Guest guest Posted May 4, 2009 Report Share Posted May 4, 2009 In my opinion, you handle it by reminding yourself that the quavery, tear-filled voice and the angry voice are just manipulative tools and are mostly an act. She is trying to play you like a violin; don't respond to it. Its hard because unlike your nada, you *do* have empathy and want to comfort someone who is in distress. But (again, in my opinion) the tears are not coming from nada's heart, they are coming from the part of nada that wants to control you and bend you to her will. Just keep reminding yourself of that. I discovered that this is the case with my nada, at any rate. She called me a few months ago all weepy and sniffly and I was pleasant but neutral *but* I did not respond to her whiny voice. (I didn't ask her what was wrong, or why she was crying.) She stopped being whiny when it didn't work. Just like that, she turned it off. I was (silently) amazed, and continued to talk with her in a calm, neutral but polite tone, she conveyed her info to me and we concluded the call. PDs use manipulation as a way of life, and we've been conditioned from birth to respond to these manipulations. When we were kids, my nada used anger and our terror of physical abuse to control my Sister and me, we were genuinely afraid of her, but now she's mostly switched over to weepy guilt to get her way. Its gradually dawning on my nada that neither Sister nor I respond to being manipulated any longer, and she's having a hard time learning how to be just honest and straightforward and say with words directly what she thinks and feels instead of screaming in anger or crying with self-pity. Anyway, that's my 2 cents. -Annie > > How do you handle it when you get the over emotional voicemail? Nada just called and I could just hear it in her voice that I'm not doing whatever it is that she thinks I should be doing. She has cycled into her angry/sobbing lash out temper tantrums. I still haven't gotten enough strength in myself to not feel guilty for not answering or calling her back even though I know if I do she will only make me feel badly about myself. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 4, 2009 Report Share Posted May 4, 2009 Also remember this: You are worth true LOVE. You are allowing yourself to get beat up and abused if you cave into guilt trip. Don't let it be you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 4, 2009 Report Share Posted May 4, 2009 Don't call her back. It's part of the manipulation - anger because you don't pick up the phone and call her back, then it switches to nada-victim, crying, sobbing that you don't love her... Not calling back is easier said than done. I've been there. I don't answer the phone everytime she calls. When it was really bad, she left 6 or 7 messages on evening, each one getting more and more hysterical. There have been times when hubby has listened and deleted the voicemail. It was the only way I could keep going and not be pulled back in. Do you have someone who can listen and delete it for you? Or, is there a way you can delete it without listening? Abby > > How do you handle it when you get the over emotional voicemail? Nada just called and I could just hear it in her voice that I'm not doing whatever it is that she thinks I should be doing. She has cycled into her angry/sobbing lash out temper tantrums. I still haven't gotten enough strength in myself to not feel guilty for not answering or calling her back even though I know if I do she will only make me feel badly about myself. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.