Re: walking

[Guest guest]

Interesting. I wonder if there is any correlation between the dehumanizing

attitudes and behaviors displayed by the participants of a war (that each side

feels toward the other) and the dehumanizing attitudes and behaviors that bpd

parents display toward their children?

Sort of on the lines of:

" The child is just an object that has no feelings... " , or,

" The child is beneath contempt... " , or,

" The child is inferior/disappointing... "

" ...so its OK to smack her around and punish and torture her when we want to. "

Its as though the bpd mother turns her child into " the enemy " , and its OK to

brutalize or even kill the enemy.

I wonder if any research papers have been done along those lines?

-Annie

>

> This may help.� It is called International Handbook of Multigenerational

Legacies of Trauma

>

>

http://books.google.com/books?id=thoNwuDmHEQC & pg=PA220 & lpg=PA220 & dq=%2Btrauma+%2\

B%22intergenerational+transmission%22+%2Bcambodia & source=bl & ots=Lx1xnh97of & sig=V\

6j-2h7AQgA4BIGhaIO1B0y6Cqs & hl=en & ei=y6EcStCzM8-EmQfS9cjsDA & sa=X & oi=book_result & c\

t=result & resnum=6#PPA5,M1

>

> I was also thinking that if what your parents lived through was a conflict

between two sides, and not just a straight massacre, that they may have

witnessed or heard about or knew in some way of individuals close to

them--family members, neighbors, friends--who participated in harming the other

side or may have participated themselves.� In order to avoid feeling guilty

and to minimize some of the confusion of seeing people harm one another, it is

very common for�individuals to devalue the one being harmed--so that the other

side is so evil and inhuman that they either deserve what they got or are

removed from the moral universe and therefore what is done to them does not

matter.� In fact, this kind of thinking usually precedes the outbreak of

actual conflict and is a part of what allows it to occur.

>

> In general

>

>

> Cricket on your mind? Visit the ultimate cricket website. Enter

http://beta.cricket.yahoo.com

>

>

[Guest guest]

My mom is not bpd, it is my dad and stepmom who were mentally disturbed and with

whom I lived. My mom left when I was in jr high. However, my mom seems kind of

like your dad Ashana. I have long described her as an emotionally unavailable

person, at best. In some ways, I think she is simply emotionally terrified. I

have attributed it to her own childhood as well. As a child if I complained my

stomach hurt, her answer was, " No it doesn't. " There was never any validation

for my emotions -in fact the opposite- and so I have vascillated between being

too emotional and turning my feelings off altogether. I think I knew at a very

young age that I was basically on my own emotionally. Ashana you said you felt

viewed as an object. I haven't thought of it that way before, I simply

understood that I really didn't matter ... I'll have to give that some thought.

My mom has quite a social conscience, but it seems to be too fearful for her to

express that level of emotion on a personal level. I do believe she loves me,

she is just afraid to show it much. I do my best to make it safe for her. Every

now and again I will try to open myself up to her on a sincere emotional level,

but it's hard. She is very forceful and I think it's becs the feelings just

scare her too much. I do wonder if the sorrow they (hopefully) feel for the

missed relationships with us is somehow channeled into the 'greater good' kind

of conscience that shows ... it has to be a lot less intimidating to speak up

for a generic people group across the world than for your kids or yourself. Very

interesting thoughts for me to ponder, as always.

Thanks,