Why we have to find a Mother's Day/Birthday card without any sentiment

[Guest guest]

It has been the same all my life....searching for the LEAST sentimental card for

my mother's special occasions (my father, too). I stand and look at each loving

card with a lump in my throat. Even if I pick one that has minimal sentiment, my

mother says " well...if only you meant it... " . She collects her occasion cards

and brags like it is her accomplishment to get a card. I am facing her 86th

birthday next week and dread the whole affair. Last year the retirement facility

had a luncheon (just because) and she perched herself at the head table like it

was in her honor. She told everybody that the party was for her (not!) She

craves being the center of attention and will steal it from anyone else. I

fluctuate between being embarassed and angry vs. feeling pity for her low self

esteem. Then, she flaunts her superiority attitude and I go back to feeling

disgust over her behavior. As for gifts...I give up. She finds fault with every

gift.My(now deceased) father (who she has appointed to sainthood) did not give

her presents for any occasion. Now, I understand why (I always thought he was

selfish). He probably gave up like the rest of us. She never sends cards or

gifts to her grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Then, she wonders why they

don't call or send cards to her. She honestly can't figure it out. They have no

clue about BPD-they just call her a selfish grandmother.