Re: Question for those of you with NT kids

[Guest guest]

It may be that he's so darned cute that people are drawn to him. I'm not

kidding.

Penny

[Guest guest]

> I was wondering if your NT kids get a lot of attention from strangers?

> It seems to me that Jake is getting more attention from strangers

> than he used to.

People always talked to all my kids when they were young. I don't know why

people do that. I don't unless the kid initiates it. Dillon was the only one

who ever talked back. People always talked about his eyes. Amber was very

shy. She'd smile but that was all.

On the other hand, Dillon was always talking to people whether they spoke to

him or not. He was always telling strangers he was going to be a rock star

or a football player. He's always acted like he knows everybody. He'd show

off his muscles to pretty women. Such a flirt!

Boone won't even acknowledge strangers (kids or adults) unless they are

blonde females. He has a thing for blondes. He's usually raising so much

hell that the only thing we get from strangers these days are nasty looks.

Sissi

Kids' Page

http://www.isoa.net/~nitetrax/original.htm

Boone's Art Page

http://www.isoa.net/~nitetrax/bart.htm

Dillon's Music Page

http://www.geocities.com/flaremusic

Please sign petition:

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[Guest guest]

> It may be that he's so darned cute that people are drawn to him.

I'm not

> kidding.

>

> Penny

LOL!!! I hadn't considered that possibility. OF COURSE that's the

reason! ;-)

Somehow, I don't think that's it. It's probably just me noticing it

so much more because I somehow feel obligated to explain it all to

everyone that talks to us. :/

~ Karin

[Guest guest]

I just notice now that he's older, sometimes the checker at the grocery

store will give him a sticker or what have you, and I feel like I have to

say " say Thank you " , or else explain. Of course, he's non-verbal, so saying

" say thank you " just makes him make the sign for " thank you " , and they look

at me strange. Then I have to explain anyway. Never really sure what to

say. I would imagine that as he gets older, it's going to be more of a

sticky situation.

ellen

Question for those of you with NT kids

I was wondering if your NT kids get a lot of attention from strangers?

It seems to me that Jake is getting more attention from strangers

than he used to. Maybe I'm just noticing it more now, but so many

people try to talk to him and engage him in conversation. They want

to know his name and how old he is, you know, the usual questions.

They want to know if he is having fun at the Renaissance Festival.

and so on...

Of course he can't answer any of these questions, nor would he if he

could. So I have to tell everyone that he is Autistic and can't

answer questions very well, but his name is Jake and that he is 3.

This seems to make them all the more eager to converse with him. Sort

of like " Oh, poor kid, I'll try to be really nice to him " or

something. Basically it's them talking to him and then me answering

them as if I were Jake. It's pretty weird actually. I just was

wondering if this is what happens with all kids, because I don't

generally interact with strangers' kids at the grocery store or in

public places too often, unless they are smiling at me or somehow

engaging me in conversation.

Maybe it's that far away look he has that is causing people to try to

interact with him?

Just wondering,

~ Karin

[Guest guest]

My Goodness!!! I was about to post almost the

same thing. For me it's very awkward when people

talk to ny and he doesn't answer or look at

them or walks away. I was wondering also how some

of the other moms felt or handled it.

jen

>I was wondering if your NT kids get a lot of attention from strangers?

> It seems to me that Jake is getting more attention from strangers

>than he used to. Maybe I'm just noticing it more now, but so many

>people try to talk to him and engage him in conversation. They want

>to know his name and how old he is, you know, the usual questions.

>They want to know if he is having fun at the Renaissance Festival.

>and so on...

>

>Of course he can't answer any of these questions, nor would he if he

>could. So I have to tell everyone that he is Autistic and can't

>answer questions very well, but his name is Jake and that he is 3.

>This seems to make them all the more eager to converse with him. Sort

>of like " Oh, poor kid, I'll try to be really nice to him " or

>something. Basically it's them talking to him and then me answering

>them as if I were Jake. It's pretty weird actually. I just was

>wondering if this is what happens with all kids, because I don't

>generally interact with strangers' kids at the grocery store or in

>public places too often, unless they are smiling at me or somehow

>engaging me in conversation.

>

>Maybe it's that far away look he has that is causing people to try to

>interact with him?

>

>Just wondering,

>~ Karin

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

> My Goodness!!! I was about to post almost the

> same thing. For me it's very awkward when people

> talk to ny and he doesn't answer or look at

> them or walks away. I was wondering also how some

> of the other moms felt or handled it.

>

>

>

>

> jen

We taught Noah how to respond to simple questions.... such as What is

your name ? and How old are you ? He doesn't always respond to

strangers asking, but if I repeat the question he will respond.

Most children with spectrum disorders don't learn give and take of

conversation without some kind of modeling.

