Re: A couple of Nada moments I have never figured out

[Guest guest]

man, our nadas must be related !! only my nada denied it all

Jackie

Oh gosh! This brings back more for me...

I was 11. We had a huge oak in the backyard of this apt on the back/top of

an old n Nada rented. It had a swing on a rope tied to a high

branch. The swing was one of those round plastic discs where the rope went

through the middle and your legs around it. The rope was old (even I knew

that but figured, Nada said it's safe, I'm overreacting....) I was swinging

higher and higher on it. She was sitting on the stairs that lead up. The

rope broke with me about 15 ft in the air. I came down on my lower

spine/tailbone region. I had the wind knocked out of me. I don't remember

crying. I do remember Nada getting up and coming over to me slowly. I think

she said something like, " Oh GREAT! You're so fat you broke the swing. Now

I'm going to have to pay for that. Get up and go to your room. " No Dr's.

No concern. When I mentioned it to her a few years ago, she said, " Yeah, I

remember. You broke the swing... "

I still have a tender spot on my spine. Adult Xrays have revealed that the

tip of my tailbone is broken... and it happened in childhood....

Lynnette

[Guest guest]

I have many flashbacks of nada spanking us when we were inconvenient, like

wen I was 6 or 7 my sister and I both had the flu and were vomiting, she

gave us each a bucket to vomit in during the night so we wouldn't disturb

her...my sister missed her bucket and the next morning, nada screamed at her

for the mess she made..I think it's just most people don't remember much

earlier than 11 or 12

Jackie

I think it's interesting how many of these stories start with " when I was

11 " , " when I was 12 " ...

Puberty is the perfect time for a nada to start *especially*

resenting/hating/being jealous of/wanting to hurt her daughter.

-Deanna

[Guest guest]

Mine denies somethings, admits but denies responsiblity on others... there is no

reason behind which category anything falls into.

Anyone else a " Lost " fan? I see eerie similarities between the " Smoke Monster "

and Nada....

Lynnette

>

> man, our nadas must be related !! only my nada denied it all

>

> Jackie

>

>

> Oh gosh! This brings back more for me...

>

> I was 11. We had a huge oak in the backyard of this apt on the back/top of

> an old n Nada rented. It had a swing on a rope tied to a high

> branch. The swing was one of those round plastic discs where the rope went

> through the middle and your legs around it. The rope was old (even I knew

> that but figured, Nada said it's safe, I'm overreacting....) I was swinging

> higher and higher on it. She was sitting on the stairs that lead up. The

> rope broke with me about 15 ft in the air. I came down on my lower

> spine/tailbone region. I had the wind knocked out of me. I don't remember

> crying. I do remember Nada getting up and coming over to me slowly. I think

> she said something like, " Oh GREAT! You're so fat you broke the swing. Now

> I'm going to have to pay for that. Get up and go to your room. " No Dr's.

> No concern. When I mentioned it to her a few years ago, she said, " Yeah, I

> remember. You broke the swing... "

>

> I still have a tender spot on my spine. Adult Xrays have revealed that the

> tip of my tailbone is broken... and it happened in childhood....

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

I was always inconvenient except when she wanted a " Show Pony. "

My memories are those that I have of pictures I have seen. I have almost ZERO

authentic memories. Those that do surface and flash make me vomit, shudder and

break down... or totally go in my head and stay there. I'm getting better in

the last year+ but it pisses me off to no end to have to " get better " from

something that my Nada " put in there. " Intentionally or not: I don't care!

Venting.

Lynnette

>

> I have many flashbacks of nada spanking us when we were inconvenient, like

> wen I was 6 or 7 my sister and I both had the flu and were vomiting, she

> gave us each a bucket to vomit in during the night so we wouldn't disturb

> her...my sister missed her bucket and the next morning, nada screamed at her

> for the mess she made..I think it's just most people don't remember much

> earlier than 11 or 12

>

> Jackie

>

>

> I think it's interesting how many of these stories start with " when I was

> 11 " , " when I was 12 " ...

>

> Puberty is the perfect time for a nada to start *especially*

> resenting/hating/being jealous of/wanting to hurt her daughter.

>

> -Deanna

>

[Guest guest]

LOL I watch the show..and I think it's called Lost because us viewers are

the lost ones :-) I didn't get the connection between the smoke monster and

nada..

