Re: pregnancy/CF/personal beliefs

[Guest guest]

>ph, I feel like that puts me in a category in many of your eyes of

>being

>not as good of a parent because we won't do what some seem to think is the

> " right " thing (abortion, artificial birth control...).

Not true at all, actually, I (and probably a lot of other folks on this

list) think you are some of the greatest parents on the list.

Jen, to me abortion is more selfish than raising the cf child. I also chose

to have my second baby whether or not he had cf. Sometimes I feel guilty,

yes, but 'most' of the time I feel I have given him a chance to be the happy

little boy that he is. Yes it is a lot more work and stress for me and my

husband, but well worth it. When I think about accidentally getting

pregnant again it scares me. I think well maybe I could abort if the baby

had cf. The problem is I think I would be doing it for all the wrong

reasons. It would be more because *I* couldn't handle another cf child, and

that would be a selfish act that would most likely haunt me for the rest of

my life.

I *totally* agree with you on the being able to talk about abortion, but not

religion issue, I would be angry too 'if' there was something I wanted to

say. I think we should be able to talk about all issues without flaming

others. Those that are easily offended can delete. But then this isn't

'my' list so I just go with the flow and get what I can from it.

Jen, you are a wonderful mom, and I think most of us here know that.

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[Guest guest]

We all know how very difficult it is to be a parent, period. I've only been

reading messages on this list for the last 3 days but one of the things I

noticed is that people on here are not as judgemental. Everyone has their

opinions but is accepting of the fact that everyone is entitled to their own

opinions. Plus, I think that all of us have had enough life experiences to

know that it's pretty difficult to sit and judge others for their actions

when we ourselves have so many situations where we're just trying to do the

best we can.

My personal experience in the area of pregnancy is a little of both. When

was diagnosed, she was 2. My husband and I almost separated because

he was dealing with it one way (total denial) and I another (total

immersion). During that time (actually 3 months after 's diagnosis

and while she was in the hospital), incredibly since we weren't getting

along well at all, I became pregnant. We chose to abort. At the time, it

seemed right to do. I was scared, didn't know whether my marriage would

hold together, didn't understand everything about CF, it was an awful time

in my life. I wanted kids for as long as I could remember and 's CF

totally threw me. I felt like I was being punished for every misdeed I'd

ever done. And, I felt so guilty that I was being punished through my

daughter.

As time went on, things began to work out. My husband and I have an

incredible marriage and are much stronger because of everything we've been

through. went for 5 years without any need for IVs, any illnesses,

etc. During that incredibly good period with , I personally was

having a rough time. I had a miscarriage and then a year later, an ectopic

pregnancy. Originally thinking it was another impending miscarriage, I was

put on bed rest for 3 weeks. As the cramping worsened and the ectopic

progressed, the docs realized what was going on and emergency surgery was

performed. I went through a major depression. Even though both the

miscarriage and the ectopic were unplanned, I *wanted* those babies. My

husband and I decided once I healed from the surgery, I would get my tubes

tied as the emotions were too much. Well, as fate would have it, I became

pregnant before I could schedule the tube tying. We didn't do any testing

because we knew no matter what, we couldn't abort again. I was at risk for

not only carrying another Cf baby but because of my age, Down's Syndrome was

an issue as well. I had an excellent pregnancy, was born and we

tested him for CF at 3 months. It was negative. has brought so much

joy to all of us, but particularly to , that I feel fate intervened in

our lives and showed us what we needed when we weren't sure. And, I'm using

the word fate here to stay out of the religious area.

I know everyone has their own beliefs and I greatly respect and understand

how the experiences in life and each person's unique situations can affect

their own decisions. I just wanted to share ours. I wish each of you the

best.

Tammie

pregnancy/CF/personal " beliefs "

> I must admit that I find it extremely ironic that this current discussion

is

> occuring at the same time as ph is diagnosed......with everyone

knowing

> full well that, while we didn't plan the pregnancy with him, we did know

that

> had Cf at the time we got pregnant (but didn't know about Josh even

> when Mallory was born, and didn't know Mall had CF when ph was

conceived)

> Now that I have 3, would we do it again? Again, we have no plans to get

> pregnant on purpose (Miranda and , ironically, were clomid

babies.....)

> But we are using Catholic Family planning as our one and only method of

birth

> control. Part of the problem with that is that breastfeeding messes it up

a

> bit, apparently, lol, since thats how we got Mall and JoJo both. So, if

we

> get pregnant, then <edited> willing, we will have another baby.....as we

> believe thats what is meant to be in that case.