Strangers usually look at him strangely and I respond to them that

he has a communication disorder. I don't like to tell complete

strangers that he has autism, I don't thinks its their business, and

I can't stand the " you mean like Rainman? " response. In the grocery

store line with 2 children on the spectrum after a whole day at work

with children with autism,I don't have the want or need to explain to

ppl who really don;t care either way. JMO...

Amy mom to

Noah 6 Lucas 8 ASD's

[Guest guest]

i think that's probably a big part of it karin, you may be noticing it more

because it makes you somewhat uncomfortable. i remember when rowan was younger

i would sense someone was about to talk to him in a grocery store, park etc. and

panic would set in. would they ask a question? should i explain? it used to

make me very uncomfortable. it doesn't bother me anymore. if someone talks to

rowan - very common with cashiers i find he may or may not answer them. i think

people just assume he is shy when he doesn't answer. sometimes if it is a yes

or no answer he seems perfectly " normal " but other times his response indicates

" something's up " . example someone asks rowan at the fair " are you having fun

at the fair " rowan's response may be " fun at the fair okay " as if to say " i'll

agree with that statement! " don't feel obligated to offer an explanation to a

complete stranger - you don't owe them one - only do so if you are comfortable

in doing so.

michelle

Re: Question for those of you with NT kids

> It may be that he's so darned cute that people are drawn to him.

I'm not

> kidding.

>

> Penny

LOL!!! I hadn't considered that possibility. OF COURSE that's the

reason! ;-)

Somehow, I don't think that's it. It's probably just me noticing it

so much more because I somehow feel obligated to explain it all to

everyone that talks to us. :/

~ Karin

[Guest guest]

>>>>>>>>>>>

Of course he can't answer any of these questions, nor would he if he

could. So I have to tell everyone that he is Autistic and can't

answer questions very well, but his name is Jake and that he is 3.

This seems to make them all the more eager to converse with him. Sort

of like " Oh, poor kid, I'll try to be really nice to him " or

something. Basically it's them talking to him and then me answering

them as if I were Jake. It's pretty weird actually.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

BTDT with . is 4 and NT; people engage her in conversation all

the time. She answers them while clutching my leg. I think this happens with

all kids; I've been known to chat with other people's kids too.

Tuna

************Get more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download :

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[Guest guest]

Murdoch-Gibson wrote:

> i think that's probably a big part of it karin, you may be noticing it

> more because it makes you somewhat uncomfortable. i remember when rowan

> was younger i would sense someone was about to talk to him in a grocery

> store, park etc. and panic would set in. would they ask a question?

> should i explain? it used to make me very uncomfortable. it doesn't

> bother me anymore. if someone talks to rowan - very common with

> cashiers i find he may or may not answer them. i think people just

> assume he is shy when he doesn't answer. sometimes if it is a yes or no

> answer he seems perfectly " normal " but other times his response

> indicates " something's up " . example someone asks rowan at the fair

> " are you having fun at the fair " rowan's response may be " fun at the

> fair okay " as if to say " i'll agree with that statement! " don't feel

> obligated to offer an explanation to a complete stranger - you don't owe

> them one - only do so if you are comfortable in doing so.

> michelle

I think the part that's making me uncomfortable is me being reminded

that he doesn't communicate or interact with the world. I really don't

mind telling strangers about it but that may change as this goes on I

suppose. My response so far is " He doesn't answer questions very well

because he is Autistic. " Then I wait to see if they want to ask me

anything more but usually they just smile. (and then keep trying to

talk to him anyway! LOL) Oh well....

One of my friends told me the other day that I'm going to be the biggest

advocate in the world for this... - I seem to find myself giving little

lectures about it to everyone with a q/a session afterwards.... may

have to tone down I guess.

~ Karin

[Guest guest]

No, don't tone it down. People need to know the FACTS. Anytime you do a Q

and A, you are helping all of us.

Penny :-D

>>>>>>>>>

One of my friends told me the other day that I'm going to be the biggest

advocate in the world for this... - I seem to find myself giving little

lectures about it to everyone with a q/a session afterwards.... may

have to tone down I guess.

~ Karin

<<<<<<<<

[Guest guest]

> It may be that he's so darned cute that people are drawn to him.

I'm not kidding.

>

> Penny

Good point, Penny. was adorable as a baby and toddler. Every

single time I took her out in public, someone would stop us and say

how pretty she was. Sami got so mad about it that at two, she crossed

her arms over her chest, stomped her foot, and informed one

stranger, " I'm cute too! "

She's a cutie, but she never got the attention got.

Tina

[Guest guest]

The Hunny Family wrote:

> It takes a lot of people a

> long time to get the place where they can do that. It took my

husband two

> YEARS before he could tell a stranger that was autistic!