Jackie

Mine denies somethings, admits but denies responsiblity on others... there

is no reason behind which category anything falls into.

Anyone else a " Lost " fan? I see eerie similarities between the " Smoke

Monster " and Nada....

Lynnette

[Guest guest]

Sorry to hear what your nada said, mg. I just wish my nada would join her

deceased husband (my stepfather) and her brother and mother etc. on the other

side like she keeps saying she wants to but she's one tough old bird.

My nada also says similar things to me. Mine is about the mold in my apt. walls

and says, " I lived with mold - a LOT of people have mold and it's no big deal.

It doesn't hurt you. " Of course it has been found to be very damaging to

people's LUNGS so yes it does affect them over time. How stupid! I never

thought my nada was that stupid. No empathy but that's part of the disease and

that's not going to change. She is 88 and there is no WAY I am getting her

doctor to send her to a psychiatrist at this point. She has soooooooooo many

health issues it is absurd and she is not taking care of herself like she should

or listening to the doctor AT all. It won't be long. She can't go on vomiting

up all food for days a a time and keeping food down for only 2 days a week. She

says it 's 'the flu' and 'she' (whoever THAT is) keeps infecting me again and

again with the flu' - who is SHE and that's not possible anyway.

Total lack of empathy is a big part of the disease so no one is going to change

that.

Marilyn

[Guest guest]

The Smoke Monster comes out of nowhere. Attacks some. Leaves others alone.

Can replay scenes of the past. Knows all. Can take on any form. Can mimic

people: alive or dead. Can be all. There is no ryhme nor reason to what it

does.

Lynnette

>

> LOL I watch the show..and I think it's called Lost because us viewers are

> the lost ones :-) I didn't get the connection between the smoke monster and

> nada..

>

>

> Jackie

>

> Mine denies somethings, admits but denies responsiblity on others... there

> is no reason behind which category anything falls into.

>

> Anyone else a " Lost " fan? I see eerie similarities between the " Smoke

> Monster " and Nada....

>

> Lynnette

>

[Guest guest]

Besides trying to discuss the physical abuse my father rendered me-where my nada

told me that first, she didn't recall it (asked where she was...) then she

flipantly said " well, you deserved it, you were sassy " . When I mentioned my two

miscarriages, she asked " did I know about that? Whe I mentioned my 7 surgeries

and resulting pain, she asked " did I know about those???? No, mom, you were off

on another planet and missed all the crises in my life. But let's see, you call

me for every hangnail and hiccup. Can she just not see the big picture here?

My ex-husband did not like to visit my parents (they were so much alike). I

drove my two little children 100 miles to visit twice a year. On the return

trip, I got into a major rain storm complete with flooding. I braved the trip

and made it to our driveway. When I pushed the garage door opener, it would not

open. It was pouring rain. My ex opned the side door and laughed-he had locked

the garage door so I couldn't get in. He was showing his control and anger over

me taking the kids for a visit. Those behaviors continued for years. He never

apologized and did not want to discuss the event. I came to realize that I had

married the same sick personality as my parents had. How can these people treat

their " loved ones " with such disrespect? They can function in enough of a

" normal " manner with people outside the family. They don't respect themselves

and take their rage out on their loved ones. Imagine all the chldren out there

suffering at the mercy of their nada's right now. I wish I could go into schools

and educate kdis about what BPD is. I'm sure that would be politically

incorrect!!

>

> Sorry to hear what your nada said, mg. I just wish my nada would join her

deceased husband (my stepfather) and her brother and mother etc. on the other

side like she keeps saying she wants to but she's one tough old bird.

>

> My nada also says similar things to me. Mine is about the mold in my apt.

walls and says, " I lived with mold - a LOT of people have mold and it's no big

deal. It doesn't hurt you. " Of course it has been found to be very damaging to

people's LUNGS so yes it does affect them over time. How stupid! I never

thought my nada was that stupid. No empathy but that's part of the disease and

that's not going to change. She is 88 and there is no WAY I am getting her

doctor to send her to a psychiatrist at this point. She has soooooooooo many

health issues it is absurd and she is not taking care of herself like she should

or listening to the doctor AT all. It won't be long. She can't go on vomiting

up all food for days a a time and keeping food down for only 2 days a week. She

says it 's 'the flu' and 'she' (whoever THAT is) keeps infecting me again and

again with the flu' - who is SHE and that's not possible anyway.