> So,maybe you guys all find this totally wrong.....and once several of us

got

> flamed on cystic-l for even daring get pregnant, but we can't change who

we

> are, any more than I expect to change who you all are. Is it selfish to

> stick to convictions in light of our circumstances? I can't answer that

> question any more than I can answer the question of is it selfish to get

> pregnant at all in any circumstances....and I can't answer that any more

for

> those who would get pregnant with the intent to abort in the event of a CF

> baby. WE all believe what we believe, have whatever personal convictions

we

> have.....and thats life. Sure don't want to have any more babies with

CF,

> nor with any other serious health problems. But whether we do or not

depends

> alot on odds, and fate, something over which we really have no control.

We

> take what we get and deal with it. I guess thats as detailed as I can get

> without either A. getting into religious discussion which is against list

> rules, or B. offending any man on the list by getting into huge

discussions

> about family planning, lol (by the way.....ron hates family

planning.....too

> much " non safe " time, meaning no sex time, for him, lol)

> Lastly, in one way I do have to admit that it makes me angry that I cannot

> openly discuss/defend ourselves and our circumstances (because doing so

would

> become religious content), but everyone else can openly discuss the topic

of

> abortion, which IMHO is just as hot a topic as religion and politics. I

> never really thought of it before, but in light of the all the current

> topics, every other post being about abortion and the other ones being

about

> ph, I feel like that puts me in a category in many of your eyes of

being

> not as good of a parent because we won't do what some seem to think is the

> " right " thing (abortion, artificial birth control...). Anyway, I always

try

> to be very nonjudgemental in my posts, and this one isn't being

judgemental

> of the original post asking for support.....but somehow I feel we are

being

> judged. I will probably get flamed, but I felt I had to get this off my

> chest anyway.

> And I am not saying that you guys are not terrifically supportive, because

> every one of you have been wonderful, and I will reply under separate

> heading. Just that we have enough guilt already. And, just that both

topics

> are just as hot of a topic, and I find it really odd that we can openly

> discuss the one topic (abortion) which frequently brings up even more

> emotional feelings, etc than even religion, but can't discuss religion.

> Because, the truth is, this list seems more mature than most, and all the

> replies I have seen are extremely supportive of everyone, differences,

etc.

> It seems that most of the members are quite mature enough to handle even

the

> hot topics, which is a testament to all members. I guess I will shut up

now.

> Take care,

> Jen

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

Jen

I got the feeling from your post that you think peopel are critical of your

decision to follow family planning method of birth control. I think that is

far from the truth. My interpretation of the posts was that people feel they

need to do what they think is right for them and what they believe is right

in their own hearts.

I don't think or I certainly hope that no one was judging your decisions. I

felt everyone was supportive of each persons own beliefs. You have enough to

deal with at this time without feeling you are being looked down upon.

I think you have alot of nonjudgemental support from the members of this

list. Take that to heart and let it help you through this difficult time.

mom to Josh 6 1/2wcf and Sam 18mo nocf

[Guest guest]

I've kept my mouth shut long enough. First I want to say that you guys

have been incredibly supportive of this mom even while you are voicing your

opinions and I gotta say I really admire that. Good job on the

self-restraint!

Here's my personal opinion/beliefs: We decided to have a second child

regardless of him/her having CF. I did have an amnio so that if he did have

CF we could monitor him for the meconium ileus/peritonitis that Ricky had in

utero. But we never planned to terminate him if he did have CF (he doesn't).

I guess my reason is that I don't know how we'd explain to Ricky that we

terminated a baby who had what he had. What does that say about him?

That said, I must admit that our reasoning for that was that Ricky was so

healthy at the time, we figured that even if the baby had CF we could handle

it. Then while I was pregnant (by this time we already knew Andy didn't have

CF) Ricky ended up in for his first lengthy hospitalization (2 weeks). And I

wondered, what the heck was I thinking, having a baby when I have a sick

toddler!

Anyway... I believe that abortion should be an option open for women. It's

just not for me. I can respect a person's decision to do it. And that's

about all I have to say about that!

Becky Whicker

beckerbuns@... or letscurecf@...

mom of Ricky (11/26/95) with CF and Andy (3/18/98) no CF

Shop the web and raise money for CFRI!

http://www.geocities.com/beckerbuns/store.html