My husband announced to someone at a restaurant that Jake was Autistic

before we even had a diagnosis. That first weekend after Jake's first

assessment when they wouldn't even mention the " A " word to me but the

questions they were asking me pricked me, I started reading about it on

the net and told my husband everything I had read, then the next day

Gino told this person that and hearing those words come out of his mouth

shocked me because I hadn't accepted it yet.

Remember what I said a few days ago about me and my husband being

painfully honest? LOL... We just can't keep our mouths shut. ;-)

> Why? A little information never hurt anybody!

Okay, you guys have given me permission... I'm going to keep talking to

strangers about it until I get too tired of it. :-)

~ Karin

[Guest guest]

> I just notice now that he's older, sometimes the checker at the

grocery store will give him a sticker or what have you, and I feel

like I have to say " say Thank you " , or else explain. Of course, he's

non-verbal, so saying " say thank you " just makes him make the sign

for " thank you " , and they look at me strange. Then I have to explain

anyway. Never really sure what to say. I would imagine that as he

gets older, it's going to be more of a sticky situation.

>

> ellen

I always remind my kids to say thank you if they don't automatically

do. We've gotten to the point that with usually say it on her

own, but she's almost 11 now and highly verbal. Actually as she's

gotten older, it's been easier but her disabilities are becoming more

apparant to strangers.

Just a question, no offense intended, when he signs 'thank you',

would you explain if he were mute and unable to talk because of a

physical disability?

I know I sometimes feel the need to explain too, but I'm getting more

and more to the point where I don't care what strangers think of my

kids. For the most part, they don't have the first clue and even

after I explain to them that is mentally handicapped and

autistic, they still don't really understand. It's not a world they

can relate to.

Tina

[Guest guest]

Sami got so mad about it that at two, she crossed

> her arms over her chest, stomped her foot, and informed one

> stranger, " I'm cute too! "

ROFLMAO!!!

That is TOO cute!

Sissi

Kids' Page

http://www.isoa.net/~nitetrax/original.htm

Boone's Art Page

http://www.isoa.net/~nitetrax/bart.htm

Dillon's Music Page

http://www.geocities.com/flaremusic

Please sign petition:

www.geocities.com/stopleland

[Guest guest]

> I think the part that's making me uncomfortable is me being reminded

> that he doesn't communicate or interact with the world. I really don't

> mind telling strangers about it but that may change as this goes on I

> suppose. My response so far is " He doesn't answer questions very well

> because he is Autistic. "

This probably won't change, and that's great! It takes a lot of people a

long time to get the place where they can do that. It took my husband two

YEARS before he could tell a stranger that was autistic!

>... may

> have to tone down I guess.

Why? A little information never hurt anybody!

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

> For me it's very awkward when people talk to ny and he doesn't answer or

look at them or walks away. <

before kailey was verbal, people would try to talk to her and of course she

wouldn't talk back, so it was always like " oh, a little shy, huh? " or " don't

feel like talking today, huh? " . usually i would just be like " don't feel bad,

she doesn't talk to me either " :-P

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

[Guest guest]

> I was wondering if your NT kids get a lot of attention from strangers? It

seems to me that Jake is getting more attention from strangers than he used to.

Maybe I'm just noticing it more now, but so many

people try to talk to him and engage him in conversation. <

well, i don't have any NT kids, but maybe jake is getting to the size where he

looks like he " should " be able to have a simple conversation? people used to do

that to kailey a lot, but she also used to be quite tiny, so she got away with

it a little longer than normal. trevor, on the other hand, is a big boy and

people have been trying to talk to him for quite a long time now. he'll be 3 in

january and he also can't answer the questions " what's your name " or " how old

are you " . in fact, i'd bet he doesn't even understand what the second question

means. most of the time i don't get too bothered about it, i just tell them

myself, but i have to say that it DOES bother me when the person says that they

have a 2yo too because then i know that they know he " should " be able to talk to

them.

another thing that always got to me is that when kailey did become verbal, she

would ask adults how old they were and most of them time they didn't think they

should answer. that pisses me off. if you can ask a kid how old they are, why

the hell can't they ask you how old you are?!

ah well :-/

" Something important to remember...we'll always be who we are. " - Mr.

[Guest guest]

> > I was wondering if your NT kids get a lot of attention from

> strangers? It seems to me that Jake is getting more attention

> from strangers than he used to. Maybe I'm just noticing it more

> now, but so many

> people try to talk to him and engage him in conversation. <

This happens to us too. I answer their question(s) and then I just add, " He

doesn't talk. " Usually that's the end of it. They might give us a strange

look but whatever, that's their problem. Sometimes the conversation

continues & I will say he's autistic. I don't have a problem telling people

but mostly they don't understand what it means, so that's why I say he

doesn't talk first.