>

> Total lack of empathy is a big part of the disease so no one is going to

change that.

>

> Marilyn

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm just not feeling the love from the nada's today. I have a tailbone story

too. I was 9 years old and fell while rollerskating. I could hardly walk home

that a friend had to help me. At that point, I had stopped crying when I was

hurt because tears only brought on a rage from nada. I told nada what happened

and she told me I wasn't coordinated enough to rollerskate and said something

about how she couldn't ride a bike. I have no clue how they are related. I

couldn't sit and it hurt to move, stand, bend, lie down. I was like this for

weeks and in a lot of pain which she ignored until we went to her friends house

for dinner. The lady asked me what was wrong because I was leaning to the side

when I sat. She was concerned because I looked like I was in pain (imagine!) and

wincing. When I told her what happened, she suggested to my mother that she

should take me to the hospital, which reluctantly nada did. Turns out I broke my

tailbone! I have no clue if they ever prescribed anything for the pain because I

was never given anything. I suffered for a long time with the pain. I never have

been able to sit straight for very long without feeling uncomfortable. I still

lean to the side when I sit or tuck my legs under. There have been times as an

adult when I have said something about my back and nada's response has always

been that she has long suffered with back problems her whole life and I have no

idea how much pain she has been in.

A few years ago, a friend fell and broke her tailbone. She was off work for 6

weeks and on darvocet for months for the pain. Just goes to show the seriousness

of the injury.

Yet another warm, caring nada story.

Abby

> >

> > when I was a kid, I got stung by two bumble bees ( those huge mostly black

> > fat bees) one the face, the other on my neck..my face swelled up and I

> > started having trouble breathing..nada called me stupid and careless ( I

> > was swinging on a swing and more or less collided with the bees) and refused

> > to take me to the hospital... when I started having a very hard time

> > breathing, my oldest sister took me to the er !!

> >

> > Jackie

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Lynette;

Don't forget the Dramamine! Buy stock in it too...

Hugs!

Flowers in Oz

----- Original Message -----

To:

Oh, the pit of my stomach just dropped when I saw your opening line, " Don't

tell so and so. "

This is a HUGE issue for me right now.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm roller-coaster dizzy at the moment but trying not to

fade out from it....

Sigh... I gotta go lay down.

Lynnette

>

> Wow, Jackie, I heard " don't tell so and so " about several things and HUH?

> was my reaction too - but the " don't tell so and so " prevailed. It was

> also

> the rule for happy things so as to not make that other person feel bad

> about

> their lack of abilities. Then when the other person found out, I was the

> one

> who was in trouble for keeping it to myself.

>

> Flowers in Oz

>

>

> ----- Original Message -----

>

>

>

>

> when I told ( years after the fact) my nada that I was sexually molested

> by

> the neighbor behind us, the only thing she said was " don't tell your

> father, it will upset him " HUH ??? what kind of reaction is that to your

> daughter who just confided to you that she was molested as a pre teen ??

> I

> suppose, Deanna, this recount of what you went through and what happened

> to

> me would the be same..but darned if I know the motivation behind it

>

> Jackie

>

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[Guest guest]

I'm feelin' warm and fuzzy all over!!!

But what really gets me is 6 weeks off with pain meds? Good grief... it's a

wonder I survived at all as a child.... this was a 'minor uhoh' compared to some

other events.

As a point of loveless points... my mother still makes light of the fact (in

fact she brings it up often with strangers/new " friends " who usually just

chuckle that awful uncomforatble laugh and look at me with 'that look') that she

couldn't stand the sight of blood so she'd send me to the neighbors when I was 2

and 3 for them to 'take care of me' when I got hurt. I swear, how she got by

with this without someone calling Social Services is beyond me.

Lynnette

> > >

> > > when I was a kid, I got stung by two bumble bees ( those huge mostly black

> > > fat bees) one the face, the other on my neck..my face swelled up and I

> > > started having trouble breathing..nada called me stupid and careless ( I

> > > was swinging on a swing and more or less collided with the bees) and

refused

> > > to take me to the hospital... when I started having a very hard time

> > > breathing, my oldest sister took me to the er !!

> > >

> > > Jackie

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I wanted to thank everyone for their responses to this thread. It really helped

me get an idea around those odd behaviors.

-Deanna

>

> For most of the posts I read here, I can see what the nada is doing. Usually

I could say " oh she's jealous " or " oh she's triangulating " or " oh that's

emotional blackmail " .

