephew, great-grandson, etc,

but they couldn't really UNDERSTAND how i felt, because something like this

had never happened to THEIR child. i hope i am making sense... chris told me

he wasn't there because he " couldn't deal with it " or " couldn't handle it " or

whatever, and i just said to him, " do you think I want to deal with it? i

force myself to, because it is my son and i HAVE to... he needs me and i will

ALWAYS be here for him, no matter what... " one thing that really haunts me is

the memory of the day when i found out orion had mito... the dr explained to

me that they might have to do neurosurgery (orion had brain atrophy, which

caused subdural hemorrhaging) to relieve the pressure in his brain. they

didn't want to do the surgery yet, because he was so unstable. of course, the

first thing i asked was " is he going to die? " orion's dr (who is wonderful)

looked at me so solemnly and said " yes, if his brain keeps shrinking at this

rate, he is going to die. " i just started crying. i finished talking to her,

and she asked if there was anything she could do, and i said no. she left,

and i remember just sitting there, with orion in my arms, crying and crying,

and holding him close. i felt so scared, so helpless, so alone. i had just

been told that my son was going to die, and i had no one there with me to cry

with me, and hug me, or whatever. this is something i will always resent

chris for.

chris' family on his mother's side had never met orion. they never

bothered to come and see him. when we found out how sick he was, chris called

them and asked them to please come and see orion, even if it was just once.

they had the nerve to say no, they weren't going to come, and it was a good

thing they had never met orion and " gotten attached to him, if he's just

going to die anyway. " this was another slap in the face... to add insult to

injury, chris' mother tried to commit suicide while orion was in the ICU (it

was all a scheme to get attention, i am convinced-- she does this a lot), and

chris rushed all the way from philly to paoli hospital to be with her. this

was a day he was actually supposed to be coming to the hospital to see us,

and he chose to be with his mother instead. (his mother is evil, in my

opinion-- i will spare you all how i came to this conclusion-- it's a LONG

story.)

anyway, sorry to go on for so long, guess i have just been in my

" venting stage " for the past few days...

oh, and gloria, in answer to your question, orion died on february 3,

1999....

julia

orion's mommy forever

In a message dated 3/5/00 5:11:22 PM Pacific Standard Time,

dsrtdwlr@... writes:

<< The traveling to the EXPERTS, therapys,

fighting insurances, schools,....(I could go on and on) and the docters

appt. I always went to alone. The tears I too shed alone cuz he couldn't

handle it! I pretected him. Well now that she's gone, I can see that she

that " Our Angel " not only changed us(for the better) but many others. So

as hard as those 7 years were , THE DANCE was worth it. And if you asked

my husband (who is still a basket case) He too could never have given up

his " BOO Bear " But the mommy bond is much greater, especially when they

are soooo sick. >>