I think prompting him to sign " thank you " is AWESOME. That is very good for

teaching him basic social interaction, and when he does learn to say the

words he'll learn to sub them for the sign. You can just say, " He uses some

sign language. That meant thank you. " and leave it at that.

People can be very rude sometimes, but once in awhile, someone will surprise

you.

-Sara.

[Guest guest]

> I think the part that's making me uncomfortable is me being reminded

> that he doesn't communicate or interact with the world. I really don't

Yes, this is hard. For me it's getting worse, not better, I think because

the deficit is getting larger as time goes on. Sometimes it just slaps you

across the face.

> One of my friends told me the other day that I'm going to be the biggest

> advocate in the world for this... - I seem to find myself giving little

> lectures about it to everyone with a q/a session afterwards.... may

> have to tone down I guess.

Whatever you're comfortable with! Autism awareness is important. Just

don't feel *obligated.* If you don't want to say anything, then don't. You

don't owe anyone any explanations. I can't tell you how many times I have

dragged Mikey out of a place kicking and screaming and slamming his head

against the floor and just not said a word to anybody, regardless of the

looks and comments. And then other times I'm able to have a nice

conversation with someone about it and feel good that I've given them some

information.

-Sara.

[Guest guest]

ellen,

Why not just tell him to 'say' thank you, then after he signs it, simply

reinforce his following directions with " good job " and no explanations to

anyone? They'll assume that's what he said, and wonder if it's a hearing

problem (mind you he followed a verbal direction) or if he has a speech

problem. No explanation required.

Sue

----- Original Message -----

> > I just notice now that he's older, sometimes the checker at the

> grocery store will give him a sticker or what have you, and I feel

> like I have to say " say Thank you " , or else explain. Of course, he's

> non-verbal, so saying " say thank you " just makes him make the sign

> for " thank you " , and they look at me strange. Then I have to explain

> anyway. Never really sure what to say.

[Guest guest]

Poor Sami. People were obviously slighting her and she knew it. At least

she stood up for herself!

Sue

[Guest guest]

> dragged Mikey out of a place kicking and screaming and slamming his head

> against the floor and just not said a word to anybody, regardless of the

> looks and comments. And then other times I'm able to have a nice

> conversation with someone about it and feel good that I've given them some

> information.

I've also been known to shout, " he's autistic, OKAY? "

(not reccommended, but cathartic)

Jacquie

[Guest guest]

muollo3 wrote:

> well, i don't have any NT kids, but maybe jake is getting to the size

> where he looks like he " should " be able to have a simple conversation?

> people used to do that to kailey a lot, but she also used to be quite

> tiny, so she got away with it a little longer than normal. trevor, on

> the other hand, is a big boy and people have been trying to talk to him

> for quite a long time now. he'll be 3 in january and he also can't

> answer the questions " what's your name " or " how old are you " . in fact,

> i'd bet he doesn't even understand what the second question means. most

> of the time i don't get too bothered about it, i just tell them myself,

> but i have to say that it DOES bother me when the person says that they

> have a 2yo too because then i know that they know he " should " be able to

> talk to them.

> another thing that always got to me is that when kailey did become

> verbal, she would ask adults how old they were and most of them time

> they didn't think they should answer. that pisses me off. if you can ask

> a kid how old they are, why the hell can't they ask you how old you are?!

> ah well :-/

LOL.. great response to the question!!! (asking the adult how old) If

Jake ever asks that question I will add - " It's only fair for you to

tell him how old you are " . Or maybe I'll pre-empt with, he'll tell

you how old he is after you tell him your age first. LOL.... That's funny.

Yeah, Jake is very big. He is only three but he is already 3 1/2 feet

tall and weighs 40 lbs.

~ Karin

[Guest guest]

> Sami got so mad about it that at two, she crossed

> > her arms over her chest, stomped her foot, and informed one

> > stranger, " I'm cute too! "

>

> ROFLMAO!!!

>

> That is TOO cute!

>

It was cute. She got so mad at me because I started laughing. The man

said, " Yes, you are cute. " But she didn't believe him.

Tina

[Guest guest]

> I always remind my kids to say thank you if they don't

automatically

> do. We've gotten to the point that with usually say it on her

> own, but she's almost 11 now and highly verbal. Actually as she's

> gotten older, it's been easier but her disabilities are becoming

more

> apparant to strangers.

I have always told Mark to say thank you too. But I'm not sure he

understands exactly why he is saying it. He always says it even when

he gives something to someone. So whether you give him something or

he gives it to you he says " Ank choo " (for Thank you). Sometimes he

seems overly polite but that's okay too.

Tina W.