>

> BUT

>

> Do you guys have any nada moments that you just cannot figure out? I have

two: one that was pretty traumatic and another that was just weird. I'm curious

if anyone experienced something similar to these things, or if they make " sense "

(nada-sense) to anyone?

>

> The first one was walking home from after school practice (cause nada didn't

want to be bothered to drive me). I was 12. I cut across a field, saw a dude on

his bike in the distance. I looked down as I was walking, and after a while,

realized this guy had not passed me, and was not up ahead on the trail. He was

maybe 30 yards away, off his bike, hiding behind a very thin desert tree.

Squatting. Hiding. Staring at me. My instincts told me I was in danger, and I

ran, off the trail, over a ditch. Turned around while running and saw him

trying to get his bike over that ditch, heading my way. I was running through

the desert where there was no trail. I didn't look back after that until I

reached our subdivision. He was gone. When I got home, I was out of breath,

and told my mother what happened. I was expecting we would call the police and

she told me to set the table. Did she not believe me? I never made stuff up.

It was so bizarre that she had no reaction to my " I was almost raped and/or

killed five minutes ago " story.

>

> Any idea what that was about?

>

> The other one was when I won an award for writing when I was 15. It was a

statewide award. I brought it home and she kept asking me over and over if it

was for the WHOLE STATE. (OK, I get it, she can't believe I'm good at

something.) But she kept staring at the award. She wasn't looking at me, or

acting happy for me (she never is), but she was staring at this thing, all

glassy-eyed, kept saying she couldn't believe it. Staring for a really

inappropriate amount of time. It looked like she was dreaming that I might be

famous some day or something. It was creepy!

>

> Anyone get that one?

>

> And do you have any stories that don't make sense to you?

>

> -Deanna

>

[Guest guest]

Marilyn, that mold worries me. Check with your city, because mold like that

left untreated by the landlord might be illegal. And if you drop a dime on

him, he's in big doo doo. You can get very sick indeed - please don't just

let it be. I know that washing the walls with Chlorox will remove some of

it, along with dehumidifiers. Do some searches online about it - lots of

nasty side effects from mold, very serious stuff. With some if it, the wall

has to be removed and re-built. Not to fool around with - if your landlord

knows and is ignoring it, you may have a lawsuit. No kidding.

Flowers in Oz

----- Original Message -----

She most recently does not get that black mold is bad for a person's health

and my apartment is covered with it (green AND black) since the flood here

awhile ago.

[Guest guest]

I second this opinion. I don't know where you live, but it may well be a legal

issue. Landlords cannot rent uninhabitable properties that are a danger to one's

health. It is not your job to mitigate this issue; it is the landlord's

responsibility. That's why you pay the rent. Flowers is right - it could be

dangerous. Please don't delay. If you were in a flood, there may be some

assistance available to either you (for relocation) or the landlord (for

repair/mitigation). Know this is a serious issue. Please get help and keep us

posted.

>

> Marilyn, that mold worries me. Check with your city, because mold like that

> left untreated by the landlord might be illegal. And if you drop a dime on

> him, he's in big doo doo. You can get very sick indeed - please don't just

> let it be. I know that washing the walls with Chlorox will remove some of

> it, along with dehumidifiers. Do some searches online about it - lots of

> nasty side effects from mold, very serious stuff. With some if it, the wall

> has to be removed and re-built. Not to fool around with - if your landlord

> knows and is ignoring it, you may have a lawsuit. No kidding.

>

> Flowers in Oz

[Guest guest]

I know this is off our usual topic, but I also second this opinion. One

of my brothers who lost his home in a flood said the mold in his area

was everywhere afterwards and a major health issue. Please do pursue

remediation. It can be quite serious.

Suzy

grace_debtor wrote:

>

>

> I second this opinion. I don't know where you live, but it may well be

> a legal issue. Landlords cannot rent uninhabitable properties that are

> a danger to one's health. It is not your job to mitigate this issue;

> it is the landlord's responsibility. That's why you pay the rent.

> Flowers is right - it could be dangerous. Please don't delay. If you

> were in a flood, there may be some assistance available to either you

> (for relocation) or the landlord (for repair/mitigation). Know this is

> a serious issue. Please get help and keep us posted.

>

>

>

> -

>

> .

>

>